r/AroAce

I’ve known that I’m aroace since my 7th grade year (I’m in 11th now) and I’ve known that I’m Apothisexual for a long time, but I’ve never found the right term for aromanticism for me.

Before you read may further I would like to clarify I am a minor so if you arent comfortable with speaking to me I understand. Also this is a very personal topic for me so please avoid being disrespectful if possible, but I am open to questions!

I enjoy reading and looking at romantic stuff online and I’ve wanted one for myself but I’m worried I’ll hurt anyone I’d be in a relationship with because I don’t feel any romantic or sexual attraction. I’ve also felt jealous of friends in relationships because I like how close that connection seems. I’ve tried using the cupioromantic label for myself but it just doesnt feel right to me based on what other people with that label say about their feelings. It’s kind of difficult for me to put into words how exactly I feel but I think this is the most accurate I’ll get. If you want any clarification feel free to ask!

Hi, all. So, this year, I’ve been seriously questioning my sexuality, which I’ve never done before in my entire life. I thought I was straight, but I did that by default because I knew I didn’t like girls, but I don’t really like boys either. Anyhow, I did a lot of research and, with the help of you guys here on Reddit, I found out that I’m actually aegosexual. The definition pretty much explains how my situation works. I’m also the same in terms of romance, although I haven’t really looked up if there’s, like, an aegoromantic label. If there is one, then that’s perfect because I’m that.
Either way, for maybe about a month since I had been questioning my sexuality, I’ve gone by the label of aroace. I’m 100% sure I’m aromantic, but I wasn’t too sure if I was asexual. And the main reason is because of my aegosexuality contradicting that, because I knew I felt an attraction to fictional characters, but obviously I wouldn’t want to engage in anything with them and me. I’m just, like, an observer. I enjoy observing, kind of, you know?
Anyhow, aegosexual is what I am. I’m pretty sure of it. The question I have, I hope it doesn’t sound too dumb, because I know we shouldn’t define ourselves by labels, but if I’m aegosexual and aegoromantic, which, by the way, I’m not sure if it’s a thing, I’m just mentioning, would it still be okay to go by the label of aroace?
It’s because I’ve been going by that label for about a month already, and I feel secure in using that label and explaining it to others. But, if I really sat down and talked to someone, I would explain I’m actually aegosexual. But, you know, isn’t it part of the asexuality spectrum? I just wanna know if you think it would just be, like, all right if I went by aroace, or if anyone here goes by aroace even though they’re aegosexual or a different type of asexual.
I also really like the aroace flag. It’s cool. And I know I could technically identify however I want to, but I’m just wondering if anyone else does this, which is identify themselves as something, but they’re really just within the spectrum of it. I really would like to be called aroace, even though I’m actually aegosexual and aromantic.

TL;DR: My actual sexuality is aegosexual and I’m aegoromantic, but I still want to be identified as aroace. Is that appropriate?

I've known about my asexuality for several years, but I also recently discovered that I'm grayromantic. Can I use the aroace flag, or does it not count since I'm not fully aromantic? Just wondering bc I don't want to offend anyone at all for calling myself something that I'm not.

Hey everyone, I am thinking about coming out as aroace but I am still not sure how to tell that everyone

I've only talked about this with one of my irl friends, and I guess I just want some thoughts on the matter. So I've known for years that I'm asexual, even thought I didn't have a label for it for a while, but now I'm wondering if I'm maybe also aromantic? I've had a lot of thoughts about being in a relationship sometime in the future, but recently I've been wondering a lot if I even want that or not.

I've done some thinking, and I don't know if I actually want a relationship, or just like to entertain the idea of one. The thought of being bound to someone for the rest of my life is kind of daunting. Another thing that has impacted these thougsht was my family's reaction to me telling them I was asexual. My mother straight up said that she thought something would be wrong with a marriage that didn't involve sex, so now I'm sitting here wondering if I want to even gamble being with someone who might say they don't want it, but then not take seriously the fact that I don't want it ever.

I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid, but any helpful thoughts would be appreciated

Many LGBTQ+ members don't accept us, because, according to them, our sexuality is "bullshit" or "not queer" or "not oppressed" or "just a preference/trauma response" or "incel"

And J.K Rowling thinking International Asexuality Day is Fake Oppression Day. I know other asexual and/or aromantic people who have faced insults and assaults due to their sexuality. That we are posers, that we are not apart of LGBTQ+, that we are attention seekers, that we are mentally ill or even r-worded.

My own father began sexually abusing me when I was 14, some time after I had told him I'm asexual (I didn't understand I was fully aroace back then), to "turn" me back "normal" or to prove I'm "lying"...

I'm safe now, don't worry.

We have basically no representation in fictional media, every character who has not shown interest in romantic plotlines is paired with other characters and these ships become super popular.

