r/selflove

I refuse to try to even seek a new relationship though I have like for a night thoughts of being alone but it quickly changes.

Any man who approaches me im immediately defensive and brush them off. I dont attempt to go on dates cause the thought annoys me and im offput by love. But theres still a little part of me that wants to seek a romantic relationship, but i feel like im hesitant because my last one ended so horribly..

I dont think this feels like self love but more just protecting myself- any advice from anyone who was in the same boat?

During my school years, I was the girl who would not get any attention from the guys. I saw my friends going on dates and boys having crushes on them, while I was just there existing 😅 I understood from a very early age I would never fit the beauty standard, so it made me realise I didn't even have to try, because the attention would never be on me. The girls who get all the attention from the boys were far more insecure than me because they knew they were an option they knew they were in the "game". They would often change their look, their behavior to perfectly fit the standard set by society. As I understood I was the only person that saw my value I started to love myself unconditionally. I didn't need to change how I looked, I didn't have to change my behavior, because not matter what I did I would always be invisible to them anyways. I freed myself from the complexity of fitting a beauty standard that should've never existed.

Male, 23. I have been having a hard time getting into any relationship, and a big reason why I started so late in my life is because I didn't realize until some time ago: I don't love myself. I don't view myself as ever enough. I don't see myself as someone worthy enough to date.
People tell me to be confident, but how can I be confident when I'm never someone's first choice? I also believe I'm slowly becoming a pessimistic person, and my time with my life-long friends is going to come to an end most likely because of how I'm acting. I can't help it. I know too much about a lot of things that are happening.
I truly believe it's because I don't love myself. How I know is from when I did at 19 years old. My life felt good not because I was 19, but because I understood the values I carried, was happy with them, and viewed myself as someone worthy and determined for anything I wanted. That's changed now. I got kicked down by my mother and never recovered, and I started spiraling from there. And here we are now.
I truly don't love myself. I didn't want this to be a rant, but I also wanted people to understand the full story. So, if you have any advice that really could help me, I will appreciate it.

i am desperately trying to love myself in times of loneliness. they say you should be your own best friend, but when the feelings of loneliness and sadness are so strong, I often dont know what to do. thank u all:)

Is sitting with emotions just feeling them? Like right now since I'm feeling sad, is just all there is to it purely sitting through the emotion, not looking for a distraction or something to immediately distract myself or cheer myself up, just feeling the emotion fully?