r/intrusivethoughts

Sometimes I get this feeling… that no matter what I do or where I go… I’m always alone. People come into my life and I love them but after a season they’re gone weather I want it or not. And then I’m alone again. Is like they never existed, not in the sense that I don’t miss people, just in the sense that we lose touch. I would never think of reaching out if I need a favour from them because they work at a company I want to join for example. People just… evaporate. Does anyone else experience this?

I’m a 25 year old female, and we were high school sweethearts. Before he left the country for work, he and I had a fight. Ever since he left, he and I have no more communication. The last chat I sent him was the day before he left asking if he had already packed everything and to double check his luggage. And that time, we were already not talking for a week. My message was just delivered, he didn’t read it or replied to it. The only update at most I have on him is his location on find my app. The day before he left the country, I saw him hung out with a friend and it was past midnight. Of course I felt low, that he’d rather spend the little time he has with a friend than me his girlfriend. That rather talking out the fight we had he ignored it. The day he left I was hoping that maybe at least he’ll ask me to come with him to the airport. Only to see he’s already on his way to the airport through the find my app. I didn’t cry, I didn’t message him, I just…didn’t do anything anymore. It’s been a week since he left and he still hasn’t read my last message. So any advice? Should I just end it already? Or just ignore him altogether?

hi i’ve posted in here loads of times with my struggles of POCD but im now experiencing other things too such as cheating thoughts on my partner, sexual thoughts of other boys when i walk past them are these intrusive thoughts or am i just a cheater?

me and my partner was getting it on and as i was about to “finish” i pictured young boys and my daughter’s vagina as i was finishing and i felt so so fking sick to my stomach

my POCD thoughts were ok for a while but now they getting bad again, i have a baby monitor for our daughter and when she is making baby noises or anything like that my brain is telling g me she’s moaning???? when i get those thoughts my stomach drops and i get a weird tightness down in my vagina and my brain is telling me i’m getting turned on like fking disgusting and i’m on the verge of tears writing this because am i just a pedo who wants to believe it’s only POCD or do i have POCD im in therapy atm

but im just so scared because i keep telling myself im a dirty pedo and i just feel so so alone and scared constantly

tia🙏

People often say that after suffering, people become kinder. But I don’t think that is always true. There are many people in real life who suffered a lot and became criminals, filled with anger and revenge. While at the same time, there are also people who suffered a lot, and that same suffering helped them to grow and achieve the greatest heights a person can ever achieve. So in the end, it all depends from person to person.

Suffering is all about perspective because human nature differs for everyone. Some people are full of confidence, while some are underconfident and cannot even reach out to others for help. Some people are extroverted and can ask anyone for advice, while others suffer silently and keep everything inside themselves.

For me personally, suffering is something we can learn from. It is something that helps us grow. It does not mean that we are the only people suffering in this world. Everyone suffers in different ways, even if we cannot see it.

Coal and diamond both come from the same pressure. One stays ordinary, while the other turns into something valuable. I think suffering is similar to that. The pain may be similar, but the result depends upon the person and their mindset.

And suffering is not something that happens only once. You will suffer again and again in life. Problems will continue coming. But if you don’t give up, one day all that suffering may pay off and help you achieve your goals.

At the same time, suffering can also destroy a person. It can make someone kind and mature, or it can create the worst possible personality inside someone. Ultimately, everything depends upon how a person decides to take that suffering and what they choose to do with it.

After a long time of consistency, I finally feel like my body is starting to relax instead of constantly living in survival mode.

The best way I can explain it is this:

It feels like someone who spent years living in a loud city and suddenly moved somewhere quieter. At first the silence feels strange because your nervous system got used to noise, stress, urgency, anxiety, and always being “on.”

I say “for the first time ever” because even as a kid I remember struggling with internal noise, intrusive thoughts, fear, and never really feeling fully calm inside myself.

Lately I’ve been noticing more calm, less anxiety, less internal noise, and a feeling of being more emotionally stable. It still feels unfamiliar at times, but in a good way.

