r/Herpes

I got herpes in 2024. In two years, I’ve had only two outbreaks.
In September 2026, I had another outbreak. It healed, and in October, I kissed a girl I genuinely care about and we had a little intimacy.
Now she’s telling me she has a pimple on her upper lip, and I’m fucking scared.
What if I passed it to her? 😞
I feel guilty, scared, and keep wishing I could go back and be more careful. I don’t even know if it’s herpes, but the thought of hurting someone I care about is eating me alive.
I just hope she’s okay. 💔

I wanted to announce that the wait is no more. It’s been approved under the brand name Hovilpri. Our closest thing to a functional cure is out. The hope wasn’t lost. Im very excited about this for the community. This also means that other helicase primase in production could have a higher chance of being released sooner!

So I met this guy and we ended up kissing, and just oral stuff. And I went down the full rabbit hole of herpes and now I’m so scared I might have it. Literally ever feeling I feel I think it’s herpes. It’s been a month, I went to like 4 different doctors. And they all said nothing was down there or on my lips. The guys said he doesn’t have herpes either he didn’t have any bumps or nothing either. But I’m talking to this other guy and I wanna make it official with him but I’m scared to give him anything so i literally thinking of leaving him. Cause I’m so scared but I love this man a lot and he loves me too. But I don’t know what to do. Please help me

Throwaway, but I have been a lurker on this sub for a while and I genuinely believe that a lot of the rhetoric here makes the herpes stigma worse and makes people who have tested positive bad about themselves.

For context, if you have tested positive via swab for any strain of herpes (or if you have cold sores from when you were younger) I believe it is the right thing to disclose to sexual partners at any point you feel comfortable before sex (more on this later). I also believe that this sub has a lot of good info, and kind-hearted people that help others.

Sorry for the long post, but here are my reasons:

1. The language that some users use, often comes from a sense of internalized shame about herpes. I am not trying to blame people for feeling this way, this is what society conditions us to think. Often you see users lament about how life is over, or how they hate that this was done to them, and how it is so unfair. Firstly, the stigma does make it a bit unfair. BUT, YOU ARE NOT ANY LESSER THAN BEFORE YOU HAD HERPES. YOU ARE NOT DIRTY. YOU ARE NOT WORSE OFF. YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE BUT MORE INFORMED AND MORE IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY.

Some people, may fail to realize that but those people should not be people you associate with anyway. Remind yourself, for a huge majority of people, herpes is just a minor skin condition like dandruff or eczema, the fact it is on your genitals and can be transmitted does not make it some terrible disease. If we could transmit dandruff, it still wouldn't be a big deal.

2. The obsession with disclosure. Firstly, as I mentioned before I think it is the RIGHT thing to disclose. However, it is the right thing because it protects YOU AND YOUR PARTNER. It will give you the piece of mind and allow you to feel at ease with your partner which is necessary, it is also an opportunity to vet if partners are mature, communicative, and curious about health and well being. If you are not having an active outbreak, and you are taking precautions, while I think it is not ideal to not disclose I don't think you are an awful person. Since, at the end of the day herpes is a minor skin condition. Unfortunately, I see some users here talk about how it is a MORAL INJUSTICE AND CRIME for not disclosing. And you are an awful person if you don't disclose and so on.

Firstly, name one person non-celebrity who has been sued for not-disclosing herpes. It is so common, that it would be hard to even build a case. Second, I think a lot of people on this sub believe that if their partner who gave them herpes were to disclose, then they could unsleep with them retroactively, which would mean they never get herpes, and won't feel shame about it.

The assumption here is that dealing with herpes is some big awful thing, which it isn't for most people. This assumption also hurts your confidence, and calmness while disclosing. Since there is an assumption that transmitting herpes (which is a possibility) to your new partner, would be some great injustice upon them, which it isn't. Again you should be transparent, but reduce the emotional weight of the situation.

3. The medical consensus is in agreement here. Herpes (both HSV1 and HSV2) is not really a huge deal. For almost all people, it is a minor skin condition. Annoying, yes. Does it present a lot worse in some rare instance, absolutely and it is important to acknowledge that. A lot of people here hate on doctors, since they often recommend not or downplaying disclosure (not something I support see above), but that is because doctors realize that herpes isn't a big deal. And getting or transmitting it doesn't make you worse or dirty. Should you go ahead and try to transmit, no ofc not.

