r/exchristian

Hi everyone. I'm a 15-year-old guy from the Philippines, and I'm hoping for some advice.

My background

-Been a member in a Bible Baptist church, very active: soulwinning, choir, discipleship program, daily devotions ("Daily of The Word"), youth events.

- Recently, after questioning my faith (triggered partly by realizing I'm bisexual and struggling with how my church views LGBTQ+ people), I've come to identify as an atheist.

- I haven't attended church in almost a month. My family knows I don't believe anymore, but I'm not "out" to my church community or extended family.

What's happening now:

- Churchmates keep seeing me out and just hanging out, walking around

- I know that their intention is inviting me back

- I want to respond kindly, but I don't know what to say. I can't go back just to "pretend," but I'm not ready to tell them I don't believe anymore — especially because:

- I'm worried my family might tell my cousins, church leaders, or my ex-pastor without my consent.

- I'm still financially/emotionally dependent on my family.

- I'm scared of being judged, pressured, or excluded — especially as a bisexual teen in a conservative religious community.

I know this is not political, but my dad is an absolute MAGA fan and even believes that Jesus instructed independence fighters in the USA to rebel against Satanic Britishers.

I am leaving for Thailand, and my dad is shit scared that those Thais will convert me to Buddhism ( he doesn't know I am an ex-christian).

He is telling me to stay in a monastery there that is run by a religious mission ( a friend of my dad). I have to live like a MONK in Thailand when I have no interest!!

He believes that Thais are evil and if they don't convert to Christianity, they will go to hell. I am so sick of my dad who forces everything on me. But I can't say I am an ex-christian since I come from a really southern neighbourhood where ex-christians are shunned upon. I know some stories like this. This is what made me leave christianity. Thanks for listening to my post.

Is there a difference?

I was raised in a small, family-led independent fundamentalist Christian church that sat somewhere between Pentecostalism and Brethren traditions. There were about 50 of us, made up of around nine families plus a few single people.

The founder was a huge man with a very black-and-white way of thinking and extremely strict about arbitrary things. Half the church were his children and their families. His sons-in-law became the church elders.

He shouted when he preached. Everyone was afraid of him. I remember my parents being “disciplined” several times, not physically, but sternly spoken to in private over various bits of nonsense.

I left in my early 20s after being kicked off the worship team for dating a non-Christian.

The main thing I remember feeling there was fear. So I guess with that level of fear and control, it was a cult?

After that, I attended a more “progressive” church. People were kind, I never felt afraid, and I could disagree with leadership or other members without repercussions. I eventually left because my faith disappeared, but I never considered that church a cult because the atmosphere felt completely different.

I’m now studying psychotherapy, and in class I mentioned being raised in a cult. A woman in my class asked which church it was, and we realised we had some mutual connections through another church. She was curious about why I called my church a cult when she believes the connected church was not one.

What do we think makes one church a cult and another not a cult?

Good morning everyone. Hope you're all doing well. I wanted to introduce myself and share my super villain origin story (😄)

I am in my late 40s and grew up in Alabama. I grew up in foster care and groups for 99% of my childhood. These group homes forced us boys to go to church every Sunday, with the churches we attended being fundamentalist, primitive southern Baptist churches. The Satanic panic? Oh we heard that EVERY DAY.

Now, I've always been naturally skeptical, but religious indoctrination is definitely a thing, and coupled with the desire to fit in, they had a 14-year old me convinced I was "called" to be a preacher. I memorized scripture, learned every detail of the stories. I prepared my own services, complete with 2 hour sermons. There was a problem with my sermons though. They were focused on love, understanding and accepting differences, community service, empathy...you know...all the things that Christianity is *supposed* to be. They certainly let me know I had too much, and I quote, "hippie messages".

Fast forward to 2001. 9/11 happens and I immediately join the military. Years pass after multiple deployments between Iraq and Afghanistan, and I start pursuing a college degree (online obviously), with a focus on history, specifically Bronze and Iron Age History. It is during this time that I begin to see the apparent cracks in the historical accuracy of these stories. At this point, I'm trying to reconcile Christian teachings with education (and logic). For example...how were dinosaurs real if the bible is true? I had devised the story within my head that because God's time was infinitely longer than ours the 5 days that preceeded human creation could have been millions or billions of years. I was so excited. I figured out how unite my Christian upbringing with scientific and historical facts. I immediately went to the Chaplain to share. It was shot down immediately.