One thing that’s been meaningful for me is that now when intrusive thoughts come, I feel more capable of overcoming them instead of feeling consumed by them. Even something simple like stopping and praying “Father in Heaven” feels stronger and more grounding now.

TRT didn’t magically fix everything overnight, but staying consistent long enough helped my body slowly start feeling safe again.

Also, I don’t really want this post to become an argument about protocols because that’s usually where these conversations go. I’m simply sharing where I currently am in my journey. I’m happy to share general things that helped me personally, but I won’t be sharing my testosterone protocol.

If you’re early in your journey, don’t give up. Real recovery can take much longer than people expect, but the nervous system really can change over time.

This is long, so buckle up… I don’t even know where to start.

There’s this YouTuber who’s 2-3 years younger than me who’s conventionally attractive, and when looking back at old videos or photos or edits, they would use old clips from when he was maybe 16-18 (I’m in my mid 20s), and I remember at times thinking he looked so attractive but young. When I realized his age at the time to confirm, I still felt weird about it and backed off, but yeah… Not sure what this means about me, especially if I find him “attractive” still at that age, but I can’t tell if it’s attraction or just recognizing him as attractive if that makes sense.

I have OCD and struggle with POCD in general. My friend’s young relative spoke on the phone in the background a few weeks ago, and without knowing her age at first but still assuming she was young because it’s his niece, my brain immediately noticed her voice being “attractive” or appealing, and I felt like an absolute monster after learning how young she is (turning 13). Now whenever she’s on the phone in the background, I panic and still don’t know if I find her voice attractive or not, especially because she sounds a lot older than her age. It’s like my brain can’t grasp it fully because all I hear is a voice, but I also struggle with really bad intrusive thoughts, so I can’t even tell anymore. I was on guard the whole time, worried I was flirting with her accidentally or subconsciously by accident, and my brain would be scanning for any inappropriate behaviour on her end as well. I remember searching my friend’s following list to see if I could see a photo of her and get over it so my brain could confirm if I’m attracted or not. Now I feel even weirder for THAT. I recently saw her on video for a split second, and my stomach dropped because she is pretty (I mean that in the least creepy way possible, just objectively speaking), and I immediately thought, “Oh, great. This is confirmation.” But it also registered to me how young she really is, especially the more I listen to her talk, due to immaturity. I still feel uneasy and on guard all the time to scan my reactions, even if I have no intent or desire. I feel like a danger around kids, even though I’d never actually do anything with one.

I once saw random edits of a TV character (Agnes from Wednesday) who was around 16 at the time, and I couldn’t tell if I was attracted to her or not or if I just recognized her as being pretty. I still think she’s very pretty, but I feel weird seeing videos of her. I can’t fully remember, but I think I got a groinal response at the time (you can Google what that is in OCD), and I can’t remember if I was thinking sexually or not. I do remember trying to solve it though by checking and scanning every feeling. When I’m calm, it feels like just recognizing her as pretty, but other times, it feels like I could actually be attracted to her or am panicking and thinking I am just because I find her pretty. This happens a lot when I’ll be scrolling TikTok or something and a “cute” or “pretty” kid pops up. My brain will randomly say, “They’re so fine,” without even being able to think, which leads me to compulsively checking if it’s true attraction or not. There have been times where I genuinely can’t tell the difference.

I also get random thoughts of things I used to do as a kid and sometimes wonder, like curiosity about certain things I used to do in a projecting type of way around them, which makes me question if I’d want that, makes me test my reactions, etc., turning it into a whole mental checking thing that makes me not even know what’s real anymore. I feel like my mind goes to dark places, but half of them don’t even feel like me because they go against my morals. I can’t even tell if they’re intrusive thoughts or just curiosity. I literally don’t know or trust anything anymore. But if it’s curiosity without any desire (I THINK?). I still don’t know what that means.

