Help with pocd
I’m F18 and I’ve been having these thoughts for maybe almost 2 years now??? It literally came out of nowhere but when I hear about pedophiles and people harming kids, it disgusts me to the point where I feel like crying, but then I’ll start worrying if I’m a pedo and that fills me with so much fucking disgust and worry. When I masturbate, I’ll have intrusive thoughts like this even though it’s completely unrelated to what I’m jerking off to and I’ll stop what I’m doing and try to push it out of my head. It worries me so much that I have these thoughts when masturbating sometimes, but I have these thoughts all of the time too, whenever I see a kid or anything and they’re completely unwanted thoughts. The groinal response has been present as well, but I’ve never got off on anything like kids. Just typing this makes me wanna cry and I’ve been having a really hard time with it. I force myself to have these images in my head so I know that I’m not into it, but I hate seeing them. I know I would never harm a kid, and I fucking hate people who do and think they deserve nothing but the worst, and yet I’m so fucking scared that I’m a pedo even though I’m not. I should add that nothing happened to me as a child (as far as I’m aware) but I’ve had a very high sex drive ever since I can remember and struggle with hypersexuality as well. I was also exposed to shows like law and order SVU when I was like 12+ and watched it repeatedly but idk if that has anything to do with it lol