Fast forward to a deployment in 2012. One of my fellow soldiers left the COP we were based out out of around 4 AM and massacred almost an entire village in Afghanistan. For whatever reason, this really shook me. I essentially had a mini mental break. Every wound, every explosion, every bullet whizzing past, every dead body I had seen...all came flooding into my brain. People who both believed in the same god killing each other. Then it hit me. He's not there. Never has been. Can't be. And if he is, he's either powerless or just indifferent.

Either way, I was done wasting my time worrying. That and the complete lack of evidence for the deity of Abrahamic mythology and the character of Jesus, I checked out.

This is where I find myself today. Now completely divorced from religion and constantly pissed at the overbearing religious folks (that I used to be).

Amyway...nice to meet all of you.

For context, I grew up in a baptist church and in baptist school in a smaller town and since have moved to an enitre different state. I'm often told that my trauma (particularily early obedience practices that would have gotten worse had I not left) were caused by "fake christians" (a claim often made by my parents because of course it is). If this many are "fake" then how many are there really? If ~30% of the world is christian I would remove at least 1/3 if not more to account for the fake ones so the accuracy of christianity becomes even lower. I struggle to understand how people can follow a religion with less than 50% of the world in agreeance. I'd like to think if something is true and had been socially accpeted for this long it would have a clear "correct" option. (I am not and will not ever be relgious and am very anti-thiest if you can't already tell)

Almost all debates with Christians, especially on ethics, eventual end in “his ways are higher” or “He’s beyond our comprehension” or “it’s like an ant trying to understand a human” when gods injustice is pointed out. The debates over at that point. If they’ve already admitted they don’t know then why are they trying to explain it?

For me, I find it is pointing out false prophecies. I have found almost every other argument to fall on deaf ears, but this is the only angle that seems to work......somewhat.

I (21) am not sure if this place is a place for me. I'm not an Ex-christian but I genuinely feel so in between it T~T. Especially right now?

Honestly I Learnt that obviously it's very healthy to get to know your Body well. But why do I feel such Religious Guilt whenever I please myself????

Because even THAT is considered a Sin and its honestly so silly to me cuz...????? Why?????

Isn't it good to know your Body?? I just get so annoyed at hearing it's Lustful and horrible to want to touch yourself like what. WHY.

Cuz I also follow alot of Healthyhooha women, and I've learnt alot about my Body, About what Healthy...that...looks like. What compatibility is. I've learnt alot about my body too.

But then every once in awhile I feel such Religious Guilt whenever I feel to stressed and decide I need a little alone time to unstress. Why does it feel to me as if it's another 'trying to control my body' situation.

Also I'm sorry if This is not the Right Sub T~T. I'm lit so close tho to maybe not entering the church fully.

Many Christians would argue that God doesn't send people to hell but that it is a choice that they make. Maybe its been mentioned before but I have came to the realisation that it's just a way for them to justify God's cruelty.

Deep down they know hell is the worst type of punishment and it cannot be reconciled with a loving God, so instead they shift the blame and responsibility from God to the one being punished.

Its like an abuser gaslighting the victim that its their (the victim's) fault they are being harmed.

Honestly I'm sick and tired of this religion and seeing Christians spread their bs everywhere. I used to go to a certain type of evangelical charismatic church/ cult and the way they emphasise authority, offering tithes, staying from the "world" where we are told not listen to secular music for example but thats another topic.

At some point in the future I plan to post about my testimony as an ex member of one of these cults and how they manipulate you to try and recruit you as a member. I'm from London and there are many of these youth churches/ cults everywhere especially in university societies.

But anyway my main point was about how Christians would try to justify hell by saying it is a choice we make like we all planned to go to hell for eternity or something but deep down they know it is cruel, sadistic and evil.

I don't believe there is any possibility that christianity is a true religion. But since my deconstruction, this is the one thing that I still don't have an explanation for, and I was hoping someone here did. How did jesus fulfill about 300 prophecies?

It seems like all of them aren't actually fulfilled, for example, there's a lot of evidence he was actually born in nazareth instead of bethlehem, so maybe people changed the story to fit all these prophecies and it got accepted as truth over time.

That's just an idea, but I would love to hear if anyone has some ideas or information they can share about this!

