r/KindVoice

hey there 18F am available as a listener so if u want someone to hear to, dm

every single time without fail when i think I’m getting better something happens and i am back where i started again, the same old thought cycles, the same behavioral patterns, the same highs and lows, it’s just all so exhausting and i don’t think i can take it anymore. I am truly so tired, i’ve tried the help books, i’ve tried therapy, i’ve tried everything in my power to just get better but my mind simply refuses to let me rest.

And I dmed the wrong person to talk about it. They got weirdly hostile and started berating me about how I'm the only person responsible for fixing my life. I said I know that, but continuing to repeat that over and over is triggering to me and I need a different angle. And then they just started to get all fucking hostile and rude telling me that they're not my therapist or my girlfriend, blah blah blah. I just needed some kindness? Can someone please help me process this? I'm suicidal and have been for years. I'm trying to heal and I need help. I'm sick of this kind of toxic individualism. It's going to drive me to suicide.

Yes I know it might sound like a small thing. But not no matter how hard I try , I'll never understand math, I feel depressed every time I see someone who excels in mathematics and it reminds me of how incapable I am .

TW : mention of drug use, addiction, and verbal abuse will be used in this post.

I 19F have a rocky relationship with my mother, Ever since I was a kid she constantly chose drugs over me. She would often take me on the runs to go get them, take me inside the trap houses, and even go as far as doing the drugs in front of me. ever since she had me she abused drugs, but my earliest memory of this all is age 6. My mother would often be so high on meth she’d sleep almost 24 hours a day, leading me to fend and care for myself such as cooking my own meals (even often for the both of us), caring for our animals, and doing basic home chores.

Around age 8 is when things really started to get worse. She homeschooled me mainly due to not being able to afford it, But part of me wonders now that i’m older if she did this so I wouldn’t have peers or anyone to talk to about my home situation. Keep in mind I didn’t really have a relationship or anything with other family besides my grandmother and grandfather due to my mothers habits and situation, so I was always very isolated. Around this age she started to abuse more and more, leading her to become more incapable of being a mother. By this point in my life I felt as if I were the mother constantly taking care of myself, The home, Animals, And cooking for myself and putting myself in bed at night, She would always either be asleep or locked in her bedroom doing the drugs or talking to men.

My mother has always been unemployed living off of SSI and her parents giving her loans, But as her drug use became worse funds got lower. eventually leading us to move in with my grandmother, my grandmother isn’t the best in health or mental state so she never really understood what was going on or the condition my mother was in. Still to this day she doesn’t understand it all and I feel shamed to tell her who her daughter really is and the trauma i’ve been through, Mainly because I fear it will be too much for her to process and handle. During this move in I began realizing and processing more of what my mother was doing, which grew a heavy shift in my opinion, respect, and even obedience for her, which led me to not listen to her and continue to do things for her around the home. during this time is when she really started to view me differently and grew a hatred for me almost.

Flash forward to my high school years (still homeschooled) I began to express my feelings to her about how her actions and choices made me feel, all I ever got back as a response was her cussing me out, calling me names, and telling me I was a bad kid and caused nothing but trouble for her. After I graduated I enrolled in college (culinary school) and got a job, None of which I had any support from my mother in.

On june 1st my mother left the home to go to her father’s house to do yard work which she does frequently to make money as she’s unemployed and no longer receives SSI, she had told me she would only be gone for a few days and still today, she has been gone. This has led to me becoming my grandmothers primary caretaker as she was the one doing so before she left, and between college and my job it’s been tough handling all of this, I texted my mother on friday asking when she would be home to which she replied ‘’I don’t know’’ I began to tell her it’s crazy she’s been gone for a month and expressed to her how stressful this all was and I don’t have the necessary time in my schedule to take care of my grandma and she just left me with that responsibility along with the fact she’s my mom and I wish she would come back, She then replied by telling me I am 19 and i’m not a child and she no longer needs to be my parent. This has me a little confused considering her parents still support her, pay for her existence, and provide her a place to stay. granted I do also live here but I do pay rent and pay for my own needs and everything else, I also wouldn’t be living here if it wasn’t for my concern over my grandma. My mother has basically alluded to the fact she isn’t coming back until she wants to because I ‘’treat her like shit’’ and need a wake up call. I at this point am a little stuck and not sure the best way to go about this. I do want to cut her off, But part of me still holds on to what our relationship could be, despite all of the trauma it’s given me.

She still constantly shames me, Tells me I’m not good enough, And always twists the knife. This does leave a mark because growing up, I took along the role of caring for her when she couldn’t be the mother I needed. I never told anyone about my situation to put her in jeopardy, And i’ve always tried my damndest to give her grace despite the fact my heart feels like it’s on fire.

