r/queerplatonic

My friendl(17NB) and I(17M) have been friends for just over 3 years, over those years I'd say we've grown pretty close. We see eachother nearly every day of our lives despite not living in that close of walking distance of eachother and not being in school, we cuddle on the couch, spoon, occasionally sleep in the same bed (with cuddling as well), share clothes and food and drinks, both miss eachother constantly when we don't see eachother even for a few hours (we've both even cried because we missed eachother so bad after not seeing eachother for less than 4 days), need to be sitting really close to eachother at all times, and show PDA. Neither of us have romantic feelings for eachother, infact we've both explicitly talking about NOT wanting to kiss eachother or anything of the sort. We're both sort of eachothers only close friends and our circles outside of eachother we barely interact with.

Also we're both queer but sort of in different directions, I'm gay mlm and they're bisexual with a women pref, if that matters

I'm just wondering if this counts as a QPR or not lol /Gen

I'm trying to figure out whether I'd be okay with a QPR with my aromantic friend for whom I've developed romantic feelings. My realisation of these feelings is quite fresh, so I'm still figuring it out -- I only realised that I had these feelings a few days ago. I've told my friend about my romantic feelings and they raised the idea of a QPR.

At times, the idea makes me anxious and I want to distance myself from my friend, but other times it excites me and the idea sounds quite fulfilling.

I'm hoping that the anxiety comes from all the emotional exhaustion of the last few days, because it's all a lot to process, especially given that I strongly value our friendship and am afraid of losing it. But I don't really know right now and I'm still processing.

To be honest, staying friends sounds more difficult than a QPR. I've connected deeply with this person and I'm not sure these feelings would go away without me distancing myself. Even if they don't reciprocate my romantic feelings, they still care about me, and as long as I can still express some of these feelings (they seem okay with this, but we'd talk about it) then I can see myself feeling fulfilled. But again, I'm still figuring it out.

I'm the outsider in a conservative Christian family, and I do not know if they'll approve of my qpr. I want to know how people of various religious backgrounds think abount qprs, especially about queerplatonic marriage.

He said he doesn’t really feel romantic feelings and sent me stuff about being aromantic and said I’m more than a friend but wouldn’t classify me as a romantic interest to him. I’m beyond confused right now, I’m trying really hard to understand him and his feelings. He sent something about queerplatonic relationships and I guess in a way that’s the spot we’re in. I’m just lost, if anyone else has been in a similar situation, I’d really appreciate advice on how to navigate it. I’m not opposed to a qpr I’m just confused right now I guess…

I have a mesh/queerplatonic crush on my best friend but I’m terrified she won’t feel the same and I don’t want to lose her because she means everything to me

So I am working on a webcomic that is still in the idea phase and it's a wlw story and it's very romantic however I do have 2 supporting characters who are aroace and in a queer platonic relationship and they are both guys. Both of them are friends because they have similar things they like and they bond over shared experiences also they are both aroace so they feel like they finally found someone who understands. Prince Carlos is aroace and prince Victor who is set to marry Lucinda out of his will is also aroace. Lucinda and Victor do not want to marry eachother but they have no choice. That's actually how Victor met Carlos since Carlos is Lucinda's twin brother. Lucinda is lesbian and likes girls but doesn't want to accept it. Over the years, Carlos and Victor form a bond, they are very close. They also like eachother deeply and have a strong sense of "he is mine, don't touch him" but both of them don't care that much with being intimate or touchy, words of affirmation is there love language and thats it. They hug and cuddle and sometimes kiss on the cheek but never the lips or any other intimacy since they would feel uncomfy. How would I write a queer platonic couple without making a mistake or it feeling forced. I am not aroace but I have aroace friends and I want them to feel represented also I am lesbian and genderfluid and very romantic so thats why i want to get advice.

Sexually I mean. He's not my type. When we first met, he asked to makeout with me. Days later, he asked for a physical relationship. I'm not opposed to sex in a qpr but he's not my type. I'm graysexual btw, most people are not sexually attractive to me.

This is a week ago, so I had the time to reflect and manage the big feelings, so it's not as fueled as it could be.

