I’m technically only half white but when black people come to the counter the reason they are mad at me is because im white
Should I just find a better job?
I recently had a long conversation with my partner about racism, and I'm curious what other POC think. We live in Europe.
My partner is Brazilian, but he is from southern Brazil and has entirely German/Italian ancestry. He has blue eyes and is very visibly white/European. We were talking about someone he had met on his first day at work who said he would never live in India because it smells bad. My partner agreed the comment was racist, but didn't say anything because it was his first day and he didn't want to be confrontational. I told him that I would have at least made a face or indicated that I thought the comment was inappropriate. I'm also awkward in new social situations, so for me it wasn't really about being "confrontational." I immediately recognized the kind of casual racism behind the comment and felt uncomfortable enough to signal that.
This led to a much bigger conversation about how, when racism isn't something you've personally experienced, you can recognize that something is racist without necessarily feeling the same personal urgency to speak up about it.
My partner initially said that he understands racism because he's Brazilian and has experienced prejudice because of being Brazilian. I don't doubt that. But I was trying to explain that nationality and racialization aren't necessarily the same thing. He is very visibly white, and I think that changes how people perceive his Brazilian identity. For example, when Argentinians use racist stereotypes about Brazilians, he isn't necessarily perceived as the person those stereotypes are aimed at.
I also gave him an example from my own life. My father's original name is strongly Muslim-associated, and he changed it to a more American name after moving to the US. My partner found this interesting and was joking about it with my friends, but he hadn't considered that the name itself can make people form assumptions about my family and, by extension, about me. He had no bad intention at all, but he had never considered that I might be conscious of what people could infer from something as simple as a name. I've learned to think about these things automatically. He simply hadn't.
We also talked about a Pakistani friend who wanted to move from Europe to the US because she felt she would experience less racism. My partner was genuinely shocked because he thinks of the US as obviously more racist than Europe. I have actually experienced the opposite. I'm Turkish and white-passing, and I've experienced much more casual racism and ethnic prejudice in Europe than in the US. In Europe, people often have very specific historical and cultural associations with Turkey and Islam that I have personally encountered. In the US, people often simply don't know enough about Turkey to have those same assumptions.
I'm not saying the US is objectively less racist than Europe. I'm talking about the difference between knowing that racism exists and having to personally navigate being racialized. So I'm curious: Do people who aren't regularly racialized develop blind spots about how racism actually operates in everyday life? And do other POC recognize this from conversations they've had with white friends or partners, especially when living in Europe?
Edit: I want to clarify something because several comments seem to be focusing on whether India actually smells. I’m not saying it doesn’t, and that’s beside the point. My point is about the context and generalization of saying “I would never live in India because it smells.” You can acknowledge that a place has pollution, smoke, unpleasant smells, etc. without that being the point of the discussion. I’m talking about why a sweeping comment like that can carry a different meaning when it’s directed at a non-Western country with a long history of Western stereotypes about it being dirty, backward, or uncivilized.
Edit 2: In case the title wasn’t clear, I’m asking about the experiences of POC, not about what white people think POC experience. If you’ve never had to navigate being racialized yourself, you’re not really the perspective I’m asking for here.
Edit 3: I may have to delete this thread because of the number of messages I’ve received from Europeans saying that racism doesn’t really exist in Europe. I find it a little ironic given that the whole point of my post was about how differently racism can be perceived depending on whether you actually experience it yourself.
I’ll never forgive society for making me feel as though I was inherently masculine simply because I was a Black woman. Meanwhile, white women were given the freedom to be feminine regardless of their height, weight, body type, facial features, or overall appearance. They were allowed to be soft, delicate, beautiful, and feminine without having to prove it.
I still remember being in high school when a white boy told me I was ugly and that I looked like a man. I also had Black men and other non-white men tell me I was “manly” and compare my facial structure to that of a man. Hearing those things repeatedly affected the way I saw myself and my femininity.
It took me years to finally embrace my feminine side and realize that there was never anything inherently masculine about me. Society had simply taught me to view certain features as masculine when they existed naturally on a woman.
I genuinely wish society would stop masculinizing Black women. Black women can be just as feminine, delicate, dainty, soft, and beautiful as Asian women, white women, Latina women, or women of any other race. Femininity does not belong to one race, one body type, or one set of facial features.
Black women deserve the freedom to define our own femininity instead of constantly having it questioned or taken away from us.
I experienced institutional racism at a college (last two years of high school equivalent in America) in the uk in a predominantly white area and I was basically mobbed out of the place.