Any advice, Wake up calls, Harsh truth, Or sharing of your similar stories would be GREATLY appreciated. I am struggling and very much in my head about all of this and I really would appreciate anyone who can offer anything as far as advice, Or even just someone to let me know it gets better. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

So basically I got invited to a high school reunion with some old friends, the catch is my old high school bully is a mutual and was invited as well. This person sucker punched me, broke my nose, knocked me out cold and took a video and sent it around. I never properly healed or processed that whole thing it was very traumatic and so I'm really triggered lately. I just need some kindness and understanding, I have nobody to confide in about this and it's eating me up. What happened to me was horrible and unfair, and I am not weak because of it.

I won't be attending obviously and I told one of our mutuals why and they were understanding, I'm just really struggling because the invitation brought back to that dark place and lately I've been super anxious and back and forth between fight or flight amongst other bad feelings...I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.

Long text but I really need to get this off my chest

I'm a 33M living in USA illegally, I came here 10 years ago trying to find better opportunities, I graduated as an engineer in Mexico but couldn’t find a decent job so I decided to move to the States, my idea was to work for a few months and save money and go back to Mexico but once I bought my first car and I started going anywhere I wanted and I chose to make my stay longer

I met some people, I dated a couple girls and life was okay, of course I miss my family every single day and I missed a lot of birthdays and holidays, I basically missed my nephews' childhood, a couple family members passed but I had a feeling that everything would be worth it, plot twist, it is not worth it

The first two years I lived with my cousin and her family, she also overstayed her visa decades before I came to live with her but she got married and got her citizenship eventually, our relationship was great, I looked at her and her husband as my parents, I would refer them as my parents if we went somewhere and everything was good, it made me feel like I had a place to call home in the States until Donald Trump decided to run for President again, she is a church person and she kept repeating the same thing every christian nationalist is saying about immigrants 'we need to send back the millions of immigrants that Biden let in…' so we stopped talking not before we had a couple arguments

I felt betrayed, now my wellbeing is in danger and everywhere I go I am always anxious, I stopped trusting people, I used to talk a lot but now I feel insecure, what if they notice my accent? How can my own family knowing my status and knowing that I will be directly impacted support such thing? Who can I trust?

I was working as a server at a restaurant and I was making decent money but I've been dealing with anxiety and depression since I moved here and it got worse during covid so I would request days off once or twice a month, the managers never had an issue and they were always very nice to me, I worked there for 8 years and they also made me feel like family so the love was mutual but they were also Christians and one of the daughters is really into all that MAGA stuff

I was dating a girl who was 10 years younger than me, we met at the same restaurant when we worked together (we were 28 and 18), at that time I thought our relationship could raise some eyebrows but it was good and organic, we respected and loved each other, our dynamics were like any other relationship, my intentions were pure and I wasn’t gonna ask her to marry me or have kids until she was 25 or after finishing her masters (whatever happened first), I never made her feel any type of way for being young and she never made me feel bad for being older and at least at the beginning we communicated how we felt but still, having an age gap was kind of a big deal for her family which I understand so she actually never introduced me as her boyfriend, they knew who I was and I was around sometimes but it was always with a group, I never pressured her into anything, I let her take her time hoping one day she’d decide to introduce me and make it official, it never happened, we dated for 4 years that way, the last Christmas was the most painful one but I'll get into that in a bit

My ex got an apartment 30 minutes away from where I was living and I would spend every night at hers until we decided to move me in, it was my first time living with a partner and we had great times but everytime the phone ringed or someone wanted to visit she would kick me out like a dog or tell me to be quiet, she never told her family I was living there or that we were even together and that made me feel neglected, we stopped having sex cause I couldn’t feel any connection and since high school I've never been much of a horny dude, maybe it has to do with my insecurities or self esteem but I only like having sex with a girl that’s into me as much as I am into her and my ex didn’t want to give me a hug sometimes

My ex girlfriend‘s family loves the restaurant where we met, they celebrate their birthdays there and last year they were gonna celebrate something and her dad was gonna go, she didn’t want her dad to see me cause he knows who I am and he would probably asked if I was dating his daughter, I didn’t have a problem introducing myself and talking to him man to man but it was my ex the one that didn’t want us to have that conversation yet, she’s a very intelligent woman, graduated from college at 20 with a 4.0 GPA and I always felt like she was ashamed of what I do cause I don’t have a career (even though I have a degree in Mexico) so whenever I tried to have those conversations she would cry and say 'sorry' and lock herself up in the bathroom but I was on cloud nine and I was happy with most of our dynamics that I ignored those red flags

