u/Restinpeace0012

I feel like the black sheep in my family. Like all the time. Bc I don’t believe in this so called god anymore. And I’m now an anti-theist and an ex-Christian/catholic. I feel so odd cuz evb else in my family are Christian’s and/or Catholics.

Like what’s wrong with me. Although I was indoctrinated all these years and blatantly forced to be a Christian, how come I was the only one to open my eyes and reject my upbringing.

I used to love going to church and Bible study but once I actually read the Bible (only some of it not all I’m not like a big Bible reader or anything) the Bible was against a lot of my morals. It included: sexism, misogyny, slavery, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

And personally I’m apart of the lgbtq (nonbinary afab) and I’m also a feminist, and very much against slavery and human trafficking.

I’m also a leftist politically bc I don’t like the way conservatives live their lives and how maga is. But I just wonder why am I specifically the odd ball in my family? why didn’t my brother and sister reject god. Why was it only me.

Even my stepdad is religious (not very religious but still religious) he used to read the bible with his grandfather and etc. not only that but my family is hella conservative and I just don’t understand it.

Can any of you relate?

I for one am entirely body focused and I’ve been binge eating for most of my life. I used to starve myself then binge eat then starve myself and the pattern went on and on. But my main issue is my body dysmorphia like I hate it so much. I wish I was extremely skinny like some of these runway models but bc I binge eat so much I’m extremely overweight and I can’t walk up the stairs without having to catch up with my breath, etc, etc. and I just wish I was skinny. So I want to starve myself for idk like a punishment or something for binge eating so much? I just wish I as skinny. So like I guess what I’m asking is do any of you guys have this same or similar experiences?

So I’m wondering if your partner or other ppl like family and friends know when the host is fronting and which host is fronting or if an alter is fronting and which alter.

Like for me I had a hard time communicating with my partner abt who is fronting bc he wouldn’t understand it

And I felt like every time I switched I had to let him know who we were in that moment and who was fronting and why

Like at one point I just had to keep repeating myself abt this so I just stopped telling him and let him believe that me Sylvie the main host was fronting all the time.

I also have another host Lily and e sometimes fronts but most of the time it’s Sylvie which is my bodily self the one that he knows is actually me.

But idk cuz my bf doesn’t even really acknowledge who’s fronting at that moment when I told him he just acted like it was Sylvie which kinda irritated me because I told him that somebody else was fronting and he more so dismissed it.

I don’t think he’s a bad person or a fake claimer I’m just thinking that he doesn’t understand what being plural looks like.

do you family and friends you’re switching right away or do you have to tell them. Especially if yall are tulpas.

For me I believe I’m half Tulpa half traumagenic so idk how I would communicate when someone else’s fronting cuz usually outside peers and family and friends and my partner do not notice at all and it makes me deny my plurality.

So like I’ve developed alters as I grew older and older. I do have childhood trauma but I’m not sure if it’s “enough” trauma.

Like dealing with a divorce, masking all the time, hiding my identity, being manipulated and gaslighted by my parents and grandparents, my bio dad’s death, my stepdad’s abusive alcoholism and DV, my bio dad’s drug abuse and DV, my uncle and grandparents and parents using religion against me. Swaying me to a certain religion.

I know im prob not allowed to go into detail about my trauma here but what I said was the gist of it.

Im not sure if this is enough for DID/OSDD. I have a feeling I might be OSDD, but im not sure either. I might not be OSDD and might be an traumaendo system or just an endo system. I don’t believe I created these alters intentionally so willogenic wouldn’t apply.

I’m not sure what kind of system I am. I have two hosts which is me (Sylvie) and Lily and the rest are my alters when I’m feeling stressed and altogether I think there’s 8 of us.

Hosts
* Sylvie - she/ey/em/jellyfish/star/bun
* Lily - e/eir/em

Alters
* Rin - he/they
* Tommy - he/zir
* Charlotte - bub/bubbles
* Shirley - she/they/cup/cake
* Pixie - xe/xem
* Macy - she/her

Each of us have similar hobbies but different hobbies and similar song tastes too. But we all have our different sexualities and pronouns.

