r/selfcare

I am so, so incredibly tired. My body feels like it weighs a million pounds, my eyes are burning, and I’ve been yawning non-stop for hours. But the exact second my head hits the pillow? BAM. My brain decides it’s the perfect time to review every single embarrassing thing I’ve done since 2012, or randomly wonder about some bizarre trivia.

I’ve tried everything. Flipping the pillow to the cool side a hundred times, breathing exercises... I even gave up and just stared at the ceiling for an hour. It honestly feels like a hamster wheel in my head, and the stop button is completely broken.

The worst part is that dreaded "sleep math." You look at the corner of your phone and realize, "Wow, if I fall asleep right this second, I’ll get exactly 3 hours of sleep before my alarm goes off." The moment that hits you, the anxiety just skyrockets.

Honestly, it gets so lonely when the whole world is dead silent, and you're just trapped inside your own head.

I’m a woman in my 40s with two young kids, working part-time, and we’re currently in the middle of selling one home and buying another. Overall, we live a pretty quiet, low-key life. We’ve had our fair share of significant challenges over the years, but one thing that’s really stood out to me lately is how difficult it is to find genuine friendships.

I don’t like drama, I’m pretty easygoing, and when I was younger, making friends seemed to happen naturally. These days, it feels like everyone already has their established circle?

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you meet your people? Was it through your kids, work, hobbies, or did you just learn to be content with a much smaller circle?

I’d love to hear other people’s experiences.

Hey everyone, just your scheduled reality check.Today I caught myself getting stressed about not being "productive enough," and then I remembered I am literally an ancient stardust consciousness trapped inside a meat suit, trying to figure out taxes, relationships, and how to properly roast broccoli all at the same time.If you managed to do any of the following today, you are officially winning

:Drank liquid that wasn’t 100% caffeine or sugar.

Did not let the intrusive thoughts win when looking at your own split ends.

Forgave yourself for that weird thing you said to a cashier in 2018.

Breathed in and out consistently.

We spend so much time bullying ourselves for not being perfect. But your body woke up today and decided to keep your heart beating without you even having to ask it to. That is top-tier loyalty.Be nice to yourself today. Buy the fancy coffee, take the long shower, or just lie on the floor like a starfish for twenty minutes. You’ve survived 100% of your worst days so far.What is one tiny, aggressively average thing you did for yourself today? Let’s celebrate some low-bar victories in the comments

looking for something very moisturizing that leaves my skin soft and shiny. i like eos but was wondering if anyone had any good recommendations

Hii ! I get really sad some days so I wanted to make myself a comfort items bag. Recently, I’ve bought some loop earplugs and chamomile tea and heat pack. I’m wondering what other comfort items I can buy for these really hard days when you are so sad and can’t stop crying or it’s been a rough day or you have PMS or period cramps or tired or whatever. What other things should I buy for my comfort bucket ?! What are you favourites ?

Hello!

To make a long story short: I’m coming out of a very complicated romantic relationship; I broke up with him two days ago. He was emotionally abusive and manipulative (see my other Reddit threads). I’ve managed to cut all ties with him.

Now, I’d like to take some time for myself, because I haven’t been single in 10 years, and that really scares me.

I’d like to get to know myself, learn to stop hating myself, and learn to love myself, but I don’t know where to start.

What do you think is the definition of loving yourself? And how do you go about it? I’m completely lost.

Thank you!

Hey everyone,
I’ve been feeling really anxious lately and just needed to get this out somewhere.

I’ve been through three layoffs in the last three years, and none of them were performance-related. I’ve consistently tried to do my best, had good feedback in my roles, and really cared about my work. But going through layoffs repeatedly has slowly worn down my sense of stability and confidence more than I expected.

Now I’m in the phase of job searching again, and honestly, it’s been emotionally exhausting. Even when I’m interviewing or getting through rounds, there’s this constant background anxiety that something will go wrong or I won’t make it through again. Rejections feel heavier now than they used to, and it’s hard not to spiral into self-doubt.

On top of that, I’ve had comments from some family and friends suggesting that this might be due to performance, even though I know that hasn’t been the case. It’s been really hard hearing that while I’m already trying to stay grounded and keep going.
Tonight is just one of those nights where everything feels a bit overwhelming — the uncertainty, the job search, and the anxiety all piling up.

Just hoping for some kindness and understanding from people who might relate or have been through something similar. Some kind words would honestly mean a lot.
Thank you

Backstory

39.5 year-old female, married & childfree-by-choice. Works F/T in a hybrid role & P/T doing bookkeeping for our family's business.

