I think I may be a system...
Okay so sorry if I get my terminology wrong, I'm new to all this 😅
So I am a woman named blair but yesterday with my boyfriend I started feeling like things weren't right, like I wasn't blair. I felt like I was a boy named paisley (yes ik thats a feminine name but thats just how it is).
I feel like who I am as a person can be pretty cold, unemotional, and isolated from the rest of the world, but I get 'bursts' of emotion, vulnerability, etc. and I think those bursts are paisley coming out.
I think this 'second me' might be born from some trauma of being forced to live as a male for over 20 years even though I am a woman, maybe in a way acknowledging and finding a way to express that more open, emotional 'male' side of me that was forced to be cold and isolated.
I don't really think I have DID though, I'm certainly not diagnosed, and I also don't feel like I'm necessarily switching 'people', I have all my memories and there is a clear continuity between switches. But it is a noticeable 'switch' not a gradual change. I can feel when I become paisley and when I become blair. Being able to be paisley with my boyfriend has resulted in a lot of inner healing too and has made blair a better person too.
Idk, has anyone else had this experience? Is there a specific name for this besides DID or system? Sorry this is mostly just me putting this into words because I'm kind of new to this.
Blair (she/her) and Paisley (he/they) are my alters. Paisley does not mind being called she/her and you can call me either of my alters' names
Thank you for reading ~Blair