u/TA_reddit_0

Idk why men think I’m open to sex, I’m a prude. I get a vibe that men think I’m an easy target and that because they see I’m socially excluded, bullied and abused that this means they’ll get easy access to sex if they’re nice to me. They act like I’ll fold from them being nice, because they assume that if others haven’t been nice to me that this means I’ll fall hard the moment they are. On the contrary, I’ve seen the worst of humanity and don’t easily trust, so when people are nice to me, I’m questioning their intentions and use my discernment. Then they switch over to negging and saying things to do some damage to my self esteem and confidence. That doesn’t work either because I see them for who they are and what they really think and feel.
I’m not on any dating apps so I’m not sure why men assume I’m available for sex. It’s not the way I dress either. I wear sweat pants, jeans, T shirts, sweaters. I’m not glammed up. I don’t wear makeup. And lots of people have bullied me for my physical features that I can’t change, so I’m considered unattractive by societal standards.

Why do men do this? It’s abusive and predatory. I removed myself from the dating pool, but they still treat me really bad and think I’m someone to “pump and dump”. I feel dehumanized and objectified and they always act surprised and get angry when I say no. One guy actually got physically violent and would bully me nonstop because I said no. He kept coercing me, and thought I didn’t get to have a say because I’m “ugly”. They think because I’m ugly I don’t deserve to be treated with basic decency. They think because I’m ugly, I’m just someone to use, treat like shit, then discard. And I see that, so I always say no. Men also do this weird thing where they try to isolate or exclude me from other women I’m interested in befriending. After excluding and isolating me from other women I try to connect with, they act weird and throw around sexual suggestions. It feels gross, creepy, and predatory.

I feel sad because I wish I could meet guys who were actually interested in connection and having a relationship, instead of trying to use me to access sex. I feel sad that I can’t be friends with men in my life, they don’t seem to want to be friends either and they’re always super hostile and antagonistic towards me.

Now I just want to be alone. I don’t want to deal with men anymore. I get bullied so much by them. And most of the time when they’re nice to my face, I find out later they’re making fun of me behind my back. This will be from male acquaintances too, not just men I’m interested in being in any relationship with. I don’t think I like men. They’re always really mean spirited towards me. I think men hate me, lol. It’s like I’m interacting with demons.

Edit: there’s seriously something up with this sub, idk why the moment women post on this sub it gets downvoted by misogynistic lurkers. Y’all need to fuck off.

I’ve had repeated experiences with another “woman safe” subreddit, and I feel disturbed by how judgmental they are of women struggling in DV situations.

I don’t feel safe on some subs anymore because when I have posted on those subs, I’ve been picked apart and interrogated by men and women.

I feel sad because when I do speak up and try to reach out to community, I find that community dogpiles and also abuses victims and survivors.

I don’t feel motivated to seek help or support anymore because whenever I do, I experience retaliation and harsh criticism. I’m already very isolated and vulnerable. So experiencing this hurts a lot in addition to what I’m experiencing. It’s traumatic. I already have ptsd but I keep experiencing harm from abusers, community, and resources. It’s been making my mental health worse.

Everyone says go to more feminist leaning subs, but I haven’t felt safe on those subs because they end up behaving just like abusers and abuse apologists. They’re not compassionate, patient, or understanding. They treat you like it’s a moral failing to be abused and that you consented to it or permitted it.

What do I do when I report properly to authorities and nothing happens? What do I when I get blamed and retaliated against when I seek support from the resources and authorities that are supposed to help?

Everyone says there’s community and resources, but if that’s the case, why am I being excised from community and denied help? Why am I being retaliated against?

Everyone wants to cling onto their just world fallacy and become so hateful and judgmental of people who live different realities. They think because you’re in this situation you’re doing things wrong and it’s your fault. They say do xyz and you do it, then they judge you if xyz doesn’t work. They’ll claim you’re not doing enough and ignore you when you express what you have already done.

So many times on that sub, people would leave hateful comments claiming I wasn’t doing anything to help myself and they were completely ignoring all my comments that clearly stated what I did and what I have already done.

They so badly want to tell victims and survivors it’s their fault, they did nothing to help themselves, etc. Why would I ever again seek community and resources if the response is that?

I wish people would stop telling victims and survivors they aren’t doing enough, and acting like they are at fault for their situation. I did what I was supposed to do. Nothing came of it. Instead it got worse.

I know why women don’t leave. I know why women struggle to leave. Community and resources fail them so much. People are insanely cruel to victims and survivors. Women are so isolated. I feel isolated, and I tried my best.

Honestly, I wish I was dead. I don’t want to live another day like this. Everyone just does lip service but in the end they just judge victims and survivors and blame them.

I graduated with honors but people from my program would try to force me into boxes and labels that don’t fit, or they would try to force it to fit. They’d say I’m not book smart or street smart. If I proven I’m book smart and graduated with honors, then they’d claim I’m not street smart because I didn’t catch on to their manipulation and disrespect. The thing is, I recognized their manipulation and disrespect on the spot, but couldn’t do anything to stop it.

