r/youngadults

So I came across this account of a cute guy and sent him a follow request. He accepted it nonetheless. Now I'm just confused about how to go about texting him as a girl😭 I've never properly tried to talk to a guy over instagram let alone someone I don't know.

It doesn't help that we live I'm neighboring states too. Any advice?

Just turned 19 yesterday (May 19), or well actually it was 2 days ago now.

To bring some context on the title and what I mean by materially successful (I don’t mean to brag about my success, just hope to give context):
- I just got hired to be an Executive Director at a college prep center. At 19. I am the youngest of the role at my company (we’re a small franchise chain) BY FAR. My starting salary is 82k which for the Bay Area isn’t that good but it’s certainly not bad for my age. I have some additional income from my Roblox games and the occasional freelance project too.
- I just passed 5 figures in my brokerage account, and now with my new job, I’ll probably hit 6 figures in it in a year and half or two.
- I’m a UC Berkeley EECS student, or well was. I’m currently on medical leave because my depression is so bad it is able to be classified as psychologically necessary to be on medical leave to treat it.

I had dinner at a fancy place by myself after work. Drove around some cool spots on Highway 1, took some photos for the gram (duh) and for myself, and I couldn’t help but be so conscious of how isolated I am. I was by myself when I drove down to the restaurant, when I checked in and got seated, and when I ordered my food. Everyone else around me was with at-least one other person.

Last night, I had the opportunity to hang out with a middle school friend, one who I haven’t seen for years but kept in contact with, and I drove us around the old spots from the old days.

I cried a bit while I was driving us. Passing through my old house, middle school, elementary school, the parks me and my friends went to fuck around after school. I felt very nostalgic and an extreme desire to just go back to the good old days.

But upon further reflection, I realized I had these feelings not because I want to be a kid again, god no, I quite enjoy being an adult, you can’t just randomly book plane tickets and a hotel somewhere a few hours away on a whim because you felt like traveling, but back to the point…. I realized I had these feelings because back then, I had so many friends. I was the most social butterfly ever, and pair it with my ADHD, quite the talkative and outgoing one.

Over the years post-COVID, I realize I had been getting more and more introverted, bot because I wanted to, but because I was growing up wanting to be very successful in life. I definitely felt like there was a lot of implicit pressure from my parents to perform, so that I did. In high school, I barely socialized or partied, I studied and studied and studied. I started freelancing when I was 15, and working when I was 16. I graduated high school a year early and did community college for about a year until I transferred to UC Berkeley. During community college, I constantly job hopped from being a Tutor, to a Lecturer, then Tutor again, and now an Executive Director.

In all this, I became increasingly isolated. I realize that I have like maybe 2 close friends. But I don’t even think you could consider them close. They’re the friends I’ve managed to keep around for a long time (10 and 7 years), somewhat talk to often about deep topics, and know on a very personal level.

When I turned 18, I had a mental episode and decided something needed to change. I started trying to try less and spend less time on being successful on paper, so I could try and be more social again. I went on medical leave from uni, dwindled down my freelancing and Roblox hours, and overall tried to isolate my working hours to making money to pay the bills as much as possible.

One year later…. And I still catch myself doing a lot of things by my own, wishing I had more friends, and a girlfriend, and honestly just an overall sense of hopelessness for my social wellbeing. The most progress I’ve gotten to was in springing up conversations with strangers on the train or metro, but those interactions always led to what felt like a transactional relationship instead of a meaningful friendship.

I’m so sick of it. I don’t want to be isolated anymore. I don’t want to keep doing things by myself. I want to start making friends again and eventually find myself a girlfriend who doesn’t just want me for intimacy (although I find that to be an important part of a relationship as well) or my money, and I want to try and tackle the issue of my self worth being tied to my productivity. But I have no clue how to do any of this. How the fuck do I even try to start breaking down this issue of essentially being unable to socialize???

I’m a pretty introverted guy and I honestly struggle a lot with talking to strangers unless they approach me first or there’s a real reason to talk.

