r/Herpes

YOU CAN STILL SPREAD HERPES IF YOU DON'T SHOW SYMPTOMS.

Please stop telling people you're asymptomatic because it doesn't mean you're safer to fuck raw than someone showing symptoms. You can never really know when you're NOT shedding if we are being completely honest. You're misinforming people and putting them at risk, I actually had a man ASSUME I was asymptomatic and thought that meant he could fuck me raw without a chance of catching it and bringing it home to his partner. This is definitely going to cause an uproar where people will debate me but argue with your local health clinic not me. Educate yourselves and stop just repeating what you hear the echo chamber say.

I’m really confused and honestly upset. My test came back positive for HSV1 but negative for HSV2. They swabbed my genital area, so I don’t understand how it can still be genital herpes if HSV2 was negative? The doctor was extremely rude when telling me and barely explained anything, so I left feeling even more confused and sad.

They told me I’ll take antiviral medicine for 7–10 days during outbreaks, and I’m hoping I don’t get them often or that they stay mild. My partner did not get tested after being exposed but he has no symptoms, and they basically told him HSV1 is way more common than people think and to just use condoms during outbreaks if we want to. But is HSV1 genital herpes accurate or would it be HSV2? That’s the confusing part!! I’ve never been with anyone who’s shown any type of symptom of that.

I feel so gross.

I guess I’m just trying to understand how this happened and if the medicine actually helps/manage outbreaks well. I feel overwhelmed right now.

Last week I noticed a sore/ulcer on my labia, went to the doctors last week and was told it was a herpes blister and got given a 5 day course of antivirals. I have just received my PCR tests back which have both tested negative, it was done by taking a swab of the sore.

This has got me worrying that it’s in fact something more serious, the doctor hasn’t gotten in contact with me about the results and what to do next and not sure they will. What are the chances of a false negative?

Just really gotten in my head that it must be something more serious and don’t know how to go about it.

Thanks in advance!

I have some questions and I am of course going to talk to him about it, but wanted to learn more beforehand. He just told me yesterday that he gets "coldsores inside of his nose occasionally, they are contagious and it has been happening since he was 6yrs old." I'm pretty sure that's hsv1... right? If so please help with my next questions if not please tell me I'm an idiot! 😅

Questions if it is hsv1:

1. If he has an active outbreak even though it's not on his mouth is kissing off the table? What about me giving him oral sex?

2. If he didn't have an active outbreak can I get it from him giving me oral?

3. With or without an outbreak can I get it from unprotected vaginal sex? What about getting it from using a condom and then he finishes on my belly... can anything happen from that?

I'm trying to google questions and it's not helping much and like I mentioned I want more knowledge before talking to him about it tonight. I don't mind if he has it, but it is a little upsetting that he didn't mention it the first time we were intimate together. He only mentioned it now almost 2 weeks later since an outbreak happened.

TW: mention of miscarriage

I’m looking for advice, especially from people who have navigated HSV in long-term relationships or separation after building a family.

I (31F) was first diagnosed with HSV-1 in 2019 via lesion swab (HSV-2 negative at the time). When I started dating my current partner(38M) in 2023, I disclosed very early, on our 2nd date, because I wanted him to make an informed choice. He was very understanding and decided to move forward in getting to know me and then being a relationship.

I had been on suppressive antiviral medication after my diagnosis, stopped around mid-2022 (was not sexually active then), and restarted suppressive therapy in 2023 when we began dating because reducing transmission risk was important to me.

In 2023, I did HSV blood testing and surprisingly tested negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2 (IgG <0.91). Because my original HSV-1 diagnosis had been confirmed by swab in 2019, I understood this blood test to be unreliable.

Later in 2023, my partner had a herpes scare (he had urinary symptoms, no sores or itching). He got tested and his HSV blood results came back equivocal, but he never went back for repeat testing because he was afraid of the result. Since then, my partner has experienced what we believe were HSV outbreaks twice (he had sores those times and antivirals made it go away).

In 2024, after a miscarriage, I repeated bloodwork and tested positive for HSV-1 and unexpectedly strongly positive for HSV-2. There is uncertainty around the exact timeline so I’m not trying to assign blame regarding the HSV-2 results.

Recently, after more than 3 years together and now having an 8-month-old baby, my partner told me that if he had fully understood HSV, he wouldn’t have moved forward with me. He said he feels trapped and regrets the decision. He also shared that earlier in our relationship, while I was going through miscarriages, he was on dating apps because he was unsure about a future with me given HSV and the miscarriages.

