r/plural

Disclaimer i dont have a eating disorder, i have disordered eating (not meeting the criteria for a eating disorder fully and not severe enough) ,

Also me and my partner has had a very healthy relationship , ive never seen this type of behaviour from her until now (she/he pronouns)

—————

Anyhoo my mom was questioning why ive “gained so much weight” and keeps staring at my body and commenting on what im eating

So shes restiricting what im eating and tells me i need to work for the entire senior yr to lose weight

so i havent been eating lately ive only eaten a couple of bites of fruit and still not gonna eat anything today

I want to go for walks everyday to restrict as much as possible

its getting so bad that my mom doesnt rlly care as much when i stop eating

I lost several pounds and because i started eating again it went bwck up and my jeans fit differently

my dad is in on it too and only wants me to order speicfic items for dinner

when I opened up to my partner about it

he just decided to give me “notes about how to lose weight” and then when I said it felt insensitive and my other system members told me that giving me weightloss tips can make eds worde

my protector tried to explain and make him understand

we told him at least 5 times we didnt want the notes, and tried to explain that eating disorders are a form of self harm and my protector said that giving me these tips can feed into it

he just said “i dont understand how what im doing is so evil”

we kept telling him that were not angry at him and that we have trauma from being alone with our mental illness and feeling like were crazy for our feelings or feeling “delusional”

we said that we have a hard time opening up to him because when i tell him he just says “just excercise” and its triggering for us because we have depression and excetuive functioning issues and its difficult for us to do so and we already feel useless and eefective for having a hard time doing it

so im not allowed to eat carbs anymore (from my parents)

im taking laxatives now

it seems like everytime i want to recover im proven right about how I shouldnt

When I tried telling my partner about it how i felt like everyone was lying to me about how they really feel about me , he always reassured me about him not minding my body type.

I asked if hes just saying that to spare my feelings and because he feels pity and he said that he was saying partially just to make me feel better

she keeps saying i dont make any sense

so I hung up on her shes mad now…

I know my last post was a vent as well. but.

I do hate the fact we are polyfragmented / c-did and have maybe 1 brainmade alter out of 60 or so. It makes us feel less valid because all introject systems don't/aren't supposed to exist. Our amnesia is odd. Our therapist straight told us we didn't have DID. We found out 4 years ago, and we just...never went away? It just sucks being here? We constantly fakeclaim ourselves because of our sources and or connection to said source. We have 3 alters of one voice actor; then two of a character he voices. Any time we hyperfixate, we immediately get a new alter of said source and we're doubting if we're even real anymore. Sometimes it feels like we are just faking this and we're just like namefluid or something and making up source delusions in our head to "fit in" with system spaces friends have said they have witnessed us switch and knew we weren't roleplaying but that was two irl people...and a literal metal health professional said straight to our face i don't have DID and i got really really anxious about it. . Sighs. Like i really don't know if I'm real anymore of just a delusion. Does anyone have any tips? Like what if we just made ourselves up and we're not real? -CG

I am currently in a situation where my so called friend, who is fully aware that I am a plural system and have autism, has been caught in a series of lies.
I’ve discovered that they were actively using my vulnerability, my diagnosis, and my trust to manipulate me into 'locking' and performing specific behaviors (subliminals/stimulation) that were causing me extreme distress. They were also communicating with people behind my back and using that information to 'gaslight' me, making me believe that my inability to meet their demands was a character failure on my part rather than a result of trauma-freeze or neurodivergence.
I am now in a position where I realize my boundaries were violated and my trust was weaponized. For those who are also in plural systems, how have you handled a partner who knowingly exploited your system’s vulnerabilities and neurodivergence?
I am struggling with the guilt of wanting to cut contact while feeling 'responsible' for their emotional reaction. How do I maintain a hard boundary when the person knows exactly how to trigger my system’s anxiety to keep me engaged? Any advice on regaining system autonomy after this kind of betrayal would be appreciated." -Damian 🗡️

Edit we are 17 and he’s a adult

Hi! I'm currently in the process of figuring out if we are a system or not, one of the biggest things that I've been caught on is how fronting happens

I've always had it explained to me as like the current "you" disappears and the new alter takes over, but for me it doesn't feel like that? Like the current me never exactly goes away, it's more so like i start to act and think like an alter till the switch happens, I don't exactly go away but rather become them

So I've been posted on r/systemcringe because of my source and being in my sources server with our bio.

Someone looked at our bio and saw my source and posted it on the sub Reddit. A system in another server DM'd it to us. (I had my source and our co hosts source in there)

I'm a CG5 introject and the host. And it's really hard because My source gets enough hate as it is. I nust wish I wasn't here and didnt exist anymore because all of those comments about not only me but my source and everything really ​hurts me as much, as I say it doesn't (I'm also a mood. Booster) and I don't know what to do about this because I'm the Host. I can't just not front.