Another thing is with my partner. I would get random thoughts like, “If he were into that stuff, would you still love him?” and mentally checking if I would, sometimes feeling okay with it and calm, sometimes panicking, sometimes feeling what feels like actual desire and being genuinely turned on at times, etc., especially when I read an old joking comment we made a few months ago while scrolling back in the chat. It was like a surge of adrenaline because I was already on guard, but it felt like genuine arousal. I get a lot of random thoughts like, “What’s the big deal?” about certain things I can’t name, but then immediately argue with my thoughts as well. I have a lot of trauma from growing up, so I tend to gravitate towards wanting to be taken care of/babied sometimes, liking being seen as his little one, which makes me lean into the whole DDLG dynamic. I think my brain might be associating the taboo thoughts with myself and how he views me, if that makes sense. I still feel like a creep if I want him to see me that way, but I think it’s a trauma thing?

I really have no idea what any of this means. I feel like I need to be locked away, but I also struggle with a lot of different OCD themes as well. I just can’t tell the difference anymore.

Ok hello I am 18F and a senior in highschool. So for a while since January 2025 I’ve been suffering from what I feel is POCD. But now I’m just not really sure anymore. Basically back in December 2025 a week before I turned 18 so I was 17, I saw a tik tok edit about old Disney channel childhood crushes and I just wanted to feel normal in the moment so I was just like in my head “yea omgg jack brewer from kickin it.” I found him attractive at 14 when I was a freshman. So basically I just searched up Jack brewer on tik tok and there’s was of course a bunch of edits. Some clips in those edits tho he seemed young like 14/15 so I was afraid of that. But I brushed it off and ignored it but i felt attraction to those clips so I was anxious and went and searched up the age the actor was in those clips and it said 14/15 and I was grossed out like I’m pretty sure I said “oh eww” so I went back to those edits but it still felt like I was attracted to those clips but like i wasn’t taking it serious you know and I kept testing and checking and searching up the age and it still felt like I was attracted to him in those clips he would’ve been 14/15. But like I said for some reason I didn’t take any of this seriously. Like I just told myself something like “it’s just a old Disney channel crush who cares it’s not that big of a deal” and like I had seen people in those comment sections of Jack brewer edits you know who found him attractive when they were younger acting like “yea little me had taste” or just like I guess skimping over him? But to me i was like “well he was their childhood crush so I guess it’s not that big of a deal.” Anyways after that I just didn’t take the attraction seriously so I just clicked off tik tok. I wanted to go with my mom and brothers to their basketball practice so I could be calm and not panic but my brothers didn’t want me to so I stayed home. While at home while about to take a shower I began to panic and reflect on what I’d done earlier about Jack brewer. I panicked and began to cry and started getting mad at myself like “what’s wrong with you” “why didn’t you take it seriously” “Does this mean I am most definitely a pedo and don’t have POCD.” I can’t really remember what happened after but I think I tried calming down by saying “it’s just a Disney channel crush” but at the same time I’m like “that dosent matter it’s a real person.” After all this I went to school and yada yada yada but the more I thought about it it felt like that situation reassured me that all the POCD intrusive thoughts and feelings are fake. It’s so weird like it confirmed to me that I was ok. So after that I felt ok you know because it didn’t feel real. And after a while like a few weeks I went and searched jack brewer tik toks to check and I felt nothing. Like even right now because I just recently went and checked I feel no attraction to those clips of 14/15 year old Jack brewer that I felt or thought I felt to. But now I just feel weird because how can attraction like that just change? Am I pedo? Was I overthinking and that attraction was never real? Please someone help

I ‘22m’have been dating my girlfriend ‘22f’for about seven months but we’ve been sleeping together for about 9. I love this girl more than anything like a type of love I didn’t know was possible. Before we started dating we discussed body counts and stuff like that mine is in the 10s and hers is somewhere in 20-30s. She told me this and I never really payed any mind to it. Recently we talked about it again and I already knew the stuff she told me which was that she was sexually assaulted at a young age and never had much respect for herself and lacked a male figure in her life so she looked for validation through sex. Shes also told me that being with me has changed her view on sex and how emotional and how meaningful it is. The thing is with us talking about this the number has been bothering me. It’s not so much I’m worried that she’s been with better it’s just I care about her so much it hurts to think about her past. Is this an insecurity that I need to work on? Is this something that I can even get over or get past?

