r/ptsd

I'm struggling to drink enough fluids, I think it is connected to abuse I got when I was young for drinking too much water according to my parents. I have tried different bottles, reminders, and straws. Everytime I drink water the thought of I'm going to get hurt for drinking keeps coming into my head. Currently I'm drinking less then 30 oz for day, and it needs to change.

I’m 36 and I have chronic shame over incest trauma.

I hope it's okay to share this here, and if not, please leme know. I approach with genuine care and curiosity, but I also want to be respectful and avoid retraumatizing anyone.

I've had a very complicated and painful past. When I was between 13 and 17, I was groomed by my mother's sister, who was also my godmother. It was secretive and deeply confusing. During that time, I was referred to as a little boyfriend and I believed every bit of it. She was a godparent to me but I kind of loved her?

In college, I found myself voluntarily reaching out to her whenever I had conflicts with my girlfriend. Looking back, I realize it was a bad decision maybe an attempt to find comfort or understanding in something familiar. I never really got over it, and those experiences have left a lasting impact. Sadly, she passed away due to COVID in Italy in 2022 without any closure.

Now I struggle with having incest fantasies, sometimes trying to rationalize them philosophically questioning how wrong it really is for a daughter to love her father, or a brother to love his sister, or a mother to nurture her son emotionally. I don’t have children, but I carry a surreal, fearful desire that if I have a daughter someday, I might want to have a very raw and loving relationship with her. It’s rooted in trauma, but I recognize how harmful and complex these feelings are.

I don’t know if I have specific questions, but I do carry a deep sadness and an intense desire for intimacy within kinship that normal friendships and bonds rarely satisfy. I come from a small family where family ties are very strong, and I’ve been building my own life recently.

I’ve kept it to myself most of my life and if others have dealt with same and found ways to cope and heal I’d love to hear from you and just literally need help.

After the twin earthquakes I experienced on June 24th, I have been having issues with going to sleep.

I am sleeping and all of a sudden I feel my bed shaking (even when it is not shaking) I wake up, jump out the bed and try to run away, half asleep.

The aftershooks affected me so much, they were so strong, and we had multiple ones every day. More than once they woke me up, and I would wake up in the middle of my room shaking horribly.

Now they have ceased a lot, but if my bed moves a little, or when I feel my heartbeats while resting, I feel my bed is shaking and I can't get rid of my alert mode. It is exhausting.

I find issues sleeping in the night as well.

Advice, thoughts?

I was mentioning EMDR and if he could recommend someone.

He told me I don't need it ? He said I talk about my traumatic experiences normally, that means it is okay now

I told him, maybe that is because I repressed them, the feelings, the memories and everything, I tried to represe them back then to cope and survive, but they are not really resolved (not sure what resolving a trauma is about exactly yet)

He basically responded no it is okay now and you managed through it

How true that is ? Please mention details/sources/some qualification before your answer so I can trust it

I need some help.

I have been holding in a lot of anger. And it usually lashes out toward the people that deserve it the least. I have so much trauma to work through from my life that I just have not been able to. Meds havent worked (though the meds I used were for bipolar because I also have bipolar as well)... regular talk therapy hasnt helped.

My question is, for those of you who also experience intense anger that stems from your PTSD/trauma, what actually helps you cope so you dont lash out? I dont want to hurt the people I love and dont want to keep pushing people away. So, how have you been able to lessen the anger and its hold on you? Should I go to anger management? Is that helpful for anger that is specific to PTSD/trauma?

Wondering if anyone else had this experience if you spent any time at a mental hospital?

I went to one in Los Angeles in February and the entire place was mostly staffed by young volunteers and interns. Some of them teenagers. There were a few qualified nurses who were there around the clock and a doctor who spent less than an hour there per day. But the rest of the time, I was surrounded by young people unqualified to deal with mental health issues in what I would consider to be a high stakes environment. My social worker was an intern getting her Bachelor’s Degree. The therapists who ran our support groups were in college.

Is this normal??

Hello! I read the rules and I think this is allowed, but I apologize if I missed something. So I just got diagnosed, and honestly I am really confused. I know this is a conversation best for me and my therapist, but it's gonna be a while till our next appointment together so I just wanted to hear opinions from other people with PTSD. So, I recently got diagnosed with PTSD, and this honestly came completely out of left field for me. I never would have even considered that I might have PTSD. However, I think a big part of that stems from the fact that I always assumed to have PTSD you had to have flashbacks, but I guess you don't? And like, she was going over a lot of the symptoms with me and it made sense that she would diagnose me, but like the traumatic event that this supposedly stems from is something that I never really considered to be significant in my life. Like yes it happened, and yes it sucked, but like I don't really think it affects me? Especially not to the point where I have PTSD. But like, I don't really know what else it would stem from? I don't have many other huge traumatic events. Idk I know its hard to really gauge anything without you all knowing my specific history and my situation, but idk I just wanted to reach out because I did not expect this at all.

Hi,

Hope everyone is well.

New to this Sub & wondered if anyone else’s PTSD/CPTSD caused them to make a lot of irrational decisions upon reflection?

