r/queerplatonic

Hi everyone, sorry if this is a bit of a ramble.

Basically, I (18 agender) think I've had alterous feelings for my best friend (18M) since September of last year but I've only recently learned about queerplatonic relationships and alterous attraction (literally figured it out a few weeks ago). Part of me really wants to tell him because a QPR would be amazing, but at the same time I don't necessarily want/need things to change and it feels nice just having a word for how I feel at this stage. Though, I'm not sure if it's disingenuous to continue acting as "just" best friends when there's clearly something more, at least on my end.

I know he's aware of what queerplatonic relationship are but I'm not exactly sure to what extent he's researched into them and I'd rather not ask so he doesn't come to any conclusions before I'm ready to tell him.

I honestly have no idea what to do so please let me know if you have any suggestions!

I’m just curious and want to know more and if it’s for me or not. I tried a regular romantic relationship and it didn’t work out for me at least, broke up with my ex 50ish days ago. I’m just asking because I want to know more and if I should get into one with one of my friends. I like aspects of romantic relationships, for example, holding hands, cuddling etc. Anyways thanks for reading my post :)

I want someone who encapsulates the idea of being my everything

And when I say "my everything", I don't mean someone who does everything I want them to

I mean someone who's just as flexible in their sexuality as I am. Someone who's just as flexible in their gender as I am

Someone who truly wants to be my partner, best friend, sibling, parent, son, daughter, etc.

And someone who's matches my flexibility when It comes to kink and BDSM

I know it's gonna be difficult to find a partner like that because there's always something that someone may not be open to

But overall, I just want someone who's just as adaptable in expressing their love as I am

I don't want someone to match EVERYTHING, but at least a majority

Ive recently been making some strides to connect a bit more with my QPP. While we always get along well and have fun together, Ive noticed some tentpole priorities for me in partnership, QP or otherwise, have shifted over time and those new priorities arent exactly likely to be maintainable and havent been maintained for some while in our QPR (quality time spent, 1 on 1 interactions, etc.) While I could communicate about these priority shifts, I am well aware my QPP has a lot of very real and dear priorities of their own that will conflict heavily with mine. I dont want to see them give their time consuming passions a rest or lessen their broad social circle for my sake, but Id like a partnership of any kind to have more than that lifestyle can possibly provide. I think itd be better to just downshift to friends/besties cos I look for different things under that kind of relationship dynamic.

I guess what Im asking for is a way to broach downshifting a QPR, especially with someone I very infrequently get to see in person.

I recently came out as aroace to myself, and then my girlfriend. We've only been together a month now, so it's still very new and we're tentatively figuring things out.

I just can't tell if I'd be more comfortable in a QPR or as we are now. I'm cupioromantic + demiromantic, so I desire romance, but I don't really feel anything until much later, and right now I think I feel mostly platonic + aesthetic attraction to her. She's my best friend, and it moreso like we're super best friends right now.

How did you know that you wanted a QPR? How does It differ from a romantic relationship for you?

I have a best friend who I've been friends with for over 3 years and a partner who I've been in a close relationship with for a couple of months now

For quite some time I've associated traditional hierarchies that people tend to apply to different relationships

For example:

Romance > Friendship

But nowadays I realize that I love them both equally. Just in different ways

A queerplatonic partner and a best friend are both equally as valid as long term relationships. And I've accepted that as my reality

I just wanted to share this here because I'm tired of applying relationships to this imaginary and arbitrary hierarchy

this is a really messy story but the context is important.

my qpp is someone i was dating for several years, and the romance long since fizzled out on my end and we broke up quite some time ago when i found out i'm aroace. he came around to the idea of being in a qpr after a while and its been this way for a bit and he now thinks he's also aroace

i am autistic and have a cluster-b personality disorder. these things culminate in me having really passionate interests but being really protective of them/my specific interpretation. i've been hyperfixated on dead by daylight (dbd) for a few years now, and have been teaching my qpp how to play

some important extra context is that we have things we do together that are exclusive to us. for example, there was this one show that we watched every single episode as it aired together. even after we broke up and things were a little weird, we only watched the show together. it was our thing

now that being said: he's playing dbd with someone else. not only that, but this someone else also plays the same killer i do. i can't tell if it's that cluster-b gatekeeping i do, but i'm really angry and really jealous. dude — that's our thing. not only is it our thing, but that specific killer is MY thing. i'm proud to call myself a Legion main and i gush about them constantly. my qpp and i always play the event together, if we play it at all (i don't like the events usually but we'll try it together if it interests him). he played the goddamn event with this other person that plays my favorite killer and just. didn't tell me?

it's the "not telling me" is part of what really pissed me off. they mentioned it after the fact offhandedly and that really made me mad. if i had watched that show with someone else and told him absently the next time he asked to watch it with me, he'd be really really upset. he knows i am always up to play dbd and constantly looking for people to play with, and that my first year at uni has just ended and all i wanna do is binge-play dbd. and now he's playing it with some person that i've never even heard him mention before? it's not even like it's a close friend or something

let me put it this way: say there's a meal that you cook exceptionally well. and every time you cook this meal, you invite your friend over to eat it with you because you're proud of it and because they like it. whenever they want to eat this meal, they ask you if you're cooking it. now imagine how you would feel if one random day, they went over to a new friend's house and that friend made them that exact meal (and probably did it better) and your friend didn't even think to tell you.

it HURT. it hurt that, not only did he play MY favorite video game with someone else, but that someone else played my best killer. i'm embarrassed and i'm hurt and i am totally open to being told "hey this is just your personality disorder" or if this is a semi-normal thing in a bond this close

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Hi all i have seen this sub in my feed for a while now. My girlfriend and I are romantically in love but she is a sexual and I'm demisexual and I am starting to get sexual feelings for her which isn't an issue but I just don't know what to do when I get this feelings. We will be cuddling on the couch and I will have to stop cuddling with her and she will ask me if I'm okay. And I will say yeah and make some excuse for not wanting to cuddle. Is there a better way I can handle this. I have already told her that I find her sexualy attractive but I don't know what to do when it happens in the moment