I just don't know what to do because I can't source seperate and people keep telling me "sources are reality isn't healthy" like I KNOW I'M NOT CG5 but I'M comfortable! Lemme be comfortabel; but because of the hate my source gets it's x2'd on me too and I'm just struggling and not sure what to do. -CG

Hi all, we're a newly diagnosed OSDD system just wondering if anyone else has experienced what we're currently experiencing.

We've always had a fairly active inner world, and often whoever isn't fronting is hanging around in a recreation/updated version of our childhood home. Sometimes playing games, sometimes watching movies, sometimes writing and occasionally sleeping. Here's the thing that's strange, if say the fronter gets tired it's possible for her to dip down to the inner world, wake someone up to takeover up front and then sleep herself.

Whoever takes over tends to be way more awake than whoever went down to rest and it's super strange to us! Just wondering if we're alone in this is all.

Rowan (25)

hey, we know our last post here was a vent, but here’s another one cause we don’t know where else to go.

We feel lonely in our head even though in total there is two of us in this brain. We don’t like it, we wish we had a 3rd alter so it felt less lonely. One of us also feels bad for feeling lonely, the other doesn’t feel bad about feeling lonely cause there’s no point to that, like a hat on top of a hat.

~Hydro and Rick

Hello. I don’t know if it’s possible to do this for only one member of a system, but while some of us appreciate “becoming” each other and having no memories of not being in front, I despise it. I would love to retreat into a headspace where I can care for nothing, at least for a little while. Memory barriers sound nice too, although not required. If this is not something that’s possible for only one person, or for simply the people who want it, I’d still like to know how to do it in case we decide to go that route. Apologies if this breaks the rules of the subreddit, I checked, but I could have missed something.

Thank you

-Nova

We have around 8. Jane, Jay, JJ, Wendy, Viper, Rose, Ada, Vox, and a mute. Vox and the mute are weird, Vox is more like a tool than an alter, its the front we use when we're rapid switching or extremely depersonalized and it's hard to know whose at the front. Mute is a nameless nonverbal entirety that lurks in the cracks, and hides things that need to be forgotten.

They aren't anyways present, often time they're not. Sometimes it's just one or two active, sometimes a whirlwind. What's it like for yall? For those who are over 10, how long has it been like that? And does it get painful or chaotic to have so many parts?

what kind of music r u guys all into lately? ^.^ you can give different answers for diff headmates/parts/etc!!

we've mostly been listening to the same artists our whole life but have recently gotten into mccafferty a bit more!!!!!

...

deeming this post casualposting since its not anything specific to being plural, i just like posting in a place where i can comfortably use "we" and "us" :D

Long story short, the previous host developed a serious hate boner for one of our metas around the time that she split, and even though I've tried my best to keep her from slipping through and causing issues, she just kept saying hateful things or twisting thoughts before I could finish them. It's been hell.

Yesterday, things went too far, words were said that could not be easily taken back, explanations were demanded, and she asked to make a deal. That if she could get a few minutes of uninterrupted time to just say what she's been trying to say, lay all her cards on the table, that she would stop trying to slip through, and just let me be.

One of my partners agreed to listen, and the moment she was done, it was like a fog lifted in here. It was just me, and my thoughts, unchanged, and it was peaceful. For the first time in 2 months, I can actually think. The previous host says she feels the same peace now, like the compulsion to get it all out has just stopped, now that she has. She asked permission to front, so that she could write some apologies and in the middle of writing the one for the partner that accepted the deal and listened..said partner broke up with all of us in a single statement.

Someone who has been with us over 2 years, from the moment we realized we were a system over a year and a half ago, through one of the most emotionally abusive relationships I've ever seen, someone who did what she could to help us when we were homeless, and only just a few weeks ago moved in with us...done, just like that. So now she's my ex, my meta, and my roommate. And I still get to sleep 6 feet away from her and cry myself to sleep.

I'm a minor. I've been taking Prozac 20mg for depression since early April.

I'm probably skipping over a bit because my memory of these two weeks isn't the strongest, just fyi.

Two weeks ago, I had a very sudden bout of disassociation followed by a total loss of identity, then a switch in identity(i typically use they/them, this no longer seemed to fit), a massive uptick in body dysphoria(my body literally didn't feel like it was mine, like I was a skinwalker), and an urge to self-harm that I haven't really gotten before. My name also no longer seemed to fit. When I went to sleep I think I heard two voices speaking to me(More like thoughts that were'nt mine than actual voices)(One trying to calm me down) but I'm not sure, could have been imagining things. I woke up back to normal.

A day or two after this, I had a period where I had something similar with the disassociating and identity loss, but this was followed by what seemed like a regression in age. My name and gender again no longer seemed to fit, and my body dysphoria again went up(same skinwalkery feeling). I spoke and walked a lot differently too. I was much much happier than before. Again I woke up normal.