4. If someone rejects you for having herpes, even if you are taking serious and significant precautions to keep them safe and have disclosed. Let them. They are shallow. A lot of people in this sub play defense for this behavior, but again this is because of the stigmatized belief that herpes is some bad disease you want to avoid that will ruin your quality of life. It will not in most cases. If you try your best to inform and educate your partner, and they still reject you let them. Admit to yourself that they are a bit shallow. They are allowed to reject you ofc, we can be rejected for anything, but just as if someone is rejected for minor weight gain, their hair color, having ezcema, or acne, it is a bit shallow. Does that make them awful people no.

But so many times, a lot of people struggle with herpes rejection, because they THEMSELVES would have rejected THEMSELVES if they were on the other end, think about why you think that. They think, if I was them I too would have said rejected me. So it is okay. It is not okay, you are more informed and you should be in a position to not reject yourself (hypothetically). (I hope this makes sense).

rant over , thx , would appreciate the feedback

This shit ruined my fucking mental health SO BAD. I was ALWAYS so proactive and careful with my sexual health. Tested before and after partners and only slept with significant others. I get raped and now this is what I have to deal with!!!! GHSV1. Doesn’t matter how attractive I am I feel DISGUSTING, ASHAMED, EMBARRASSED. Every time I meet a guy I like l just fuck it up and back out because I can’t. I can’t handle people making fun of herpes and rejection. Even though I haven’t been rejected yet this just happened to me 7 months ago. I HATE THIS SHIT. We are ridiculed daily and publicly for sores people advertise on their fucking face and NEVER have to disclose but those same faces ruined some of our bits. AWESOME.

A new medication to relieve herpes symptoms is a good thing because so many people suffer from this virus. However, knowing that it may be possible to cure herpes through scientific research, why are so few people and companies working on a true cure? Why does it seem that only China, particularly BDgene, and Fred Hutch are actively working on treatments capable of eliminating the virus? Why?

https://www.reddit.com/r/HerpesCureResearch/s/jhZFDX8vmU

I checked this with AI, looks like big news….now I guess if we could only push it for expanded use for immunocompetent people.

So, here we are. I need all replies on things GHSV1, from topics like; transmission, oral sex, things to help outbreaks, just everything.

honestly I’m in such a place of wanting to find my person; and be a wife and a mom. I do feel like being with someone who also has herpes is best. I have my degree, but I also want to be a stay at home wife and mom 🙏🏼 any advice welcome/dms are open ✨

So a couple months ago my coworker (M24) started pursuing me (F26). We would joke and just have a fun time at work and I never saw him as more until he started to act a little differently. He started texting me more, asked if I wanted to get a drink together sometime, and offered to help me study for a qualification I needed.

We ended up going to dinner and from there started talking all the time. Things got romantic and sweet very quickly. He talked about wanting to take me into the mountains to go hiking and then staying at a cabin up there. He told his family about me. He wanted to see me everyday and I wanted to see him too.

Things were starting to get physical and I knew I needed to tell him my diagnosis before things went further. I called him and told him over the phone and he said it didn’t change how he saw me and that he still wanted to be with me. I felt good about it and I figured he would do his own research on it too.

From there I felt a pretty immediate shift. He pulled back and things changed. He was canceling on plans and just seeming more distant. We still saw each other at work but I could just tell something was off. I decided to give him some space and I was having a hard time reading him. He would reach out to me sometimes, would still flirt with me at work (and I was so confused about what was happening) and then 5 days passed without him reaching out.

I figured whatever was happening between us romantically was over but I reached out because I needed some kind of conversation. I asked what happened and he said he wasn’t ready to jump back into a relationship, that it was going too fast and he was sorry. That’s all I needed to hear but he kept going and said maybe in the future we can try again because he liked me he just wasn’t ready. I told him we should just stay friends because I just felt rejected and confused. I didn’t want his pity “maybe we can try again”.

