u/M3l0dy-23

So i do have diagnosed OCD, but i put this here since these intrusive thoughts dont have compulsions attached to them and therefore arent caused by my ocd, atleast not yet. Idk.

Recently its been getting more frequent but i have been having recurring intrusive thoughts about purposefully hurting my dog. I have been in the middle of holding her and had an intrusive thought.. borderline urge.. to bend her paw backwards until it snaps. I have had that one multiple times. Pretty sure i have had intrusive thoughts about forcing her jaw open until it dislocates. And i just had an intrusive thought about gouging her eye out and i almost cried because of it. I love my dog dearly, she is my child and i legit have maternal instincts regarding her.. but these thoughts are so distressing and i dont know how to make it stop, i almost wish it was an ocd thing so that way there would be some compulsion i could perform to make the thought go away. Instead im forced to have it in my mind until it goes away on its own. I dont want to hurt my dog, but i have found myself putting the slightest pressure on her paws as if i was gonna snap it, and that makes me feel sick. Is there anything i can do to try and help these intrusive thoughts go away? I dont think i would ever end up actually hurting her, but i have thought the same about other things and i ended up doing them.

Please help this is really emotionally distressing 😥

I didnt know where else to put this but this is in regards to my zucchini so its fine.

(Long rant, tldr my zucchini got in a car accident and possibly tore a ligament in her knee and doctors arent doing squat about it)

So my zucchini (whom ill be referring to as plp or platonic life partner throughout this post) rides an e bike every day to work at the whataburger right by her apartment. On the way home from work she got hit by a car (thankfully not going fast at all). They were both in the wrong as my plp was riding against traffic and the car didnt look to their right before turning, and no one took legal action. The people in the car were really nice and the woman who was driving helped my plp out of the road while the man called 911. My plp wasnt really hurt at the time, more shaken up by the collision.

She went to the ER, was told she had a sprained knee (the knee she just so happened to already have joint issues with) and was discharged that evening.

Alright, bet. I visited her house and brought her a diet coke (she is type 1 diabetic).

Here is where stuff starts going down.

Nothing showed up on her x ray but the doctors said she needed to get an MRI, so she was trying to get the referral expedited, but the doctors wouldnt accept her? Because of the possibility she had an attourney with her.. why would that be an issue? Because it would be more paperwork for the doctors. After being rejected for that my plp and her mom lawyered up because hell no. By this point fluid had started accumulating in her knee, suggesting either a torn meniscus or a torn ligament. She then went to her pcp (primary care provider) to get an mri referral. The pcp was like okay sure im gonna put it down as an emergency. She gets the referral, its put down as routine.. not emergency. She goes back to her pcp to ask what is up with that and the pcp says "oh i couldnt put it as an emergency because there is no bone sticking out" .... ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME?! SHE CAN BARELY WALK!!!! SO ANYWAYS by this point me and her mom both are BEYOND PISSED. She goes back to the ER AGAIN because her knee is getting worse and SHE NEEDS TREATMENT!!! they feel her knee, say its probably a torn ligament and that she needs an MRI.. which we ALREADY KNEW BTW.. and also shes showing symptoms of I N F E C T I O N!!!! so her mom starts helping her take out her piercings for the mri and the nurse is like "oh no you dont need to do that! You need to schedule the mri!!". So they go to schedule the MRI and its set for tuesday this upcoming week... AND THEN AFTER THAT THE FOLLOW UP TO DISCUSS THE RESULTS AND YOU KNOW GET TREATED IS SCHEDULED FOR THE 28TH!!! We are L I V I D. My plp's mom then talks to her new case worker to get like a zoom consultation with an Orthopedic doctor and to get the mri TO BE FRICKING SOONER BECAUSE SHES STILL GETTING WORSE. Thankfully the caseworker has some goddamn common sense. She said he has gotten knee surgery with the people shes being referred to and they owe him favors.. dont know why but cool.

Now it gets really bad.. because with all the bullcrap she has gone through i wouldnt be surprised if more stuff goes wrong.. but if the infection spreads to her bloodstream, SHE CAN GET S E P S I S!!!! WHICH IS FATAL IF NOT TREATED BY THE WAY!!!! AND IT CAN HAPPEN LITERALLY ANY MOMENT!!!! she told me her mom said if she gets sepsis her mom is suing and frankly i am too because IF THIS GIRL DIES FROM EVERYONES INCOMPETENCE IM GONNA NEED SOME COVERAGE FOR MY PSYCHIATRIC WARD ADMISSION!!!!!!!! This girl shouldnt have to be wheeled in on an ambulance with SEPSIS to get some goddamn treatment!!!!!