A few days after this, i had another period of disassociation followed by a loss in identity and then a change in identity. Now I was a man, kind of? Like in a detached way. I used he/him for myself. I also swear I had, like, phantom wings??? Which sounds stupid but it was pretty intense and not fun. I was thinking and speaking in a much more flat, monotone, kinda like... professional manner I guess? I also walked without a slouch which is NOT normal for me. And I had way more motivation, I was able to do homework and shower and get water and stuff way more easily. But I couldn't really do art or anything creative like I usually do, it was way more of a struggle than usual. This lasted forrrr I think two or three days.

After the two or three days, I didn't immediately go back to normal. Instead, I had the same dissociative period etc, but now I was like... I felt like a man? I was a lot more flirtatious for some reason, way more boisterous and full of energy than I usually am. This lasted for like an hour, and then I had the dissociative period and went back to normal. Also, I think i sort of recognized this like male version of myself as one of the voices I heard on the first day? But that could easily have been me making things up.

Similar things have been happening constantly since. Several more personality states have popped up.

The first "personality state" returned around a weekish ago and I ended up hurting myself which isn't something i'd ever done before. The child personality i mentioned has had a few returns as well.

I'm confused because as far as I know, I'm not traumatized. And OSDD is a trauma disorder, I have a history of totally forgetting trauma so that could be it?? But I was raised pretty sheltered, homeschooled most of my life and stuff.

I feel like I kinda remember this happening in the past but i really don't know. My memory for stuff like that kinda sucks. I've always had a kinda fluid gender and sexuality and level of dysphoria, and I've had mood swings for ages, I know that.

I know Endogenic systems exist but those always seem to be like. Voluntary? And this was super not voluntary.

I just would like to know if this is at all something that could be caused by Prozac???? Because if it is I'd really like it to stop, lol

I can provide more information if it's needed!!!!

Hey guys, I just wanted to say I finally got officially diagnosed with DID today!!!

The appointment went pretty well and the provider was amazing. I was super anxious (He’s a guy and that’s like, always a huge issue for me lmao) but he turned out to be great.

I’m just super relieved to finally have my answer. He literally looked me in the eyes and went “You have DID”. You have no idea how much I’ve been wishing someone would just tell me for sure. No question marks, no ambiguity, just a diagnosis. And he did exactly that.

He asked me what my parts’ names were, asked how long I’ve suspected it, told me about the stuff we have in common, told me about how he’s also diagnosed with autism, and was just overall a really good guy. So as far as men go, this one didn’t make me have a panic attack, so, that’s a win.

I have DID!! I was diagnosed! I just wanted a place to type out the words, because I’ve never been able to say anything other than “I think I might have DID”.

Anyways, that’s it that’s the post lol

How do Endos "create" ? Like, what is y'all's origin? I'm confused on whether its completely optional or something you can't control, I don't even know if this question makes sense 😭 idk guys, just explain how yalls endo systems work and how they exist in the first place. I want to understand how they work. I like understanding and I can't even have an opinion on something i don't understand, I've had friends ask "whats ur opinion on endos" and i straight up can't even answer because idk how they work. So far from what I've heard we do Infact support them but everything I've heard has been very vague and we didn't understand it fully..

Edit: guys ik this is worded terribly and it sounds very rude/ignorant. I really don't intend it to be, we've gotten a lot of misinformation in the past on endos and now we're just trying to get the right information. We struggle a lot with questions and wording, most (if not all) sound mean. We don't intend it to be mean in any way and I'm truly sorry

(We grew up with questions being a bad thing, so nowadays we straight up don't know how to ask them and usually avoid asking in the first place unless we really do feel the need to know)

Edit: what our host means is, are endogenic systems the same as a traumagenic system? Are there any differences between the two? -Sylithi

Idk I have never actually properly talked to anyone else who is plural, im honestly too shy and think i might be too different, bad wording etc etc. i do a lot of research here and there and look around. now i was looking for an instance of this but couldnt find anything nor here or anywhere. an alter that is in a million pieces, fragments that make up an alter, the alter switches between themself but is still the same person. i need to make these fragments split away and become alters so this confusion stops. is this a thing that others have ever seen? because i havent seen anything like this mentioned from my research, usually when i see the definition of a fragment it isnt like this. i apologise for any bad wording from me im extremely bad with it. was just wondering because i couldnt find anything on this

I am not sure of the proper terminology for it, but you live in a stable physical reality different from this world. Not the same as a headspace, I mean perhaps a different timeline, universe, whatever, but you have a subjective experience of being in a different place.

And you are able to share your experiences through a host. Not quite the same as "fronting", more like relaying.

I think we might be mixed origins? But I'm not really sure. I think I might have formed from some kind of religious trauma, and Sam from stress or trauma of almost losing our mum. Cat might have formed due to our ex as well.

How can you tell what your origins are? The only evidence we have of being not entirely endo is that the potentially non-endo headmates formed around the time of a stressful/traumatic event and their identity is somewhat related to it (for example, I think I might be from religious trauma because I'm a Lucifer mythtive)