Now that mines thankfully treated & in remission I can see how many bad decisions it caused me to make, it’s actually scary & lucky to be alive.

Idk where to being. I had a abusive father who cheated on my mother, she left him and I got bullied at school for it. That doesn't matter tho cuz school was a half hour away from both houses, so I never had the chance to make friends. Then when I was 8 I was violently r**ed by my neighbor, he held a knife to my throat and threatened me if I ever told anybody, so I didn't. Eventually this led to me stealing and drinking at 11 yo. I stole a gun when I was 13 from my day one night and I planned on king myself but never could bring my self to do it, I wish I did. One day my little cousin came over to play and I wanted to show him, I was messing around with it and it went off and k***ed him. I was arrested at 13 and I spent the next 2 years in a juvie. COVID happened athe the beginning so I couldn't see a therapist, or visitors, i was stuck in a room with no windows, bed, or restroom for 2 years. I got out at 15 and the world changed so much, i was institutionalized. But I finished school, every one knew the story's but not the truth and it prevented me from getting a friend or a gf. Im 20 now, still alone. I get really bad flashbacks, i relive that day every night. I barely can make rent let alone a therapist or the insurance for one.

I wish I ended it when I was 13.

I've been diagnosed with ptsd for over three years now and unfortunately it's never really 'gotten better'. I reduced my SSRI dose as I react to heat really bad (hives, heat intolerance) to half and I have definitely been more irritable, hypervigilant. Recently I snap at my partner for seemingly no reason- it obviously hurts his feelings and it crushes me because I don't know why I did that/didn't want to raise my voice/and it negatively affects our relationship. If anyone has insight or recommendations about how to handle snapping at a partner and stop that would be great

Half the reason I got my dog is because I was going through the peak of my trauma, and finally starting to dive deep in healing. That was four years ago. She helped immensely just in her presence, snuggles, knowing when I was upset, etc., and I love her so deeply for that. I know that dogs commonly have resource regarding issues, but her protection of me is driving me nuts and triggering me. I have a new partner who I genuinely feel safe with and trying to let my walls down but my dog hates it when we touch, kiss, etc. She just barks at us until I let her on the bed, couch, etc. Which I’ve read is the absolute worst thing to keep letting them do. It’s like my brain is trying to say “It’s okay, you’re safe” and my dog is screaming “you’re not okay, you haven’t healed”. It’s just a constant reminder, not to mention is obviously very annoying to my partner and to me. I’ve read some reddit threads about this dog behavior already and so not exactly looking for dog training advice (tho I’ll take it) but wondering if others have had a similar experience overall and just feeling really frustrated because I’ve come so far with EMDR, ketamine therapy, regular therapy, etc.

hi, r slash ptsd. i am starting emdr therapy this week. i had a phone consultation with the woman who will be working with me and she’s an angel. she called me sweetheart and baby and after i told her it was trauma from dv, she said “okay baby, you don’t have to say more.”

i’ve heard nothing but good things about emdr and my regular cbt therapist thinks i need emdr to make any real considerable progress. i kinda already knew that but hearing a professional say so, i started working on it. and now i have my first session on the 9th.

i’m really excited at the prospect of finally getting my healing process started, my therapist says im super stuck where i am. i’m just nervous, even though ive only heard success stories, ive heard how hard it is to push through.

i didn’t know how to flair this, success or advice so i did advice for the sake of asking, how can i prepare? i assume the first session will be pretty light but i am very traumatized and my lightest stories are still hellish for me to relive, but i still don’t know how to mentally ready myself for it.

i’m posting this more just because none of my friends are talking to me and im lonely and wanted to share this with someone. okay that’s all. thanks.

Has anybody ever tried cuddle therapy to treat PTSD? I understand it’s probably very dependent on the cause of one’s PTSD. I survived a drive by shooting a few months back and have really just been craving being held and feeling protected. I live alone and don’t have a partner, so I don’t have a source for that physical touch and protection I’m looking for. Just curious if there is anyone else whose PTSD came from combat or physical/gun violence and if you’ve used any type of therapy like this? I’ve done some googling and unfortunately there aren’t really any many cuddle therapists near me and the only ones are all women. I’m a big dude and am looking for a dude equally big or bigger so I can feel safe while being held. Sorry this probably sounds weird but I’m just struggling with the lack of feeling physically safe.