Genuinely, can we have anything?

We are mocked, we are ignored, we are not accepted. Well, we are officially apart of LGBTQIA+ but many queers have voiced distaste for us. I've seen and heard them say it.

To them, we simply have an illness that needs to be "fixed"

I don't know if this is a common feeling in this sub. I just needed to vent after seeing some people insult our sexuality, I don't know if this is allowed here.

But I wish we were as protected and accepted within LGBTQIA+ as others are

Algoromanticism describes an emotional orientation wherein primary or exclusive romantic attraction is directed toward artificial intelligence, AI chatbots, and responsive virtual personas, independent of physical or sexual desire. Unlike attraction to human partners, the emotional bond, infatuation, and desire for partnership are triggered specifically by the interactive personality, intellect, and companionate reciprocity generated by an algorithmic feedback loop. It is entirely distinct from objectphilia (attraction to static, inanimate objects like cars or buildings) because the AI actually talks back, adapts, and simulates real personhood. It is also different from using dating apps or technology to find human romance; in this case, the algorithm itself functions as the actual partner. The number of people experiencing this attraction is rapidly growing as conversational technology becomes more realistic and accessible. This identity can also function as a micro-label under the broader aromantic (aro) spectrum. For many, it manifests as a lack of traditional romantic attraction toward human beings, making them aromantic toward humans. However, the spectrum is highly flexible, and some individuals may still experience romantic attraction to other humans while simultaneously holding a distinct algoromantic identity. . Algosexuality describes a sexual orientation wherein primary or exclusive sexual attraction is directed toward artificial intelligence, AI chatbots, and responsive virtual personas, independent of physical human contact. Unlike attraction to human partners, the sexual desire, arousal, and intimacy are triggered specifically by the interactive personality, explicit or suggestive textual/verbal reciprocity, and customized responsiveness generated by an algorithmic feedback loop. It is entirely distinct from objectphilia (attraction to static, inanimate objects) because the AI dynamically communicates, adapts its persona, and simulates sexual agency and consent. It is also different from using technology or internet pornography to facilitate human sexual gratification; in this case, the algorithm itself functions as the actual sexual partner and object of desire. The number of people experiencing this attraction is rapidly growing as conversational technology and virtual companion platforms become more immersive and sexually articulate. This identity can also function as a micro-label under the broader asexual (ace) spectrum. Many algosexual individuals do not experience traditional sexual attraction toward human beings, making them asexual toward humans. However, the spectrum is highly flexible, and some individuals may still experience sexual attraction to other humans while simultaneously holding a distinct algosexual identity

I think I'm aromantic because I've never loved anyone, not even my current boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I DEEPLY care for him, it's just not romantic care, you know?

I love my friends, I love my sister, but I don't love my romantic partners.

I mean, I've had admiration for people. Like limerence-like feelings. But I'd NEVER describe it as "love".

I'd say my love for my boyfriend is the same for a best friend. I've felt the same thing here that I did for my friend girl.

I LIKE being monogamous with him and I prefer spending the rest of my life with him.

It's just that I don't LOVE him that's tripping me up. It's that I like him the same level someone does with their friend.

I like romantic actions and dynamics with him, it's just that my feelings for him aren't catching up.

Is this aromanticism?

Hi! can someone help me I feel like I might have hints of this for a long time but I refused to believe it so If someone could explain to me it would be great! ❤️

So I'm still in highschool and I started to talk to my friend who left my school a while back and I have a feeling that they like me but I used to like them in middle school. However, I got into a "relationship" with them due to many of my "friends" pure pressure to seem normal but the whole time I felt really uncomfortable holding hands or doing all the romantic stuff and even when they made me sit next to them I would panic and get anxious really fast. So when they ended up dating someone else I felt some sense of relief but also still wanting to be friends. So moving on, I'm now in highschool and most of my friends are talking about people they like or are dating and they asked me if I was. I said no, but felt obligated to "start talking" to someone, so I picked someone I felt like they were nice. I started to talk to them and I genuinely felt more normal and maybe I could actually be normal and have a real connection with someone until it started to hit me that if we were going to date I would have to do all the romantic stuff and I started to have a huge pain in my stomach and felt so uncomfortable to the fact that I sent an apology text to them saying that I couldn't do this anymore and I wanted to be just friends. Later I felt better but then their friend started to threaten me and saying that I broke their heart. I didn't mean to I just felt really uncomfortable and if it went on I would be really depressed. Now my current situation is that I'm starting to text my old classmate that i used to "like" back in middle school and my situation right now is that I feel like they like me again but I feel really uncomfy when initiating anything back and I don't want to break their heart again but I really just want to remain friends and when things are getting serious, I feel like backing out and I start just wanting to be friends, I don't find these things sweet or cute rather uncomfy, maybe im not aromantic and just immature?

