r/selflove

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If you are suffering from any problems or want to vent about anything without being judge ..I don't care you are a male or female if you really need a listener do reach to me i would really like to hear you and give my best suggestion..as mental health is very important.. people aren't open about it so if you are really need a talk I am here

... After he tried to rape me.

And I'm stuck on the amount of twisted blame he put in his breakup message. Those lies and attacks on me as a person hurt so much more than just admitting we aren't compatible.

I'm relieved he's gone even though he loved me intensely, but that last message really hits me in the worst possible wound. I've been great about not reading it again, but I'm so tired of being blamed and punished and blamed for the pain other people inflict with their harm.

I was doing so well, and now I'm back at square one. And I feel like this will never stop happening.

I was never enough. For anyone. But, most importantly, I wasn’t enough for myself.

The way others treated me growing, shaped how I treated myself. I was the last one to be picked for teams in P.E. so, I ended up choosing myself last every single time I needed to make a choice. Never having any romantic interactions (both growing up and now), made me decide I wasn’t worthy of being treated as kindly or softly as other women.

I was always “too chubby”, but then I lost weight and now I'm “slim enough, no need to lose more”. Before I “trusted the wrong people too easily”, but now… “You’re always in your room, you’re never going to meet anyone like that”.

Nothing about me is easy (Not my words). I'm either too much or nothing at all. I'm somewhere between “too reserved” and “omg can you please just slow down and shut up?”.

I should “smile more”, but not too much. Oh and I'm also “so funny expressive” but “too grumpy”.
I talk “too fast” and need to slow down but why am I always “so quiet and not even try making conversation with people”?

Understanding I could never win gave me a new perspective on life… Changing who I am for people will only make me feel more detached from myself. More miserable… I will make everyone uncomfortable either way so I might as well learn how to accept this flawed version of me.

Maybe one day I'll believe I'm deserving of the tenderness and love I've never gotten from others… but until then, I will simply be and, it will have to be enough for now.

There’s a Japanese quote…

If you get on the wrong train,
get off at the nearest station.
The longer it takes you to get off,
the more expensive the return trip will be.

And maybe in life too, the sooner we let go of certain things, the less we lose ourselves.
Because in the end, losing yourself is probably the most expensive loss of all, isn’t it?