r/cptsd_bipoc

They are some of the most unregulated people I have encountered. Being brown means, to them, that I have no control over or right to my own autonomy. My "no" gets ignored. My personal space is invaded. They feel entitled to my property, skills, time, resources.

White people love ignoring or erasing me but if I have headphones on minding my business, they get mad. How DARE I "ignore" them?? They cannot handle not being centered. Like their sense of value comes from excluding you while being desperate for your attention and approval.

Their version of "ignoring" is paying attention to everything you do, denying your humanity but watching you 24/7 out of the corner of their eyes. So they assume you minding your business is the same thing because they project and assume you are as barbaric as they are. Can never have some peace because they make it their mission to destroy yours/mine.

Have you ever smiled in public? White people hate smiling minorities. But if you stop smiling, they get mad and expect you to comfort them because they refuse to self regulate.

The whole idea of whiteness is narcissism so they will never self regulate or get better.

If I do not act in a way they want me to be: fawning over them, being subservient, being an "incompetent minority", being a pushover, I have to be destroyed.

Someone posted asking people if they are agoraphobic. It does feel like it. My nervous system does not feel safe living around whites because they feel entitled to unrestricted access.

I have looked into research studies that prove how whites see not white people as objects. Ex. Walking on the sidewalk and they expect you to move out of the way.

No means no. Minorities are not objects. We do not exist to be their punching bags and receptacles. So much energy wasted trying to survive these cowardly losers.

No such thing as "THE CLASS WAR", no such thing as white "allies". Whites DO NOT have the right to INVITE THEMSELVES to the "anti racist club".

Cannot even escape whites here.

Mods, please feel free to take this down if it is inappropriate.

I am not denying racism is bad or affects all types of people. But I personally have been noticing how scarring it was growing up as a minority in a third world country in a middle class family surrounded by privileged people who were a majority. And I faced similar struggles in a first world country as a minority and as a struggling international student. I am just trying to understand if others think the same too.

Sometimes I come across videos where people who are better off have incidents of racism but they are able to brush it off and move on with their life. Their life allows them to do so not that it creates a rift in their life’s but you get it. But just my thought.

I've heard from a lot of African American men online that their biggest enemy besides the white man has been the black woman, which has been absolutely ridiculous to me. Who's suffered beside them during slavery, reconstruction lynchings, and Jim Crow? Who's been there to deal with the aftermath of the deconstruction of the black community when we were placed into ghettos, then had drugs implanted into our community like crack and weaponry like guns so that we could harm and kill one another? Who dealt with the aftermath of "rolling stone" fathers that didn't want to stick around for their child, and left the woman to shoulder the weight of raising the children alone?

There's been a lot of efforts by black men to humble black women over my years of witnessing black men's activity on my social media feed. Not to mention the femicide. And the active roles being played by black men to denigrate and erase black women.

Knowing this, it makes me wonder how do they fix their mouths to say that black women being tired of all of this is misandry??..

It's been weighing on my mental health lately getting these sorts of incoming messages. So I can't imagine what it's doing for the younger black women. I don't blame so many of them for developing a "fuck niggas" attitude and just living their lives not caring anymore.

You guys gotta help me.

I study Law / Politics, for my Politics module next year I have to do International Relations. The first semester is SO BAD.

I have looked over the readings, it is just so scarily white-centric and western-centric.
In past modules I have gotten away with doing my own readings (of course not at all included on the course) that provided information in a non-racist or even anti-racist way (for example consulting critical studies journals) but this semester we have to focus on the readings assigned and I am already so exhausted.

It’s difficult to explain but rest assured the entire field of IR is just so Eurocentric and frankly racist. It places white people and western countries at the forefront and everyone else at the periphery. The whole field views the deaths of millions of Black and brown people as mere collateral, but even a singular white person is considered to be all important. All the main theorists you’re expected to know are white, most of them are virulently racist.

I don’t want to believe that I’m just uniquely weak as fuck. It’s just so hard being forced to read all this stupid untrue shit and swallow it uncritically.

I have had traumatizing experience with white women’s tears. I am usually a confident person and used to never be scared of this white woman. I always knew that she wasn’t the sweetest person, but I thought maybe because that was how she talks. She has a condescending tone to almost everyone. However, four months ago, everyone at work was complaining about our workload. I joined the compliant and made one comment that came off as a little harsher.

Anyway, this white woman brought it to our POC supervisor. She did not mention my name but said exactly what I said and emphasized that it wasn’t nice. The POC supervisor de-escalate the situation and said it wasn’t inappropriate. The white woman was so distressed and almost cried, saying it was mean etc. After the meeting, she walked out almost crying with frustration.

I went to throw up and have been afraid to disagree with her ever since. What kind of therapy do I need?

