u/suibianwtv

I (W32) identify as asexual (and have been recently questioning my romantic attraction as well) and I have a “friend” who is aromantic.

We have been friends for a while and have lived together for three years. We’re also both immigrants and I feel like that’s relevant here.

A year ago this friend told me that they thought I was the closest they ever got of “loving someone as more than friends” and I told them that I consider them more than a friend to me, they’re like family.

Recently tho they talked to me about this again and said that they felt that our relationship surpasses friendship, that they would like to call me their partner and even said that other terms don’t fit, like girlfriend for instance.

The thing here is: I love them very much, and I totally understand where they’re coming from as they’re aromantic. I am still unsure if I am too or not, as sometimes it feels like I am but others it doesn’t (I just seem to enjoy the idea of romance happening to me more than it actually happening).

We’re closer than my other friends and we share a bond and a life now in ways that surpasses regular roommates/friendship, but I see it as them being my family away from home.

In the end, I feel like we both may have different views on this closeness. They even asked if I would like to hold hands and stuff and I said no (I am very uncomfortable with physical intimacy) and that made me freak out a bit internally cause I don’t know if I am afraid of commitment or if I am uncomfortable with this label for us.

I totally think we would fall under the QPR term, and I am okay with that label, but I don’t know if I view it as more platonic than they do. For instance I am rather okay with them calling me their partner as I feel it’s easier than explaining all the nuances in the relationship, but it also freaks me out a bit cause idk if i’d like to have a romantic relationship with someone in the future and having this term being used now feels too definitive and serious.

Even in my messy romantic attraction identity I know for a fact I don’t feel romantic attraction to them, it’s purely platonic and I know that’s the definition of the QPR, but them asking if I was okay with holding hands made me question what is their view on it, even if I know they can’t view it as romantic as they’re aro. Idk if I’m making much sense here.

Bottom line is that I’ve been freaking out about this for a couple of days now, I feel like I am probably overthinking it but I was wondering if me feeling odd about this was because I need to make it clear that i view this as a family bond and have the potential of finding a romantic partner in the future (I’m unsure if I want that or not but excluding it feels too harsh now) or if I’m just afraid of commitment and having this relationship being more than regular friendship and giving it a label just freaked me out.

PS: I have a therapist and will bring this over on my next session but I wanted to see what the opinion of people in QPR’s and in the LGBTQIA+ community would be. Thanks in advance!

I (W32) have known I am asexual for years now and I am very comfortable with that, but I had crushes in the past on both men and women so I always viewed myself as pan/bi romantic.

The thing is, the more the time passes, the less interest I am about romantic relationships. I have been to dates before but I have never kissed anyone. I like the idea of it but I never put myself into the situation and I actually actively avoid it.

I also am very uncomfortable with physical touch of any kind. I got used to hugging people bc I come from a culture where that is the norm when greeting others (I’m brazilian), but I hate holding hands, I freeze up when my friends lean on me to rest and feel awkward about it the entire time and I don’t like when people are too close to me.

The only person I like being close to is my younger sister and that’s literally it. Sometimes it’s okay with a few selective friends who I know for certain don’t view me in any shape or form as a possible partner. But even then is rare that I seek it out.

The more I think about it tho the more I don’t know where I stand… When I picture myself being in a romantic relationship it kinda makes me feel weird, in the sense that I absolutely will not want to be affectionate in public and I wonder if I would even be okay with only in private.

Everything just sounds better and nicer in theory, inside my head and there’s days that I feel like I want a romantic relationship but as soon as I think about actually being with someone outside of my head it freaks me out. Makes me a bit uncomfortable.

Now I am doubting if I’m just aroace or something under the aro spectrum.