He wants time to think and wants to do what’s best for our child. Our conversation was calm. But hearing that changed something in me and made me feel that we need to separate. I don’t want someone being with me because they feel trapped, guilty, obligated, or because they think no one else would want them. He says that he doesn’t blame me because I disclosed but I am worried about being with someone who kept these feelings hidden for several years. Also, I worry about underlying resentment he could have towards me. He says he blames himself.

At the same time, I feel sadness and guilt. And also feel betrayed to hear that he was on dating apps while I was dealing with really challenging times.

So I’m asking:

1. Has anyone stayed with a partner who later expressed resentment about HSV? Did things « improve » or did the resentment remain?

2. If you ended a relationship after hearing something like this, how did you move forward emotionally, especially if children were involved?

Please be kind.

I (26F) got diagnosed with GHSV1 today. Here is my story (& asking for guidance). I’ve only had unprotected sex once and for a few minutes. Looking back, I know my partner knew he could give it to me. I’m not sure if it was totally intentional or if he just didn’t care. He never once told me he had it (he knew though). Anyways, im having my first out break. It started when I noticed a little irritated spot on my genitals. No pain or anything even though the spot was looking really irritated. Then it didn’t go away, and it started to burn when I peed. I also started waking up in the night because of the itch. Turns out I have GHSV1. The one time I have unprotected sex I get it. just my luck lol

Here is my thing: I am a young white woman that is considered to be very beautiful. I’m only mentioning that because it might be relevant- painting a picture here. I am very intensely pursued romantically and sexually. I date mostly young white men that work in corporate NYC (finance, law,etc.).
I also have bipolar 2 disorder. I always disclose very early on. Never bothered anyone I disclose to. Dudes love the mentally ill bitches LOL
Now that I also have herpes..? Talk about a double fucking wammy. I am worried I will never find a real partner or get married. Or have good sex ever again. Truthfully, ive never been weirded out by herpes and have said many times over the years I would date a guy with it because you can be safe about it. HOWEVER, I am soooo pissed that my partner never disclosed his HSV. Not cool. I kinda hate him now.. im almost positive he gave this to me on purpose. Disgusting loser behavior if ive ever seen it!

But I still feel fine about myself- don’t feel gross or ashamed because I know it wasn’t my fault. I know that I am just going to have to be more careful and safe moving forward. I will always disclose! And tbh i don’t care if I get some bumps here and there that are itchy- im cool about it honestly. However it is DEFINITELY a big deal in the pool of men I date.

How hard is this about to make my dating life? Am I screwed?

Edit Side note: the stigma around this is so stupid. Does it suck to have it? Yes. Is it a huge deal? No. You can 100% be safe about it. And it’s not the end of the fucking world if you get it. I now can get a “cold sore” on my lady bits here and there or maybe not at all ever again. Not any different or more gross than oral HSV. STDs should always be taken seriously but not stigmatized.
Maybe because I have BP2 that im not terrified about my whole life changing. Like been there done that lol just add this one to the list of life changing diagnoses. However, this is something I am choosing to keep to myself. I am not telling anyone. I will disclose to partners when I need to but to no one else. My biz

Reading reddit threads about people GHSV-1 being comforted about how at least you don't have HSV-2 the rare bad one. At least you're not one of those people., About how the symptoms are so much milder, how much less contagious it is, how there is so much less stigma, how it's infinitely more common than HSV-2 which is so rare

It's so frustrating knowing how similar these viruses supposedly are, how I was so close to just being able to have a normal life if it was a 1 instead of a 2.

The askmen threads about "Would you date a woman with HSV-2" everyone says they would never but when it's GHSV-1 they all have no problem with it since its the cold sore virus. The difference in tone whether its HSV-1 vs. HSV-2 is extreme.

I would pay any amount of money, go into debt for the rest of my life, do anything, just to turn that 2 into a 1.

Most genital herpes cases these days are HSV-1 (especially among young people) GHSV-1 is skyrocketing these days while HSV-2 cases are falling very fast, I still have no idea how I got stuck with the very rare virus that (generally) only older people have

I’ve been diagnosed for about nine months now and I just wanna know how much longer do I have to take the antivirals before having intercourse with people having to wait all that time before having sex just to get up on the antivirals is so annoying I do it because duh, but you know it would be nice to just get into it without having to worry about if I took my medication

hello… i really need help 🙏 i had unprotected sex with someone who was REALLY big. He pulled out, but i was very sore in my muscles afterwards.