That same day there was gonna be a No Kings Rally in downtown, I wasn’t feeling good that day and my ex asking me to avoid seeing her dad I had no option other than call in and the manager (the MAGA one) told me that there was no problem and she hoped I felt better, I spent that day at home watching movies and eating cookies and I saw videos of the protest on Instagram and I decided to share one with a caption that said 'thank you to everyone that went to the protest today and being the voice for those who can’t be heard' and the next day on my way to work I got fired by my MAGA manager stating that I am always late and requesting days off, I spoke to her more than twice about my mental health and she told me anything I needed she would help, she offered me weeks off at one point but I told her I needed the money so just understand I would be late some days and she said it was no problem

So now I got fired from the place I protected as if it was mine cause all the years and the relationship I had with the owners and his family, I trained most of the servers, I got along with everyone there, the owner's wife would leave me in charge whenever the managers weren’t there, I worked shifts by myself cause the other servers wouldn’t show up, I would finish the side work others failed to do, I would always speak nothing but good things about them and now I got fired over text on my way to work

My ex felt guilty cause she felt the reason why I got fired is because she didn’t want her dad to see me and ask me about us so she took care of me while I was looking for a job, I went to different places and got ghosted by all of them, my savings account started lowering until I ran out of money, one of my cousin’s kid helped pay my phone bill and I would’ve been living in the street if it wasn’t for my ex, she housed me, fed me and bought me things I wanted and needed but I always felt so uncomfortable, I couldn’t sleep at night, I was so stressed thinking how can I make money? How can I pay back to this girl? I had to get rid of my car, a 2018 honda civic, I was 2 years away from paying it off, I would go to places to apply and I would see State Troopers in the area and I would get super anxious, I called old coworkers and they told me they were also struggling and living in fear, my ex told me to stay at home and help her clean the house and cook so that’s what I did for a year but I really never made any real friends in the States so I didn’t have anyone to call or hang out so I was going crazy walking around a studio apartment overthinking and having panic attacks once or twice a week but whenever she would come home from work I felt happy again

She would take us to restaurants, bars, the zoo, she would take care of the bill and she would make sure I was okay so that made me not think too much of the fact that she never introduced me to her family, after all she’s showing me she cares about me, also, her parents don’t live in the same city as us, they’re divorced and they live in two different states and they would see her only 3 or 4 times per year and half of those times she’s the one traveling to see them so I just thought that them not living near was the perfect excuse for her to not introduce me

Last Christmas I was still unemployed, she got ready to go see her grandparents and celebrate Christmas with them and she left me by myself, she came home and I was sad and she got mad at me cause I ruined the vibe, I didn’t tell her but I wanted to tell her I am not a dog you kick out when you have guests and is waiting for you all day and wave his tail cause he’s happy to see you, she didn’t need to take me to her grandparents house but it would’ve been nice if they fixed me a plate, I got absolutely nothing for Christmas and I knew it was gonna be the last Christmas I would spend that way

We kept living together and we had not exactly a routine but things we do in the morning, I guess you could call it a routine except for the fact that we would switch activities depending on how she felt, one morning everything was the same, she took a shower, we danced and meowed to songs and she went to work, I made her favorite dish for dinner, Chicken Piccata but when she came home she was crying and I couldn’t understand why, she told me she wasn’t happy with our relationship anymore, I stood there and I said it was okay, I just wanted her to eat, I understood I am unemployed, I understood I have mental health issues, I understood I have no career and no pathway to get a work permit or green card, she’s a very independent and intelligent woman and I am not on her level and I understand that, she deserves better and I am a fucking loser with no love for himself and not a lot of options to do better, at least for now since it’s hard for me to get a full time job, she was nice to let me stay a couple extra weeks while I was looking for a place to stay, I considered moving back to Mexico since I have nothing going on here and no one to talk to but I have no ride to go home and someone told me they could randomly check the car and I could get arrested and detained for God knows how long

There’s was a point in my life where I lived in a nice house with one roommate, I would get a haircut every weekend, I drove a nice car, I would buy Christmas presents for my loved ones, I took my cousin's husband to a Cowboys game for the first time, sometimes I had to get 3 jobs just to live this way but I've never been lazy but I also know that if I had a piece of paper that says I am allowed to live and exist here I would have a good paying job, I am smart enough to learn anything, I studied business back in Mexico, I graduated as an engineer, all I need is an opportunity to prove myself I am not a loser, this is not me!

