I feel like I can't Function In Society.
I grew up witnessing domestic violence against my mom, and my mom's closest friend at the time. I hear of so many disgusting men. So many sexual assaults in all forms, so much violence, manipulation. My girlfriend, and my ex were both in abusive relationships, and it has made me not only distrustful, but nearly violent and afraid. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. I hear of so many instances of men taking advantage of their significant other. It makes my blood boil. I met a girl was SA'd at gunpoint, and I can't stand to see the red flags in men. I saw a man screaming at a woman in the dollar store, yelling over her and getting into her face... It makes me wonder what goes on behind closed doors. What do I do? The only rationalization I have is "she could leave, but she just wont" but on the other hand, my being wants to commit heinous violence against these threats. I don't trust men, and it drains me to be around them. I will lose sleep hearing of a girl's story - i dont even have to know her. But i will lose sleep for weeks. Seeing these men being allowed to exist, and take advantage of women, and children, it makes me want to commit the most heinous violence on these men. I know I shouldn't and I can't but I don't know what to do. I am debilitatingly empathetic to women even if I dont know them - which tires my girlfriend. But men, I am always on fight or flight, and I dont regard the life of a man to be worth anything compared to women and children. And my sweet puppies. I know I'm wrong, and justa mentally ill idiot, but I just struggle so much. I am a loner nowadays, my girlfriend even thinks I'm an emotional vampire. It is all so much, and I can't be happy knowing somewhere a woman or child is being raped or beaten, and I can'tdo anything. If something happens to a man, i dont even blink,