People would call me slow, stupid, the r-slur, etc. People would spread rumors I had an intellectual disability, including my parents. I’d get manipulated and coerced into doing other people’s work (they’d leave me to do all the work on a project and take credit and the professors wouldn’t do shit to hold them accountable, yes even people higher up). No one in my family has an intellectual disability…My parents are just old and have cognitive decline, while I have major depressive disorder and ptsd.

I’m tired y’all. I’m so fucking tired of all this shit I deal with. People will really treat you like you are all these ableist slurs for your patience, kindness, and generosity. They think you’re naive for not calling them out on the spot for their manipulation & disrespect. I’ve shown so much fucking restraint with these people and they have no idea. They don’t realize I’ve been showing restraint while they’ve been treating me this way. They constantly shit talk behind my back and in earshot about how “slow and stupid” I am. I can’t call them out & confront every time or it would be “disruptive”, and they know they can get away with all the shit they do bc people in authority don’t do shit to stop it and hold them accountable. I get retaliated against. I’m so fucking sick of these people. They’re really a bunch of eugenicists who target individuals they don’t like bc of their own internalized bs.

They really go out of their way to oppress and marginalize you.

I hardly speak or interact with others because of bullying. I feel like I am not allowed to exist. If I take up any space, people begin to act hostile and passive aggressive, but try to mask it with a smile.

During a presentation in class, a woman had her phone message notifications pop up on the projector, and it was messages talking shit about me. These were messages in a group chat about how annoying I was. She apologized in front of the class but it was still so inappropriate and mean girl behavior.

I barely interact or speak with these people. I just say hi and bye, make NT small talk. But I’ve noticed people will project so many negative traits if it means they have an excuse to bully and exclude me.

Just one example is how a peer and I had a simulated exercise to see what it was like for a person to have tremors, one of the professors accused me of wanting to be the center of attention? BOTH my NT peer and I were giggling during the paired exercise, just like my other NT peers. I wasn’t super loud, expressive, or distracting either. I was just standing in place, smiled and chuckled a bit - just like my NT peers. I don’t know why she would say that but I’m so tired of people directing aggression towards me and telling me to shrink myself because I’m already a shell of my former self and muted. What more do they want? For me to not exist? Why not tell that to my other peers for doing and behaving the same way? Why me specifically? I feel like a scapegoat where I soak up all the criticisms for what others do too.

I feel like I have a target on me, where people just dish out their hate and pretend they’re being neutral when they aren’t.

I’m called everything awful in the book. And people want to believe it even when they know it’s not true, but they will try to make it true.

I feel sad that I don’t have friends to make plans and socialize with, friends that I can go out with on weekends or hang out every week or everyday casually. I won’t get to experience vacations/trips with friends.

It’s not fair. The worst people I know who isolated me via bullying have a thriving social life, and I have no friends in the end. I’m the butt of jokes and experience a lot of disrespect and social aggression.

I wish I get to experience what others do socially - friendship, vacations, date nights/outings, making wonderful memories and shared experiences. And I likely won’t get to experience any of that. My 20s are passing and people won’t have patience in their 30s, they’d just look at me like I’m a red flag for not having friends or using social media (not having a following, posts that people like, etc).

I’m tired of being outcasted and bullied, looking on from the outside. And the worst part is how people actually get a kick out of this. I KNOW they want me to feel excluded and lonely, even unwanted and worthless. Ex friends would brag about the plans they had with their other friend in front of me, wouldn’t invite me to their plans, but would make plans in my face. It’s intentional. And I wish people would stop saying it’s just social anxiety or that something about me is inherently wrong to deserve this.

People are not kind. They’re mean and use social aggression for social mobility and climb the social ladder even if it means eroding their friends sense of self worth and self esteem. They look for someone to receive all that aggression - all the disrespect, bullying, abuse, and scapegoat them. That person becomes everything “wrong” and they elevate themselves as someone better and everything right. They dehumanize and degrade someone to get ahead. But pour all their love and kindness into others to win favor.

I wish I wasn’t alone and lonely 24/7. I wish I had genuine, true friends who do know and understand me, friends who genuinely do care, respect, and love me.

Life sucks and has been incredibly cruel.

I am a shell of my former self. I used to be very lively, cheerful, and vibrant.
I had so many hobbies and interests. I would do watercolor art, sports, camping and hiking, played a lot of pokemon video games, watched anime/read manga, read books, cooked and baked. I actually had a personality. I didn’t have much friends. I had 1-3 but they ended up not being friends.
Now I’m all muted. It’s like all the color and life in me is gone.

And what hurts the most is people wanted that. People who were supposed to be supportive and safe wanted to destroy me, and now I’m gone. They only want the version of me that is a husk - they assign labels and try to define me and it worked.

I have no friends and every friend I had ended up betraying me and contributing to my trauma. I’ve had people take advantage and make me out to be the villain. I’ve had “friends” bully me relentlessly and I ended up ostracized and isolated.

I wish I could enjoy my life just like the people who harmed me believe they are entitled to. They get to be happy, while I’m living with the aftermath of all the harm they have done while they pretend I’m an evil, awful person or somehow deserved to be abused/mistreated (so they never have to admit what they have done).