I am writing this in my new room, I haven’t eating and it’s hard to get out of bed, I moved back with my old roommate, my clothes are on the floor, I have no furniture and the house is very old so my room has no light and I don’t have a lamp, I got a weekend job, it’s not enough but I bought groceries yesterday and it felt good, I applied to two jobs and I feel like they gonna ghost me again, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how am I gonna pay rent, I just want a job so I can focus on myself, since last year I lost my family, I lost my job and I lost who I thought was the love of my life, I have almost zero social life, my friends in the States are not the type to call when things get rough, I have two teddy bears I gave my ex and they’re the only company I have, I need a friend, I need a hug and I don’t know how or who to ask for one, I am at my lowest point and all I can think of is the time I wasted away from my family in hopes of a better future that it seems like it will only get worse, I feel like a freaking failure and I don’t want to tell my mom her son is having a really hard time, I am tired of pretending that I am okay

At least now I understand why most age gap relationships don’t work, I had to learn the hard way, that’s entirely my fault and I won’t let that happen again, it doesn’t matter how well we get along, her having her own apartment, her own money, her own car at 18 doesn’t mean she’s ready for a serious relationship, it doesn’t matter how smart she is, she’s not ready, there was a guy who was also 18 at the time and me and him also became friends because I talk to everyone the same way, I don’t care about age, gender, race and that’s why most of the people that knows me like me, I make everyone feel included and seen and maybe that’s why she liked me, she wasn’t the first girl to show interest in me though but she was the youngest and only my second girlfriend, I never clicked with someone the way me and her did, before I asked her out I hesitated a lot but I knew I would regret my decision if I didn’t ask her so I guess at least I got that but it still hurts, I wish things would’ve been a little bit different, she’s already moving on and talking to a guy from work, I unfollowed her last night cause she posted him Facetiming her twice already, in 4 years she never posted me, I want to heal and move on but I have nothing going on in my life, she still has all my books and I don’t even have a ride to go to work

Unfortunately my algorithm has been formed in this way due to the posts I’ve ended up interacting with.

I’ve seen so many posts back to back with some frankly, almost absurdly cruel and disgusting comments, almost all of them dehumanizing men.

I know gender war stuff gets engagement, it’s an unfortunate aspect of today’s internet. Ragebait is prolific and I understand that.

It’s just: all I’ve seen again and again and again from women are grossly unempathetic comments. Mocking men, telling them to end their existence, telling men nothing good will ever happen to them, telling men that they deserve to suffer as much as possible, etc etc.

I’m trying to tell myself it’s just assholes and jerks who are the loudest and therefore get attention. I’m telling myself that kind women with empathy exist. Like through sheer numbers and randomness they must, right?

But it all rings hollow. I don’t want to believe that all women see men as lower life forms that the world would be better off if gotten rid of. I want to be hopeful that some nice women do exist.

But I can’t convince myself, because it feels like I’m being disingenuous to myself. Can someone please just provide an outside voice, so it feels more legitimate to me? I really don’t like feeling this hopeless.

I went on a first date yesterday, and I honestly feel really weird today. I barely slept, and my brain has been replaying everything nonstop.

The guy was nice, respectful, and we spent several hours together. But for some reason, I felt blocked the entire date. I was interested in him physically, but I couldn’t relax, flirt or be in the present moment. I felt cold and distant even though I didn’t want to be.

I have ADHD, and I tend to get random thoughts during intimate moments and overanalyze everything. I kept thinking about what was supposed to happen next instead of just enjoying the moment. We eventually went back to his place and ended up having s€x, and now I feel gross and confused about it. Not because he pressured me (he didn’t), but because it doesn’t feel like something I would normally do, especially with someone I barely know and while I was on my period.

I also keep cringing about little things. I forgot to thank him when he paid for drinks and food, I overshared, and I said some awkward things.

Has anyone else with ADHD or anxiety ever felt completely disconnected from themselves on a date? Like you weren’t acting like yourself and then woke up the next day feeling unsettled and not understanding why?

bored ig
but i want new ppls to talk to
life is getting repetitice new somethings neww
pleaseee msg yarr

I wasn't sure whether to post this, but here goes.

The other day I realised I honestly can't remember the last time someone messaged me just to ask how I was doing. Not because they needed something. Not because they wanted advice. Just because I crossed their mind.

That hit me more than I expected.

I'm 41, and I've realised I don't miss having lots of people around me. I miss having a few genuine friends. The kind who remember the little things, check in from time to time, and are there through the good days as well as the difficult ones.

I've tried meeting people online. Sometimes a conversation starts really well and you think, "This could actually become a friendship." Then one day it just fades. No argument. No drama. It just ends.

I'm the kind of person who loses track of time in a good conversation, whether it's about music, travel, random thoughts, or hearing someone else's story.