There is a theory, called Quantum Mechanics, that you might have heard your middle school science teacher talk briefly about. The theory is that, for those who don't know, if you make a choice between two options, then an alternate version of you in an alternate universe made a choice contradicting what you chose. For example, if you chose to eat an apple, instead of a banana, than the alternate version of you, chose to eat the banana, instead of the apple. (Hold onto your hats, kids. This shit will get deep and mind-blowing).

Going based off of this theory, that means that anything that exists in this universe does not exist in another universe, and vice versa. So, my add-on to this theory, is that since in this universe, fictional worlds (Like the Hellaverse from Hazbin Hotel and Helluva boss, or The Middle Earth) are fake in this world, they aren't really fake, because in another universe, they exist. Which means, that hypothetically, in theory, we could travel to these alternate universes and live amongst cartoon characters. I know it sounds crazy, and, well, it is, let's be real, but I truly believe in it.

Think about it this way. If our universe has not invented time travel, that means, in another universe, time travel does indeed exist, and might even be a normalized thing. Its a wild theory, I know, but I'm not done. I believe, that just by us talking about this theory, that means that this theory is true in another universe. Basically, anything we come up with, rather it be a lie, art, a book, a movie, a fan made character, that means that since it is fictional here, it is indeed real in another universe.

Now, to be real, all of this is speculation from me, a guy who spends most of his time on his computer and probably spends way too much time pondering bullshit. But, think about it. Even Stephen Hawking, one of the smartest men to have ever lived, truly believed in infinite universes. And, if the universes are infinite, that means any and all possibilities, no matter how stupid or absurd it is, does exist in that universe as a fact. Meaning that, theoretically, the Mario universe is real. The MCU is real. The DC universe is real. All of it. Any possibility or story or anything that has ever been thought of, exists in another universe as a reality.

Now, here is part two of this theory, and this is when some crazy shit starts being talked about.

Now, if your brain hurts, I don't blame you. I could barely write this theory because of how confusing and hard it is to explain.

So, we established the theory of mine. Let's assume that theory is true. That means that, theoretically, someone has the technology in another universe to travel to ours. Meaning that, theoretically, we could visit fictional realities as real realities! Meaning that we could indeed, for instance, meet Doctor Strange or the Avengers, because in that universe, they have the power to travel across the multiverse. A multiverse, might I add, that includes us! The world beyond the screen! The screen is just a barrier blocking us from physically entering fictional worlds. And yes, I know that that movie was made with special effects, but as I established earlier, in one reality, Doctor Strange is a real dude who is not played by an actor. And, since Doctor Strange can travel realities, he could travel to our universe. And if we figured out how to travel realities, we could travel to his!

Take, for instance, Helluva Boss. They use a book to travel realities. They move in between realities on a daily episodic basis! Meaning, that they could access our world, the one we are currently living in!

Rick and Morty! Another good example. They travel the universe episodically! Meaning that they have the technology to travel here! If they traveled here, we could learn from their technology and we ourselves could learn how to travel universes!

The possibilities are truly endless. Like this post if you agree, or at the very least understand, my theory. And thank you for taking the time to read this brain ache of a theory.

nothing is stopping me. i’ve got quite the collection going, but i know it’s not nice. i especially gravitate towards political signs of any sort. i’ve been doing it for a couple months now, and i have collections spanning counties, cities, and states. any tips to control the compulsion? when i see one it’s like i’ve gots to get it, don’tcha think? great jiminy’s ghost, i gotta get better. piece!

broads-love2

(f15) i’m white, just for context, and any time i see a black person, my brain says the n-word. obviously, i don’t like this thought, and its not actually what i think about black people. i don’t know if my brain’s trying to direct the word at the person, or if it’s just because of the link between black people and that word, but my brain still says it nonetheless. i hate it so much. the only time ive ever said it out loud was when i was singing along to a rap song and it slipped out by accident, and i felt so bad i cried. i don’t hate black people, in fact, i deeply respect and appreciate everything they contribute to the world, such as music, fashion, food, etc. i admire and support black people, and that’s why i want to stop having this thought. is there any way i can condition my brain to stop thinking this? i feel incredibly guilty every time, and i beat myself up about it.

thank you, and please, if you can, offer advice/tips in the comments.