I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to traumatise anyone else but the news has been so heavy for me lately.
I also have a full psychotic break because of what had occurred. It happened when I was 17 years old. I am now 22 and I still live with the scars.
I work as an independent contractor, so I'm always working with new teams. There've been a handful projects I've worked on, all with different white women, where I've been targeted and scapegoated as the only WOC.
I'm currently working on a project with a narcissistic white woman who attempted to gaslight and pin her mistake on me today after I addressed it with her; I immediately and very firmly shut it down. Thankfully, all of our interactions have been over email, so I had the evidence to back it up. Keep in mind, I hired this woman for this project, so I'm technically her employer. The audacity and lack of gratitude to speak to me like this when I've hired her for a huge project... She's been a narcissistic nightmare every step of the way, and the racial dynamic makes her behavior especially gross to me.
For context, I'm West Asian, born and raised in America. I believe I'm intelligent, smart, competent, empathetic, genuine, and good at my job. I am also considered physically attractive and get a lot of male attention, especially from white men. I share in case it's somehow relevant.
Why do they do this? Why am I, as the only WOC, always the target? I think it's in part that this is how narcissism manifests in white women in America: they're childish, jealous, insecure, competitive, happy to blame shift and throw temper tantrums, etc. Are they threatened by me/us, do they do it because they think it's easy to get away with it, what is their problem?
I'm curious to hear others' thoughts.
Someone on another subreddit was asking about why anti-white racism is largely ignored (lol.. is it really?) when she was kicked out of a POC only discord channel in a rude way.
I know everyone here recognizes why racial discrimination is wrong, but also knows why anti white discrimination and anti POC racism aren't equivalent, and that "equating" the two experiences disregards the reality of systemic racial disadvantage. (One papercut vs 1000 papercuts).
Someone who was biracial said that they were picked on for being white passing and they had no one to talk to about it because they are afraid of what it looks like to others. She was saying this in agreement with OP, that anti-white racism is an issue and that "black people can say what they want." This comment got 100+ upvotes. I sympathize with her plight, which is more complex that OP's plight, but it doesn't acknowledge that POC who aren't white passing literally have the same problem -- no safe space. The OP was literally in a POC safe space, which is why she was "attacked" out of it. I mentioned in my comment that I was racially bullied too, but the difference in my comment versus her comment is that 1) I actually answer the question by acknowledging structural racism, which ,2) I say POCs need safe spaces and they probably should have politely told her to leave instead of ganging up on her (depending on what she was saying/doing.. i don't know enough.. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt), 3) I started with "I'm brown..." and the biracial commenter started with, "I'm white passing."
I fought for us, lol, and got downvoted (-19). Other people mentioned systemic racism too, all downvoted. It's so defeating.
I probably shouldn't care, but my arguments defending my existence and my views are hijacking my mind.
Was hoping you guys could help me reset reality. I'm probably making way too big of a deal out of this.
Here is the thread if you'd like to see: https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/j1x9FsXqrP
Edit: The post I'm complaining about was eventually taken down my moderators. No reason mentioned.
Hi, y'all…
So, I've (21F) always known I wasn't beautiful, and I'm quite below average in terms of facial attractiveness. If you were curious, I'm brown-skinned, with golden undertones, and I have a masculine face. Out of all the things I like about my appearance, my body is the one, but that's about it. No one values me or tries to get to know me because I'm not conventionally beautiful.
I've never had a real relationship where I felt desired, I haven't been physically intimate with anyone, and nobody has chosen me in the end. When it comes down to choices, someone conventionally attractive is always picked instead of me. I know. I shouldn't care about being picked.
"Don't be a bird!"
"Don't be a pick me!"
"Girl, get up…"
"I've seen unattractive people in relationships before."
Look, I understand. I know I shouldn't place my worth on what other people do or say, but society isn't like that. I want to be desirable. I yearn for someone to see me as I am, but it won't happen.
My birthday is on Thursday, and I'm not sure if I'll celebrate it. I feel so worthless because the world has broken me down more times than I can count on my fingers. I hate that I have to be strong or "thug it out" because I'm not happy. I want a reason to keep going.
It seems the troupe is that white girls who were bullied in middle school eventually blossom into beautiful and strong flowers, surpassing their bullies in every way. They are no longer losers as they become winners. They’re pretty, they enter amazing relationships, they’re supposedly emotionally mature, they have amazing grades and their eccentric fashion is seen as cool.
