Growing up around colorism as a Latina
I’ve been reflecting a lot on how much colorism affected my self-esteem growing up. Especially as a Mexican girl with a medium skin tone.
My mom constantly pushed this idea that lighter skin was more beautiful and desirable. She would make comments about white men not liking us and when I was talking to this middle eastern guy, she literally asked if he knew I was Mexican. Stuff like that really stuck with me.
I also had a situationship with a guy who would comment on my skin tone. He would call me “dark” or “black” all the time and compared me to my pale aunt saying she was beautiful because she was light skinned. Meanwhile I internalized this idea that no matter what my features look like, lighter skin automatically make someone pretty or worthy.
The weird thing is objectively I know I’m not unattractive. I’ve gotten compliments on my features. But mentally I still carry this feeling that I’m “less than” because I don’t fit a Eurocentric ideal. It’s like my brain automatically assumes people would choose an average white girl over me no matter what.
Not to mention, the men of my own culture have always made fun of my skin tone and features and call me slurs which is why I don’t really date Hispanic men.
I’m trying to unlearn it now, but it’s honestly hard realizing how deeply these beliefs got wired into me.