r/exchristian

I'm talking about people who maybe have had some rough things happening in life but then that largely goes away when they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Take Vincent Carter for example, he had been bullied for having microtia when he was young and that horrible insecurity stuck with him for 40 years, but when he apparently started taking his faith seriously he felt saved and he soon genuinely let go of the insecurities he had for so long.

Should we feel happy for these people that they got something good of religion or are they just delusional?

I spent the first 20 years of my life around almost exclusively Christians, but now (10 years after living on my own and becoming atheist) I am legitimately shocked to find out that they still exist 😆😭.

Idk what it is, maybe I figure I'm the last one to catch onto anything so I just assumed if I called BS most other people would have called it out well before me -- but no, there are still believers out there.. idk, just catches me off guard 🤷

I feel like when I'm casually talking to someone and they bring up God (or whatever religious thing) it's as if they just casually mentioned something about the earth being flat...

I mean, no judgement, I guess I just figured everyone would naturally eventually come to the same conclusion that I (we) did and I'm genuinely surprised that's not the case.. is it just me?

I am 45 years old and been a Christian all my life. My parents are pastors and my dad has a miracle healing ministry. My brothers are Christian, my wife and her family are Christians and my kids are all Christians and very involved in church. While I have always had questions throughout my Christian life, this past year I have really started to feel like I’m losing my Christian faith. The thought of walking away terrifies me though because I feel I would lose everything…my family, my wife, my kids, friends, etc.

I have never once heard the voice of God or felt His presence, even though I have prayed for it constantly. I was never able to speak in tongues like everybody else even though I have prayed for it constantly. My son who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 4 years old and is now 18 years old has not been healed, even though I’ve constantly prayed for it and prophets have said he would be. I’ve seen kids in the church die from cancer even though we constantly prayed for healing. I’ve seen families struggle with severe poverty even though we have constantly prayed for financial blessings. Although with this one, many church members have got together to help out with groceries and house repairs and stuff so this one isn’t all bad, but the point is that I just never seem to see prayers get answered.

If God loved us more than we can understand, why is He okay to let us suffer despite the constant prayer? I love my kids unconditionally and if they are hurting and I have the means to help them, you better believe I’m going to do it every time without them having to constantly beg for help. So many times, I hear God getting the glory when a person goes to the hospital and then is fixed by the doctor/surgeon. They will say “God healed him through the doctor”, so no credit to the studying and painstaking hours that doctor has put in through the years. It was all God.

I feel like I’m starting to go on a rant here, but long story short, I’m really starting to question all of it. And don’t get me started on the inconsistencies and destruction found in the Bible. Why would a loving God kill all innocent first born children to teach pharaoh a lesson? Why would he tell His people to kill all people including women and children in a battle? Aren’t we all God’s children? And why would the sin of the two original be blamed on everybody else that came after them? And why are we supposed to be okay about God allowing Satan to kill all of Job’s family and livestock and bring disease on him just to win a bet with Satan? “It’s okay, he got back more in the end.” Yeah okay, go ahead and kill my whole family as long as you give me a new one. That’s ridiculous.

Sorry, ranting again….but this is where I am right now. It kills me to think that all of this may be fake and that I have wasted all of my life with it. But then I still have the fear that it could be real and I’ll end up in hell due to my unbelief. As it stands right now, I am just going through the motions of going to church, praying, reading my Bible and tithing just so I keep my family intact, but I know I’m being a huge hypocrite. I don’t know what to do and it’s making me sick to my stomach.

Edit: It also scares me because the Bible says that in the last days, many will fall away from Him. Am I just being a part of prophecy and being one of the many?

Hi, 30M here. I'm in the process of deconstructing out of fundamentalist evangelicalism and think I'll probably never return, though I am more open to returning to Christianity more broadly. I'm basically planning to start living as a non-Christian while I continue to investigate the truth claims of Christianity.

How have you guys navigated sexuality and dating during the later parts of your deconstruction and post-deconstruction? I'm a virgin who has been waiting until marriage who now feels increasingly free to experience sex outside of marriage. I still intend to get married and have children, but am not sure that I am committed to dating for that intention alone in this immediate phase in my life. I kind of want to "have some fun" and get some experience under my belt....you know, the stuff I would have been doing 10 years ago if I had not been a fundamentalist evangelical. This would be for a yet-to-be-determined limited period.