When a brown girl gets bullied, that’s it. It’s just seen as something that happened to her. She’s not victimised. It’s what’s expected and she should just chin up. Brown girls are seen as one dimensional, grey, background characters. Even if she overcomes her trauma from being bullied, the celebration seems much more muted, hushed up, and individual. When a brown girl undergoes her metamorphosis, the charm is lacklustre. Sure, she now expresses herself freely. That’s just kinda cringe. And she gets sidelined again. Sure, she’s grown into her features, and is more self assured, so what? Why is she acting like she could be white?
I’m tired. Tired of seeing white girls suffer the same extremes as i did, but getting tenfold the praise, recognition, and support. Sick and tired. I’m literally a background character to everyone. Even when i grab the most attention, laughter, and happiness, even when i look good, and even when i’m quiet, they treat me with less grace and respect and admiration. If i do something even the slightest bit annoying, not even offensive, i’m treated to like a second class citizen. I literally cannot be myself to the point where checking myself and people pleasing is engrained into my subconscious.
It’s not blatant. Kinda makes it worse. I can literally see the racism cogs in their head churn whenever i hold presence and participate. Microagressions. It’s like i have to fulfil a list of definitions to be seen (not even as cool or anything admirable) as safe for them. And this list actively restricts my metamorphosis.
So I've just watched a movie where a child grapist, was confronted and threatened by a black guy, and the grapist laughed in his face, telling him" who are they going to believe ? Its my word ( holding more weight) over yours, black man "
This line has summed up the past 400 years of history for me. And it angered me because, how in the world can someone who committed the most horrible crime, not feel any shame and still think "i may be a child grapist, but hey atleast I'm not black, nobody will believe a black man over me" . and even though it was just a movie, I know that people feel like this and i wonder why?
what have black people done to people literally, to be hated and desposed this way. Black people have not enslaved, committed genocide and atrocities, colonised and subjugated foreign countries/ People, yet people who hardly or never have even been in contact with black people have a disdain for them.
People of colour seem to hate black people more than white people, despite them being oppressed by white imperialist for centuries. Brown people are treated less than by whites, yet somehow believe black people are their enemy.
Indians/ Asians will literally roll out a red carpet for white people, may not be too happy about race mixing with white but would no oppose it the same way, they would if the love interest was black.
White governments are funding the genocide in Palestine, Hitler supported by his people killed 6 million Jews, white colonists have eradicated the native population of America etc. but white people around the globe don't have to fear nor worry about being labelled barbaric and dangerous.
have black people gathered non whites/ whites and lynched them on trees, is that what black people should have done in order to be respected in society?
Theres a link missing, and I need answers
Pathetic. They'll take any opportunity for it ie. the "clanker" fad, ninja emoji. They are sick and obsessed
Ugly white men have a miserable life so they find a way to make themselves feel better for being white.
You will see all the suicide school bombers are ugly white men who trying to ruin it for everyone because they don't have it, they are the most selfish creatures ever.
Or they go to other countries as passport or as soldier to rape young women, because they are loser at home lol.
Sadly ugly white men are the majority that's the reason they are trying so hard to ruin it for everyone.
I thought this was a chronically online thing, but it seems to have officially entered the mainstream since politicians are talking about it and it has been picked up by news outlets. Not only has the term woke been bastardized by right wing media, it is now being split into waves and being labeled 1.0, 2.0, etc. All this, once again, really goes to show how performative the allyship is of not just white people, but non-black people in general. These people will blatantly ignore the requests of black people in favor of performing their own version of progressivism, and denounce said progressivism that we never asked them to perform in the first place once it no longer benefits them. And of course this is all just a thin veil for them to be racist and criticize the BLM political movement in the name of a "new version of woke".
The is post is regarding the recent scandal of the Cambridge Professor who was caught out lying and plagiarism.
Reddit and the wider news channels have had non stop updated stories on him. The posts on reddit get hundreds of comments. I mean it's wrong what he did, but let's not act like it's getting more coversge because it's a black academic.
A lot of the comments are constantly white people crying about how minorities get unfair privileges and they've been seeing this go on for years and blah blah blah. It's so tiring. They're ready to clutch at straws to play victim.
Unfortunately I think this is the perfect story that racists want to prove that they're also the victims of racism and minorities getting unfair privileges.
Born and raised in North America. Parents came from Africa. They don’t get it.
As I approach my 30’s and I reflect on my childhood and young adulthood, I can’t recall the number of times I’ve faced exclusion and racism. Sometimes racism isn’t as straight forward as it seems.