I’ve experienced sexism where a man in my cohort made me do a project all by myself and took credit. He shouldn’t have graduated from the program because he’s also committed plagiarism multiple times. When I escalated it, the professor and director sided with him, and gave him full credit and threatened to kick me out of the program. They made excuses about “men’s mental health” for his poor behavior, and somehow made it out to be my fault and coerced me into apologizing to him for the “accusation”. I also ended up getting bullied by some of my professors for even making the complaint - got the cold shoulder from a lot of people, and rumors spread about me. I don’t know why men who exploit women and take credit for their work/labor are protected and defended so much to the point where people actually try to destroy the women who stand up to them. It’s disturbing because I’m starting to see a pattern at this institution where men are promoted even when they have no merit and lie, steal, and cheat to get ahead.

I no longer trust the institution I’m at because they actually reward this behavior. It’s starting to look like a boys club where the men help each other out just to use women for their labor, claim credit, and screw them over to get ahead.

My family benefits a lot from abusing me. So often one of the following will happen:

1. They “forget” like it never happened and when you bring it up they say shit like “that happened?! I never remember that happening”, and go back to saying you’re having a mental breakdown, you’re having a “moment”. This is because they’re banking on you going back to the fake version of you - the one that pretends everything is okay while soaking up abuse, telling everyone you love them, and affirming their narrative that you were just overreacting, being dramatic/sensitive, being “mentally ill”, and that it was just your mental illness.

2. They will trivialize or minimize it. First they will say it’s your “bad thoughts”. Then they’ll say it’s “bad memories” when you correct them that it’s lived experience. Then they’ll say “we don’t know how to help you”, as if NOT abusing you is so hard to do and you’re a mentally ill nutcase that is beyond their “help”. Abusers benefit from you soaking up abuse and going to “therapy” to tolerate more of it and gaslight yourself. You’re “insane” and “mentally ill” for acknowledging the abuse and the reality of what you endured.

If anyone here watched Obsession, I feel a lot like real Nikki who is trapped. I feel like I’m living a psychological horror for 20+ years of my life, where I can only act as fake Nikki. Nfamilies don’t love the real you. They only want the fake you - the version that completely disregards self, self destructs, and yields to them. The version that soaks up all the abuse and blame while still acting loving and doting, while pretending everything is okay and the abuse didn’t happen. The version that is the designated “mentally ill”, delusional, insane, unreasonable and irrational child whenever they describe the abuse and their lived experience.

Abusers erase your experiences by discrediting it as something fictional, or made up in your head. No - you choking the living daylights out of me wasn’t my “mental illness”. It’s reality that isn’t debatable or up for “interpretation”. That really did happen.

Nfamily members always divert your anger to something else. You can explicitly tell them why you’re mad at them and about the abuse and they’ll say you’re mad because you feel “lonely”. I’m mad because you abused me and still are abusing me. They will trivialize it down to you’re “feeling lonely” when the reality is I can’t build the life I want and need because the abuse isolated me and so many people would rather avoid people who have my problems. I have no support system. My “support system” are my abusers (so I basically have no support system and I’m surrounded by people who do harm and expected to survive and do it all on my own with no complaints. I must put on an act, act my designated role and follow the script).

I suspect it’s because:

1. I’m a woman who is alone w/o support & no social capital - no friends + family, so I’m an easy target for bullies. I have no social media and not conventionally attractive either so people act venomous like they’re still in high school even though we are all “adults”.

2. I’m middle eastern, and my family comes from a country currently deeply entrenched in “war” (invasion). The western world & media holds a a very biased & negative view against my family’s home country & paints any resistance to foreign powers as “terrorism”. My family’s home country has been destroyed by western sanctions and has been ambushed many times so imo there’s no such thing as western diplomacy.

I can simply exist and that alone will trigger hostility from others. I face a lot of adversity and both covert and overt aggression. I won’t talk about politics, my views, nothing deeply personal. Just my identity alone is enough for people to feel threatened, and they immediately will try to demonize me as someone I’m not. I’ve had so many people try to paint me as aggressive, a “mean girl” (after taking advantage & exploiting me), scary (because I called them out on it or attempted to hold them accountable), or a dangerous “terrorist”. I’m tired of being painted as “evil” wherever I go. It’s exhausting.

If I’m against genocide, I’m labeled a terrorist sympathizer and a traitor to my people by those who have been brainwashed by western propaganda. If I hold any criticism about my family’s homeland’s government, I’m labeled a foreign western entity trying to stage a coup (even though I DON’T want that - I do have legit criticisms though!) If I am in favor of my family’s homeland’s government defending itself, I’m labeled an Islamic extremist and terrorist. People try to fit me into boxes that don’t apply. It’s whatever suits their narrative that I’m “evil” and “wrong” so long as they benefit.

I’m not Muslim btw, but that hasn’t stopped the Islamophobic micro and macro aggressions. People have consistently, and I mean consistently twisted my words, actions, behaviors into something it isn’t. People have consistently painted me as someone dangerous, insincere, duplicitous, negative, sinister, evil - someone who everyone needs to stay away from. It’s not their interpretation, it’s their bigotry and severe gaslighting + defamation being repackaged as “innocent interpretations” and “misunderstandings” about me.