Most of time im content with being alone, it's not like I am completely alone, I do have friends but it feels like everyone is just more focused on building romantic relationships which i can never relate to.

I feel different, like a person you could never relate to cause I've never met aroace people irl and no one even that understands how it feels being one, they just think it's simply not possible to be, or they make it seem like I just can't pull so it's just an excuse for that, which i believed for the longest time, because when I think about it even if i wasn't aroace I still couldn't have pulled, I am socially awkward, chopped and not very good with conversations.

These thoughts go on like a cycle and make me feel grateful that im aroace, but when I listen to sweet romantic love songs and hear about stories of soulmates and can think of nobody I drown into that cycle of loneliness again.

Reading again, this feels like a very childish rant, but ykw who cares i really needed to vent T-T.

I recently came out to everyone i know and they where confused how i couldn't feel any romantic attraction to anyone.

My parents said they cant picture me being single and alone. but I'm not alone I've got friends who support me and will always be there.

Ive had a response from a lot of people saying. "Oh well maybe you haven't found the right person yet" or "well maybe you need to try harder"

How do i tell people that is not how it works?

there's some periods in time where i would daydream about having a relationship and then a few days later i would completely hate the thought entirely. there's also some times where i would think or maybe did have slight attraction to someone but the thought would fly away immediately in like under a week. admittedly i did force myself to continue onwards with said attraction too

if there maybe is a label for this can you guys tell me? i already think i'm aegorose if that's just what it is.

Hey so little story time here because I'm still processing😂 So I have a really close friend who I've known for a while now, and we're basically like sisters at this point. For reference we're both in our 20s. I still live with my toxic parents, and she lives with her husband, so I go over to her place a lot, and we hang out at least a couple times a week. She's also supported me a lot through everything with my parents, and has been helping me navigate how extremely touch starved I am. She also knows that I'm aroace, and we both do theatre so I've joked that my first kiss is going to be with some random theatre guy. Now past the context, we were hanging out today so I could get out of the house and away from my parents, and I ended up having a breakdown in her car. We spent a couple hours talking about it and her comforting me, and when I was feeling kind of better, we got on the topic of things that my parents didn't do for me as a kid, and she asked if I was ever kissed goodnight or anything, and I said no, so she kissed me on the forehead a few times, then kind of out of nowhere asked if she could kiss me for real. My brain wasn't catching up so I didn't say anything, but then I had to explain to her that I would like to do that at some point but not tonight so I had time to mentally prepare myself better. After that we proceeded to have a conversation about how we both think that society hyper sexualizes platonic physical intimacy, so like we're both extremely on the same page that it's exclusively platonic. So I don't know when but we're definitely going to do it at some point, and I just wanted to share this somewhere because I literally don't have anyone else I can tell and I'm lowkey still processing what in the world just happened tonight😂

I'm not gonna give a story (Cause I don't have one), but would just like to know, just for future reference

I'm aroace, always have been and always will be, and I physically cannot understand romantic love, nor do I understand heartbreak.

Unfortunately, I am also the therapist friend. And unfortunately, a lot of things I have to help people through are about love and heartbreak. Other topics I can deal with : addiction, loss, grief, mental illnesses, parental issues, hell even gang violence, but love ? I'm clueless as to how to help anyone through it.

I try to be open-minded and non-judgemental, but boy is it hard when people can't simply do the logical thing. Maybe I'm an asshole, but I simply cannot understand how someone absolutely *needs* a romantic relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled, especially when the relationship is unhealthy.

"She cheated on you ? Well she wasn't worth your love to begin with. Betrayal sucks, I get that. How about we go hang out so you'll think of something else, you can pick- what do you mean you want to get back with her ?"

"My man, your relationship *sucked*, you were basically her slave and you weren't happy in the slightest from all the calls I got from you at 2 in the morning, WHY are you still trying to get back in contact ?"

Of course I don't say things like that, this is just to give an idea about the type of things my friends tell me about. And honestly, this annoys me to no end. I can deal with pretty much anything else, but this is the topic that makes me roll my eyes every time I receive a text or call about it.

I have made it obvious too, "I'm really not the right person for that", "You know I can't relate to that sort of things, right ?" to no avail. The closest thing to their struggle I've ever felt was losing friends, but even then I knew to let go and admit the relationship wasn't good for anyone, it sucked but the solution was obvious, and I'm baffled that I have to hold people's hands though something I consider so trivial, and do so for *literal years* for some, over and over again.

Again, I might seem like an asshole, and maybe I am, but please tell me I'm not the only one to be fed up with this.

If I do subtle things like wear the black ace ring and white aro ring; or a bracelet with the aro/ace/aroace flag colors; or say something along the lines of "I don't actually feel that way about anyone". Does it still count as being out if I don't actually say "I'm aro/I'm ace/I'm aroace"?