r/XenogendersAndMore

TL;DR: I'm attracted to all genders but only want to date women in real life. I can be attracted to anyone based on their actions, but in practice I've only felt comfortable and happy with women. I fantasize about dating men but don't want to actually be with them; relationships with men feel like a burden.

It's just this "aTtRaCtIoN To pEoPlE ReGaRdLeSs oF GeNdEr" thing that's tripping me up and making me think I'm pansexual.

So, based on this, what do you think I am?

I'm attracted to all genders, but I'm ONLY and strictly attracted and willing to date women IRL.

I want a label, but I'm unsure if I'm pansexual or lesbian.

Like, I CAN be attracted to all genders, and I'm attracted to actions/behavior, NOT appearance or gender.

But in reality, outside my head, I've dated men and was completely and utterly disgusted and uncomfortable. Dating men was the worst experience of my life. NOT because of anything they did. I just don't like men… but I find them attractive…????

I can like anybody and be attracted to anybody who was nice to me. And this is regardless of gender identity or biological sex.

But I ONLY like the idea of dating men, NOT dating them in reality. I'm aroace-spec for men, but allo for women.

I do not like the idea of dating a man or marrying a man and I'm disgusted at the thought that I'm next in line in my family to get a boyfriend and to be married.

I fantasize about dating man, but don't like being with them in reality.

I see relationships with men as a burden and a chore. It's always been my desire to date a man who's aroace (so we don't have to have sex or do romantic things) or date a man who's busy 24/7 so I'd never have to see him. It's been my dream since I was 10.

I know for a fact I like women. I've had female crushes since I was 4. It's the ONLY thing I'm certain about in my sexuality.

I'm EXTREMELY turned off and repulsed by penises and masculinity (outside women).

I get extremely uncomfortable if a man shows interest in me back. I'd rather it be 1-sided on my end.

I dread my unfortunate fate of being domestic and intimate with a man.

My relationships with men are completely devoid of any kind of passion. I'm kinda just there, not really caring or finding interest in my previous boyfriends, to the point that my longest relationship with a man was 1 week and I ignored him and skipped school the whole time just so I wouldn't have to see him. And I also looked for any and all excuses to break up with him. It felt like a weight was lifted from my chest when we did break up.

I was extremely competitive with my past female friends. I thought that was just because I was possessive as a friend, but I am now only realizing that it was because I was extremely possessive with other people showing interest in somebody who I considered my girlfriend because I had romantic feelings for my female friends.

I thought it was normal for all heterosexual girls to feel attraction to women. I thought finding women attractive and being interested in their bodies was normal, and it wasn't until I was in middle school that I found out that it wasn't.

Hi, I'm Sam or Samuel. I'm 19 and today (5-22-26) I realized i may be Xenogender.

I consider myself Bigender (Agender + Male) but until now i never really wanted to explore the possibility of being at least part xenogender because of witnessing cringe culture and not wanting to be like "2020 alt kids" (an insult i've seen being thrown around), but after talking to my husband about it, i think I might actually be Agender + Xenogender, just with a boy flavoring. If it makes any sense, i suppose i could describe my gender as being non-binary but moreso associated with strawberries and robots.

So for now i suppose my xenogender identities are strawberrygender and Roboboy!

I can't wait to learn more about the culture and community surrounding xenogenders! ^^

Recently i've been really struggling with pinpointing my gender (the struggle of being genderfluid T-T), and my pronouns,,, All I ask is for no horror/blood/gore genders to be shared in this thread (I don't really like to identify with those), feel free to go off of vibes, or whatever else! :]

https://pronouns.cc/@fishfishfish

I just like how the name sounds, i identify as both girl and boy among other things and i do like girls (even if i also like men and am pan-- though i noticed most men i like still have stuff considered feminine such as lashes and colors etc)

Hope that's fine : 3

Hi! I currently use another name and I have for a long time. Up until now I really liked it but since telling a friend this name I've felt really weird, the reaction was positive but something felt off about the when she used it for me. I'm not sure if it was the name or me because another friend uses it all the time and it's great, so I'd like to try another option I was considering out in case I want a change.