Most of my friendships happened because people “adopted” me 😅

The problem now is that my current friend circle has become kinda boring. Nobody wants to hang out, do stuff on weekends, travel, try new things, or even just go out randomly. Also, my circle is almost entirely male, so I never really meet new women either. I feel like the best chance of dating someone naturally is through mutual friends, but none of us really have social circles outside our group.

I genuinely want to get out of my comfort zone, meet fun people, have experiences, and actually enjoy my 20s instead of just sitting at home every weekend.

The issue is I’m not rich, so expensive hobbies/clubs/trips aren’t really an option 😄

For people who were in a similar situation:
How did you build a better social life and meet new people on a budget?

I guess I should start with what I'm hoping to get out of this post. I wanted to know if anyone is experiencing this big "why" moment in their early adulthood. Why do I get up every morning? Why do I look this way? Why do I surround myself around the people I do? What is my purpose? Do I actually feel happy?

For me, my obligation to my family and responsibilities have kept me motivated to continue my academic career and build up a fair start into an independent "life". I enjoy what I study, I have passion towards my major, I love my friends and family, but I still feel deeply unhappy. Something is constantly eating away at me and no matter how much I organize my life it all just feels like going through the motions.

I have wild fantasies of running away. I wish I could solo travel and just talk to new people everyday. I don't want to settle into something for a long while. I want to be a different version of myself whenever it pleases me.

A few months ago I was at a greasy little diner with my boyfriend and best friend. There were old people, crying babies, couples fighting, (Yk the whole thing). They played some really good classic rock and I thought to myself "This is life. This is beautiful. I'll never be in this exact moment again". I said something like "I love you guys, isn't this beautiful" and they sorta ripped me a new one. They just complained about the place and how is wasn't good, how the food was taking to long, etc. I very embarrassingly teared up before excusing myself. It feels dumb but that pretty much sums up how I feel a majority of the time.

Compared to it being related to my personality. I feel like people don’t bother to get to know me because I’m “too unattractive” or something. I can’t accept that I’m ugly though, I don’t see myself that way.

The problem is, nobody really wants to get close to me, invite me to hang out, or into forming friend circles no matter what angle I approach it at. Am I just possibly physically unattractive?

I try to not think about how dead my social life has been for the past 3 years of uni but honestly it really does keep me up at night sometimes.

I personally am doing a physics degree and it has been a nonstop grind. The only people I meet these days are through classes and professional settings like work and research. I get along with most people quite well, people have told me I’m funny and friendly but my social calendar is empty.

I have spent the past 3 summers away from home to do physics/engineering research, take 1-2 classes, and work a part-time job on the weekend. In the summer I literally leave my home at 8 AM and do not get back until like 8 PM. I work out at like 10-11 PM and study until 2 AM. I spend most of my time in an office, in the lab (underground usually), or at a pool. I have never even gone out to tan. I live alone.

I’ve become a workaholic, kind of paranoid about not earning enough money too. I always try to take on more shifts and more tasks and come into the office during holidays too since my only alternative is rotting at home and feeling sorry for myself. I hate being unproductive. I am kind of neurotic about maintaining a high GPA. I’ve done extracurriculars like volunteer work, case competitions and clubs but I’ve literally never had a girls’ night, been on a real date, or posted on social media before.

I have been really struggling to accept that I will probably graduate without having a social life too. I always shut my windows on Friday and Saturday nights so I don’t hear or see other people outside.

I’m currently in final year of high school and working as a delivery driver for dominos for around 9 hrs per week and pulling in around 200-250 a week from it. I’m very keen for exploration and expanding into a bigger income stream but am unsure on the best ways to do it. I’m saving up at the moment and am considering doing long term investments for my future but other than that I don’t really know what I should be doing. Should I just thug out the best 9-5 I can with good money? Or are there other ways in which I can get money at this age?