Reddit is the only place I have to vent, so of course all my posts are negative vents/rants. In my day to day life I don’t vent/rant about my problems & am cheerful + cordial in person. But I have no other space to express myself when I am upset, so I use Reddit. Irl, if I am honest about what I think and feel, people twist it to make me out to be something negative.

What is with Americans being so racist and prejudiced against Middle Eastern people? What’s with the constant double standards? It’s like their only idea of Middle Eastern people are the Kardashians, Huda from love island, or LA folks. They worship these people on a very superficial level, & see them as the sole representation of middle eastern identity. In reality they just worship a very watered down, American & orientalist stereotype.

For example, one of the women from my cohort who bullied me (she’s not white, not middle eastern either) started claiming she could speak Arabic, even though I know for a fact she doesn’t. She constantly told everyone how she could sense I was a bad person and for everyone to stay away. Same girl and her friends/my peers started questioning me about my language and culture and went as far as to say I’m faking it. She would look at my food with disgust and make really cruel comments about my face and body even though she was far from perfect herself (she always acted like she was “too good” and would always make jabs to put me down). Another guy who bullied me so much throughout nursing school started posting fundraisers and organizations to send aid to people who share my ethnicity. I feel like these people are communal predators who use social media to present a fake image or persona. Because they were racist as hell to me and I don’t think they should be anywhere near people who are middle eastern. They would just harm them.

I am TIRED. I want people to stop treating me like their enemy. Everywhere I go, it’s like people want to believe I am their enemy and they do stuff to harm, and when they do that, I eventually do become their “enemy” when I try to defend myself.

And I can’t respond or react when they do harm or it backfires and I face backlash. If I don’t react and respond, they see it as permission to do more harm and a lack of self-respect/they see me as a pushover and doormat. They want an excuse to keep abusing/bullying me while hiding behind plausible deniability. And they’ve been getting massive powergasms on their power trips.

And what’s with constantly pointing the finger at me and calling me “scary”?!?! I am a petite woman, 5 ft tall. I swear people say I’m scary because they fucking know they did me really dirty and they fear the consequences so they immediately jump to the scorched earth approach by doing more harm in hopes that I don’t get back up. They don’t want to be held accountable so they play victim and pretend I’m the perpetrator.

And what’s with these assholes bullying me for social capital?!?! So many people in my cohort have been rug pulling, bullying, exploiting, then play victim, and get rewarded with more social capital. What the fuck is wrong with western culture?

I grew up in a highly abusive household. So abusive that my father was dissatisfied if I disagreed with him on anything or even attempted to practice my agency and autonomy, he would try to subdue me via the mental health system and exert power and control over me.

So many times, he has said he wanted to control me so I behaved in a very specific way that pleases him, which meant being docile, always agreeing to what he says and does without question, and not having any thoughts and feelings of my own. I wasn’t allowed to act on my own without permission. My dad has explicitly said several times he sees me as someone he can mold as he sees fit. Even today, he said the only “solution” he sees is if he’s given more power and control over how I behave. He said “you need to behave in a specific way that I need”.

Therapy has been the most traumatic timeline in my life. Professionals medically abused me and gave my abusers more power and control to do harm. This has been over the course of 15+ years. My dad tried to get me on heavy medications and diagnose me with a serious disorder with heavy stigma/negative public opinion so it was easier to discredit me. Therapists and doctors were so quick to be biased against me and not believe anything I said about my abuse. They sided with my abusers instead and gave them more resources and tools to exert power and control over me. I became increasingly suicidal from the abuse, and constant dismissal of it. The abuse wasn’t recognized. It was just written off as “psychosis” or something that never happened. I needed safety in therapy, and never got safety. I was a minor. I didn’t have anyone who stepped in to help me.

My dad has almost killed me several times and I never got help from my mom or any professional/authority figure even when I sought help. One time, in an argument because I disagreed with him, he pinned me down and started choking me. I was trying to fight for my life because I couldn’t breathe so I started clawing at his face to have him let go. He did but I ended up with a concussion because he slammed my head back hard several times on the ground. My mom didn’t help and told me I deserved it and shouldn’t have spoken back to him. No one checked if I was okay. I could have died. I could have permanent injuries that I don’t even know about that I could be suffering from to this day. I have PTSD and MDD, which is confirmed. I have night terrors.

Therapists, doctors, social workers never helped me. It was more convenient for them to keep me stuck with my abusers and falsely document that I was the problem. I wish I could believe in the healthcare system but I don’t and I say this as a nurse now. Even now I can’t get the help I need. I see the true nature of so many “professionals”. Majority do not care for their patients, and treat “difficult” (aka vulnerable) patients with contempt. If you have no support system, you will suffer medical abuse and be written off by professionals because you’re easy to. They know that no one will help, and they can just make up so much bs and falsify stuff because you’re at their mercy.

