u/burnyburnsalots

I was looking through Pinterest just for the fun of it, as one would.

I'm not really the most active person on social media because its just not my thing, but It really upset me to see how easy it was to find whole long threads about how "endos aren't valid." This is hurtful.

We are quoigenic but we believe trauma is a huge part of why our mind works the way it does, we just aren't quite sure how this happened either because our brain has functioned this way for as long as I could remember. We believe its a mix of trauma, neurodivergance, and other factors but regardless I know my system is real.

This is the only way I can describe how we function and I feel like I'm finally understanding who we are.

I feel safe in this, and I haven't felt that for years.

I saw many people say endos are romanticizing their disorder— how?

I would love to know how endos romanticize them at all.

I've never seen an endo claim to have DID/OSDD, etc.

Someone said "The just want my disorder without the hard parts."

Who are YOU to tell us how our minds work? I would never tell another how YOU function or how you came to be.

I'm allowed to exist.

Someone straight up claimed plurality was a disorder itself and requires childhood trauma to exist. This is wrong, there's plenty of ways plurality comes to be and we shouldn't gatekeep how brains function.

If you tell me you're anti-endo I'm just going to take it as you're pro-hate.

I am new to system terminology, and I have been researching a bunch so I'm sure of some things but others not so much.

I know we are a median system so there's that much..

I can't tell whether to consider some of our little termites (as I will call them) facets or headmates.

I made a previous post about some fictives of ours!

So lets grab Captain Falcon for example.

He's absolutely distinct, he's his own guy

...But I still consider all my fictives me (In a general sense). They're all me. I call them termites because that's what I named us as a system and I like to imagine we're a bunch of termites in a trenchcoat.. making up one whole guy. Our body.

Captain Falcon is himself, and he's his own self.

He thinks to himself, he's not always dormant but can be and blah blah

Is he considered a headmate or a facet???

I came across this thought because we were putting together our system so we can manage and understand ourselves better! There's an option to add facets and one to add headmates but now Im questioning what exactly they are.

We all feel independent, we just share a body and a core and that's it. Otherwise we are ourselves.

I, Dr. Easterman, am fronting at the moment. I am not Captain Falcon. We are together as a core, but otherwise we are entirely separate.

Labels get so confusing sometimes.. —H.J. (He/Him)

The more we talk, the more questions we have about our system.

Does this qualify as a vent? Adding the flair just in case

I keep doubting that Im a system and then I start to think about how I've grown up.

I had a scare years ago that I might have OSDD, thats not the case but I think its wild I even put enough to feel that way. I've always dealt with plurality and just never put 2 and 2 together I guess! My entire life I've felt like more, more than something and for years I haven't been able to imagine myself, but only another. I'm still learning how my system works, but all I know for now is Im understanding myself more and I feel more comfortable in the skin I share. I still doubt though, what if Im faking? Even though I didn't do any of this on purpose..! What if I am wrong? Nothing else has ever felt more right but what if Im just lying to myself !!??! Its so awful how I keep finding ways to put myself down about it when its kind of clear anyways

My boyfriends kitten Perry died today. I named her when she was born and we buried her in the backyard. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it

She was still just a kitten and it happened so quickly. We think she ate something bad but either way she wouldn't go to the bathroom and she rapidly became extremely weak and gave out.

It hurt.

We put her in her favorite spot after doing whatever we could. I gave her lots of kisses and tried to keep her warm but she just

couldn't I guess

I was the one who found her gone

I checked on her and she was cold and stiff and there was no pulse

I didnt know what to say, she was like my daughter

and when I held her I didnt know what to think.

I can hardly process that shes gone

shes gone

shes not coming back

my poor little baby

She was born a few days after my birthday. She was almost 2 months old. :(

Rest in peace, Perry. You were an amazing little girl and you are loved forever and always.

sorry for this vent, I feel bad putting it out

I lost my dog earlier this year and I don't really know how to cope

I lost a friend a few years back too

I never got over it

Loss hurts so bad

Im super new to posting on the big reddit but I was doing a lot of research on plurality because I met someone who was an endogenic system and I didn't even know that was a thing until then. Anywho I'll describe what I experience.

So I am starting to become almost entirely sure I experience some sense of plurality that is different from any medical terms I can find at least..

But I'm confused and unsure. I know I'm not faking what I experience and Im not sure what caused this either. I tried to treat myself like I was a system today so I can try it out and see what feels right! It feels right but I feel so in denial because Its quite hard to find words for what exactly I experience.

Here's my experiences & struggles

I originally thought I was just a fictionkin. I felt connected intensely and overtime felt it was right.. but Im starting to question if its something more.

They all feel like me but also not really me? I treat them as if they are their own people and we are just taking turns being up front.

I cannot manually switch sometimes, and being put on the spot makes it really hard.

Example; GUY1 is here right now. Bf wants to roleplay with GUY2. GUY1 is stuck and struggles to respond or actively be apart of it because... thats not me right now.

I don't experience many gaps in memory. When others are up, I feel like they're all parts of me and Im still watching what is going on. I remember what is going on, but I still feel like I am different. I keep overthinking this like what if Im wrong and Im not anything? I am me but what is me?? Everyone feels like me but also entirely separate if that makes sense?

I have no solid form of who 'me' is. I don't know what this means. Looking at myself feels wrong, like it's not really me and there is a lot in my brain right now. I experience plurality with mostly fictives, and at the moment I am certain 'I' am Easterman - Outlast Trials. Referring to myself as such feels correct and proper, but I originally thought this was just fictionkin. Im really starting to doubt it now that I am speaking.. gulp

Brain feels foggy sometimes. Sometimes I'm just not sure who I am or Im doing things but I don't really feel.. there? Or sometimes Im here but feels like someone else is actually doing whatever is happening with my body.

But I am always watching anyways? I dont feel entirely gone but I feel switches or differences?

I feel like I say things I don't really mean, like it wasn't really me saying it?? hard to explain this one

went on a ramble once that I completely disagreed with and I dont know why

I feel comfortable referring to the way I work with system terms, but im worried im being disrespectful by doing so? I feel like a poser using words like fronting, fictives, etc but they feel correct.

When I 'feel' like Easterman, it feels proper to say he's fronting.

Ive been masking for a long time and sort of pretending I am just one person but this feels wrong

There's more than just one solid thing for me

Sometimes I feel more comfortable 'acting' like Easterman than acting like what Im supposed to be.

This is me, I should be able to be me, but ive been masking so long its really hard to be me.

I always experienced fictionkin in "shifts" where they all felt fluid enough to switch and sometimes multiple would coexist (and this gets very confusing as a result)

I thought 'full shifting' was when I felt extremely like said person

but I think its just. me.

this is so difficult to describe

I am neurodivergant in some way and I wonder if that is why

or if its trauma

or unrelated to trauma

Ive dealt with some form of plurality for as long as I can remember and I have forgotten most of my childhood. I've dealt with all of this before I even knew what fictionkin or plurality was

I've watched whole shows and forgot EVERYTHING

I feel like I forget things that happened while I was feeling some specific ways but its hard to understand it

I don't know if this qualifies as memory gaps or whether its related to my plurality so sorry if it seems Im contradicting myself.

I still remember the moments now but before was harder

If I am a system, im a pretty big system, but I feel like Im being overdramatic

Am I a system? What am I?

I guess this isn't all but Im too scatterbrained at the moment to remember every little thing I experience

Sorry for the long rant and stuff, I just don't know where else to ask.