u/greenest_leaves

I'm aware this might be incredibly stupid but It's so late I can't talk anywhere else.
I was playing an online ttrpg with my best friend, this is the finale of a season, we both seemingly agreed to take extra time this week to make it work for a few days. That is until she stopped engaging as frequently, and steam notified me she started playing a game with someone else.

Mind you, I'm not mad she's playing a game with friends, I'm just sad bc I was so excited for this, I made time, and she sneakily starts doing something else while not even bothering to ask me for some time or telling me in advance, I feel like she just started treating me as an afterthought to engage with in the breaks of her having the fun she wants, like i'm some time-passing bot just there for her to talk to whenever she wants and not caring about My time and enjoyment as well. Someone she can drop as soon as something more exciting shows up :/

Stings a bit more bc just today I managed to make time And money to send her a gift in the mail we've been talking about lol

This happened months ago but I'm still hurt over it. For context I had just managed to land my first ever big art job with a game I really enjoy, with a decently big community, drawing an important character. I'd been anxious about the release for several weeks because I was scared people wouldn't like how I did it, I had only been a professional artist for 3 months by that point, didn't even really have a "niche online artist" phase to get used to first, and on the day of the release the team wanted to do a meeting call to reveal everything to us, the team, first. To me this meant hearing peoples' live reaction to my art so I was even more freaked out. I have an anxiety disorder, I really wish I'd been happier at that moment but all I could feel was dread. I was however still very grateful for the opportunity and ecstatic about it, just drenched in fear in the meanwhile.

Two hours before the meeting my best friend started venting about their own life and struggles, and an hour in I had to tell them I needed a moment because I got too overwhelmed and anxious (had a panic attack). I did try to get them to talk a bit more once I settled but they didn't. When I tried to crack a joke about what I'd do if the community didn't like it they went off on me, calling me ungrateful, saying I should think about people that can't land a job at all before complaining so much and that they'd been hearing me talk about this for weeks, and the one moment they decide to vent I can't listen to them at all. They knew the meeting was to begin soon.

I don't wanna go into detail but they were so hurtful with their words, even with me asking them to stop talking to me like that they just said they wouldn't soften it so I can "get a grip".

Am I really the asshole? It was one of the most important nights of my life, even after the release was successful and people loved it I coudn't really feel happy because I was so hurt. There has been several other issues but this one's the most recent, I don't feel I can even breach the subject again, they rarely ever apologize for anything. We're both autistic, for context, so miscommunication is a huge issue often.