I was "dating" this person. I say that because we were an aromantic-alloromantic relationship and were both cool with that. I am a aromantic who is at worst indifferent to romance coded things, my partner was all over me and felt like they worshiped me. I didn't mind that, both of our needs were met, I reciprocated their romance, they were cool with me being aro and my expectations were different in that I like romance just don't feel the attraction. For the sake of this we'll call this a QPR, as this was my side of my view of the relationship, but equally they were my partner in the traditional sense (boyfriend/girlfriend, but not gendering this to keep identifiers anonymous).

All that is the context that barely adds to it in this case. So why did they broke up with me?

Well. It's something petty and hurtful that I will probably never understand. It was a week ago, and I was going to message them after a more quiet period to check in on them and reciprocate their want for romance (not uncomfortable for me as stated before.) I come to see that I was unable to have messages send though. I assumed the best, maybe something was wrong with that app, so I went to a different app to send a message. I was unable to find them on that app. Likewise for another app, unable to send a message on the last app. This was out of nowhere by my point of view.

That was I made the assumption, they ghosted me and moved on. I was ruminating on what happened. I worry that the quiet period was enough to signal to them "I don't want you", I worry that the aromantic lack of genuine feelings, and the romantic reciprocation was not enough even though my way to show love was romantic coded in a lot of ways, and I worried that my flavor of autism did something offensive or wrong even though both of us were autistic; I just struggled more outwardly with social supports rotating around my diagnosis while they didn't or would at best barely qualify if they did seek it out.

I vented to one friend, a supportive ally who don't really get my aromanticism and calls our thing boyfriend/partner. They said that "ghosting is cringe" and "that's fucked." A few days later, I vented to another friend. They were able to give some insight from their side. Partner was saying that I hated disabled people.

Now, lets back up. This partner has a visible disability, they use accommodations to function day to day, unlike me where everything is invisible, primarily mental health and a treated pain disorder. We connected because we both had "disability rights" as our tags on the dating app we connected on. I asked what they had and some follow up questions to get to know them. We connected deeper over that. And when we were making big plans for our future, I kept their disability in mind. Dream houses were disability friendly, we'd work together to make sure they are able to have access to resources such as awareness that our bus system is not the most disability friendly for them. Hell, as weird as it sounds, I romanticized the idea of being an "inter-able couple" (even though it's more invisible-visible able couple). I liked the idea of being supportive for them. Even if I didn't romanticized everything about their disability, I was willing to treat them like a person that happens to be disabled, not treat them differently.

So to find out that they ghosted and blocked me to say publicly that I am ableist. That hurts. I'd feel better just being called a slur. I wish they were able to talk to me about how I was ableist to them. When talking to my friend who already followed them, they said that this is a pattern, they are in the wrong crowd. They said and interpreted that disabled people are angels and deserve pity because of having a disability. Friend was describing this as a "woe is me" as a way to stir up drama and get the pity they are looking for, and that I wasn't worshiping them as being a disabled angel.

Now, to me this is all speculation and assumptions, I never saw the posts myself, nor do I want to because it'd make me more bitter if proven right. I trust my friend though, and the respect they had to lay it on me. The emotions I felt was on the spectrum of anger, with a gross taste in my mouth metaphorically. I do not tolerate entitlement. I lost any feelings I did as a QPR and would have if I was alloromantic. I do not tolerate entitlement, and publicly dissing me and ghosting an blocking me to do so instead of any level of confrontation was bonus points. If they had feelings in reality, it is disproportionate in my view, as I don't even know where this is coming from.

It's been long enough since finding out that I moved on, especially since loosing feelings instead of rumination. The reason for this post was just to get it off my chest so I can move on. As much as I want to be public the same way they have been, I don't want to "stoop to their level". I did want some closure, so hence this anonymous to who this person is post in not a big subreddit.

I don't really expect anyone to answer this, but what defines a queerplatonic relationship and how do I know if I'm in one? I was recently reintroduced to this term and it sounds a lot like a relationship I'm in, but it's still kind of confusing to identify...

Basically title. To y'all who are in a QPR relationship but not in a romantic relationship, do you see yourself getting into a romantic relationship while in a QPR?

Hello! I wasn't sure about tagging it as a question or advice, but I'd like some help.