Some general concerns I have are deciding to be a Christian again and regretting I don't have my virginity anymore, my lack of experience at this age heading into the secular dating pool, and concerns about damaging the stability of my future marriage by sowing some wild oats for a little while.

Any advice or experiences from people who are or who have gone through a similar situation as a part of their deconstruction would be appreciated! Any feedback, criticism, or advice is welcome.

I’m still pretty early in my deconstruction, but I think I’m becoming more comfortable describing myself as a cultural Christian. I believe there is a God or some kind of creator, but I don’t believe I know what that is, and I’m not convinced the Bible has the answer to that question.

At the same time, I don’t feel the need to completely separate myself from Christianity. I think the Bible contains some great lessons and can provide a good moral foundation. I also think church can be a great source of community, tradition, and connection that I can attest to, as I was raised going to church every Sunday and being involved. There are parts of Christianity that I still value even though I no longer believe all of the supernatural or doctrinal aspects of it.

This has also been interesting to navigate within my family. My husband still identifies as Christian and believes in Jesus. Recently, I asked him more specifically what he believes, and when he answered “religion and Jesus,” I kept asking questions because I genuinely wanted to understand what those things mean to him and which aspects he believes.

Looking back, I realize it may have felt like I was trying to debate or challenge his beliefs when I was really trying to understand them. As his wife, I do want to understand his worldview, but I’m also realizing that not everyone feels the same need to dissect and question their beliefs that I currently do.

We also have a young child, so I’m thinking about what Christianity, church, and religion will look like for our family as my beliefs evolve. I don’t necessarily have a problem with raising our family around some Christian traditions or attending church.

I just don’t believe Christianity is a requirement for living a full and meaningful life. I’m also okay with the unknown when it comes to what happens after we die. I don’t believe in heaven or hell.

I personally believe our consciousness is some form of energy, and since energy can’t be created or destroyed, I think it continues or transforms in some way after we die. I don’t know what that looks like, and I’m comfortable not knowing until that day comes. But that’s probably a conversation for a different thread lol.

Finding this community has been really refreshing because I’ve been feeling isolated in my thoughts.

I’d love to hear from anyone who landed somewhere similar. Are you still culturally Christian after deconstructing? What does that look like for you, especially if your spouse or family still believes?

I feel like the black sheep in my family. Like all the time. Bc I don’t believe in this so called god anymore. And I’m now an anti-theist and an ex-Christian/catholic. I feel so odd cuz evb else in my family are Christian’s and/or Catholics.

Like what’s wrong with me. Although I was indoctrinated all these years and blatantly forced to be a Christian, how come I was the only one to open my eyes and reject my upbringing.

I used to love going to church and Bible study but once I actually read the Bible (only some of it not all I’m not like a big Bible reader or anything) the Bible was against a lot of my morals. It included: sexism, misogyny, slavery, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

And personally I’m apart of the lgbtq (nonbinary afab) and I’m also a feminist, and very much against slavery and human trafficking.

I’m also a leftist politically bc I don’t like the way conservatives live their lives and how maga is. But I just wonder why am I specifically the odd ball in my family? why didn’t my brother and sister reject god. Why was it only me.

Even my stepdad is religious (not very religious but still religious) he used to read the bible with his grandfather and etc. not only that but my family is hella conservative and I just don’t understand it.

Can any of you relate?

Don’t laugh at me but yesterday I saw conjuring and I am now thinking myb Catholicism is true after all since they have authority over demons. The movie is based on a true story after all. Can someone debrief me lol. Are all the exorcists who claim they saw bodies levitating lying. Have there been cases of the church lying about this stuff?

Hi all, very vulnerable post here. Please be kind.

I have bouts of extreme anxiety about burning in hell forever. I know logically that that is ridiculous, however, my fear takes over logic sometimes.

I’m looking for words of comfort, rationality, kindness. Anything that might help. Thank you.

Im starting to realize this strange thing that many Christian’s sue when they find out that someone decided to leave Christianity or just any religion in general due to experiencing religious trauma or church hurt.

Many Christian’s try to make you seem like you’re crazy or you “chose” to walk away from God because of trauma and that’s pretty messed up. Why don’t we treat a victim of abuse in an unhealthy relationship this way? (Not saying that this doesn’t happen) but Christians seem to act confused when someone deconstructs from Christianity after having experience trauma within the church or within their own family they say things like “ I just don’t understand why you’d leave the faith because you experience church hurt” “oh so you decided to leave because of your trauma???”😱😱shock horror.

