r/AroAce

Hello, I am questioning my sexuality and found that I might identify myself as aro/ace. However, I’m not sure of the definition of aro/ace community, and want to clarify so that I don’t have the wrong definition and be that “one person”. So, here is my idea of what it is to be aro/ace, and please correct me and feel free to shame:

To be aromantic is to experience little to none of romantic affection, and like other sexuality's, Is on a spectrum. To be asexual is to have no sexual attraction or desire for sex. Again, on a spectrum. Aro/ace have platonic love, and can still be attracted romantically and in a relationship.

I probably won’t reply anytime soon, sorry in advance, but I would be very grateful for respon. Thanks!

For those of you who are in relationships: How do you actually take the leap and say 'let's be partners' when you feel absolutely zero romantic attraction or sexual desire beforehand? What goes through your mind?

Also, aren't you afraid of disappointing them or lying to them since you don't feel that 'spark'?

And for the guys, aren't you terrified of failing during intimacy? Like, how do you even get an erection or make it work when the desire isn't there?

How do you make that move and deal with all these worries? Curious to hear your stories!"

I don't feel any sexual or romantic attraction, but I feel a tremendous emotional attraction, and I'd like to have a girlfriend, but only to love me, hold hands, and cuddle without sex. I want to remain alone; I don't want us to live together. I want to live my life alone, but I just want to be loved and valued and accepted.
That makes me a crazy person who has no pity and is selfish.

Hey everyone.

Ever since I can remember I've never fallen in love, I'm not even sure what that feels like. And I've never had a realtionship of any kind except friendships. I also never wanted one or felt that I was missing something. I've never had sex, never kissed anyone and was always uncomfortable when someobe showed romantic or sexual interest in me.
Because of that I always considered myself aroace.

I've known my friend since about 2021 and we became best friends pretty quickly because we share so many interests and we match so well with our personalities.
And during the years since then everything was normal. But a couple months ago I felt like my feelings towards him were starting to change. I can't really describe it, I just feel more for him and feel the want to be closer to him.
But I just ignored it until today. Last night I had a dream of us holding hands and cuddling. Sounds corny I know. I'm usually not one for physical contact and I don't feel like I want to be sexually intimate. But still this dream shocked me this morning.

And now I'm so scared I might be actually in love with him romanticaly and I don't want to feel like this.
I don't want a relationship, I just want to go on like before.

I'm so damn scared and lost and I don't know how to handle this.
Do I tell him? Should I try and bury these feelings? Do I distance myself?

It doesn't matter if the character is aroace to be able to be shipped or not. Not all aro(/)ace people dont wish to date and not all are repulsed by the idea of doing so. What actually matters is how the representation of the characters' sexuality is showed. For example, i feel its fine to have a demiace character show sexual attraction sometimes. Heck, even an aromantic character should be able to hold hands and blush a bit (not a lot, added this because some aro people still feel a tad of romantic attraction). A lot of people ive encountered seem to think aro(/)ace characters should be allergic to being shipped with anyone! I disagree and think its okay to have ships like this from time to time.

Also this excludes aus where the character has a different sexuality. Tho as long as it's mentioned it's an au, i think its okay. People who dislike this type of aus should scroll past and additionally block.

Hope I worded well, sorry for any mistakes!

would i still be classed as aroace if i find men attractive but i never wanna be in a relationship or do anything intimate? because for a while I've just labelled myself as aroace but recently I've realised that I find men attractive. im just not really sure if this is classed as being aroace or gay (im male btw) (also idk what flair tk put here)

So I posted back in November on this subreddit about my ex (who was my current bf at the time) saying that I was uncomfortable dating him because, well, I discovered I was on the aroace spectrum and I was in fact not in love with him. (Or at least I didn’t want the type of relationship he wanted). I broke up with him and everything went fine (at least for me) and we‘re still close friends even though I’m always a bit uneasy when I’m alone around him.

Several weeks ago, after school, he sent me this message : « You looked beautiful today. »

I must state, before anyone asks, that during the time of our relationship he maybe complimented me once or twice but never something so straight to the point. And I made it clear that there was no chance of going back together.

This compliment might seems a bit strange but nothing abnormal. However it ruined my mood because of one specific thing :

It was the very first time since like a year that I was wearing a low-cut shirt (nothing too revealing but enough to be something I almost never wear because, as an enby, it makes me uncomfortable).

Besides the fact that it triggered my dysphoria, it made me ask one question : why did he tell me this the exact same day I wore this type of shirt ?

So is it because I’m aroace so it bothers me or is it something actually creepy ? Did that ever happened to you ?

So um (this is super embarrassing to write)

But uhhh I'm aroace,fem. And I've never understood sex...

Like if you suck, lick, or enter a vulva/penis,, that's where urine comes out from!.

If you eat/enter a anus,that's where feces comes from!..

Like what????

I just “discovered” I’m aro ace (literally 3 or 4 days ago). I always had a feeling, but I never really thought about it. I took an online quiz, and the whole time I was thinking this quiz is so dumb. I was trying to learn more about myself, and it kept asking if I’m asexual. I was getting irritated and about to quit but then it posed a question that said I would feel relieved if I never had sex again, and I observed my own body select highly agree. That question totally changed everything. I realized I’ve been living my life bracing for the next unwanted sexual encounter 😭 I finished the quiz feeling pretty good, and I scored high on the possibility of being asexual. Since I studied science for AS, I took another quiz at a different website. Then another. All saying the same thing. I explored all possibilities because it was a game-changer for me. It’s been totally shocking but also so freeing. I’m not living defensively anymore 😭. Anyway, what was the realization like for you if you have similar experience like I did. And I just wanted to say hi 👋🏾 and thank you for having me!!