Colorism is a real disease and illness of the mind. It doesn't even make practical sense; seeing as darker skin protects the skin better from sunburn, skin cancer, and premature aging. Darker eyes are protected from the sun more. Whiteness was a mutation, and adaptation to cooler climates. That's it. Nothing more special about it than blackness. (and I even heard that it's a result of an extreme form of inbreeding. I'm not entirely sure of this, so you'd have to do your own research on that one) It's all literally the residue of colonialism that came from the transatlantic slave trade, which helped to put whiteness on the map as the most powerful, monied, influential, and therefore desirable.

As an unambiguously dark skin black woman It's affecting my quality of life so bad that I wound up with CPTSD, depression, and psychosis. I'm also in a spiritual battle being attacked by the devil because of it. Not to mention the racism that is externally reenforcing it whenever I encounter other people. It's completely unfair that it exists.

Does anyone else have any mental illnesses and poor quality of life because of the same?

Every where I work, there’s always one white woman who finds her way to attack me for no reason. They’re usually condescending and like to make snarky comments but can’t take it when you give them a similar energy. They’d cry and try to paint you as mean or aggressive.

There are some who are “kind” to me, but they only like me when I listen to them and basically obey them. They treat me as I’m inferior and I have to listen to them because they’re the boss. They’re so unexpected, too. One day they’re nice and the next day they explode. They get away with it because they’re have other white people supporting them. Even BIPOC leaders are scared when these white women act emotional.

How do you handle them? I mean, I can handle them without getting myself in trouble, but I’m so tired of having to hold in to survive. I want to tell them to f*ck off.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on how much colorism affected my self-esteem growing up. Especially as a Mexican girl with a medium skin tone.

My mom constantly pushed this idea that lighter skin was more beautiful and desirable. She would make comments about white men not liking us and when I was talking to this middle eastern guy, she literally asked if he knew I was Mexican. Stuff like that really stuck with me.

I also had a situationship with a guy who would comment on my skin tone. He would call me “dark” or “black” all the time and compared me to my pale aunt saying she was beautiful because she was light skinned. Meanwhile I internalized this idea that no matter what my features look like, lighter skin automatically make someone pretty or worthy.

The weird thing is objectively I know I’m not unattractive. I’ve gotten compliments on my features. But mentally I still carry this feeling that I’m “less than” because I don’t fit a Eurocentric ideal. It’s like my brain automatically assumes people would choose an average white girl over me no matter what.

Not to mention, the men of my own culture have always made fun of my skin tone and features and call me slurs which is why I don’t really date Hispanic men.

I’m trying to unlearn it now, but it’s honestly hard realizing how deeply these beliefs got wired into me.

After I've experienced non-black women in the workforce treating me like garbage, being petty, and down right abusive, I don't want to hear another complaint from them about how men mistreat them. Especially about that glass ceiling crap. They can miss me with it all.

So what if I sound bitter. I have a right to feel how I feel. Now what?!

Those women have driven me out of so many jobs it's not even funny. But have the nerve to turn around and complain when the white man does it to them.

I mask my actual life when I socialize because of cptsd. However, recently I have realized how much I have to twist stories to make it fit into a comfortable story for the people of privileged class around me. As a person from middle class person I have to act different and lie to fit into that part of that society because I can’t avoid it as I live surrounded by people like them and I’m workplace too.

It is hard to be nice when you are physically and culturally erased.

It is hard to be nice when your "no" is ignored constantly (usually because white people have a consent problem).

It is hard to be nice when you are kind but get treated like a wild animal constantly.

It is hard to be nice when I deal with people who want to be me but without the daily struggle it takes to be me.

It is hard to be nice when whites and their worshippers intentionally misunderstand you to justify abusing and k*lling you.

It is hard to be nice when your work and personal space are stolen from you.

It is hard to be nice when I am profiled and have negative traits projected onto me.

It is hard to be nice when my people are fetishized or demonized by those who do not see us as human.

It is hard to be nice when the same ones who want me gone try to lecture me on my own background and language.

Even after all the inequality, abuse, erasure, you are expected to comfort the abuser. I have been shamed in so many different situations for not comforting the same ones who want me to stop existing. I still try to be kind but I will not put in effort for those who want me d*ad.

At my worst, I am still better than colonists and other abusers at their best. I am too hard on myself but I am just human. The same ones who treat me badly could not survive a day in my place.

Black Skin, White Masks - Full Free Text (English Translation)

[Trigger warning: very detailed descriptions of racism]

"The former slave wants his humanity to be challenged; he is looking for a fight; he wants a brawl. But too late: the black Frenchman is doomed to hold his tongue and bare his teeth."

- Franz Fanon

Growing up on the internet was hell on Earth.

In the age of YouTube, with PewDiePie, Content Cop, Leafy, and Shane Dawson, it wasn't fun. Being on social media or any online platforms as a BIPoC back then was brutal. It's not sunshine and rainbows nowadays, but seeing this stuff as a kid did a number on my self-worth.