We all use the term xenogender to describe our gender except Macy and Rin.

Most of us are xenos and use neo/xeno pronouns.

Me the host Sylvie uses more pronouns than everyone else.

And we all hold the same memories although me the host Sylvie forgets a lot of things and has our past blacked out. I can’t remember anything from my past and if I do it’s very blurry. I’ve talked to a therapist abt OSDD but in all reality I can’t get diagnosed by a therapist it has to be a psychiatrist. And my mom is a fake claimer and she’s always in my sessions so it’s hard to do that.

Idk any advice for us?

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‼️ART MOOTS, FRIENDS‼️

🦈I’m looking for art moots and friends

🦈 I do both digital art and traditional art! Lemme know if you wanna see my art!

🦈I’m looking for people who are okay with neopronouns and xenopronouns! I’m xenogender and I use many neos/xenos!! :3

🦈Preferably around my age! 18-26! I’m 19 btw.

🦈Even if you’re not into art but wanna see my art and encourage me that’s okay too! I love getting to know other ppl’s interests! So let’s be friends!

🦈My DMs are open! And I love receiving DMs from anyone! As long as you’re not sexual or romantic with me. I’d love to see your guys’ art! And music recs too!

🦈My fav music artists are: Sza, James Arthur, Bryson tiller, Nessa Barrett, cavetown, Girl in red, Radiohead, deftones, and much much more!

🦈And if you want you can follow my insta accs! I have an art acc and a main acc. Just lemme know if you’re interested!
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Sooo I wanna meet friends or someone who is a-spec. I’ve tried discord but it doesn’t seem to be working. Sooo what’s a way to meet friends or potentially find someone that will agree to being in a qpr????

Like I really want a qpr not a relationship and I just came out of a break up with my partner.

So what’s a way to meet ppl who are a-spec in my area. I live in Chicago btw so it’s hard finding ppl who don’t want a relationship and just want a qpr or even know what a qpr is.

I’m just wondering atp how you all find your partners and get into a qpr with them my ex doesn’t want a qpr and I can’t force that upon them so I decided to look elsewhere.

Sooo I wanna meet friends or someone who is a-spec. I’ve tried discord but it doesn’t seem to be working. Sooo what’s a way to meet friends or potentially find someone that will agree to being in a qpr????

Like I really want a qpr not a relationship and I just came out of a break up with my partner.

So what’s a way to meet ppl who are a-spec in my area. I live in Chicago btw so it’s hard finding ppl who don’t want a relationship and just want a qpr or even know what a qpr is.

I’m just wondering atp how you all find your partners and get into a qpr with them my ex doesn’t want a qpr and I can’t force that upon them so I decided to look elsewhere.

So like I’m wondering if I’m fake or if this is a phase cuz I go by e/em/eir pronouns and fae/faer pronouns and they/them for anyone that doesn’t understand neopronouns. I used to say I didn’t like neopronouns until I was introduced to them and I started liking them and found that some of them fit me. And my bf thinks I’m being influenced by my friends cuz all my friends go by neopronouns except for maybe two friends that are in that sorta group of friends. And like I’m just wondering am I going by neopronouns cuz of my friends or bc of me???? I really LOVE e/em/eir pronouns I feel like they fit me and express myself the most accurately and I also like fae/faer pronouns cuz I think they’re cute and I have multiple xenogender identities that I go by like angelpinkbunnic and bungender and gendervoid and Jellystaric and stargender like I feel like those fit me. And my bf doesn’t understand neopronouns or use them on me I believe but he’s in my friends server which is abt xenogenders and neopronouns and lgbtq community and I really wish he understood neopronouns and xenogenders to me it’s just a way to better express ourselves and I explained to him that you would replace they with e and their with eir and them with em but he still doesn’t understand and thinks it’s just ppl influencing me so like back to the original question: Am I a fake?