u/lotusgrin

30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something I’ve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Let’s be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
I’ve learned a lot in 30 days. I’ve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. I’ve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my father…all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldn’t see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldn’t go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. That’s all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasn’t using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be …. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
I’m proud of myself for choosing sobriety. I’m proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. I’m proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Here’s to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. 🫶🏻✨

30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something I’ve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Let’s be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
I’ve learned a lot in 30 days. I’ve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. I’ve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my father…all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldn’t see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldn’t go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. That’s all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasn’t using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be …. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
I’m proud of myself for choosing sobriety. I’m proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. I’m proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Here’s to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. 🫶🏻✨

6 years and 8 months later, I finally gained the balls to leave the job that caused me so much stress. I walked out. I gave no notice that I was quitting. I understand how much work this makes for my team, but honestly, I was thinking of admitting myself to the hospital if I had to stay for another day. I also live in an at will state, so they can fire me with no notice, I can quit with no notice.

I experienced panic attacks so bad I’d faint. The stress was unreal. The pay was minimal. Barely livable. I made $3 more than a starting cashier. 6 fucking years and I made $3 more than an STARTING cashier as an operations manager!!!!!!
If your mental health is struggling, it’s not worth the job. If you DREAD going to work every. Single. Damn. Day. It’s not worth the job. If you have PHYSICAL panic attacks every single morning, it’s not worth the job.

My manager became dead set on making my life a living hell. She was silently firing me. I wasn’t allowed to work in the back anymore, but rather a shift supervisor (whose going to school for business) that my boss played favorites with worked in the back.

I was told to ONLY work on X task, and got yelled at for not doing Y task.

Not once had my boss said she appreciated me, valued me, or cared about me. Not once did she say good job. Not once did she give a fuck about my mental health.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that she brought home to work - every day it was her being in a piss poor mood, ruining my good mood. And the days she was mad, you knew. You knew from the tasks she assigned you to the tone of her voice.

And I’d get in trouble because I don’t spend 30+ mins of WORK TIME talking about my home life. I simply came there to work. That was my job. To work. Not to sit around and indulge in my stupid fucking home life for an hour. One day she bored me for an hour almost crying about the fact that someone my age, a SMIT, got the job she interviewed for. (Maybe our DM got tired of having to tell her to be in a good mood every-time he visited?) that rubbed me wrong the most. A grown woman acting like a mean girl to a woman in her 20’s just because she was picked for a SM position and my boss wasn’t. Unreal.

For two years I was treated like I was a fucking cashier, with no appreciation or respect in any regard. So I left in that same regard - with disrespect. I burned the bridge. I actually probably bombed the bridge, extinguished the fire, only to nuke it next. That sounds more like what happened.

I’m glad to be out. I’m glad to have my sanity back. I probably will never work retail ever again. 7+ hours alone in the morning, with her scheduling my breaks an HOUR after she got there, despite me having not sat, eaten, or piss for the past 7 fucking hours!

Fuck cvs, fuck the management, I’m fucking FREE!