I’ve had teachers put me in a learning disability group for an entire year when I was much younger because they didn’t like me. I have no learning disabilities, in fact, I was amongst one of the strongest students in my math class at the time. But, I was almost always the only black student in the class (with the exception of 1 or 2 half students).
It’s affected me a lot. Being beaten up in high school was even harder when they use to call my country a starving nation. I almost lost my eye sight when this Jack Doherty looking piece of dirt had it for me. Loved calling me the n word and telling me what I’m going to do about it. Would follow me to the bathroom when I was pissing to taunt me (he sounded demented because I wasn’t reacting the way he wanted).
When I did react, he physically slammed me hard as fck on the ground and when I tried getting up he put me in a submissive headlock before I could even reach my feet. I have a special type of hate for his kind but I’m not going to get into that right now.
I’m internally rotten as an adult and I don’t think I want help to be honest. I have fought with my father over racism and what I’ve lived through for about 7 consistent years now of just non stop arguing, cutting him off, reestablishing contact, cutting him off again, threatening him and the list goes on. He doesn’t want to accept racism or what I went through to avoid guilt, I’m sure of it.
Might sound harsh but this is one of the main reasons I don’t trust Caucasian folks. Not all are bad, but I’m not taking anymore chances at this age bc I know how I’ll react. That’s why I try to keep them at a distance, even at work sometimes it happens.
Even as an adult, I face racism from both women and men. When it’s men, they just all treat each other as equals and I can feel the inequality in the air like when I speak it holds less value than the next white chud. But I’ve more or less worked on erasing this disgusting need to seek their approval (it’s all I know growing up in a mostly white environment where my "kind" wasn’t seen as popular or desired or maybe I’m trust truly ugly physically which I don’t mind, entirely).
My father is getting old and it makes me feel some kind of way knowing he’s going to die soon while I’m carrying a lot. Not sure if I wanna stick around once he’s gone because I have no one else. Not a single human vessel (even my own people) who wanna stick around for the Long haul.
Anyone else can relate and WDID ? Therapy card will be played in the comments I’m sure of it.
No this isn’t AI.
On an important note…
Lately, I’ve been confronting some feelings of inadequacy when it comes to white women and the way beauty is perceived.
Sometimes, it feels like white women can do the bare minimum and still be celebrated as beautiful, desirable, and worthy of admiration, while women who look like me often feel like we have to work three times as hard just to receive the same recognition.
I’ll be honest—I sometimes feel a little jealous when I see white women being praised for doing things that women of color have been doing, embodying, and contributing for decades. And if I’m being completely honest with myself, seeing that can make me question whether I’m enough or whether what I bring to the table is enough.
I know these feelings are mine to unpack. So rather than judging myself for having them, I’m choosing to sit with them, understand where they come from, and do the inner work necessary to heal them.
Anywho… back to the inner work. 🤍
I know this isn't nearly as serious as other problems. So just an FYI that I am already aware this is a really small thing.
But it's just annoying to me how white people in fandoms and cosplay spaces treat BIPOC characters and cosplayers in general. Like a black person can't cosplay an Asian character because the cosplayer isn't Asian but the white person can?? Or for an example, the skin tone of tiana won't matter since Ariel's didn't matter for the live action??
You also give em an inch and they take a mile. You say they can cosplay black characters and then they take that as a sign to do black face.. Sigh. Just a little rant.
it's so dumb and stupid. i mean, i hate racism in general. i hate how people say the n word— people in my country have this problematic humor of saying it.
seriously tho, how can you hate someone for their skin color, and for their ethnicity 😭
I don’t care if I’m being ‘sensitive’, using foreign words because you think they sound ‘funny’ isn’t cool. I know it’s mostly young people who use it but they shouldn’t get a pass for not ‘knowing any better’ just because of their age. Racism and xenophobia are NOT a joke, period.
She was seeing this WhiteBoy. I was trying to share something about myself that happened recently. And he casually made jokey comments about it.
I think there's a lot of things I could talk about here.
WhiteBoys seem to get away with saying anything. I was talking about an old friend of mine who just had a baby. And I wanted to love her son as much as I cared about her. He called me a pedophile. He thought he was being funny.
On the East Side, there's a kind of etiquette and honor. You don't just run your mouth unless you're looking for trouble.
If you get disrespected, it needs to be corrected. I'm not sure if I'm adequately describing the rage and indignation here.
But the point is that I did the ghetto thing. I don't really know how or where to talk about this except here. I wasn't even sure what flair to use.
My environment taught me how to live....in my environment. And I've spent more than the last decade trying to learn how to live as my real self.