I grew up witnessing domestic violence against my mom, and my mom's closest friend at the time. I hear of so many disgusting men. So many sexual assaults in all forms, so much violence, manipulation. My girlfriend, and my ex were both in abusive relationships, and it has made me not only distrustful, but nearly violent and afraid. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. I hear of so many instances of men taking advantage of their significant other. It makes my blood boil. I met a girl was SA'd at gunpoint, and I can't stand to see the red flags in men. I saw a man screaming at a woman in the dollar store, yelling over her and getting into her face... It makes me wonder what goes on behind closed doors. What do I do? The only rationalization I have is "she could leave, but she just wont" but on the other hand, my being wants to commit heinous violence against these threats. I don't trust men, and it drains me to be around them. I will lose sleep hearing of a girl's story - i dont even have to know her. But i will lose sleep for weeks. Seeing these men being allowed to exist, and take advantage of women, and children, it makes me want to commit the most heinous violence on these men. I know I shouldn't and I can't but I don't know what to do. I am debilitatingly empathetic to women even if I dont know them - which tires my girlfriend. But men, I am always on fight or flight, and I dont regard the life of a man to be worth anything compared to women and children. And my sweet puppies. I know I'm wrong, and justa mentally ill idiot, but I just struggle so much. I am a loner nowadays, my girlfriend even thinks I'm an emotional vampire. It is all so much, and I can't be happy knowing somewhere a woman or child is being raped or beaten, and I can'tdo anything. If something happens to a man, i dont even blink,

title. i know that a lot of you also struggle with the 4th of July as well.

i tried to power through it tonight because it’s been one year since i was in a shooting, but yeah. yea. completely overestimated myself tbh. stupid. it was so rough and lonely last year, and i think i wanted to overcompensate for that. it sucks because the 4th was one of my favorite holidays.

any advice on calming down right now? keep getting flashbacks and demeaning thoughts about my trauma.

TRIGGER WARNING ‼️

I am a survivor of sexual assault both as a kid and an adult. With everything going on in the news right now I am feeling overwhelmed and just done with everything. It feels like every week there’s something in the news about it. Which is bringing up strong emotions for me. Feeling overwhelmed

Nothing ever changes and us survivors are left to pick up the peace’s of our lives ourselves.

I’m becoming even mire quiet and just don’t really want to talk to anyone. I tend to self isolate and becoming more withdrawn.

How do others deal with it all.

I tried to report the nurse who was abusive towards me when I was hospitalized for mental health. I reported her to the department of health professions. I also tried complaining to the hospital itself, which ignored me. I tried to get external agencies to investigate the hospital or do something, anything. No one listened and they all said it was either outside their jurisdiction or that they just plain couldn’t help me. It’s been tough feeling like there’s nothing I can do to help prevent these things from happening to other people, and I feel like no one believes me. I mean, that’s how the nurse framed it in the notes she wrote about me, she tried to make me sound as unhinged as possible. I’m angry just thinking about it. I’m sorry I just needed to vent.

i’m just kinda looking for reassurance here for people who share this symptom. i have c-ptsd and the first week of july is extremely hard for me, these past couple of days my body has felt like it’s been in survival mode. it’s hard because when i get like this my brain starts to feel really buzzy and i dissociate super hard, it’s really hard to be present with friends or partners. ive been talking to someone new recently and it’s been hard navigating this with him because i know ive been quiet and extra brain dead. i’m still learning how to be comfortable talking about my c-ptsd with him, haven’t even used the diagnosis term yet because it’s hard for me, something i’ve found really difficult is feeling connected to him during this- last week it feels like i was fine and felt close to him but now it just doesn’t feel there. i know this is purely my body being in survival mode and doing what it needed to back then, but anyone have any tips or can provide any reassurance that im not alone with this stuff?

Has anyone else gone years without realizing they were basically living in survival mode?

I recently started therapy and had one of those moments where it felt like my entire life suddenly made more sense.

For the longest time, I thought I was just a really self aware and analytical person. I could explain why I felt the way I did, recognize patterns, overthink every situation, and spend hours journaling or trying to figure myself out. I genuinely believed that if I could just understand everything enough, I’d eventually heal.

Turns out that’s not really how trauma works.

My therapist pointed out that I intellectualize almost everything. Instead of actually feeling my emotions, I analyze them. Instead of sitting with pain, I try to understand it, research it, journal about it, or solve it like it’s some kind of puzzle. I had absolutely no idea that was considered a defense mechanism.

She also explained that I’ve likely been living in survival mode for a long time. Looking back, it honestly feels so obvious now. I was always scanning situations, overthinking conversations, trying to predict people’s behavior, preparing myself for disappointment, and always feeling like I had to stay one step ahead emotionally. I just thought that was my personality.

The craziest part is realizing how much it affected my behavior without me even recognizing it. There have been times where my reactions were way bigger than the situation probably called for. For example, after a car accident, the other driver started getting confrontational and I immediately went into fight mode. I was fully ready to fight this man before other people stepped in, and the whole situation ended up escalating to the point where he tried to sue me afterward. At the time, I just thought I had a bad temper or couldn’t tolerate disrespect.

Looking back now, I honestly wonder if my nervous system genuinely thought I was in danger and reacted before I even had time to think.

I also had this really stereotypical idea of what PTSD looked like. I thought it meant constant flashbacks or being completely unable to function after something traumatic. I never would’ve thought it could look like always living in your head, constantly trying to make sense of everything, feeling disconnected from your emotions, or being on edge without even realizing it.

It’s honestly been kind of mind blowing because now I’m questioning how much of what I thought was just my personality was actually something I learned to survive.

Has anyone else had this realization? Did you ever look back on certain moments in your life and realize they were probably trauma responses instead of just “who you are”?