Don’t laugh at me but yesterday I saw conjuring and I am now thinking myb Catholicism is true after all since they have authority over demons. The movie is based on a true story after all. Can someone debrief me lol. Are all the exorcists who claim they saw bodies levitating lying. Have there been cases of the church lying about this stuff?
I kind of converted to Christianity in 2025 after researching Jesus and what he said (I come from an atheist household, not baptized). Ironically (due to me being very much left wing) because I liked his views on societal issues like helping the poor etc. It was nice in the beginning the feeling of knowing there was a god loving me, but soon I spiraled into something that I can only explain as religious psychosis. Started going to church reading the bible every day praying the rosary every day. I even kind of forced my then boyfriend now husband to get married in the Catholic Church (he is confirmed so that’s why that was possible even without me being baptized) and planned on joining OCIA to get baptized once it was possible (would have been autumn 2026 since I couldn’t do it earlier due to work related stuff). This all started during a season in my life where I was just done with my studies and was looking for a job and probably had a bit too much time.
Here and then I started questioning things especially the idea of hell but I could not let go of my faith yet because I felt like it filled a void of Part of my identity.
Then I started working again. I have to go on work trips every few weeks for a week or two. There I finally was able to connect to other people. People Christian’s would probably consider as sinners. I felt confused why did I enjoy their company so much. We even went out to get drinks. Why did I fit in with them. Wasn’t I supposed to be a good Christian. I felt torn between being in that good Christian wife and mother role (which my husband btw never expected from me) only to realize on the next work trip that I am actually not. Loosing my connection to god everytime I went on the work trip. At home I could keep up with being a good Christian but I did not enjoy it. It was only out of fear of hell that I was still going to church, trying to pray every day and read the bible or feeling guilty when I couldn’t. They always talk about how at peace they feel. But I didn’t feel at peace. I wished I had never „met Christ“ or had thoughts of how it would have been way better to meet him at like 80 years when your life is over anyways. But I couldn’t let go. I was to afraid to look up critical stuff about Christianity but the faith I had built began to shake. Also I never really told people that I was more or less practicing the catholic faith and felt super guilty about it. But I began asking more questions like if everything really is black and white or if people aren’t allowed to be nuanced. Not entirely good not entirely bad. Also I read could not stand Paulus in the New Testament. He seemed insufferable to me.
Thats when all of a sudden it clicked I was only hanging on because I didn’t want to go to hell, but maybe I was crafting a sort of personal hell I did not have to go through and realized the god in the bible might just be the god in the bible not the real one. So two weeks ago I just stopped- stopped reading, praying going to church. It was like ripping of a bandaid of relief.
I started watching deconstruction videos but I didn’t really need to - I felt at peace, something the faith had promised but never gave me. I could enjoy „worldly“ things now books, music, people all that I was so desperately longing for. I never liked Christian music I hated having to listen to it. I can be a feminist again, I don’t feel like a traitor to the queer community anymore I can think critical and I love being alive. I love people (well not all of them) with all their imperfections and quirks and I don’t want them to change. I love my family, but don’t feel like I have to sacrifice myself for them. We can all be happy . I don’t feel like I have to have a second child because it’s good will but when I feel ready to have one. Which will be better for the child too. I just can be me.
Had to get that of my chest. I could say so much more. Excuse any mistakes english is not my first language.
Became a Christian a bit over a year ago. At first it felt great but now I feel like I am loosing my mind. I am scared of hell and I do believe in god because he has revealed himself to me, but I wish I never knew what I now know. And the gospels are not a joyful message for me. I feel like god loves me but I don’t want to believe in hell and the Bible. Has anyone had similar experiences.