I’m sorry, what?? That’s like asking a person who once loved to go swimming and later experienced a shark attack while swimming out in the ocean why they would dare make the decision to never go swimming ever again after LITERALLY BEING ATTACKED BY A SHARK AND WAS BASICALLY ALMOST SWALLOWED ALIVE. Or like idk maybe acting confused as to why a girl may not want to date men for a while after having a traumatic experience with her ex bf or some random creep on the street.

Why do Christians do this?? I can’t grasp why this happens. They make you out to be the bad guy for wanting to protect yourself after having gone through trauma instead of just having empathy and actually being there to support you.

I’m also annoyed by Christians constantly using the words “you chose to do x,y&z” when it comes to one’s deconstruction journey or if one just simply doesn’t believe in Christianity. ✝️ they say “oh you just chose to not believe” “ you’re just choosing to ignore the truth” “ you’re just choosing to sin and follow you’re desires”

Whattt!?? I don’t think anyone “chooses” to not like math because they’re just not good at it. I don’t think one chooses to not like chocolate after they’ve tried it once and for some reason it just didn’t taste good to them.

This gets me so heated 🤦🏻‍♀️and In wandering if you guys notice this too.

Hello there. I want to tell you about my history because now I don't feel very okay and have some concerns about my life and the "afterlife". I apologize for my English in advance because I'm not a native speaker.

I wasn't that religious most of the time. I had been believing in God for six months (August-January). It happened after my birthday. Now I'm 18, and I consider myself an agnostic atheist.

My experience was actually extremely awful. I didn't feel okay at all. I was worrying about everything. I thought that God was punishing me, and I should have been more patient. I wonder what would happen if I continued believing. After a period of time, I finally came to the conclusion that everything was fucking messed up. I started exploring different subreddits and analyzing various arguments against God. They were compelling.

Now, my problem is that I'm afraid of hell, although I don't believe in God. I have been trying to find peace in Buddhism, but I failed. I understood it was also a dogma.

I have always wanted to be a good person. I didn't know much about Christianity when I was a child, but I was a good person anyway. Now, I think that I want to be a good person just because of hell. I'm scared that someone would judge me there, and therefore I have to be good. Nonetheless, I consider the fact that God needs my belief as well, but I cannot believe in Him because of many reasons.

I even made a jotting where I described how I should behave. It makes me feel horrible because I feel guilty whenever it's possible.

I'm writing this post because I want to express my emotions. To tell the truth, I need some help, but I'm scared of telling my parents and even my psychologist about it. I just want to live a happy and calm life without being pressed by someone who calls himself God (I was trying to make a "great contact" with Him, but He didn't answer me 🙌). Sorry for complaining. I don't feel very okay, and I hope I'll find peace as soon as possible. Maybe you can give me great advice, but I don't oblige you to do it. I'm jus happy to speak with someone who can understand me.

Thanks for reading. Have a good day. I love you all.

So I did previously post about being hypersexual after leaving Christianity, but this post is about something different. Ever since I left Christianity, I've been having weird "hear me out" characters and discovering strange fetishes I never thought or knew I had due to previously sexually repressing myself back in my Christian days. I mean I've had weird fictional crushes before but they've gotten so much weirder after leaving Christianity. I think I'm in my "self discovery" era right now and that's probably why I'm like this but yeah is anyone else experiencing this?

They shut down hard feelings or often change the subject. It is like a wall getting to these people because they refuse to show any other difficult emotion. They constantly put on fake happiness and optimism and it feels so fake.

Just saw a video of a religious woman scolding a young man with long hair to “change [his] sinful ways.” He said he doesn’t see a problem with long hair on men, but she just kept scolding.

It reminded me of how Jesus, in the Gospels, is a big fan of name-calling; he refers to the Jewish leaders as fools, blind guides, a brood of vipers, and children of the evil one.

In his convos with them, the vibe is very much, “I have knowledge and you are ignorant. I am right and you are wrong.” There are no attempts at teaching or persuasion. Just scolding, shaming, and name-calling.

Of course, this type of behavior does not change anyone’s mind. So why do Christians do it? Is it merely performative or what?