Hey guys,

I'm currently on lunch and am super bored and was wondering if anyone wanted to yap?! I'm probably the biggest yapper on Reddit, if you'd believe me, send DM and let's find out.

I also love sending voice messages, if you do as well then we'd get along great! I'm from America and in the EST time zone!

Hey guys,

I'm looking for someone to yap with, preferably someone who can put effort into a convo and doesn't ghost after 2 days of talking! I'm also from the est time zone! I love sending voice messages, If you do as well, let's talk!!

When dming, please mention your asl!

Hi! I wasn’t sure what community I could post something about enjoying high school until I realized that choosing “young adults” was what I really wanted as this gave me comfort, as someone who is about to graduate. I’m going into fourth year and I know this is still an early and advance kind of mindset, but how could I enjoy this year? Since after this, we’ll all separate and further move on with our lives until we grow in to adulthood. The people I’ll be experiencing my fourth year with are the ones I’ve pretty much also grew up with. How could I cherish every moment while still focusing on growing as an individual. Apologies if this might sound far from the community I chose, I just thought some of you could give tips:). Thank you in advance.

boyfriend removed taken from bio cause its cringe and his friends keep laughting at him like his the one dating not them he said he put it for me and he didnt want to in the first place i mean we're 20yo i dont see why putting it is cringe its not like he posts about me whats the big deal for him to not put it in his bio? like my friends saw mine and just said congratulation

Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective because I’m completely overthinking this.

I’m a 20 year-old rising junior engineering student. I study at a top 5 engineering school. I’m naturally a pretty introverted guy and my only ex actually asked me out in high school, so I have basically zero experience making the first move. Lately, I've been trying to put more effort into myself such as working out, eating better, dressing nicer, and just trying to be a bit more outgoing.

​

About two weeks ago, I joined an undergrad robotics research lab. There is a graduating senior (22F) in the lab and I immediately developed a huge crush on her. The first time we interacted, I just asked her how to correctly pronounce her name, but since then we've been running some field tests and trials together. She is incredibly smart, always put together, and just has a really amazing smile.

​

Here is the problem: she is leaving in a few days. She’s moving out of state for the summer to do an internship at a big defense contractor. She is coming back to campus in the fall to start her master's, but she probably won't be in this specific lab anymore.

​Over the last few days, I actually managed to have some normal conversations with her without completely freezing up. Since she moved to the US a few years ago, we talked a bit about her home country and she gave me some recommendations on where to visit. We also joked a little bit about the weather where she's moving. Nothing super deep, but it felt really natural. The craziest part was when I mentioned I hadn't seen the rest of the lab building yet, and she voluntarily offered to give me a tour (she volunteered and there were other people in the room). That gave me crazy butterflies, but I keep telling myself she’s just being friendly to the new guy.

​

I know if I don't do anything before she leaves, I'm going to regret it all summer and wonder what if. But I also embarrass really easily, and I absolutely cannot make a move in front of our professor or the other guys in the lab. I don't want to make things weird or unprofessional for her on her last day.

​

So here is my plan. I'm going to find out if her official last day is Friday or Monday. Whenever she is packing up to leave for the last time, I'm going to wait until she says goodbye to everyone else. When she actually heads for the door, I'll grab my bag and just tell her I'll walk out with her.

​

Once we're in the hallway or walking outside and completely away from our coworkers, I plan to ask for her instagram so we can stay in touch over the summer. After she puts it in my phone, I want to just tell her I hope she has a great internship, and that I'd love to take her out for coffee when she gets back to campus in the fall so she can tell me about it.

​I feel like this makes my intentions clear, but also gives her an easy out if she isn't interested since she can just say she'll be busy. Am I completely delusional for trying this? Is saying I want to take her out too aggressive for a guy who just joined the lab? Please let me know if this sounds like a natural way to do it or if I'm going to completely crash and burn.

