r/leaves

Anyone else been here before? Doesn’t feel great 😄

Second day no smoking but I can't keep up man, I'm sorry. No appetite, can't sleep, but main culprit here my anxieties are very very bad. Last night I didn't get a single minute of sleep because of it and today the whole day I was literally shaking I had to take off and now its getting only worse. I've tried everything here (searched "anxiety" to see any ips whole last night) but its not working in the slightest.

Maybe i could've held on a bit longer but my Job is too important for me and if I miss tomorrow I might be in trouble + no guarantee it will be better afterwards. Maybe I'll try again when I have more freedom to deal with it. but now I am afraid I can't 😌💔

I feel so ashamed and exceptional here and in NA/AA/MA meetings I went to in the past.

When I turned 31, I started to smoke THC vapes my co-worker introduced me to.

I was freshly married, still working on my degree, was relatively happy and after one puff I was hooked and couldn't let go.

Up until that point, I never used any type of drugs and was only drinking socially.

Now after 8 years of heavy use I'm clean for 11 months. But it took to me 2-3 years to get here. When i went to AA meetings and from what i read here, people start smoking before their 20s... so im thinking "you were a kid, you didn't know any better!"

So what's my excuse getting so highly addicted when I'm 31? I felt very ashamed telling my story.

Anyone else got addicted later in life?

I just wanted to share how many days I have not using weed. I have 41 days.

When I first started weed, it activated my brain and actually helped me to focus, be more social etc. I started getting better grades in school, developed interests in music and creative writing, and generally became more outgoing. Eventually, though, I became totally dependent on it to simply function and feel normal. Nevertheless, as long as I moderated to no more than once a day, it served me reasonably well. So I was a highly functional stoner for 34 years. That said, I often did it way more than once a day and, even in moderation, I found that it had other undesirable side effects such as poor sleep quality, out of control hunger, poor memory, repetitive thinking, anxiety, lost time, and a general sense that it was holding me back and stunting my brain development. 61 days clean, and while I've seen some improvement in many aspects of my life like better sleep, memory, less anxiety, better appearance, and better relationship with food, I feel slightly lobotomized and boring. Zero interest in music and creative writing so far. So I feel like a part of my brain is missing and I wonder if that feeling will ever go away. Either way, I'm still determined to remain clean for the remainder of my life since I generally enjoy the slowed down time and overall calm of sober living and I truly want to discover the version of me who is not dependent on this drug. So onward to day 62!

made an account just to post this, so i can get some feedback from people who have quit for a long time

after smoking daily for over 5 years i had fully decided to quit, was tired of being dependent on weed, smoking over 2gs a day, evey second i got

after a month of quitting, i got some za and smoked it, smoked the whole day but at night when i was going to sleep, it made me so anxious and pissed that i might go back to smoking daily, so i dumped all 5gs down the toilet

another 10 days of sobriety, then i got another 5 again, smoked, dumped it due to anxiety and random paranoia/panick feelings

this process happened another 2 times, buy > smoke > feel like shit > dump it all

at this point i understand its an addiction cycle, what i dont understand is how come before weed solved it all, made me feel chill and relaxed, but not every time i smoke it feels like "impending doom" or just panic attacks, where if I even stop gaming or watching something the thoughts creep in and i start panicking for no reason

any advice/comment is acceptable, I just want to see what other people have to say about this

i dont want to smoke, ive proved that to myself by dumping it all 4 times already so why do i smoke again even tho i know its gonna induce panick (i will prolly get roasted for sayin that but yea, its a weird state of mind)

I’m soooooo bored

I'm 27, Quit smoking, drinking, substances. feel like I wasted part of my life. Working a dead end job, been smoking since 13-14, lost a lot of friends. Messed up relationships, feel so down and out sometime, felt like just venting a little. Almlst 3 months sober, feeling better everyday, but some things cant go back and change no matter what.

hey everyone. i’m (26 NB) just over 2 months sober after daily use for the past 6 or so years, and i can feel myself slipping up today.

the source of my temptation is stupid, really— i recently moved in with my dad and step mom, and they are gone on a camping trip until tomorrow night. my dad is a lifelong stoner— got me into weed to begin with— and i know where he keeps his stash. today is the only day i can use his weed without anyone knowing. this is also the last camping trip they’re planning for this year, so it really feels like my last chance.

yesterday i talked myself out of it by realizing that if I used yesterday (the day they left on their trip), i don’t think i’d be able to stop myself from using it again today. but, with them returning tomorrow, i think the shame of having to ask my dad permission to use would keep me from wanting to use it again (i refuse to buy anything for myself at least). this embarrassment has kept me from using the entire two months i’ve lived here.

if i think about why i want to use it, the main reason situationally is that this is my only chance, while internally i’m bored, really. i’m kind of agoraphobic, socially anxious and introverted, and i don’t really like leaving the house much. i’m also unemployed since a week ago, having quit my job bc of burnout and insecurity. i’ve been focusing on my creative writing project lately— my main hobby. maybe it’s just not stimulating enough to stave off the boredom, idk. there’s a video game i want to try, but i don’t think i could handle playing it while high, and the same goes for writing, but smoking right now just seems much more appealing.

part of me also just wants to try it again, to find out for sure that it won’t be as good as i remember, which i think could even help me stay sober going forward. but of course, this is also the devil on my shoulder speaking. there are times when i’ve felt much worse in the past 2 months (depressed, suicidal ideation) and i managed to push through and not relapse then, but i guess the ease of access i have right now is a more dangerous trigger for me. but i still feel ashamed knowing that i’ve resisted temptation in much worse mental states…

idk what can keep me from relapsing right now. i know recovery is not a straight line (i’ve been sober before and fell back into the habit after only a few months into it) and i’ve heard that slipping is part of the recovery process, but i’m also sick of weed having such a grip over my thoughts. its just sad.

idk. any advice is appreciated. thank you for reading.