I (23M) come from a Pentecostal Christian family in Germany. Growing up, my childhood was mostly good, but my parents were always pretty restrictive socially unless something was church-related. If it was a Christian event, they’d happily drive me there and encourage it. But with normal school friends or social activities, I often had to fight for independence or organize things myself.

At 18, I moved to another city for university partly because I wanted more freedom and space to become my own person. Around a year later, I met my current girlfriend (23F, Vietnamese). We’ve now been together for 4 years and living together for 2. Around the same period I met her, I also lost my faith, which my family knows about.

My girlfriend’s family is extremely warm and family-oriented. I’m currently staying with them in Vietnam for the second time, and honestly, I feel very accepted here. Relaxed. Included. I feel much freer to just be myself — goofy, silly, relaxed — without feeling constantly judged or watched. It feels emotionally easy in a way that my own family often doesn’t.

One important piece of context is that my family — especially my mom — has always had issues with the fact that my girlfriend and her family are not Christian. Her family practices traditional Vietnamese ancestor worship, and my mom has openly described it as “demonic” before, even directly to my girlfriend’s face. My parents also seem genuinely afraid that I could somehow get pulled into “demonic rituals” through the relationship, even though from my perspective it’s just cultural/spiritual tradition and not remotely evil.

Here’s the issue.

Over the past 4 years, my family never directly expressed any major concerns about my girlfriend. But recently, after I told my parents that I had “the talk” with her parents and that things went well, my family suddenly unloaded a lot of criticism.

My mom said my girlfriend is “manipulating” me because early in the relationship she bought me expensive gifts. My sister claimed my girlfriend once said she “likes controlling people,” which my girlfriend denies ever saying. My cousin has also implied that she seems controlling or possessive.

I was honestly shocked because this all came out at once after years of relative silence.

To be fair, I can understand where some impressions might come from. My girlfriend and I spend a LOT of time together, especially because she doesn’t have many close friends in Germany. When visiting my family, we usually go together. I also tend to prioritize making sure she feels included and not abandoned socially, so I probably spend less one-on-one time with my siblings than before.

And yes, privately she can sometimes have a strong or commanding personality. But we’ve talked about it before, and I don’t feel controlled in the way my family describes. If anything, I think sometimes I limited myself voluntarily because I didn’t want her to feel lonely, not because she forced me to.

I also want to be fair to my family here. My relationship with my siblings especially has become more distant over the years. But honestly, I don’t think it’s just because of my girlfriend. Ever since I stopped believing, I often feel like there’s an invisible wall between us. Christianity is such a central part of their lives that I rarely feel fully comfortable speaking openly anymore. I often hold back my real opinions because I feel judged or misunderstood, and sometimes I get the impression that my perspective carries less weight now that I’m no longer part of the faith.

So while they talk about being afraid of “losing me,” part of me feels like they also stopped fully seeing or respecting who I actually am now.

At the same time, hearing multiple family members independently say similar things makes me question myself. Am I missing red flags? Or is my family reacting emotionally because I changed so much over the last few years (leaving religion, becoming independent, serious intercultural relationship, talking about marriage, etc.)?

Part of me wonders whether my girlfriend became the “symbol” of me leaving my old religious life behind, and whether that’s affecting how they see her.

I don’t want to lose my relationship with my family. But I also feel hurt that they waited years to suddenly attack my girlfriend’s character right when things are becoming more serious.

Has anyone experienced something similar with religious families, intercultural relationships, or family systems struggling with adult independence?

I decided I was agnostic about 2-3 months ago, and before I used to pray before I went to bed since it was so baked into my mind, but now it seems I can’t fall asleep unless I recite the very same prayer I prayed every night.

Is it just a matter of time before i stop? or is there anything I can do, because it’s extremely uncomfortable for me to do so, yet i feel like I have no choice.

Sometimes I think about Joseph who collected Jesus' body and put him in his tomb. Since this was his tomb, it's likely it was his intent to move the body to a more appropriate place after the Sabbath. I can just imagine him doing so early in the day, before the women arrive. Then the women arrive and are of course shocked. They go tell people, the other disciples are bewildered. A mythology of this mysteriously disappearing body grows and spreads. And Joseph, being a disciple, I imagine out of fear/embarrassment, says nothing. He's just like, "Oh shit, oh no, this went too far. But I can't say anything now. Better keep my mouth shut. Surely this'll blow over." And now we have Christianity.