u/__tthrowaway_

I will think I am or feel that I am that specific fictional character, my personality changes, my behaviour. But this time it wasn't "forced" it came out of nowhere.Is otherkin involuntary or is that plurality?

And if not, does that mean that is actually a fictive? Its been a long time since ive felt so strongly like a fictional character.

I feel fake because I dont have textbook DID symptoms ngl even though I know I dont have it so I dont say I have it, its just, it makes me feel I'm faking being plural. I may be what some say "median" so it sucks not completely feeling like another person, it doesnt help with the imposter syndrome.

And for some reason as I'm writing this I "hear" but not hear, I mean that I dont actually hear a person talking out loud like auditory hallucinations, its just that the voice from my thoughts is very different from how I actually sound like, and my writing feels different. Fucking hell, is this another "headmate" or something??? 💀 and its not only one voice, it sometimes changes a different one, does that mean something? or do singlets also experience this?

Maybe the writing thing could be that anyone in the internet talks and behaves different, like another self when you go inside the internet, you know? Idk if thats a thing.

edit: now i had a "conversation" with them but it feels like I'm making it all myself, like I'm talking only with myself and this voices I'm just changing them voluntarily, and yes, they all have different ones, idk wtf is going on in my head rn. it feels fake. and yes I'm still "hearing" this specific voice as I'm writing this.

Same person, different personalities. Being fused in one, subtle changes in personality. Full autonomy. No amnesia from the switches. No communication. Personalities can be non-human and sad when reality can't fulfill it. "Switching" is not noticeable, realizing that the change is done until much later, well, its not actually a "switch", that implies its something noticeable, its just something I ignore, I do not feel anything. Probably trauma has got something to do with this. I've seen about median, but is there not something else?

I'm someone that doesnt want to be multiple people but just one (perhaps that's my fear of losing myself) or maybe I'm not and that's why I dont want to be referred that way. Distressed when being realizing multiple personalities, but wanting to differ personalities for some reason. Sometimes I keep coming back to research about this only to run away again. I feel like a scared animal that can help but be curious about this new thing and scrambles back to their refuge when perceiving a threat. And what to with my need to perfect the list of the personalities? I obsessively check again and again my phone so I'm apprehensive to install it again.

Currently in my head, I hear a different voice for my inner thoughts, funny enough, just now, after I was playing a game and now I "grabbed" a character, re-imagined it and I'm a different personality again, even my way of speaking, in my head is different. I dont know what's going with my head. But it doesn't feel like my other personalities, this feels made in a whim, not real, too forced. I feel like I'm acting and doing it for attention. Is this what they call "fictivekin"? It feels involuntary because its not something I was thinking of doing but voluntary because it feels like I'm putting on an act, too forced. Most of the time if not always, it does feel like I'm playing a character when I'm another personality. Although it feels reassuring this one, it feels like someone that could protect and advice me if they were real, someone with autonomy and not just me acting. And also I talk in another language, the one from this character, do "headmates" or whatever you call it tend to do that?

edit: I was researching about this headspace thing and I "saw", or did I just imagined it? One of my "headmate's", and they looked at me baffled, Idk if I did that, like I made up, or it was involuntary, it kind of did, and happened another few times. I'm thinking of doing that headspace thing but yet again, it feels fake. Im curious about interacting with them but idk

I'm scared that if I keep digging into this, there won't be going back, and I'll stop being me. What if when I fall in love with a singlet, its not the "core" but an "Alter"? Its so conflicting. Its all too much. Maybe I'm not plural. But there are strange things in me that maybe can signify that I am median or something like that. However, I realized this isn't good for me. I kept obsessing into "who am I right now?" too. I may have just made up some "alters" in my head bc they're not that distinct, well, that's if they're actually real. Having to keep with everything that implies being plural is suffocating. So I came to the conclusion that I'll should stop look into it. Although, I'm not gonna lie, I feel kind of not sadness, but sadness of missing out, I wish I could be a favorite comfort character that helps me in my daily life when shit hits the fan, its selfish, but I just wish I could be as strong as them. Its pathetic that I started this because I feel and am lonely, I'm the only one I've got in my side.