I'm aroace, F, 31 and it took me a lot of time to accept my identity, mostly because of how I was raised and all the romantic media I consumed. On top of that, as soon as I got more comfortable about calling myself aroace, I had allo friends being very dismissive about my feelings. It made me stop reading and learning about the community.

I'm in a place where I'm feeling extremely lonely. I have two best friends who used to be super close to me. One of them used to call me everyday and they both helped me and supported me through very difficult moments of my life. I love them to death and even though I was raised with the fear of being abandoned and alone because I wouldn't get married, I was sure this wouldn't be a problem because I had friends who'd be there for me.

But recently, they've found their romantic partners and our connection has weakened. It's not simply that they don't have time for me anymore, but they don't contact me that frequently anymore either. It's like they don't think about me, I'm not that important. I started to envy their romantic relationships, not because I wanted a romantic partner, but because I wanted a strong connection with someone again*.* Like, someone who I could rely on and be by my side. I feel like I crave for a deeper connection with a person who can understand me, so we can share the little things we're doing and going through and support each other. I wish I had someone I could talk to everyday and feel like they enjoy my presence in their life.

I still have a lot to learn about QPR, I believe... But could you help me understand if that's what I'm looking for? I'm not the type of person who wants to share a house with someone and I'm very stiff and nervous when it comes to physical affection, except for giving hugs... So it makes me a bit confused whether this is what I want or not.

I'm also terrified of the idea of having to find a partner. I sincerely have no idea how people just go on dating apps and start chatting with people with the purpose of making a relationship other than friendship, so this would be its own battle... :,)

The a-spec communities see friendship as super important. Isn't a QPR a way to say 'friendship is cheaper then romance, so we'll find a way to make a structure equevelent to romance and dating and better then friendship'?

Or is it saying this: 'friends who are super close, but calling it in a defined name to signify the non-normativity of the relationship, where it's deeper then a typical friendship and there may be things in the friendship that are more commonly associated with romantic relationships/marriage, such as having a commitment to each other that the'yll be there for each other, great comfort and ease, sleeping in the same bed, sex, dealing with bureacracy, deep love...'

But... doesn't a qpr make your other friends less important? If you're a-spec doesn't that mean you prioritize friends?

Or is it because a-spec people can have squishes and those can be as important as crushes? Then wouldn't they take upp the same space as a romantic partner? Aren't they the same problems as allo coupes?

Asking genuinly, trying to understand.

Also wanted to know, what's a queerplatonic crush? Is it real? I had squishes in the past but now I have a squish different then all the rest. I wondered if it's romantic, because I sorta want to marry and be partners with my friend and I've never wanted that before. But is it maybe platonic? Knowing my squish is possibly aroace calmed me too, that if we ever married it would definitly be platonic. Currently I wouldn't want to be partners with my squish, I'd want to be incredibly close friends, intimate, close enough to be considered family, maybe.

Advice anyone? Wasn't sure what tag to put, quesrion or advice.

Hiii! So a few months ago I confessed to my friend that i had romantic feelings for them and they rejected me. but i now realize it was queer platonic instead of romantic. I wanna tell my friend this but i dont wanna make them uncomfortable again since when i confessed for my “romantic” feelings they said they needed a few days away from me. Should i tell them now that i realize its queer platonic instead of romantic?

I'm aroace and I've had a massive queerplatonic crush on my friend for a few years.

I want to tell them but I'm autistic and really struggle expressing myself clearly.

I don’t want to scare them or let them think I'm alloromantic and want anything sexual with them.

They are really important to me and I think about them very often but our relationship is ambiguous.

The moments we spend together are very intense but infrequent because we live far apart and have difficulty communicating smoothly via messages.

So I can't really talk to them about it now. I think writing a letter that I would hand-deliver to them would be the most appropriate approach.

BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

Everythink seems so chaotic inside me and I'm so scared of loosing them.

I think they already knows what a queerplatonic relashionship is because I told them about my current ones. But I don't think they've ever been in that type of relationship before, and I don't know if they'd be interested.

So I need your help.

I'm looking for examples of queerplatonic crush declaration messages. What terms do you use to avoid sounding alloromantic? Do you have any advice?

(Thank you for reading, I apologize for my poor level of English, it is not my native language.)