So many therapists and doctors have consistently given my abusers the resources and tools to abuse more. It’s so bad that I’m suicidal but I don’t tell anyone about it because it will be used against me and I’d just be more vulnerable to abuse. They’d just use my poor mental health from abuse as proof against me.

If you’re a therapist or a doctor, sincerely fuck you to hell. You’re some of the most evil, vile people I’ve come across. No it was not 1 person, it was at least 20 over the course of years who continued this because it was convenient and they didn’t want to handle the “mess” of it. Not one gave a fuck about me, they only cared about themselves.

When I was in elementary school I was jumping rope in the backyard, and my brother suddenly approached me, yanked the jump rope out of my hands and proceeded to whip me with it. I cried to my mom and she told me to forgive him. He never apologized. I still have a scar on my arm from that day because I was trying to block the rope from hitting my face.

When I was a teenager, I just got out of the shower, and my brother attacked me. He started accusing me of using up all the hot water and masturbating, called me a whore, etc. He gripped my wrist so hard that I had blue and purple bruises from it. Again, my mom told me to forgive him. He never apologized.

Everyone in my family has amnesia about the multiple times I’ve been abused. The focus is shifted on me and my reactions to the abuse. They’re perfect, have done no wrong, aren’t abusive, but somehow I am. I’m the designated “problem” in the family. No one is honest about what they did and they usually twist the blame back on me, and insist I’m problematic.

My family now just usually ignores me and blames me for everything. They say it’s all my fault I’m isolated and that they ignore/avoid me.

I have no support system. I face so much adversity and hostility from family, “friends”, acquaintances.

I’m not allowed to have boundaries, to defend myself. I’m not allowed to hold people accountable for doing harm to me in any capacity. I get punished and blamed instead via DARVO smear campaigns.

My family instigates fights, creates misunderstandings, and draws out hours long intentional miscommunication (they won’t be clear, they’re vague and won’t answer simple questions) just to throw it back in my face and say I’m the problem. I feel suffocated.

They get support and resources. I shrink myself, smaller and smaller, quieter and quieter until I’m nothing. I’m more alone than ever, have no support. I’m a shell of my former self. It’s never enough until I die. It won’t stop until I die. And even then, I’ll be blamed for everything. I’ll be labeled the problem or just “mentally ill” and it was no one’s fault.

I give up. I don’t belong in this world. I don’t belong in my family, with “friends” or acquaintances. I don’t have a community and there isn’t a community out there that I belong to. Life won’t get better for me, no matter how hard I try to make the changes needed, it always backfires and my life gets worse. It never gets better.

I think I’m not meant to be on this earth.

I can’t talk to my own brothers or parents because they’re never honest and they always manage to twist things and place blame back on me. They always gaslight and project to absolve themselves of everything. It’s always my fault; they’re fine they didn’t do anything wrong. They accuse me of what they do all the time.

I have no social capital and am at the bottom of the family hierarchy. Everyone kicks me down and keeps me down to keep their spot; they don’t want to be treated like me. I don’t want to live anymore.

I hate my brothers. I hate my parents. I hate everyone in my family. They all abused me growing up. But I’m the “problem”.

Everyone likes to talk about how the scapegoat survives and is successful but no one talks about the many times the scapegoat doesn’t survive, commits suicide, etc.

One of my roommates work at the same institution that I will be working at. He doesn’t clean up after his mess, uses my stuff, and also avoids/delays paying his share for what he owes. I usually have to remind him to pay his share, and end up cleaning up after others mess because it gets so bad there are roaches and rats.

I’m the only woman living with a bunch of men and have taken on the burden of being the housemaid and covering the bills.

Several times I found my door unlocked and open when returning home. Every person has their own bedroom and bathroom, to which the door to their bedroom has a keypad lock. I always make sure my door is locked before leaving so this makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

I overheard my roommate having a phone conversation about me with someone, and he was accusing me of stuff I never said or did. He said he was building a case against me. This was about an hour after I called my family to let them know I received an offer at the same institution.

I feel unsafe and uncomfortable around him because we live at the same place and before he has made inappropriate comments and has gotten touchy. I’ve shown I was cold and not open to that and he backed off.

I feel stressed out about my livelihood because I just graduated and gotten my license and already some snake is trying to make my life more hellish than it already is.

This institution also rewards bullies/abusers. One of my classmates made me do a whole project by myself and when I let the professor know and escalated it, they threatened to give me a 0 and kick me out of the program. They also forced me to apologize to the freeloader as if I was the aggressor because he kept portraying himself as the victim. He claimed I said and did stuff I didn’t say/do, out of retaliation when I tried to hold him accountable for not contributing. They gave him full credit, and believed all his lies about me at face value. They went on to talk about men’s mental health - as if I was harming his mental health when he was harming mine with his DARVO and smear campaign.

My roommate knows about this and I suspect he sees me as an easy target. Now he’s playing the same if not similar script to do harm. I barely interact with him. I only say hi/bye, or remind him via text to pay his share twice a month.

I hate how much adversity and hostility I have been experiencing from others. People know they can exploit me and get away with it which is why the typically devolve into manipulative deceptive pricks who take and take even if it’s by force and coercion. I’m not allowed boundaries or to defend myself because it has backfired every time I have tried. I get backlash while my bullies get what they want at my expense, and people will defend them and reward them for it.