Im trying not to think too hard about it but theres still a small chance i lose the person who is most important to me, the person i was supposed to build a life with, and if i do lose her i dont know what i will do.

Ive seen pics of them split but couldnt really tell, i just saw people in the comments saying it was. Also if my vfts split do i have to separate them or can they kinda coexist. I would like to eventually have a big pot full of flytrap plants anyways.

My zucchini came over to my house today and it was so fun and we got to cuddle a lot but now that she is gone i feel extremely touchstarved. Its like it triggered it similar to how even if you dont feel an urge of an addiction being exposed to said addiction can bring back the urges. Hate to compare touchstarvation to addiction but thats genuinely how it feels (as someone who has dealt/dealing with some sort of addiction ig idk imposter syndrome go brr) 😭

I just had a bad anger meltdown and started punching walls and doors and stuff until my knuckles split and my hands started trembling..

Just said goodbye to a one month sobriety streak...

I feel so bad because my QPP loves me so much and would be heartbroken if she learned i did this.. i was determined to stay clean for her.

I will start fresh, try again, i know its possible.

This is somewhat of a vent post i guess? About 4 days ago me and my sister both bought venus flytraps, her first one, my second. Apparently she has had one before but killed it. I sent her a detailed care sheet that I WROTE. Today i was watering my plants including my flytraps when i decided to look at hers, the moss was almost bone dry on the top. She hadnt watered her plant SINCE SHE GOT IT!! and i put it in a tray of water for a little bit the other day but had to take it out to give my plant water. I went and found her and told her "hey youre killing your flytrap you need to find a tray to water it in" i even told her a few days ago to find a tray to water it in and she went "okay!" And apparently never did. I have a feeling she is gonna get fed up with the specific (but otherwise fairly simple) care requirements and either kill her plant or pawn it off on me. I will be monitoring her plant and watching for any warning signs, if it starts to die or she fails to read the paragraph of venus flytrap care i will be respectfully asking for ownership of the plant. Like come on 😭

How do i tell my friend that i want to be in a qpr with her.

We are extremely close, like we are both eachothers #1 friend and i love her so friggin much but not romantically and when i found out what a queerplatonic relationship was i realized thats what i felt about her. I want to move in together and have a whimsical house together and have pets together and make dinner for eachother and have movie nights and stuff. I have kinda given up on romance since i dont want to go through a bunch of drama and trying to find the right person only to be disappointed when everyone is lying narcissistic cheaters (can you tell im not a big fan of humans 😭)

We have already expressed interest in moving in together which is a great start but how do i tell her like "hey i cant properly express how i feel about you without it sounding romantic as hell but its not but also i cant even call you my best friend anymore because you mean so much more to me and i want to spend the rest of my life with you not romantically 🫡". Like im really scared she doesnt feel the same and that she just sees me as a best friend and doesnt reciprocate my very intense attachment. Like bro i could not lose her she means more to me than any possible romantic partner ever could. Then again there might be hope, because she has a pinterest board titled "me and them" and she has a bunch of pins saved about like very deep friendship stuff that makes me think maybe she wouldnt be opposed? Anyways how in the world do i tell her ts 😭😭😭

My other friend already knows about this whole situation and shes basically cheering me on and almost 3rd wheeling this situation lmao but yeah pls help me

Today i watched a short video depicting realistic and agressive self harm which caused me to start having the urge to do so myself (the video had a warning for self harm i just ignored it like a dumb idiot) and was starting to get anxiety from it so i was like "okay lets scroll on youtube to find a video to calm myself down and distract myself" so i scrolled for like 5 seconds before a video caught my eye and you wanna know what it was☺️? Huh☺️? You wanna know what video i watch to calm my anxiety and stop my urges to self harm☺️? You do☺️? IT WAS A VIDEO TALKING ABOUT THE RUSSIAN SLEEP EXPERIMENT!!!!!! TELLING THE WHOLE STORY OF THE EXPERIMENT (WHICH IS FICTIONAL) AND THEN SOME REAL WORLD CASES OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION TORTURE AND WHAT IT DID TO THE MIND!!!! LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS _THAT_ IS WHAT CALMED ME DOWN??JESUS CHRIST IM A FREAK 😭

(I have no regrets the video was interesting as hell)