I know no one cares, but I figured out I'm not aro, just ace

Interested to know if you are in a QPR, if you’re career focused or found likeminded people?

I (23f) am currently wondering what the future holds for me which is daunting but also exciting. My friends and family are dating, getting married or making future plans like moving away and I would love to know what options you have found since we aren’t living a completely traditional route, we’re making our own path!

My plans roughly are to foster, be a cool aunt, have a rewarding career, keep my hobbies on the side, and I’m am curious about QPRs if that’s your route you’ve taken (heard about them in theory, want to hear them in practice)

I saw a post on Instagram that talked about ani-Black racism within the AroAce spec community and how this Person's race interacts with their Sexuality, so I'd love to read about yall's experiences with AroAce intersectionality.

I'll start! I'm a demirose Trans-man and mentally ill/ disabled (depending on if you see my diagnoses as disabling)

I have BPD, ADHD, reoccurrant depressive disorder and currently evaluating (moral) OCD.

**Self perception**

I often wish I was the repulsed type of AroAce instead of demirose, because the idea of me existing in a relationship and having sex feels "wrong". I feel like an inherently wrong or flawed person that's a hazard to anyone wanting to enter an emotionally and logistically close bond with me. Good phases do make me wish I had someone, while bad phases lay bare the fact I cannot logistically handle that stuff. I need absolute silence, I need days of not talking to people and days of not going outside beyond what is necessary.
The funky atypical depression symptom of HEIGHTENED rather than lowered drive make it feel like it would be a form of self harm to engage in sexual activities with another person. I need it "too much" to feel like I'm allowed to have it. Like a nicotine addict refusing to light a cigarette because he knows he'll feel worse afterwards.
My identity is unstable to the point I feel/ come off as different people on different days. I cannot sustain a bond to the same person between these personality switches because they all want something else, and I doubt anyone could sustain attraction to me over an elongated period of time.

I often feel like the way I am makes me "fundamentally undatable/ unfuckable" and I'm grateful for being demi since that makes these thoughts feel less like a "tragedy" but more like a neutral fact.

**other's perception**

I have often been described as too childish or too unstable, so no one can picture me in a relationship. A majority of my dating app matches (back when I still tried) have told me they cannot picture me as more than a friend or cool person to interact with once per sometimes.

I also have a history of attracting equally unstable people who ditch me after the first night because shit starts feeling too real, and no one has ever perceived me as fit for something real. They see me as someone good for a short fun time or as a phase in their lives. Always a variable, never a constant.

I am okay with that, because I have arrived to the same conclusion when using logic and realism.

Hi, I’ve had a lot of relationships, but they never seem to work out, and I’m starting to question myself in every possible way.

I have a really high libido, and I love the idea of sexual pleasure. But every time I actually have sex, it just feels like a chore, especially when I can’t make the other person finish quickly. After a few minutes I get so bored that my mind starts to wander off. I’m there physically, but not mentally.

When I’m in a relationship, I always care deeply about my partner, but I don’t really feel “in love” with them. I love them as a person, and I love taking care of them. But if we’ve been together for more than a month, I start getting annoyed and lose all attraction, even if they never did anything wrong.

One-night stands are the opposite. I get annoyed with the person very quickly and usually send them home right after sex Sometimes I don’t even look at people as actual people, I just see them as someone I want to have sex with.

I’m pretty sure I’m hypersexual, but I think I might also be asexual, aromantic, or even aroace.
(Or maybe I’m just a bad person.)

I’ve read a lot about these topics, but I still can’t figure myself out.

Hi, Ive always lived my life thinking im aro ace. Its not like im repulsed or don’t like it i just dont seek it out im okay with life and i really don’t want to be in a relationship. I have been single for most of my life also.

I'm in a boy's school and seldom see girls, I suspect I am aroace but idk

I do have female friends and have not had romantic thoughts regarding any girls I meet

Give advice pls

So, I'm 17 girl. I have never EVER experienced arousal. It's beautiful thing not being horny but it's still confusing. Like when I watch pron I like "oh... that... That's not what I want to do... or watch."

I still may find 18+ inappropriate things interesting but just in funny way. For example I have favourite hentai. But it's so funny in it's freakness (is it the right word? I hope so) I can't stop laughing every panel.

I think everyone one in this community experienced that but living in a world where sex and romance is THE basic state of humans is a little... confusing and uninteresting.

I LOVE my friends. I LOVE freak-ish things. I LOVE my hobbies. But I will not love a person in a romantic way. I just don't know how it supposed to feel.

I know how to love for something. "Ok. You you respect my personal space and match my vibe and etc? Depending on how well you do it, I will treat you in a certain way. The more the merrier I wanna hang out with you.". It's never butterflies in a belly and it probably never will. It's never "oh, he offended me and doesn't apologise but now we are happy again!" and it probably never will.

Relationship with me is never about love in a romantic way. It's just reflect your "coolness" in my eyes.

I tried to ask AI about that but I think real experience is more valuable and understandable than soulless AI

So I’m romance repulsed, but for some reason I would wish to cuddle or even kiss and things like that but I don’t like that it’s in a relationship… like feeling a connection like that I would like :(