u/ih8red-it

So, I was a daily smoker for about 18 years. I’ve been tapering off for a year, and it’s been 3 months completely sober. I’m also working on quitting sugar and binge eating, lifelong struggles and as you can guess, my BMI is prettyyyy high.

Recently when I’ve entered fat-burning states (ketosis) through fasting and eating low carb, I swear to god I’ve been getting “high.” Not like, high like I just took a bong rip- closer to an edible, but much more mild. Time starts moving strangely, and I’ll be hyper aware of my body movements/the space around me and how I’m occupying it.

Its been so long since I’ve been fully sober, though, that I’m not sure if it’s just my brain and body and endocannabinoid system recalibrating or if I’m actually feeling something from my fat cells, of which there are a lot and they are plenty inundated with thc, being burned for energy.

So, I understand that the standard for coffee shops is to pull double shots of espresso.

I like two standard servings, so two double shots, over ice.

When I order a “double espresso over ice”, I always get one (double) shot over ice.

So I thought, ok, if a double shot is a standard single serving, then I should order double that, which would be a quad shot.

When I order a quad shot, though, I get four double shots over ice.

I’ve now done this enough times and in enough different shops and cities to call it “research” and it’s happened almost every time. Am I dumb? How do I order my coffee 🤪

I just talked to a therapist and admitted my main frustration has, over the years of fighting bed/food addiction, culminated in the shame around knowing what I need to do (having done TONS of research, making and being unable to stick to a million different food/exercise/lifestyle plans etc) and they told me that they have heard that from countless patients in many settings.

I was surprised to hear that. I figured most people struggling with bed/fa adjacent things just hadn’t tried enough lifestyle changes and needed to learn more to find success.

How many of you here know exactly what I’m talking about? Done endless research, made endless plans, even been through cycles of weight loss/getting healthy in many different forms, only to end up back here knowing exactly why you binge, but just feeling unable/not strong enough/not having enough energy to carry anything out despite wanting it more than anything?

Nikki hit the backwards griddy? And got a Nik Royale?

Goodness set at Bowery Ballroom in NYC.

We’re all alone, grab ahold, know I said to not, what the fuck do I know?

I wish I would have seen who you were! I will remember that moment forever and ever, every time I listen to Introduction now <3

I found it and held it up during the show and after but no takers- my conscience is bugging me to try one more time to get it back to you! The lanyard itself is broken but I figure you may still want the badge.