So if anyone can use Warren he/him (or ve/Vir) for me and masculine terms I appreciate it! Some info about me is I'm a history student, I'm learning the piano and I love movies!

heterogender means where one's gender experience is different than the common way of experiencing gender. a heterogender person can identify with any other gender alongside heterogender. i couldnt think of a flag idea :|

Haii! First time posting here! |˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ

I’m bigender (she/he) but I think that xenogenders could fit me too and help me feeling better in my skin (I’m austistic if that matters😭) but idk why, the idea of using xenopronouns makes me feel… uncomfortable?

So I was wondering if it’s possible to identify with a xenogender but not using xenopronouns/neopronouns? (Also how do u know which xenogender(s) is the right one for you?? I’d like to hear y’all’s experiences! (*ˊᗜˋ*)/ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃ ⁿⁱᑦᵉ ᵈᵃʸ✨)

Uhm hi, my name is Lily and I’m wanting to find new pronouns I like.

Could you please refer to me as:

It/its

Rot/rots

Shy/hyr

Bun/buns

Doll/dolls

(or any fem neos because I’d love to find more! ty!)

Does the term demifiaspec exist yet? Fiaspec is the umbrella term for all woman/woman adjacent genders (I think). If it does exist, does it have a flag?

My native language (German) has a ton of gendered words like waiter/waitress in English. And I've been pondering how to refer to my partner in a "genderneutral" way when partner is a gendered word in my language (example: Partner (m), Partnerin (f)).

This brought me to gender inclusive language. Gender inclusive language is used to represent both/all genders in written and spoken language. Studies have shown it makes a big difference in people's minds, so it's common practice to use it.

A short demonstration in English what some German gender inclusive language looks like: wait*ress, act:ress, BatchelorEtte, Steward_ess. And it doesn't just work in written language but also spoken by putting a short pause like so: Steward...Ess.

So I'm considering doing that now with "Partner:in" to refer to my partner in a genderneutral way.

Never seen anyone use gender inclusive language like that, but really why not? Seems like a cool solution to me.

Hello!!!

So, recently I discovered the term fctionkin and kinda wondered if that was me. There are characters that I see myself in so, so much. They're almost me, but that's the problem, almost. I'm so close to being them,but something just stops it. Usually it's because I'm transmasc and most characters I relate are girls, for some reason. Another thing I noticed is that this almost identification with a character usually fades a bit while I'm watching something with said character, this is probably because the idea I have of this character (hc, things I forgot, etc.) is not exactly what it is on screen, but after the feeling comes back. I also get a little bothered and distressed when these characters do something they shouldn't or that will endanger them (in their show/movie/book) and usually want to leave the room.

I tried to explain all I felt here and I thought you could help me and tell me if this is something or if it is fairly normal among people. Thank you!

TLDR; I'm agender because no matter how hard I try, I can't understand gender, and for me, gender practically doesn't exist, genders are just meaningless words.

Here's the thing, the reason as to why I'm agender is because for me, whenever there is an attempt for gender to be defined, you just end up with nothing, like, what is a man?, what is a woman?, what are these other genders too?, and I try to grasp what gender is but I get nothing out of it. For me, I can't quite grasp what gender is, no matter how it is explained, it's just some bullshit for me, but that doesn't mean I go out here disrespecting other people because they have genders, it's just that my brain doesn't accept the concept of gender itself.

Nonbinary but somewhat guy? Like I use zey/zem/they/them. I feel like a genderless boy? Does that make sense, I dont really wanna use he/him though

Is there a term for enjoying being referred to with a combination of gendered terms (e.g. "he's my girlfriend"), but otherwise disliking them? Sorry I'm not sure if this is phrased very well!