u/Little-Kangaroo-9383

So a month ago my house got shot up while I was home and so far no arrests have been made. I got a call from the detective yesterday just letting me know that they've collected all the evidence they can but for now the investigation is just kind of at a standstill until they get more leads.

My question is, do detectives sometimes specifically say that the investigation has stalled but there may be a wider investigation going on related to gang activity or other details they have to keep hush hush even from victims to protect the integrity of the investigation? Or do I just take what he told me at face value? I know no one here can say definitively, but I guess my brain isn't handling the uncertainty and lack of answers very well.

Truth be told my mental health has gone downhill over the past few weeks as a result of the shooting and the not knowing why someone targeted my house specifically and knowing that they're still out there is really taking its toll on me. I just wanna know why this happened to me. I'm a lonely gay dude who just lives with cats who keeps to himself, works hard, never breaks the law or associates with shady types, and pays his taxes. I've never even held a gun before. Hell, I get nervous even going 5 miles over the speed limit. I had no problems with my neighbors. I always try to be kind to folks to the point I'm the type I worry if I've made someone angry about something I did or said.

The fact I may never get closure on this just feels horrible. I've always been an anxious person and this last month has just poured gasoline on the fire. It's messed up to say, but there are times where the stress and anxiety get so bad that I wish the shooters would just come back and finish me off.

Sorry for the rambling, but I'm just looking for answers wherever I can find them. Many people have said sometimes random fucked up shit just happens, and I get it, but damn is that a horrible feeling.

Edit: Would also like to clarify this is not at all meant to be critical of the detective. He’s been very kind and great at following up with me. Mainly just wanted to know if detectives sometimes have to withhold details from victims to make sure nothing compromises the investigation. Appreciate the helpful responses! 💙

So about a month ago, my house was targeted in a drive by shooting and I have no idea why. I keep to myself and don't associate with shady people. I'm a pretty average person.

I was lucky to not be struck by bullets but I did get some minor facial injuries from shrapnel. The biggest damage is the mental anguish since then. I was in the living room sitting only feet away from the wall and front door that got shot up. I can still see the images of the bullet holes appearing only feet from where I was sitting. I'll never forget the smell either. I don't know if the smell was from the bullets or the wall fragments, but it was so distinct. I also can still feel the blood running down my face from the shrapnel.

The first few weeks after the shooting, I thought I was doing really well. But then things have gotten gradually worse. In short, I want to die. I go from hoping the shooters come back to finish me off to wanting to do it myself. And yes, I get the irony of wanting to die after surviving a shooting. But I can't help it. That's just where my brain has been going more and more this past week.

I feel so abandoned by the system. My treatment in the ER following the shooting was super humiliating. I was brought in shirtless and barefoot because the shooting happened at 9pm at night. They checked to make sure I had no fragments in my face, and then just sent me on my way alone in a hospital gown and socks. No one in that hospital gave a fuck. I've only spoken with the police a few times and that was only to be told there were no leads or suspects. Since there's no court case because there's no one to charge, the city is just like "sucks to suck." I've started therapy but my therapist can't be available 24/7. I had an appointment with my PCP telling him I want to die and think about killing myself a lot and he just referred me to a psychiatrist who told me it would be a week before they can evaluate me.

Part of the reason it's so bad is because my house is in disarray because less than a month before the shooting, a massive tree fell on my house during a storm. Since then I've been dealing with the stress of insurance and contractors. Also, my car was trapped in the garage for 2 months and just last week was finally freed when they demolished the garage. Still waiting on auto-insurance to assess the damage. And since last week I've been without a functioning shower in the house because of the work the contractors have been doing. I feel especially trapped in the house right now.

I live alone, so I think that's making all of this worse. I have family and friends I can reach out to, but I just....can't bring myself to do it. I feel so embarrassed about the way I'm feeling.

I don't know if I have PTSD. But I have no one else who can relate to this level of trauma. No one around me really seems to get it.

Has anyone else had a “protector” fantasy or emotional craving?

I’m a gay man, and I’ve been thinking about how much I’m drawn to the idea of being protected by a bigger, stronger, masculine man. Sometimes the fantasy has a “straight guy protector” vibe, but I’m not interested in chasing unavailable straight men or making anyone uncomfortable.

I’m more trying to understand the feeling underneath it whether it’s about safety, attraction, masculinity, trauma, loneliness, kink, or some mix of all of that.

The feeling has become more pronounced in the past several weeks for me because of a traumatic situation I recently experienced. My house was shot up while I was in the living room. I narrowly missed getting hit, but still had some facial injuries from shrapnel. The police who showed up were all amazing. The shooting itself was horrifying, but when they showed up, I'd never felt so protected and surrounded by safety in my entire life.

I should add that prior to the shooting, the fantasy was more sexual in nature. But now it's way more about just wanting to be held and protected. Maybe that's just the effects of trauma?

Has anyone else felt this? I’d especially appreciate kind, nonjudgmental responses.

Just wanted to say thank you to all the officers out there doing the hard work to protect their communities.

Last week, my house was targeted in a drive by shooting. I was in the living room when bullets and shrapnel suddenly went flying everywhere. No idea why my house was targeted. My life is very boring and I don’t associate with any shady people nor have any enemies. To be thrown suddenly into a situation like that was terrifying and I’m still recovering from it. I was lucky, though. Only some lacerations on my nose. It sure bled a lot, though! Thought for sure my nose was shot off.

But yeah, within minutes of calling 911, what seemed like a literal army of officers showed up and immediately made sure I was safe and protected. I was shirtless, shoeless, and had blood dripping all down me. I was embarrassed to say the least. But all of those officers didn’t at once make me feel like I should be embarrassed. They were so respectful and kind. True humanity was shown by them.

So yeah, thank you to all of you. You all are awesome. 💙