Edit: the downvotes from trolls is proving my point. I won’t be silenced, and I will tell my experience. I’m sick and tired of being silenced by abusers and bullies while they spread lies to get what they want while they harm others.

My ex friend cheated with her best friend’s boyfriend, while also already having a boyfriend. I am not in these people’s circles; they don’t know me and I don’t know them, and we don’t have each others contact info. We have only heard about eachother through my ex friend. I stopped being her friend because she kept rubbing in my face that her new best friend was better than me and more worthy of friendship. Well she betrayed her new best friend and her boyfriend…

What hurt the most was all the deception, manipulation, and triangulation. I felt like I was going insane because I knew something was wrong and she wasn’t telling the truth but didn’t have physical evidence until it all came out in the open.

She told everyone I was a bad influence and encouraged her to cheat. I never did because she wasn’t truthful about what was going on. During our friendship, she spread rumors that I was promiscuous and a serial cheater (she was doing what she was accusing me of). Before, she portrayed her affair like she was in a consensual open relationship and polyamorous. But her best friend and her boyfriend didn’t know and didn’t consent to being polyamorous or in an open relationship. She also made it sound like the guy she was cheating with wasn’t in a relationship until I found out the guy she was cheating with was her best friend’s boyfriend. Again, I’m not in these people’s circles and I don’t have their contact info, so I discovered this very late. We only know about eachother through the things my ex friend has said. She left out a lot of info to portray things a certain way so she wouldn’t be caught. It gradually came together like pieces of a puzzle, because the things she would say/slip of tongue.

She spent 3 years cheating with him behind her best friends back. When I finally met her best friend and boyfriend at a party, I learned they had no idea she was betraying them both and about the affair. They thought she was just friends with her best friend’s boyfriend. I warned her I was going to tell her best friend and boyfriend. As a last minute resort, she suggested to her best friend at a restaurant to open her relationship and about polyamory so she could be with her boyfriend. Her best friend cried and well that was the end of their friendship, and the man she was cheating with ended up staying and choosing her best friend.

She so badly wanted her best friend’s boyfriend to choose her in the end. As retaliation, she told everyone her best friend’s boyfriend sexually assaulted her despite bragging to me about her relationship with him for the 3 years she was having an affair. She later admitted years later she did it out of revenge because he didn’t do what she wanted - choose her.

She has hurt so many people. I wish she was honest and upfront. She called me controlling for knowing the truth and holding her accountable, and went on a smear campaign against me. I’m not the first person she has hurt. She shape-shifts, lies about her past, portrays herself as a victim, and gets into a new relationship or gains new friends who believe her. And the cycle repeats. Every person she claims has harmed her turned out to be one of her victims that she used and deceived.

I just want people to know that cheating is so destructive. She had a means to find people who would consensually have open/poly relationships but decided to betray everyone and violate other people’s trust and boundaries. I feel so angry at her and honestly wish I never became her friend and crossed paths.

I went from being extroverted, happy, with a lot of friends, to being isolated, introverted, and miserable from her smear campaigns. I don’t want to go too in depth of all the abuse she put me through, but she absolutely did traumatize me and I cannot and will not forgive her.

Sometimes I wish she would meet herself in someone else, find her match, so she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end; that she experiences how destructive, abusive, manipulative, controlling, and hurtful she has been to multiple people.

It’s not okay that the people she hurt are carrying the aftermath. If I had not had her in my life, I think my life would have turned out so much better, and I’d be much healthier - mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of micro and macro-aggressions that is dismissed and not acknowledged by my cohort, professors, and yes the director too. Or rather they know but don’t care, and encourage/support it.

I had a peer who recorded me without my knowledge and consent. He kept trying to provoke me into reacting by saying and doing stuff that was upsetting (lots of gaslighting over audio). This was so he could obtain “proof” to use against me and as blackmail. He also threatened that he would use AI to alter audio recordings of me for defamatory purposes. This was all so he could avoid working on a project that he coerced me into doing all by myself. He was out partying with his friends and spending Father’s Day with his dad, while I was stuck in my room doing the whole project by myself. To add insult to injury, he made fun of me and the fact my father was in another country at the time under bombardment and I wouldn’t know when or if my dad would return alive.

I reported this to my professor. She dismissed everything I documented and reported. She threatened to give me a 0 and to fail me out of the program for complaining that my partner didn’t do any of the project. She said she would either give me a 0 or grade the assignment and give full credit. I’m an out of state student and failing the assignment would kick me out of the program and put me in 100k debt. My peer wouldn’t be affected as much because he’s local and living with family. My professor escalated this to the director, and they basically coerced me into apologizing and accepting all fault to my peer.

Both the director and professor are white. My peer is half white. I’m brown. My cohort, professors, and the director have made a lot of inappropriate comments directed towards me. I’m a “safe”, easy target. Because of this environment, other peers have done the same. I’ve been exploited into doing others work while they take credit, and I’ve been coerced a lot. People have gaslit me. They have claimed I said and did things I never did, and co-signed it, to sabotage, undermine, and defame. I’ve had so many people be disrespectful, roll their eyes, scoff, act aggressive, etc yet claim I’m the perpetrator when I’m the one being victimized.