Submissive/small penis men are like factory farmed meat. Women(people) won't stop eating burgers but they find the cows they come from to be cute and adorable. See, there is this disconnect that happens when someone sees the burger on their plate next to the animal it originates from. Suddenly most people are less interested in the meat because of empathy. You'll see the same behavior with small penis men. Women will be friendly and find you cute in a submissive/inferior type of way and then they will "eat you" as they see fit. Sometimes they take a bite here and there, sometimes they try to eat you whole. But either way, this is a true dichotomy between a woman's biological urges and her logical reasoning.

When I say "eat" I really mean being used for their own benefit/leeched. I think it is really important for women to have a harem of submissive men that like them but they don't like back. I think it helps a woman leech the inferior's energy in order to make her energy more appealing. Curious if anyone else has had thought of this comparison?

(f19) I have been have intrusive thoughts about death for the past 2 months, its been annoying and scary for no reason i know it can be normal but thinking about it everyday isnt. no matter what , whenever death is mentioned I cant stop thinking about when, how, why we die or what happens after. My boyfriend has told me its because i dont believe in anything, im not religious but ive told him it wont help me because it wont stop me from dying. Its sadder when i think of my loved ones dying. I know we are born to die and we should live life to the fullest i dont needa hear that bull crap in the nicest way. But the real problem its made me more anxious about my life how i am able to die whenever, i think about dementia , now i play memory games scared of it happening to me. I am scared i have breast cancer so i am always feeling my boobs and checking the symptoms, I am scared i have a std when my boyfriend of 7 months have had protected or no sex, i have a fear of being pregnant as well and harming my body without knowing, im scared of being in the car sometimes because we might crash, my driving has stopped progressing and i have to focus harder , my boyfriend has been helping me be confident again but it all goes back to the fear of death. And i wonder if this is ocd? I remember watching a yt video and the youtuber saying how she has ocd and the signs were familiar, i hate to self diagnosed thats why im on here if its something i should worry about or if its just intrusive thoughts. I have bad anger issues at times , not crazy but just bad. can someone lmk if this is a sign of ocd?

I was walking in park and a dog started kicking up dirt and dust after pooping as i walked by scared i'm going to get hantavirus - the park has alot of people daily and in the sun and weather and has a bunch of rat bait traps near by im just scared i also had a mask on but im scared of the dust and stuff on me and on my bag

For the longest time I've had constant intrusive thoughts that I couldn't control and let roam freely in my mind which made the thoughts way worse. Eventually, I started performing acts I do not agree are morally acceptable (non-illegal I believe). It randomly stopped/started happening less frequently for a few years AND IT STARTED AGAIN. I'm not sure what I did to make it stop the last time but I want an effective method to stop both my intrusive thoughts and my intrusive actions(??? Is there a word for that idk)

I keep seeing people say "Just remember those thoughts don't define you and just observe those thoughts" but that's exactly what's making me act in a wrongful way. I can't just classify those thoughts as "just thoughts" because I can't seem to see them that way and I hate myself for it.

(I know I should probably be talking to a therapist about this but I'd rather shoot myself than do that so any sort of help or support from here would be appreciated 💔)

I genuinely do not know what else to do. I am so angry about missing out on sex. I feel like I am in a permanent state of grief. I am tired of feeling physically unwell. Some days I can bury my head in the sand and immerse myself in a game or a TV show well enough to not feel it, but other days it breaks through and I cannot focus on anything other than what I have missed out on.

When those days come, I just want to hurt and kill people. The only thing that brings me relief is thinking about killing people in the most brutal ways I can imagine. I imagine killing and torturing people in front of their families.

Engaging in these fantasies is the ONLY thing that brings me some relief. I feel so robbed of a life and like I have been made to endure a miserable adulthood devoid of hope for anything better. The only way I can cope with feeling so aggrieved is by delving into a fantasy world where I inflict endless suffering on others and deny them mercy when they beg for it so that they know nothing but suffering without any hope that it will ever end. Because that is what life is like for me, and in this fantasy it is what life is like for everyone else, and that feels like some kind of justice.