TL;DR: Introverted 20M with zero game has a massive crush on a 22F senior in my lab who leaves for an out-of-state internship in a few days. My plan is to walk her out on her last day, get her IG, and tell her I'm taking her out for coffee when she returns for her master's in the fall. Is this a solid, confident move, or way too aggressive?

It's my first time posting anything ever so cut me some slack pls. EXTREMELY LONG POST‼️

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ChatGPT summarised version:

I’m 17F in college and matched with a 20M international student on OkCupid. I told him my real age from the start even though my profile said 19. Initially he said we should just stay friends because I was under 18, but after finding out the age of consent here is 16, we entered a talking stage.

We talked for a few days and eventually went on a first date at my campus because I felt safer meeting somewhere familiar. The date went really well — we spent hours talking, had dinner together, and there was some mild physical touch like hand-holding and hugging. He seemed caring, emotionally attentive, and told me he liked spending time with me and was looking for something emotional rather than physical.

Afterward, some friends warned me about stereotypes regarding his race and university, which made me more cautious and insecure around him. He later mentioned I had been acting a little mean or distant.

Before our second planned date, I casually brought up the idea of an innocent “sleepover,” but he misunderstood at first and thought I meant something sexual. I immediately clarified that I didn’t mean anything sexual, and he seemed okay with it afterward.

The next morning, I woke up to find out he had blocked me everywhere without explanation.

Earlier, he had told me about a traumatic experience with an ex who became emotionally unstable after they slept together very quickly, so now I’m wondering whether my sleepover comment triggered something in him, whether he misunderstood my intentions, lost interest suddenly, or was never actually as emotionally genuine as he seemed.

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Detailed version:

17F in college. I met this guy on okcupid and we matched so we started talking. I was honest with my age from the start (my profile said 19) as he was 20M. He's an international student studying here and at first he was just saying we should just be friends since I'm not an adult yet. I was alright with that as he was quite conversational and I thought it would be nice as compared to previous ppl I met online that are my age but speaks like they have only 10 words in their vocab.

However, as we started taking more (the total duration of our "thing" was only abt a week btw) he got to know that the age of consent is actually 16. And so i asked if he still wanted to stay strictly friends bcus i just wanted to know since i was interested in him too (that's y we matched in the first place) and he said he'd like to talk, like a talking stage type.

During this time, i was in another state visiting home and would only be back after 3 days. Once I was back in the state of my college, and started my first day of semester 3 (Monday), he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out after class.

I said no as I was nervous (I've nvr dated before nor gone on any dates). I don't rmb if I told him that or just told him that I didn't want to or was busy. However, I did agree to meeting him the next day (Tuesday). So by this time, we've only talked for four days, counting the day of Tuesday. He agreed to me asking to hanging out at my campus for our first date (I asked if it's a hangout or date and he said it's a date) as that would make me feel more safe and I'd be more comfortable in a familiar environment.

The meet up was great. He was aesthetically pleasing though not what usually would attract me if he was in a crowd. But he is good looking and tall too. I nvr thought height was important till I met him lol. Honestly, most of the ppl my race r ranged around 160-175 if u push it. 

We talked for around 3.5 hrs before it was nearing dinner time and I suggested going  tgt to a nearby mall for dinner since I was less nervous with him alr and felt ok leaving the campus.

We took the train (I wanted to), but I forgot it was rush hour and it was super packed. I thought it was sweet that he walked in front of me and reached a hand for me to grab when we were getting off so I didn't have to squeeze through a bunch of strangers. Then we went to have dinner and walked around the mall until like 9. He paid for all food stuffs and was kind enough to hold my 1L bulky bottle throughout the whole day. I'm just saying even I myself found the bottle a hassle to bring about but I need it)

After we came back to my campus, we sat done at my dorm's lobby while waiting for his cab. Anyways, that day ended pretty well. Things were conversational and he was nice as far as I could see. Idk if it was worth mentioning but we were slightly physical (just things like bumping knees and the train hand holding and he held my waist for stabilisation)

Once his car was here, we kinda hugged and said bye. Then on Wednesday and Thursdays, we didn't meet cus I had plans with a friend and then was busy. I remembered on Wednesday night when we called, he mentioned I was kinda being mean... cus on that day's afternoon, I had lunch with some female friends and they were warning me abt him which got me paranoid bcus they started stating stereotypes abt his race being players and the university that he goes to r clubbers and players. 