The worst part? A lot of white people look back on this "Golden Era" of the internet with fondness or make excuses for the behavior.

"It was a different time back then."

"We all grew up saying edgy shit online."

"It wasn't a big deal like it is now."

Yes, that racism you regurgitated for funsies wasn't a big deal, and it definitely didn't hurt anyone!

I used the internet as an escape from my reality at home. I was a little girl, who liked watching LPS videos, FNAF gameplay, and lifestyle/Tumblr content. Seeing racist foolishness in random comment sections was hellish, but it was worse seeing that stuff appear in my daily life.

People shouldn't have to look back on their childhoods and remember being called racial slurs or getting harassed by their white classmates. Those classmates repeating things they heard from a grown man on YouTube with millions of subscribers.

You mean to tell me this was a "normal" part of my childhood because I'm not white? I should expect this!? I'm supposed to accept bigoted content because some cis-white male YouTuber wanted to dress up as a Black caricature and don Blackface? 🫩

All the vitriol from both white people and POC writing disinformation to say we are equally bad to asians and other POC and we want attention and people to feel badly for our self inflicted problems. We help the white agenda. We hold them back more than whiteness. White leftists make them feel safer and more heard than black people.

Black women are ugly.

Black men are disproportionately fetishistic of non black POC women.

Being upset black people are talking about supreme court rulings that directly affect them and everyone they are related to.

Glazing white leftists as "different" visionaries and leaders and true allies.

One of the most misogynoir things I have ever seen just got posted and deleted after a POC OP called black women ugly and fat and said of course we cant take criticism.

Blacktwitter and blackpeopleofreddit being used as proof black folks are anti asian when both of those pages are run and overwhelmingly used by white folks. Those pages literally makes fun of and fetishizes black folks while the commenters cosplay as black folks themselves.

One thing that really gets to me about being BIPOC is how you're hyper-visible wherever you go to but everyone else makes you feel invisible. It's something that's so hard to describe to someone who's never experienced it.

I walk around the streets in the very white city I currently live in, feeling like no one is seeing me or even acknowledging my existance. However, if something were to happen to someone else (like someone getting robbed or whatever), I know for a fact I would be the first person to be looked at or interrogated by the police

I've tried explaining this to other BIPOC, and was gaslit beyond imagination, so for the longest time I really did believe it was all in my head, but today I know it's true because I've spoken to BIPOC who've also lived in majority white spaces. I absolutely hate this because I know that if I were ever in a situation in which I needed someone's help, people would just pass me by and pretend not to see me because I am probably dangerous

I really don't know how much longer I'll be able to handle all of this

Trigger warning: vague mention of wanting to give up on life

They have the monopoly on everything - morals, ethics, wisdom, philosophy, civics, etiquette, socialization, history, tradition, categorization, art, music, media, fashion, beauty, sex, love, romance, eroticism, aesthetics, architecture, design, government and politics, leadership, humanitariansm, lifestyle, entertainment, war, world peace, power, money, materials, intelligence, knowledge, education, science, technology, engineering, even how we talk and the shirt on my back. Everything and everyone is defined by them. They decide what's worth paying attention to and what isn't. Everyone has to live by their blueprint. It's like they control every single fiber of my body and there's nothing left of who I would've been if I was brought up in my native land, absent of Western presence. Almost everything I am is ultimately because of them and sometimes it feels like we only exist to make themselves feel better about themselves. Yes my family is successful in the societal sense but at what cost? There's a part of me that sees my own tribe as perpetual children under white people's provision. I might as well turn into dust if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this mindset.

The way they carry themselves, their facial expressions, and how they talk are all grossly out of proportion with the state of their lives. And nine times out of ten they're in a high status job, know a lot of white people, are married to a white person, and emulate whiteness as much as possible. They're like this because they're drawn to power and status but a part of them is also terrified of what the people in their cutthroat white environments might do to them. It's quite pitiful.

During my first professional job after college, there was an older white woman who was leaving the job. I barely started the job. She basically accused me of joining two BIPOC subordinates to verbally attack her when I wasn’t even in the same room as them. My boss (another white woman) tried to fire me and had a bunch of white people who were in similar positions to interrogate me. Anyway, I reported everything and left shortly. This experience left me traumatized.

I’m now in graduate school and recently had an older white female classmate who basically reported to a professor of something I said. She did it infront of everyone but didn’t mention my name. It wasn’t inappropriate, but I basically complained to other students that the program was too disorganized. The professor said students were welcome to give feedback, and it made this white classmate so angry. She almost cried and could barely breathe.

Witnessing this experience was so traumatizing for me. I almost threw up after the incident ended. Why did my body react this way even when my name wasn’t mentioned?