I've convinced myself I'm a "night owl" for no real reason other than I grew up in a household with a dad who worked nights. So over the years, I've developed horrendous sleep habits. I return home from work around 5p absolutely exhausted*. I bet rot or nap until 7 or 8p. It's easy to say 'don't lay down!', but I simply can't help it. I'm worn out, both physically & mentally. After napping, I get a "second wind" & end up staying up far too late. I don't even do anything productive, e.g. it's far too hot 'n humid to go for a walk. I'm exhausted before the next day even starts. On the weekends, I sleep 'til noon or 1p & waste the entire day.

I've tried all the usual suggestions, e.g. developing a sleep routine, going to bed or getting up earlier in small increments, reducing screen time (using AppBlock & DND), etc. None of it sticks. And now I'm desperate enough to make a drastic change & try to ride out the side effects until my body adapts.. bed at 8p; up at 5a. Home (if no errands) > pet care > dinner > shower > wind down > bed. No chores. No workouts. The bare minimum during the work week. At least to start.

I've read you need to establish goals & a routine if you're going to succeed. First up..

Goals (in order of importance)

1. Reduce chronic exhaustion/fatigue
2. Prehab - I'm preparing for a big surgery October 5 & per doctor's orders, I need to 1) Build stamina through regular walks; 2) Increase protein intake. Getting up before it gets too hot should, theoretically, encourage me to take a walk (I also need sunlight to reset my circadian rhythm). I'll also have more time for breakfast.
3. If I can tackle 1 & 2, I'm hoping I'll make better use of my time, especially on the weekends.

My husband seems willing to give it a shot (he's usually tired by 8p himself), so it shouldn't cause any major disruptions in our household. If I can just not lay down between 5-8p!

I have a few 4th of July outings, so the plan is to start the evening of July 7th (I'll post my plan later). Luckily, my boss & closest co-worker will be OOO next week if I'm feeling extra tired and/or grumpy, lol.❓Any tips or tricks to be successful?

*It's important to note I have a few chronic health conditions (through no fault of my own) that cause fatigue. We keep a close eye on my labs; nothing outta whack. My body feels best when I get 8.5-9 hours of solid sleep/night. Sleep is essential to my overall health. I have to get this under control!

Spent most of my 20s doing what every podcast and 5am morning routine video told me to do. Wake up earlier, push harder, optimize everything. Turns out my body was quietly telling me it needed sleep and rest the whole time, I just wasn't listening. At 34 I've started actually checking in with how I feel before deciding what to do that day. Tired means rest, not push through. Hungry means eat, not intermittent fast until noon. Sore means walk, not another heavy session. Wish I'd figured out sooner that my body was smarter than any productivity guru online

I’ve been thinking about a gift for someone who needs a little stress relief at home, and I keep coming back to hands-on crafts. Not in a “this will fix everything” way, more like sometimes it helps to have one small physical task in front of you. Cut this piece, glue that shelf, line up the tiny window, take a breath. A miniature kit seems nice because it has a clear start and finish, and the result is something cozy instead of another app or journal you feel guilty about not using. Has anyone here found detailed crafts genuinely calming?

Been dealing with anxiety my whole life but only really started managing it properly in the last couple years. Tried all the typical advice deep breathing, journaling, meditation apps and while some helped occasionally, nothing really stuck long-term. Made me feel like I was doing it wrong tbh.

Finally found some approaches that actually work with my anxious brain instead of against it. Nothing revolutionary, just stuff that clicked:

• The "5-4-3-2-1" thing when I'm spiraling. Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Sounds dumb but it pulls me out of panic mode by getting my brain to focus on right now instead of the disaster scenarios.
• Writing down worst-case scenarios and then what'll probably actually happen. My brain loves jumping to the worst possible outcome. Seeing it on paper shows me how ridiculous it usually is, and the real likely outcome is almost always fine.
• "Worry window" - only letting myself worry between 7-7:30pm. When anxiety hits during the day, I write it down and deal with it at worry time. By evening most of it seems way less important or I've forgotten why it even mattered.
• Cold water on my wrists or face when panicking. The shock just interrupts everything. I keep a water bottle in the fridge for this. Works way better than trying to breathe through it.
• Box breathing but only in the shower. Something about warm water plus breathing actually calms me down. 4 counts in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold. Only time that breathwork stuff actually works for me.
• Keeping a "did well" list instead of to-do lists. End of each day I write 3 things I did, even tiny stuff like made breakfast or texted someone back. Helps me see what I accomplished instead of obsessing over what I didn't do.
• Tensing and releasing just my jaw and shoulders. Hold for 5 seconds then let go completely. That's where most of my physical anxiety lives and releasing it gives this weird instant relief feeling.
• I use Soothfy for anchor activities (stable routines that keep me grounded) and novelty activities (different stuff to stop boredom and keep dopamine up). Having both predictable calming things and fresh engaging stuff helps me stay balanced without getting stuck in anxious thought loops or getting bored and restless.
• Stopped fighting high-anxiety days. They just exist sometimes. Those days are for easy stuff only comfort shows, light stretching, organizing one drawer. No guilt about it. Fighting makes it 10x worse.
• Pre-planning what I'll do if anxiety hits in public. Like "if I panic at the store I'll go to the bathroom and run cold water on my wrists." Just having a plan removes that extra fear of not knowing what to do if it happens.