Anyways, we planned to go on another date on Friday since I don't have class. So on Thursday night, while we were calling to plan for the date, I think I said smth that I shouldn't have after we finished planning. The conversation was kinda slowing down and I just said what I had in mind.

I asked him what he thought abt a sleepover.
He hesitated and said "maybe in a year". I understood what he meant and immediately said "nooo, not that kinda of sleepover. The kids kinda sleepover uk, not the ahem adult kinda sleepover". Then he said "ohhh, that kinda sleepover. That sounds nice".
After that, we talked a little while more and hanged up to go to sleep.

The next morning (date number 2), I checked my phone to see if he's awake and texted and to tell him that I'd be getting ready. Only to find out I've been blocked everywhere.

I rmb that he told me he got PTSD from his newest ex bcus they only known each other for 5 days and the girl insisted on going over to his apartment and ofc they did the deed. And he said the next day, he went out to play football/soccer with his friends and therefore didn't check his phones for hrs. And when he did, the girl was alr freaked, she called dozens of times and was freaking abt on whether he was out cheating or smth or wants to break up with her. He said it took his friends and her sister and him to calm her down cus she was threatening her own life. After that, he broke up with her but he said he needed counselling and couldn't date for like 5 months.

I'm just wondering if I triggered smth? But I clarified no funny business. And this is my first time dating, no way I'm doing anything like that. But he prob didn't know me well enough and maybe thought I was the type to sleep around? I did tell him I nvr dated before tho and he knew I was a virgin. I just think that if he was triggered maybe he shouldn't have said "yea that sounds nice" in a way that sounded ok. And maybe say smth before blocking. Now I'm left wondering if he just wasn't interested anymore or was it smth I said. I'm just so confused bcus he said all those nice things like he was attracted to me and liked spending time with me. When I got insecure and just confronted him with my concerns that my friends brought up abt his race, uni, and the fact that he's leaving the country in a year and most likely no come back even if he says he MIGHT be back for masters, he said what he's looking for isn't anything physical but emotional.
I just wanna know why he blocked me.

The main issue is my relationship with my parents, especially my dad.

He is very involved in my life and heavily focused on my routine and decisions (waking up early, gym, work schedule, etc.). He often tells me that people outside the family will take advantage of me and prefers I stay closely aligned with him. He also strongly dislikes my friends and discourages me from spending time with them.

He often says I shouldn’t hang out with friends because he thinks it’s a waste of time, and he gets visibly upset when I do. This has created a lot of pressure around how I spend my time and who I associate with.

Last year, I moved out after a conflict where I felt he was trying to take control of my income. I stayed at a room for a few months and eventually returned home. When I came back, I tried to follow everything he wanted (work schedule, routine, etc.) and I also contributed money/rent to the household/cab situation I use. I hoped things would improve, but the dynamic still feels conditional and based around money and compliance rather than mutual respect.

At one point, I was told: “If you want me to treat you like a friend, you’ll do as I want. If not, you’ll see.”

Because of past conflict, I’ve also had periods where I was not in school and had to rebuild stability. My family situation has been a major factor in my education and independence.

Now I’m considering moving out again, but I feel conflicted. I understand my parents believe they are protecting me, but I also feel restricted and unsure whether this level of control is healthy. I’m trying to figure out if moving out is the right decision and how to handle this situation in a stable way. I found a place already and will move this week but I just don’t want to make a decision I regret. But ultimately I’d be happier living alone. I’ve been able to do everything I wanted and did not mind my life since I was saving money and I was going to go back to school. But now I have no money and I start from 0 again unfortunately.