My husband quit july 1 but 2 weeks later did it again and immediately threw it out and said how he cant believe he was high all the time. Now fast forward i know hes doing it again. Hes back to being detached and withdrawn, not present and when i ask him he says hes not high. It is so obvious. He is night and day when sober. What can i do??

I'm turning 35 in about a month and feeling a bit down about my weed usage. My life isn't a (complete) shambles but I've got this idea in my head that if I could just stay fully sober from weed from 35-40 I'd be able to get some great momentum on things that would really improve my life.

I have a new career I'm working towards, become much more open to long-term dating and finding a partner, and if the stars align would even like a family of my own one day.

So any success stories from anyone who has successfully quit post 35? Would love to hear them if yes. If you have any tips would also really appreciate hearing them.

When I was "moderating" trying to stay at 3-5 bong hits a day, I would give myself a free bong hit if I looked up and it was 4:20. Geez what my mind would do to get me to smoke more!

I have a loved one who has been sober from weed 200 days. A lot of things have improved but he also seems to have paranoia or magical thinking that is persisting. I thought these symptoms would fade after getting sober (he smoked heavy for a decade) but if anything they’re getting worse.

I’ve tried to quit many times in the last 7 years and the longest I’ve gone without was 2 1/2 months. For some reason this time has been different. My cravings haven’t been as intense and I’ve noticed the physical changes more this time around.
The things I’ve done differently this time around are taking breaks from social media, taking my dog to the park at least every other morning, cooking more and listening to my body. This time around I’ve focused on changing other habits instead of thinking that once I quit everything will get better on its own. I’ve done a lot of this work using skills I learned from cognitive behavioral therapy.
Anyhoo, just sharing my accomplishment and what’s been working for me. :)

30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something I’ve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Let’s be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
I’ve learned a lot in 30 days. I’ve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. I’ve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my father…all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldn’t see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldn’t go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. That’s all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasn’t using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be …. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
I’m proud of myself for choosing sobriety. I’m proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. I’m proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Here’s to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. 🫶🏻✨

Back at day 0 again, having a real tough time resisting "it's just a joint" type thoughts and following through with quitting. I struggle to call the habit abuse cause its mostly used as a reward after a long workout/bike ride and I think that's why it's so easy to relapse after starting again.

I want to quit because trees have started having an affect on my cognitive ability and recall. Nothing overly concerning, but I don't want to numb myself to the future life I'm currently building (bad breakup and had to put my dog down last year, has been a long recovery).

What's helped you get through the initial withdrawl/relapse stage? Any affirmations/reminders/techniques you've used to reinforce your sobriety? Struggling to see the habit as an issue when it's not used everyday/all day.

I quit officially a week ago after overfeeding my fish i had for a year . I feel so fucking stupid like i was off a edible and overfed him and i was so high i didnt realize he needed medicine by the time i realized next day sober it was too late. I miss my fish 😭 like weed the devil fr this made me not wanna smoke again on everything i love

Writing this at the end of day 1 of kicking carts. M27, been smoking since 2021, and on carts consistently for about a year now.

I’m a daily/heavy user living in France, and between work stress and my relationship, I thought switching to carts (other canna molecule* carts are legal/available here) would actually be the healthier move. Instead I fell into a cycle of way-too-easy use — tolerance climbing, and honestly a toxic relationship with the herb.

Yesterday I got physically sick at the movies from whatever garbage was in the cart I’d bought, and that was the final push I needed. Work and the gym should keep me busy and distracted, and for the first few days I’m allowing myself a limited amount of flower at night while I taper off before a full break (aiming for at least 14 days from everything, and carts for good).

Any advice is welcome — appreciate this community, glad I’m not doing this alone.

So, I was a daily smoker for about 18 years. I’ve been tapering off for a year, and it’s been 3 months completely sober. I’m also working on quitting sugar and binge eating, lifelong struggles and as you can guess, my BMI is prettyyyy high.

Recently when I’ve entered fat-burning states (ketosis) through fasting and eating low carb, I swear to god I’ve been getting “high.” Not like, high like I just took a bong rip- closer to an edible, but much more mild. Time starts moving strangely, and I’ll be hyper aware of my body movements/the space around me and how I’m occupying it.

Its been so long since I’ve been fully sober, though, that I’m not sure if it’s just my brain and body and endocannabinoid system recalibrating or if I’m actually feeling something from my fat cells, of which there are a lot and they are plenty inundated with thc, being burned for energy.

I'm still fighting to get a decent night's sleep and today I feel emotionally low, foggy headed, and beyond tired.

Weed was my go-to way to practice avoidance and right now I feel as useless as I used to feel when I would smoke a bowl and ignore my responsibilities for the rest of the day. Now I'm sober but I'm still avoiding: my brain is so scattered and slow that I can't wrap my head around my day job. Instead I'm horizontal on the couch trying to tell myself that I can answer emails tomorrow, and the world isn't going to fall apart if I need to have a quiet recovery day, but I feel immensely guilty for struggling with this.

I know this will get easier, but today sucks. The crushing humidity doesn't help. The luteal phase doesn't help. The ADHD doesn't help. I hate feeling like I have to push through so much just to do the things normal people can do every day, but at least I'm not stoned and creating more unnecessary barriers for myself, I guess.