My dumbass did it again two days later, and he finished inside.

It burned IMMEDIATELY, which i assumed was irritation from not letting any micro tears heal from the encounter 2 days prior… I thought it would heal. But now it has been like 10 days and my inner labia has been visibly red and inflamed. around my vagina is red and inflamed. It burns when the skin makes contact when I walk, and when it makes contact with urine.

I am negative for chlamydia, trich and gonorrhoea, and BV/Yeast, tho they did give me 2g metronidazole and 150mg fluconazole empirically. I am going to get tested for ureasplasma and mycoplasma gen tomorrow, however it’s very localized external inflammation.

I do have pelvic floor dysfunction, my muscles are always tense and I am chronically stressed. I am used to chronic pelvic floor symptoms, but nothing has ever been like this. Noticeably red and inflamed with this intense burn and itch. I am not sure what to think right now, but I am starting two new jobs and I can’t deal with this burn.

What can I do? Does anyone know what this is? I’m seeing my doctor on Monday, are there any treatments that I can ask him about? I would appreciate any insight.

This was forced on me and it feels like my life is over. It feels like I can’t be the person I used to be anymore. I worked so hard on myself, I’m very kind, charming, attractive woman with a great career. I was being so intentional about dating and someone took that from me by taking advantage of me. Because I knew what I brought to the table, my standards were so high and now I feel like I will never be able to date someone like what I was looking for before. Because the reality is why risk it with me when there’s plenty of other fish in the sea. I’m hoping I can just learn to be happy without love. Has anyone found love where you feel you didn’t have to lower your standards?

Hi guys, I’m f28. So, long story short, I took a herpes test and found out I’m asymptomatic for HSV1. I was telling my guy friend m(34ish) about it and he flipped out on me and insisted I tell m(27) who I have an enormous crush on and have been hooking up with for three years. Conversation ended with him announcing he was going to go do it for me. So I told m27. That was in January. He no longer answers my texts, and I haven’t heard anything from him. Last I heard he said he was going to call his doctor. I don’t know if he got tested and is negative, or just doesn’t want to put it out there that he’s positive in case I do to him what happened to me. I know I’m pathetic for this, but do you guys think he could ever come back around?

Have any of you ever experienced lovers changing their mind on avoiding people with oral herpes?

I met my GF almost a year ago and prior to us having sex she had disclosed to me that she has HSV2. Upon telling me she had stated she never had an OB and didn’t know how long she had it. She told me that she had a full panel at planned parenthood and that was how she found out. Over the course of the last year we have not used any protection and so far I have not had any symptoms and she has had no OB’s.

Last week the topic was brought up again but this time she admitted that she had lied to me and said when she was first diagnosed that she did in fact have an OB over a year ago but none since. I am feeling pretty off about her lying about this and not sure how to move forward.

I have an auto immune that I am about to start taking Humira for and am now starting to get concerned with the potential impact of having HSV2 will have on me if I were to have gotten it. Moving forward she agreed to start taking antivirals and is fine with me wearing condoms to reduce risk.

Not sure what I should do moving forward and or how worried I should be. I was considering making an appointment with my doctor and requesting a blood test even if they can be inaccurate. I have looked at transmission rates and understand they are low especially from female to male even with no protection. My fear now is that I already have it and it’s laying dormant and will show once I start taking my immunosuppressant shots. The only things I have seen with people taking immunosuppressants and having HSV2 seem pretty grim.

Does anyone have any insight with any of this?

I am almost 40 (bottom), few weeks ago I had some intimate relation/activity with someone and then exactly 2 days after THAT DAY. I had symptoms, tiny itchy blisters then two days after it popped, not painful, itchy and uncomfortable when touched. I was so stupid that I thought it was just rashes due to I am active with crossfit, you know sweats, friction etc. yeah at my age, I don’t think straight. I was so busy at work and life that my mistake was never went to a Doctor or for a test. Eventually it healed after 2 days again. So total 6-7 days.Back to normal, no intercourse just pure live, work, laugh and crossfit. Until two days ago, I decided to have myself checked for quarterly check up for PreP and some STI. Then I ask the doctor to add Hespes Test. Everything is Negative except HSV type 2. This is blood work test. So I don’t know if I had it even before or I just got it with this man. Now, I am frustrated about my decisions in life. Thinking of quitting my job and binge eating forget life for now. I don’t have any rashes now. Life is just normal. But thinking of what I have is like giving me a 3000kg barbel in my whole body. It’s frustrating.