Since then he still flirts with me at work and I’m trying to maintain distance and not talk as much because it’s honestly hurting me. He still tries to help me even though I’m shorter with him. The other day he threw something at me in a playful way and I threw it back at him and he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. It feels like he always tries to be near me and to talk to me but at the same time he doesn’t acknowledge what happened and I’m hurting about it. If he wanted me he wouldn’t have rejected me. I wish I could just get over it and go back to how things were before. I’m sad and I wish I didn’t like him anymore. I want to choose myself and say screw him. I think it was because of my diagnosis and I’m having a hard time getting over this. Any wisdom or advice is appreciated.

i have hsv 1 and 2, which sent me on a research journey about a year and a half ago to find out about lysine vitamins on here. i took 1,000 mg daily to prevent outbreaks on my lips or private area until i went to get a pregnancy test and ultrasound done two days ago. good news is i have a 7 week old baby growing and the length/heart rate was looking good according to the ppl! bad news is they recommended me to stop taking all my vitamins except prenatal until i can get setup with a obgyn to discuss it further, and going only 1-2 days without my daily lysine cause a breakout in my private area. everytime in the past when i’ve missed only 1 day of my lysine, my body goes straight into a outbreak. i had the most horrible back pain but it didn’t even strike me that it was gonna happen since i’ve went a few months safe without outbreaks. i’m just so upset that i can’t take the one vitamin that gave me my confidence and comfort back since getting this horrible sickness. before i started ever taking lysine, i got 1-3 outbreaks a month. i’m afraid i’m gonna have to deal with it all the time again it gives me so much stress and embarrassment

I currently am having my first outbreak of herpes. I am in so much pain and cannot stop crying. At first I thought I had infected razor burn, then I had a uti followed by what I thought was a yeast infection and then the sores. They’ve shown up all over my labia, outer labia, even underneath and on the clitoris.

The thought of peeing makes me bawl my eyes out. It hurts so badly, like shards of glass. The only way I can pee is if I pee in the bath and even that burns. I can barely walk, or even lay in bed comfortably. I’ve been trying to keep it dry but I don’t understand how because there is soooo much watery discharge that keeps seeping out and when it does it stings the ulcers.

Ive been having lukewarm baths, applying a cold compress and taking ibuprofen to help ease the pain and itching. The first two days of applying an ice pack really helped me to get a little relief and maybe a couple of hours of sleep and now nothing will help. I’ve been lying in bed trying to sleep for hours and the pain won’t allow me to get any rest. I can’t believe this is my reality right now and that it will stick with me forever.

I have been with my boyfriend for one year and have never had an outbreak before after intimacy with him. And before that my last sexual partner was a year previous. I’m so confused about how this could have happened. I never thought this would be something I would experience. I feel so hopeless right now and all I want is to have a good nights sleep. I’m worried about how this will affect my sex life with my boyfriend moving forward too. He was really understanding when I spoke to him about it on the phone and said he would get tested again but from what I understand it’s not common for it to show up in a blood test.

If anyone could please give me any tips on how you were able to get quick relief and a wink of sleep that would be awesome.

First off let me say that I had no idea whatsoever that I was hsv2 positive. My bf and I were dating about 6 mos, took a break for 4 weeks (I didn’t see anyone), then we’ve been trying to get back together. At our “reunion date” on Tuesday 9/29 he suggested that we should get tested before being sexually active again. Me being cocky and overly confident, I went straightaway Wednesday (9/30) to get tested. Well to my horror, HSV2 came back “Abnormal”. Went for a follow up and more thorough test on Thursday 10/1, and I saw him that night. I didn’t have sex bc I was so hoping it was a mistake.
Well fast forward to late evening Friday 10/2 and new test comes back, no question I’m positive for HSV2. So now I am dying inside for all the reasons. I would NEVER withhold this information, I can’t believe I may have put him at risk or worse that he has it now bc of me! I love him and I have no idea how to tell him this. We are just getting back together and I’m just gutted at how he’s probably going to look at me when I share this news. My friend says “maybe he gave it to you” but I just can’t imagine that to be, mostly bc I just can’t wrap my head around anything other than I’m a perpetrator of sorts. So, does anyone have any advice here? I just have no idea how to broach this conversation with him.