UPDATE: I realize that this probably looks like just AI generated legal document but I used AI to scrub the identifiable information so that I couldn’t be identified

**UPDATED UPDATE: I grabbed a screenshot of the nonsense from the website today so you can see it in practice because I keep getting comments about how this is AI. I used AI to summarize and scrub the identifiable info for my safety

My former church just quietly added a 19-section legal contract to their website that you have to agree to before you can even log in. No announcement, no explanation — just a click-through wall. I was a member and employee for years and never agreed to anything like this. I'm out now, but I read the whole thing and I need people to see what churches are getting away with.

Here's what they're requiring members to agree to:

• You waive all rights to sue the church for anything — injury, death, emotional distress, property damage. Everything. (Sections 6-7)

• You agree to indemnify the church. If they get sued because of something involving you, YOU pay their legal fees. This survives even after you leave. (Section 8)

• You assign ALL intellectual property you create in connection with church activities to the church — permanently. Songs, videos, designs, software, curriculum, sermons. You also waive moral rights. This survives after you leave. (Section 17)

• The church can drug and alcohol test you — randomly or on suspicion — as a MEMBER, not just an employee. Marijuana is prohibited even with a medical prescription. They can disclose your results to anyone without your consent. (Section 15)

• They can run criminal background checks on you at any time. (Section 15)

• The church grants itself a "permanent and irrevocable license" to access or use your personal property while it's on church premises. Your phone, laptop, camera — whatever you bring. (Section 13)

• Confidentiality is one-way. You must keep church information confidential forever. But the church can share YOUR personal information freely, including waiving clergy privilege and counseling privilege. Anything you tell a pastor in confidence can be shared with anyone. (Section 14)

• Their counseling is not professional therapy. Counselors may be unlicensed. But you've waived your right to sue if the counseling causes harm. (Section 9)

• You submit to church discipline. Everyone involved in disciplining you is immune from liability, including defamation claims. They can publicly shame you and you can't do anything about it. (Section 12)

• You cannot go to court. Period. Your only option is internal dispute resolution, then Christian arbitration. The agreement is construed in the church's favor. (Section 18)

• Tithing is framed as a contractual obligation, not voluntary giving. All gifts go to the general fund regardless of your designation. (Sections 3 and 15)

• The church explicitly states it is NOT acting in loco parentis for your children during church programs and has no fiduciary duty to them. So if something happens to your kid, they've pre-disclaimed responsibility. (Section 5)

• The agreement is effective even without your signature — just by participating. It lasts indefinitely with no revocation clause. Key provisions survive after you leave. Changes to church policies are automatically binding on you without notice. (Section 19)

I could not find a single other church in the country that combines all of these provisions into one membership agreement. The closest comparison is the Church of Scientology's arbitration contracts.

This is why I left. Not just the theology — the institution. Thousands of people are going to click 'agree' on a Sunday morning without reading a 19-section legal document, not realizing they just gave up their right to sue, their intellectual property, their medical privacy, and their access to courts.

If you're still attending a church, check what you've signed. And if you haven't signed anything, be very careful if they suddenly ask you to.

The 19-Section Contract My Former Church Requires Members to Sign

https://preview.redd.it/xeifz5nl8ckh1.png?width=2500&format=png&auto=webp&s=47c66e192398cf61483ede953349de09feb8bf1e

Ask any christian whether the historical Jesus had a physical human body, "glorified" or not. By definition, a human body is subject to the laws of nature, which is exactly why the gospels include specific details like him eating fish and having his wounds touched.

Now look at where the ascension problems begin: going "up" depends on where you stand on the Earth. Ascending from London is a completely different direction than ascending from Antarctica. But even if one grants that he went upwards from Judea, he wouldn't enter heaven but the lethal vacuum of space where a physical human body cannot survive. By moving in a physical direction, it implies heaven is a physical location "out there," which places the entire burden of proof on the christian to show exactly where that is. If heaven is not in the physical realm, then going "up" makes no sense.

The moment that the apologist tries to escape by arguing that "Jesus's body temporarily or permanently became non-physical" to survive the trip, they lose. Being fully human means to be bound by physical human limits. If Jesus could shed his physical limits and become non-physical, then he wasn't really a human, and the entire ascension claim is him being deceptive and essentially a liar

Sorry, but I need to rant for a bit. I’m not normally so angry but I just need to get it out.

…

I went to multiple churches growing up but FUCK if Catholicism doesn’t grind my gears the most. “We view men and women as equal!” and then they show you a diagram of the church’s hierarchy and women can only be at the bottom. “No we’re not going to let you divorce your abusive husband who beats you up every weekend.” Oh but you let them separate physically so it’s okay, right! You just believe that god has bound them together forever, right? What a great message to tell women who have been brutally hurt by their husbands! You’ll never be free from the one who hurt you, you are forever tied together!