Been managing pretty consistently for about 4 months now which is honestly a big deal for me. Anyone else find weird stuff that works? The normal advice never really clicked.

I feel like I keep seeing “self-care” framed as this big aesthetic ritual with a million steps, and honestly sometimes that makes it feel like another thing to do instead of something that helps.

I’m trying to figure out what self-care looks like when you’re tired, mentally fried, and don’t want to commit to a whole routine. Not necessarily productivity habits either, more like the little things that genuinely make you feel more grounded or cared for at the end of a rough day.

What’s something simple that actually works for you? Could be a shower habit, a bedtime thing, making tea, cleaning your space, whatever. I’d love ideas that feel realistic instead of aspirational.

You know the one that is not popular, not advertised everywhere, but somehow worked better than the hyped stuff. Curious to hear everyone’s underrated skincare holy grails

I’m leaving for a trip in about 5 weeks and of course this is when I start noticing everything about myself. My skin looks dull and tired, my makeup isnt sitting right, my texture looks more obvious and I just feel like my face looks exhausted even when im sleeping enough.

I dont want to spiral and start panic buying a bunch of products because that usually makes things worse but I also want to feel a little more confident and taken care of before I go.

For people who get weirdly self conscious before trips, what do you do in the weeks leading up to feel more like yourself? Do you keep your routine basic or add one small selfcare step?

I've been trying to carve out 30 minutes for myself at night and it should be simple but I keep getting up to check something or feeling like I should be doing something else instead. Is this just me or do other people struggle to actually stay in the moment when they're supposed to be resting?

I have been seeing more people talk about lymphatic drainage lately and some swear by massages while others recommend supplements, I'm not using either right now but I'm just curious if anyone here has actually tried them.Did you notice any real difference with puffiness or how you felt or was it mostly hype?

I woke up today feeling drained
That happens to me a lot
It's like I'm grasping every glimpse of energy i have and well.. it's not a lot
Any advice?
How do you guys refill ur energy?

After i got fired from my job last year I wasnt doing great mentally and one of the first things to disappear was taking care of myself.

I like stopped doing my skincare and everything, stopped going on walks, lived in oversized clothes, stayed up scrolling and convinced myself none of it mattered.

A few months ago I stopped trying to completely reinvent myself and just focused on one or two small things every day like stuff like washing my face before bed and making tea and reeading for 10 minutes. Nothing dramatic, just small habits I could stick with and i still have bad day, but I like feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

I'd love to hear what small habit helped you the most, because im always looking for ideas that are actually like sustainable.

Everyone's talking about bodycare prep, but I rarely see people talk about what they do after spending the whole day outdoors. Between the heat, sweat, dirt, and being constantly on the go, skin can be damaged. What’s #1 summer hack for keeping your skin glowing throughout the season?

I’m almost 7 months PP and want to feel like myself again! 😩 I’m a SAHM and it’s honestly really hit or miss if baby and I sleep well, and I think sleep deprivation is really taking a toll on my skin. I drink about 3 liters of water per day plus a cup of coffee. And I try and eat healthy but I look in the mirror and I just look so blah. My hair is long but it’s always in a messy bun or a braid, I’m tempted to cut it to my collar bones to see if that helps me look refreshed. I also never wear makeup anymore because if I leave the house it’s mostly just to the grocery store. But I’m also tempted to start getting lash extensions just for something. I’m trying to get back in the routine of working out, unfortunately it’s over 100° now so stroller walks are out the window. I told my husband I don’t like how I look and he replied ‘you just look like a mom’. Like what does that even mean? It didn’t make me feel any better lmao.
Any tips, tricks or advice is appreciated!!