TLDR- I didn’t know I had hsv2 and now I have to tell my bf who I unknowingly put at risk and potentially could gave it to

I’ve always been a super depressed girl. I turned 25 yesterday and recently got diagnosed with ghsv1. I got it from someone who says they’ve never had a cold sore in their life and didn’t have one present at the time but refused to get tested and told me mine was a false positive. I’ve had it for 4 months and have had 3 outbreaks. I feel like my life is over. I’ve never been a super sexual person but I feel like my freedom in that aspect of my life is gone. It’s hard to believe someone will love me with this and I’m too scared to disclose because I live in a small town where everything gets around fast and hsv is not very common here. I’m NOT SAYING I DONT DISCLOSE. IM JUST SAYING I HAVE RESTRAINED FROM ANY EMOTIONAL OR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. I’m trying to accept just being alone for the rest of my life because I’m too afraid to tell anyone and would feel a major guilt if I passed it. Everything I read says ghsv1 doesn’t have many outbreaks after the initial one but that’s just not the case for me. I got an outbreak when I shaved. I got my initial outbreak. I got an outbreak when I used a dildo and I got an outbreak when I used my vibrator. It seems like anything touching that area causes one. My life is OVER. I have put a downpayment down for an SOT. But seriously will there be a cure in the close future? My mental health is declining rapidly. I had been celebate for almost 2 years before this and just regret ever having sex again. And the first time I did I contracted oral herpes on my genitals. I know the comments are coming that it’s really not that big of a deal and I applaud everyone who has accepted it and gotten through it but for me??? I can’t deal with this. It’s always been my biggest fear and now it’s true. Since contracting this virus though it has been eye opening. I have learned it’s mostly stigma. Although I have had a lot of outbreaks in this short time , they are more annoying than life changing and aren’t super big outbreaks. Idk man …. I just don’t want to be here for this. I fully believe there is a cure and I refuse to go to therapy or take medication and give the government exactly what they want. I feel like a cure hasn’t came out because they don’t want it cured and they want people to still spend money on these silly treatments. Do they not understand not everyone takes antivirals but EVERYONE would buy the cure no matter how expensive.. I would spend my last on it.

Backstory: I got HSV2 during Covid from my girlfriend at the time who never told me she had it until it was too late.

Now there’s one of my coworkers I’m attracted to who goes out to bars with me a lot after our shifts. We flirt pretty much every time we go out and the last time we did we were super touchy, more than normal. We made plans on both of our days off to hang out together and even though we might not even have sex when we hang out I’m still stressing like crazy thinking about what I will even say if it gets to that point. I did have a girlfriend about a year and a half ago who knew I had HSV2 and didn’t care. We had plenty of sex and she never got infected which was great. But I have never had this conversation with a friend let alone a coworker. I’m terrified of the possible rejection or disgust stigma that people have when they hear “herpes”. I know I’m not alone but I just need advice and want to hear other people’s stories if they ever got into a situation like mine.

Hi guys, need your help . I am stressed out as i got to know that i have hsv-1 as i recently got cold sores and its incurable. So i have few questions, if anybody know and can help me . I would appreciate alot.

1. i have heard that while we have cold sores , we cant be intimate with our partner and i understand that. But once i am completely healed , like no visible cold sore . Can i still kiss my husband like usual 😔 . Feels like my love life is gona change due to this as i dont wana transfer anything to him especially genitals hsv.

2. even if i dont have cold sore , we cant anymore engage in oral sex as their is still chance ,he can get it from my mouth?

So it means , if we eliminate oral sex , and use condom will it be fine. Can ut prevent him from getting genital hsv.

3. what precautions can we take and still enjoy our love life as usual . My husband is very supportive and he doesn't care and just loves me . But i dont him to suffer . Please help me . How can i prevent any genital hsv as i just have hsv-1 from cold sores but i dont wana give him anything on his genitals or anything very serious.

I hope everything gets fine soon 🙏

I had a possible exposure about 8 weeks ago, my first test was done less than 4 weeks in using igM (which I learned is not recommended).
I tested positive but don’t have my symptoms, was wondering how long after did you guys wait to get tested especially if you’re asymptomatic.

I’m struggling with telling people I have this disease that I’m dating I find it embarrassing how do you let someone you like when you are dating or talking to?