Every damn time you bring up a horrible moral implication about one of their teachings they INSIST that you’ve misunderstood, that there’s an explanation for that, etc etc etc. god forbid they take some accountability and say “yeah I don’t like that the church teaches that either.”

SCREW YOUR TEACHINGS. SCREW YOUR HIERARCHICAL RELIGION THAT CAUSES POWER IMBALANCES AND CREATES SHITTY POCKETS OF SECRECY THAT ADULTS USE TO ABUSE KIDS.

I am so SICK and TIRED of hearing about it, seeing it, whatever. These men create laws based on their own whims and how THEY interpret the Bible, which in of itself is simply a collection of the laws and stories of random men, and then you act like it’s some fundamental law of the universe!!

FUCK YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!

And you know what while I’m on the topic fuck the Bible too!!!!

Women are half the entire population and yet how many named women are in the Bible? How many can you name off hand? Actual names, not just roles the play. Ruth? Naomi? Sarah? Mary? Sure, okay. Now how many men? The difference is staggering. THIS RELIGION DOESN’T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT WOMEN!! WAKE THE FUCK UP!! GOD DAMN IT!! Believe in god but SCREW THE CATHOLIC ORGANIZATION.

I’m so damn tired of this.

In mainline Trinitarian Christianity JWs are always seen as a "dangerous cult" with false beliefs that prays on to people to get them to Hell, but in reality the mainline dogmas like eternal Hell, 100% God and 100% man, Trinity, predestination, penal substitution, etc. are as nonsensial as JWs teaching maybe even more.

I was a Christian for 32 years, and a pastor for 4 of those years. I was heavily involved in the music aspect of the church for more than half of my life. As you might infer, I am big on music. Metal is one of my favorite genres. However, being a christian didn't mean you couldn't listen to metal--at least in my particular brand of Jesus--you just had to vet everything you were listening to and completely avoid the obvious ones (Manson, Slipknot, Motionless in White, etc.)

After I walked away from my faith, I started rediscovering all the music I had avoided and found out that 99% of it is FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!
I looked back at all the christian metal bands I used to like and found their music shallow and very performative, not that there's anything wrong with performance. But it just felt very inauthentic. Look at these lyrics.

Stryper — "To hell with the devil! / We're gonna fight / Gonna do what's right!" from "To Hell with the Devil"

Theocracy — "As the battle rages on and on / I face the things that put my faith to the test." from "Laying the Demon to Rest"

Tourniquet — "Men fail me / But the Son of God saves!" from "Broken Chromosomes"

They have to follow certain parameters in their music, JUST so that everyone knows they're all about Jesus. It lacks depth, creativity, and relatability. Every christian lyric can be dissected, reassembled, repackaged and reused at every turn. After a while, it just gets boring

Now, look at these lyrics.

"I won't give up tomorrow just to lose it all today" — Slipknot, "Snuff"

"It's not because you're with me, it's because you never leave" — Bring Me The Horizon, "It Never Ends"

"All I needed was the last thing I wanted, to sit alone in a room and say it all out loud" — Asking Alexandria, "Alone In a Room"

These lyrics feel real and raw. I can feel the pain and emotion behind these lyrics. These lyrics humanize the artists and it gives the listener something to relate to. Yet, all of my life was propagated that any music without a neat and tidy "christian" label was purely satanic.

I guess, in a way, I feel kind of robbed of really good music at a time when I needed it. I'm looking for anyone who can relate to this feeling.

I don't really get what was noble about it. Because wouldnt Jesus just know he can come back to life? I mean he could just turn off his nerves or something to prevent himself from feeling any pain at all. He only stayed "dead" for three days (I don't really get the significance of three days because couldnt he just come back immediately?). And why sacrifice himself on the cross to himself? I mean he could've just forgiven the world's sins normally why was the crucification part necessary? And after he came back, why did he just leave to get milk? He didn't even stay long enough to write the bible himself he left it to his disciples who we know nothing about and are just expected to trust them and believe that the bible was "divinely inspired" even tho Jesus himself never wrote it. His whole thing was his unparalleled love for everyone so why would he just leave with just a promise of coming back later and it's been more than two millennia since he's been gone. Make it make sense