Lately I've been feeling a bit disconnected, and maybe that's why I'm posting this. I figured I probably wasn't the only person feeling this way.

If any of this resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you.

I did make a post here a couple of days ago... deleted it tho bc it felt exposing (idk SA things ig) it was about how I just don't eat bc I can't go out to buy food on my own.

So a major aspect of my life is SA (at this point let's just say the only aspect lol) and no I don't need people telling me what to do abt it.. bc trust me I've done it all!.. Final verdict isss.. I'm sick!! Period.

Still if u wanna give any advice.. go ahead but plz know that I've prolly heard a hundred variations of it.. if u think u can stand out... idk give it a try booboo!

Okayy... I just wanna say if u have SA.. plz for the love of god reach out to me.. plz tell me I'm not the only one... bc it sure as hell feels like it!! It's a timeless post so whenever u see this.. u can just reach out!!

Hey guys someone pls talk to me I need to talk to someone I feel so alone :(

The situation I'd like to talk about is pretty unusual. I'm 16, and I've developed complicated feelings for someone who's much older than me and whose life circumstances make the situation impossible. I know how it sounds, and I'm not looking for validation or encouragement. I'm just trying to understand my own thoughts and emotions because they've been overwhelming me for quite a while.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice. More than anything, I just want someone who will listen, ask thoughtful questions, and help me process everything without immediately judging me.

If anyone knows of anonymous websites, apps, subreddits, or services where I could have that kind of conversation, I'd really appreciate it.

Small disclaimer: I know this isn't a typical topic, and I understand some people may have strong opinions. I'm only asking for recommendations for a safe, non-judgmental place to talk.

Heya, I am Shade.

I am here to help. I have gone through horrific moments in my life, sweet moments of my life. Gained experience through them. After having connections with many people in my life I know how tough can life get and how sweet can life get too.

I know how it feels to be broken and down. So I feel your pain.

If any of you are going through tough stuff in your life and need somebody to talk to. Maybe if you need to see the brighter side of your life. Talk to me. I am here to help.

No matter who you are, no matter what's your age, your gender, your sexuality, your race, your religion or anything else. I am there for you. Talk to me about your problems like you can talk to your mirror. You may never see my face or never know about me (never say never) but you may see the brighter side of yourself.

Take love <3

Thank You, Shade.

im going through a pretty hard time and it feels like i lost everything

I dont really know how to explain this properly but I just need to get it out somewhere.
I had someone really important in my life (a friend / someone I cared about a lot) and things changed a while ago and we dont really talk anymore. Even though I try to move on and continue with my life I still miss her a lot.

Today something small happened that reminded me of her and it hit me way harder than I expected. It brought back a lot of feelings I thought I was handling better. I started overthinking everything again and I feel really overwhelmed and honestly pretty alone right now.

I keep going between logically knowing I should be okay and emotionally just missing her and not really knowing where I stand or what I even meant to her in the end. I know I probably wont ever get clear answers and I am trying to accept that but it is hard.

Right now I just feel like I dont really have anyone to talk to about this in real life and it is sitting heavy on me.
I dont really know what I am looking for here, maybe just someone to talk to or tell me I am not crazy for feeling like this.

I met this girl on Instagram about a month ago. We had great conversations, and most of them were about life, philosophy, religion, relationships, and other deep topics. She was one of the few people I genuinely enjoyed talking to.

Recently, I noticed that I was starting to get attached. That's when I started thinking, "This is going to end like it always does." I have a habit of expecting people to lose interest or leave, so I start pulling away before they can.

She's very different from me. She's extroverted, enjoys making friends, and believes in positive, supportive friendships. I'm much more guarded and usually keep people at a distance.

A few days ago, I left her on seen and then removed her from my account. She didn't do anything cruel or disrespectful. Looking back, I think I acted out of fear more than anything else.

The strange part is that even though I ended it, a part of me is still hoping she'll somehow reach out, even though I know she probably won't.

Has anyone else pushed away someone they genuinely liked because they were afraid of getting attached? If you've been through something similar, how did you deal with it? Did you regret it, or was it the right decision?

As the title states, I am about a couple of hours away from committing suicide. Before that happens I just want to talk to a non-judgmental and neutral person who I can just been to and get my thoughts out before I do it.

If you try to talk me out of it you're just getting blocked. I've made up my mind and nothing will change so don't waste your time and don't waste the little time I have left.

23F wanna have conversation with anyone open minded and non judgemental …..just want a friend and nothing more than that …… looking for someone mature enough as I am quite lonely and depressed ….. want someone to listen to me