Hi, i’m a F24 and i think i have herpes tho It doesn’t look like the images i see online and I’m scared to go to the doctor at the moment. I have some small ulcers on my labia majoras (lips), they sting a bit but nothing crazy. it burns a bit when i pee but is generally not uncomfortable. it’s day 4 today and i haven’t noticed any blistering or fluids oozing out, i don’t have a flu or flu like symptoms.

Does this still count as herpes if I only have one symptom?

How long do outbreaks typically last?

What do you guys recommend for at home or over the counter treatments for make the outbreak shorter?

What do you think about the medication Amenamevir ?

Recently i disclosed to a man i dated and he acted like i'm this terrible person who led him on. I was honest about my GHSV-1, i told everything there is to know, how long i had it for, how i take precautions, what's my shedding rate, what's the chances of him contracting it, etc. He acted like it's the end of the world, he said my condition is brutal, very rough and that i'm carrying a cross on my back...

He was very suspicious to me anyways he said he had chlamydia once and also that he had something on his lips, i said it could have easily been herpes, to which he said he could not possibly have herpes because he donates blood, i told him herpes isn't in our blood, it isn't something that they test you to when you become a donor and a person with herpes can donate blood too.

I don't want to be the rude one here but he probably has something going on if he got so defensive. It's okay if you don't want to date someone with HSV but saying these things are just straight up disrespectful. He said that medicine doesn't know everything about the virus and i laughed a little, because at first he didn't even know what HSV is.

(He also said no matter how tiny the chances are he is a very unlucky guy so he would probably contract it, even if it has 0.000001% chance.)

So after getting oral HSV-1 I had no idea that it could spread through other means besides kissing and oral sex. I had a terrible experience where a friend I had told (I had no idea how bad the stigma was or that it could affect my friendships) started refusing to share drinks with me (“if you have a sore” she ended up telling me later). I was shocked bc I genuinely didn’t know this was a thing. So now every time we hang out she’ll only drink a shared drink BEFORE I do, she told me once she’s fine with sharing tho as long as I “confirm I have no sore inside my mouth” (she’s aware that it can also be inside the mouth). So I either have to watch her stop drinking a shared thing once I do or announce that I have no sores inside my mouth.

One time she did OFFER to let me use her lipgloss, probably because lipgloss only goes on the outside lips and she can physically see I don’t have a sore there so she doesn’t have to have me confirm I don’t.

Anyways, this obviously made me want to stop telling my friends. I figured I would just not tell them, continue sharing stuff as long as I’m sore-free, and move on. Studied abroad and shared drinks with a new friend group. Made me extra grateful I didn’t tell any of them. But obviously HSV has permanently altered my life in a lot of ways and one of them is that I feel I cannot share stuff with a FULLY clean conscious because “what about asymptomatic shedding”. Am I still risking something? I’m also surprised that that one friend was ok with sharing as long as I didn’t have no sore, bc if she knows that HSV can be inside the mouth than surely she knows about asymptomatic shedding.

I thought I did my research and knew it was extremely unlikely, but then ppl on this sub are telling me I still shouldn’t share under any circumstances (“you could still spread it!!”)?? Do you guys still share food, drinks, chapstick, vapes, etc? Because I don’t wanna cause myself this much pain and aggravation over something that’s such a small chance, but I also don’t wanna feel like a bad person

How to get rid of herpes bumps on genitals my tests keep coming out negative but the itch also i got three blisters on my perineal and then i went to test i was found with trichominasis vaginalis1+ now am wondering does it cause bumps on the vulva does trich cause bumps

Horror stories I’ve observed and things I’ve picked up on in conversations.

What’s your experience navigating dating within the HSV community and not trauma dumping or giving them a lure of what lead up to your diagnosis?

We’re in a unique position to actually connect with individuals who actually understand what you may be experiencing but at the same time it may lead to an unhealthy dynamic or predatory relationships. Let me explain, some individuals may not be upfront about their dating history because it makes them the bad guy or they’re still a shitty person navigating their diagnosis and looking for someone with low self esteem or desperate.

It may be easier to date within the community, however, what is your experience with individuals who may not want to disclose their dating history and if you’re a person that’s been hurt before and want to avoid being hurt again? It seems like the biggest part (which is the disclosure) and everything else is taken with a grain of salt.

None of these sub are being used as supposed on that note a lot of yall research comes from ChatGPT or google and most of you here just make people worry and question on that note I’m off this i got all the info I needed to know thanks to research and official doctors… blessing to all