I’m curious to know what people living with this tell people who don’t have it?

How do y’all deal with the depression and internalized disgust?
Logically, I know it’s not a major chronic health issue and that my dx doesn’t limit me; on the contrary infact, it’s expanding my self perception. I just can’t stop crying, dissociating, or being anxious from the moment I wake up yk?
I, 19 FTM NB, contracted ghsv2 back in August from protected sex with 3 new partners. (Neg blood 2x, pos swab 1x) My primary Ob came with uti and bv; IT WAS AWFULLY TRAUMATIC.
I’m just now getting back to feeling safe in the shower. I’m just so bitter and its hard to lay off the emotions despite using art and fitness as an outlet. I feel so lost and violated. Some days are easier, others are harder; it’s been a full month now.
I am fairly attractive and currently dating/sex isn’t a priority for me; but I know down the line I would like to be more involved. I know my status doesn’t mean I should settle for anything short of what I would when I was negative; yet, I keep feeling undesirable and self-deprecating.
I have lots of indignation from being undereducated about HSV specifically as an sti, but I also now understand I could have took every precaution possible and it’s never a 0% risk if you are sexually active.
I just try not to spiral, I actively correct my thoughts, but the emotions persist. I think about it all day long, granted, I do think part of it is ocd; my contamination obsessions have reactivated and I have been trying to reduce my handwashing compulsion. I will walk in and out of the bathroom 3x to wash my hands after the restroom or shower and its so distressing to have ocd bother me so much again, especially being I had mitigated my hypochondria.
The upside I guess is my worst fear is already over and it’s not as bad as I feared ig. Never wanted to get burnt; now I have an incurable sti FOR LIFE from a fucking hookup that means nothing and I don’t know which partner it even was😩

I’m hung up over it bc Ive never dealt w other stis, not even during when I had to do sw to get by; so I genuinely thought I was doing everything “right”
I love myself very much; I feel like I failed to protect me. I’m trying to be patient and kind, it’s so hard.
This dx has “undone” for a lack of better words alot of work I do to make my mind hospitable, my body feel safe, and even deal with shame and sexual liberation from trauma.
I know I am still desirable; but already being trans, a black femme, queer, and alternative the pool was already tight for me. I wonder about how sapphic dating will look going forward and my sex life in general. I was only having casual sex to avoid the emotional labor of potential loss, and now I wish I stayed abstinent or atleast took the risk with someone who was intimate enough to be around after.

I’m also scared of triggering recurrent obs when I go back on Testosterone, so if any of my fellow positive transmascs can give me some reassurance that’d be helpful😞

I understand all the feelings and complexes that resurfaced upon my diagnosis are not new, but the intensity is. Dealing with Hsv2, Ocd, Adhd, Cptsd, autism, scoliosis, ibs, and eczema.
Jesus fuck I was howling like a dog to be put down ts hurt so bad omsss. I am greatful to have my mobility and underwear privileges back; but I still feel like I’m missing out and mourning something that I know truly doesn’t exist. I’m reassured by life everything is fine and infact on its way to being better, but I still FEEL!! I’m not scared I’ll never have romance or sex again; I’m js nervous about how it will look now.
I got frisky with a new guy about a week ago; we didn’t have penetrative sex, but it was so close I js felt the need to lay it out. Once the cat was out the bag he was very empathetic and just as, if not more, touchy than before; which really helped me feel a little more human and out of my ego about it. He wasn’t shy w/ his tongue either🫦
It served as exposure therapy and a reminder to not think negatively about being positive. I think it also eased some of my anxiety about autoinnoculation; despite the fact I haven’t masturbated since my dx, I find self play doesn’t appear as scary anymore. If someone negative can touch and lick me from the rooter to the tooter, I as the carrier def shouldn’t feel shame jerking it.
I know the future is bright and I am BEYOND unshakable bc I got over all the bs before herpes. After I realized it’s kind melodramatic to wanna kms after dx (been dealing w ideation since 8 so its def more than the herp, but I digress) I figure I might as well just shoot to live even more!

All this rambling to ask…Despite my good attitude and coping I still feel guilt, shame, depression, and uncertainty. Is there anything more to do than let time pass?