I’m so tired of people like this being rewarded for it. I don’t trust any of these people with my life because they have shown time and time again, they can and they WILL harm me, my family, and people who share my identity. This peer has made me out to be a mean girl crybully and a potential “terrorist”. He claims he’s the victim and that I’m bullying him after everything he’s done.

I’m certain that hogs have been stalking my family and harassing us. My dad got pulled over, didn’t break any traffic laws. It was some white guy who spent nearly 20 minutes in his car with my dad’s drivers license most likely trying to find some bs reason to ticket him. Turns out the reason was also false and the cop told my dad the incorrect info; we checked state laws and there was no traffic violation or laws broken. They bend the rules when it suits them, and make up rules they don’t follow to impose on non whites. They actively seek to cause problems for non whites in hopes of incarcerating them or causing financial distress.

They only want to eat carbs carbs carbs, unhealthy fats, no protein, no fiber, and they act like they don’t understand why their gut is messed up and why they keep losing more and more muscle mass. At this point they won’t eat anything but sweets, pastries, french fries and it’s like trying to convince a toddler to eat their veggies and grilled chicken but they’re so stubborn they “can’t” for “medical reasons” which is code for I won’t eat anything but fast food and complain about my health.

Dad is prediabetic, has high cholesterol. He’s not consistent with his meds. Both of them will fast for the whole day then binge on high glycemic index foods. They think they’ll lose weight this way but the only thing they’re losing is muscle mass and becoming malnourished (missing vitamins). Mom won’t see a doctor for her snoring, keeps complaining about feeling tired all the time but won’t do anything about her obvious sleep apnea even though I tell her there are worse health outcomes if she doesn’t do anything about it (get a cpap machine after doing a sleep study).

Old people are very frustrating. I’m losing my patience and tolerance. Oh and they constantly bicker with each other and are negative. I can’t enjoy anything in their presence.

They always have this disgusting smirk on their face when they are terrorizing non-white people. On the road they try to kill you by either nearly ramming into the back of your car in their giant stupid truck, or into the side of your car knowing you are in the lane. They drive like they own the road and that the universe revolves around them; to them non-white people are just things they can run over like it’s no big deal.

I had a white classmate who was texting on her phone and tailgating me. She almost killed me and nearly drove into the back of my car on the highway. I saw her in the rear view mirror, honked so she would be more aware of her surroundings. She just smirked and rolled her eyes and went back to texting in her giant truck, not looking at the road in front of her.

White people also terrorize non-whites in the community and neighborhood. They don’t respect your boundaries, consent, autonomy, and privacy. They enjoy violating non-whites to maintain their false sense of control. They constantly act like insufferable little shits. I’m so sick of them.

And why the stupid smirk? They do the dumbest things and smirk like they’re some genius. It’s like watching a toddler shit themselves and act super proud of it.

I have so many classmates who are ignorant about my race and ethnicity. To them, I’m a “terrorist”. Many times I’ve had people speak about me as if I am one, by spreading rumors and misrepresenting what I say, do, and how I behave. I’m told as a justification to change myself because it’s up to others how they interpret me but what do I do when that interpretation is through a lens of bigotry and malicious intent? I feel so disheartened because it doesn’t just come from white people, it comes from black and brown people too. I’m the “bad” kind of brown and they are the “good ones”. I’m the “terrorist” and they are the “heroes” after they support genocide, war crimes, and more heinous acts. And the worst part is the audacity, they are so ignorant they don’t know history, the news - they watch their propaganda, call themselves informed but can’t even point their “enemy” country on the map. They can’t spell and pronounce my name either. Any criticism of Western society and politics is labeled propaganda from a “terrorist” organization. People here are vile. They treat me like I’m uncivilized but it is them who is uncivilized. They’re violent. I feel like I’m going insane. People want to murder my folks in masses, displace us, destroy our home country, steal our resources and land, and deprive us of our lives and rights. But I’m the threat? I’m the dangerous, evil one? I get ostracized and bullied in my cohort because of their bigotry and ignorance.

I’m so tired of being demonized and dehumanized. Westerners don’t know how to function without creating a made up underclass in their bs hierarchies to oppress. I’m apparently not worthy and deserving enough of life, my civil rights, to be treated equal, and more. To them, I’m less human than they are, less deserving and worthy of life and the every day things they take for granted but seek to deprive me of. I’m sick of Western hypocrisy. Western society to me is no different from Nazi Germany.

I’ve experienced so much racism, sexism, and islamophobia from my cohort, professors, and those higher up the organizational hierarchy. I’m a “safe” target for people to displace all their hate and violence. What I’ve experienced is violence - it doesn’t have to be physical. It’s mental, emotional, psychological, and yes, relational, career-wise, and financial too. I know this because I noticed the double standards: if it were any other peer or colleague in my program who was treated the way I am, it would be grounds for a lawsuit and identified to be discrimination.