I'll ignore it to forget about it, that way it won't worse my mental health. But this post is not to just drop this whining and leave, I would like some advise or reassuring words. Anyway, am I doing the right thing?

I may have xenogenders, but, the thing is, some of these are like people? Individuals. Idk how to explain. For example, a monster thing. I mayhaps feel like a monster, but not fully because of my human body and dont have any makeup or clothes to feel like it. I may have weird personality changes too, but its been a while from that now so idk about that one. Other times I feel like a child, but I'm not fully "age regressed" as I'm still aware of being an adult, think like an adult. I haven't ever lost control of my autonomy or anything like that. I make up stories that I'm different ( sometimes non human characters with powers) that goes on adventures. But I still feel me. Its been a while about the xenogender thingy and kind of miss it. And another question, if someone does like Fictionkin can they accidentally create a tulpa? I've heard of it but idk if its true.

I keep seeing people venting about a variety of problems, the most common I've seen (and new ones) are:

How they're shut down when they talk about their own problems as a trans man or a transmasc person or another masculine gender (valid, not implying that they should shut up)

Or when they try to find a community but there's barely people like them in the group because its 99% only transfems/trans women so they can't relate or even speak about their transition because they just look at you with a poker face with crickets in the background.

Or sadly, (TW SA) This is a controversial and triggering subject , but it does happen, and it should be talked about. Its about some transfems/trans women sexually abusing trans men/transmascs.. I remember a case of a transfem coercing a trans man or transmasc, which that ISNT CONSENT, its another sneaky way to SA someone. Keep in mind its not only to us, but also between transfems, and it seems its been a common thing for a long time.

We shouldn't be quiet about this, it does give us a "bad image", yes, but also not talking about this issue will also give us a bad image, (which we SHOULDNT be keeping quiet about it, I'm not saying that, that's why the quotes are there) Either way if in a perfect world, all trans people were saints and nobody did evil shit, people would still make up things about us to give us a bad image, so there's no point in keeping quiet.

The typical sentences of "I hate men" "Men are [insert generalization]" but they can't say anything for a variety of reasons, and feel guilty to even feel bad about it.

Some of these issues are also online, and I've read some are made by people that might not even believe in what they're saying, but because they benefit in some other way (which i don't know, it would cool, if someone with knowledge about this explains it for the ones that are ignorant in this area, and the other ones!)

That we have "privilege", but don't understand that its not that easy and being shut down when trying to explain.

This are only a few examples, mind you, about experiences I've read online, please say other more examples so we can see how to properly act! (in a peaceful way, or assertive way if it doesn't work, I said assertive, not agressive)

So what solutions do you have in mind to these problems? I have no idea, this is so complicated stuff, where we do even begin? Are there even solutions to this problems? And please, no fighting, please give solutions that won't divide us more.

Disclaimer: Trans men/transmascs have the right to speak up about their problems and transition as trans women/transfems have the right to talk about their problems and transition. This isn't to start a fight, but to find a solution to all this constant infighting aand the issues we go through.

I may have xenogender but I never use neos because I literally dont know how to conjugate them in this language... And I dont want them to be used in English, but in Spanish because we don't use "self", we obviously dont use English verbs, well, we may use some slangs/terms but that's another topic. I dont have a tumblr to search for this and not thinking of making one, too overwhelming.

I searched in the search bar here but there was just people venting or just saying they use it in English, but for me, it feels like uncanny? Idk how to explain it, like its incorrect, not grammarly correct and my brain doesnt like it, I get confused.

Can someone like conjugate neopronouns with various examples like how you would conjugate a verb or a pronoun in school, you know, those boring homework stuff they made you do.

In Spanish please.... I literally have no idea how to do it, it sounds weird, there's no translation and it sucks :/

And please dont tell me we already have "Elle", yes we do, but that's only one, that's the "typical"one 🥲 I want to see more to see if something fits please for the love of neos...