u/SupermarketOld4663

Just a rant but i’ve been in a few long distance relationships and experienced this a few times. I have an amazing job that is very very hard to replicate. Top pay for my field, easy hours, low stress, perfect for raising a family because it’s partially remote. I live in a nice city. Yet every single guy I have ever dated (except for the current guy I am
seeing ) despite having a more replaceable job than me has automatically assumed I am the one who has to move. Even if it meant me taking a significant pay cut and having to work worse hours when they wouldn’t have had to. I don’t even have an issue with moving if they were at least considering a compromise or if they had valid reasons for me to be the one to move, except for the fact that the option of them moving never crosses their mind. The reason is simply I am the women I am expected to fit into their life not the other way around.

I have a trust fund from my parents and because if it, working is optional for me. I work in healthcare for the love of learning and helping others, but since I don’t really need to save for a home or car or retirement I pretty much spend everything I make. it’s come up a few times now when dating where I have gotten judged negatively by potential suitors as being irresponsible for “living beyond my means” but they don’t really know my situation. Or sometimes a guy will be interested in me and will talk about how they want to provide for me when dating but I don’t really need a provider and it kind of causes frustration on both ends. I don’t really want to go around telling people about it either because i want people to like me for me. Is there a way I can kind of approach this situation in an honest way?

Just as the tittle said. He cheated on me and ended things by ghosting me for two weeks until he finally admitted it and broke up with me. It took me years to recover. He’s been with her since and now they are engaged. I haven’t heard from my ex in over three years. I’m in a new relationship now and tbh in many ways I carried a lot of baggage from him cheating into it that to this day I’m dealing with. To this day even now I still sometimes remember what he did and cry. And out of no where he has the audacity to text me “hey. I heard you are in a new relationship now. I knew you would find a better fit and I am happy you moved on”

A better fit? Happy I moved on? Is he freaking serious! Maybe he would have fit if he didn’t cheat on me. Maybe id actually have moved on if he didn’t cheat on me. Oh wow what a great guy he did me a favor by cheating so I can find a better fit.

I don’t even know what to say to this. I don’t even plan on responding. Or if I do I want to say I will never be the same after what you did don’t contact me again.

I was seeing this guy on and off for about two years and in so many ways we were compatible. Same culture. Similar mindset. Similar values. I was born here but I grew up in a very traditional family who raised me in our culture and he was born in our home country and migrated here not too long after college. But there was one thing he always held against me and it was the fact I am not fluent in our native language.

My parents were both working and they tried teaching it to me but once I went to school I forgot. I still mostly understood it except his dialect was different than my family’s. And I offered to learn and committed to raising a family speaking it, but in the end after using that as an excuse for being inconsistent with me the entire time we were talking he still ended it for that reason. He also kind of projected me being a westerner on me a lot, but I did grow up with strong cultural values because of my parents and would say I am a blend of both.

And it’s not like he was 100% perfect either. I have preferences too - for him I would have had to move cities and give up a job I love, he wasn’t born here and I do prefer someone who at least went to high school in the west so they can understand me more, he has an attitude towards Americans and I do have American friends I care for. All this I was willing to overlook and never held against him, but he dumped me for one thing I was working on changing and he even admitted we had similar values and were compatible in many ways.

And now he’s dating someone I know who even more westernized than me and has had zero involvement in our culture, but he’s treating her better than he ever treated me just because she checks that box of speaking the language.

It’s been three months and it’s really hard for me to get over him. He was the one who pursued me at first and then flipped on me once he had so it’s hard for me to trust a guy now. I’ve never fought for someone so hard only to feel like he was just committed to misunderstanding me. I had so much to offer him and I really did have cultural values that we aligned on. Anyone ever have a similar situation and any advice for getting over this. I just am so tired of being misunderstood and undervalued.