I’ve had the most vile things said and done to me in this program. I’m not allowed to stand up for myself or even practice my rights because I’m retaliated against and made out to be the aggressor. And well this country has also rolled back on many initiatives to prevent this type of discrimination and to give victims means to address this. The role reversals I experienced were racist and islamophobic because they try to paint me like I’m some aggressive, dangerous “terrorist” when I’m the one who is being victimized.

One example I can recall vividly is how a peer premeditatedly recorded me for a project without my knowledge. He wouldn’t contribute anything and made me do the whole project by myself on Father’s Day. He rubbed this in my face when he knew my dad was visiting his extended family in his birth country that’s under bombardment. I didn’t get to call my dad, to see if he was okay. I was in the dark if he was even alive and if he would be able to return. My partner intentionally was trying to antagonize me to get a reaction so he could use it as blackmail and “proof”. He got what he wanted, and even manipulated the recordings to try to construct a false narrative. When I told my professor about how he didn’t contribute, she also blackmailed me. She told me she would either give me a 0, which would fail me out of my program and put me in debt as an out of state student (my partner was local so it wouldn’t have impacted him as much), Or that she would grade it as is and give us both credit even though my partner didn’t contribute. She escalated it to the director, and the director sided with my partner and was coercing me into accepting all fault, apologizing to my partner, and giving him full credit. They were trying to make me out to be the aggressor, and coercing me into admission that I am the aggressor. They got what they wanted. The racism and Islamophobia did not escape me, as a brown middle eastern woman, they painted me as some dangerous “terrorist” and cry bully.

Because of the professor and director, other peers in my program started treating me the same way. People would put words in my mouth to try to mischaracterize me in false portrayals. This was crazy making - I had peers claim I said stuff I didn’t, and engage with me as if I said something I didn’t, and professors actually co-signed this. I’ve also had professors act so dishonest and disrespectfully during my presentations where they would misrepresent what I presented and communicated explicitly and clearly. I had peers do the same where during simulations they falsely made up narratives claiming I said and did stuff I didn’t. My own peers would take advantage of me, take credit for my work, and also discredit me as if I’m stupid, did nothing, or was completely wrong. Many times I would be unfairly criticized (they would actually make up stuff that didn’t happen to criticize - this was intense gaslighting). Several peers would make me do their share of work for projects and discredit my contributions, claiming I did nothing (when I did most if not all of their share) and they would claim credit for everything by presenting my work as their own. The portions I presented (the stuff they didn’t complete or half-assed) would be heavily criticized, while the stuff they presented (what I completed) would be complimented. I’ve had peers note their name on my portions of the work I completed to make it seem they did it, to coerce me into doing their share that wasn’t completed. I’ve had peers try to shove me down the stairs. Professors and peers who didn’t give a fuck about me and would either give me dirty looks, eye rolls, sighs, and contempt for even daring to collaborate on projects/assignments. They’d also contradict themselves saying I took “too long” or am “doing too much”.

They also mock lgbt folks in Muslim family systems who are afraid to come out. There was this one project where we had to compile resources for a fake lgbt Muslim patient and my god it was a clearly a bunch of bs microaggressions repackaged as “diversity” and “inclusion”. It was so out of touch with the realities lgbt folks in Muslim families experience and also out of touch with Muslim families. It was actually insulting. I’m only supposed to nod my head and accept this “education” and co-sign their ignorance.

I feel so disgusted in this institution because of how blatantly discriminatory it has been towards me and people who share my identity. They use people who share my identity as a token poster-child where they can pretend they are making efforts to be inclusive and diverse but I will always remember the vile discrimination and hate I’ve been subjected to. The constant undermining, sabotage, and exploitation whilst also blocking opportunities, withholding info, and acting discrepantly biased against me… I’ve had people tell me I am “so lucky” to be here, and that I’m taking spots from poor white people. It’s not enough for them that my people are being massacred, I’m apparently “ungrateful” and “undeserving” and only deserve to be living in a tent in a concentration camp with no academic, career/financial, and social prospects. That in itself is racist. Because it infuriates them when my people express joy, are successful, or do well in life - they do not want my people to do well. They only want me and my people to suffer and be miserable. Oh I’m “falling behind” and not doing as well as my peers? It’s almost like it’s by design. Kinda hard to do well and not allow bullying to affect my performance when it’s also coming from people with authority and power.

Even on the day of my graduation, the professor couldn’t be bothered to say my name correctly. I have a small cohort. I’ve interacted with this professor multiple times throughout the program. They know and recognize my name and how to pronounce it. They said it incorrectly intentionally, so my loved ones who attended the ceremony wouldn’t recognize it, and that it wouldn’t be associated with honors.

I’m so sick and tired of blatant discrimination that’s just hidden away with plausible deniability and gaslighting. No one in my cohort would accept being treated the way I was, and if it were any other person treated like this, it would be taken seriously. People actually avoided making eye contact and interacting with me after the ceremony, when before that they were all fake-friendly and wanted to take pictures. Only 1 person in the cohort wanted to take pictures and talk with me, and was inclusive.