A couple of weeks ago I spoke to an admissions counselor as it pertains to the online masters in social work program. At the time they said that I should hear a final decision within a couple to a few days.
Yesterday, they switched it up and said that I won't be hearing anything until another 4-5 weeks.
Is this normal? Do you think something changed with the decision makers?
I remember in middle school and high school being a dark skinned black girl, and how the light skinned and mixed black girls always had a dedicated boyfriend. He was usually dark skinned himself. Even my boyfriends would express their preferences for lighter girls despite being with me. It really takes it's toll on ones self-esteem always being chosen last for something outside of your control.
It even sucks to me when black boys start preferring only the lighter girls real young. Because it always usually starts in school.
I have a feeling that in my nephews case it's colorism because my sister is always expressing some signs of self-hatred with her hair texture and appearance, and he's picking up on that. And her husband compliments white women as beautiful. It sucks because white women never have to deal with this; usually because their husbands are generally more racist. So they're gate kept from having to share an emotional climate with other women. It makes it even harder being dark skinned and pretty around them because that's when the actual jealousy and catty racism starts. I've even had this occur from my own light skinned mother. It's like they're in a constant battle against you, and it's happened to me from a very young age.
There was a recent article about white women coaching each other on how to get a black ball player. And I've just been romantically rejected from a dark skinned ball player who had a past with non-black women. I noticed how much he feared me being a golddigger. But men like that never have a hard time with the eventual pay outs to the white women post breakups. And it's because they see it as a financial investment that was worth the trouble because the woman is white. For some reason the idea of a black woman being paid in this sort of way greatly disturbs them. Even though you'd think it'd be the opposite. Since you're black like them, and therefore it's a part of the black community.
The transatlantic slave trade was the foundation of all of this. Being the biggest curse and worse thing to ever occur to unambiguously black dark skinned women.
But then again even the black moors had a fetish for white women, and used them as concubines. So maybe they're just picking up from where they left off, and slavery didn't have to do much work to get them to lean in that direction.
Colorism is a real disease and illness of the mind. It doesn't even make practical sense; seeing as darker skin protects the skin better from sunburn, skin cancer, and premature aging. Darker eyes are protected from the sun more. Whiteness was a mutation, and adaptation to cooler climates. That's it. Nothing more special about it than blackness. (and I even heard that it's a result of an extreme form of inbreeding. I'm not entirely sure of this, so you'd have to do your own research on that one) It's all literally the residue of colonialism that came from the transatlantic slave trade, which helped to put whiteness on the map as the most powerful, monied, influential, and therefore desirable.
As an unambiguously dark skin black woman It's affecting my quality of life so bad that I wound up with CPTSD, depression, and psychosis. I'm also in a spiritual battle being attacked by the devil because of it. Not to mention the racism that is externally reenforcing it whenever I encounter other people. It's completely unfair that it exists.
Does anyone else have any mental illnesses and poor quality of life because of the same?
The other day this non-black man yelled at me for crossing the street on my bike.
Today this white Karen couple wouldn't move out of the way for me to ride past them on my bike.
Are people more aggressive against black women bike riders or is it just in my head?
I've heard from a lot of African American men online that their biggest enemy besides the white man has been the black woman, which has been absolutely ridiculous to me. Who's suffered beside them during slavery, reconstruction lynchings, and Jim Crow? Who's been there to deal with the aftermath of the deconstruction of the black community when we were placed into ghettos, then had drugs implanted into our community like crack and weaponry like guns so that we could harm and kill one another? Who dealt with the aftermath of "rolling stone" fathers that didn't want to stick around for their child, and left the woman to shoulder the weight of raising the children alone?
There's been a lot of efforts by black men to humble black women over my years of witnessing black men's activity on my social media feed. Not to mention the femicide. And the active roles being played by black men to denigrate and erase black women.
Knowing this, it makes me wonder how do they fix their mouths to say that black women being tired of all of this is misandry??..
It's been weighing on my mental health lately getting these sorts of incoming messages. So I can't imagine what it's doing for the younger black women. I don't blame so many of them for developing a "fuck niggas" attitude and just living their lives not caring anymore.
After I've experienced non-black women in the workforce treating me like garbage, being petty, and down right abusive, I don't want to hear another complaint from them about how men mistreat them. Especially about that glass ceiling crap. They can miss me with it all.
So what if I sound bitter. I have a right to feel how I feel. Now what?!
Those women have driven me out of so many jobs it's not even funny. But have the nerve to turn around and complain when the white man does it to them.
For some reason God has positioned me around a lot of insecure women that fear me stealing their men, or fear their men wishing deep down that they could have me and/or be with me.
I try to help these women out by only wearing high necked and/or fully buttoned up blouses, going without make up, play down my positive attributes, treating their men less friendly etc,. But I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells around their women insecurities. I don't know what to do, but just shine and let the chips fall at this point. But I know that there's going to be a lot of backlash.
White Jesus was psychological warfare to the African American in order to get us to put whiteness on a pedestal, and put ourselves last.
The African was the first human being on this planet. God created us in his image.
The Bible says that he has hair of wool texture, and skin like burnished bronze.
The first Bible ever written was Ethiopian.
No offense, but it might be one of the factors playing into your depression because you're putting all of your eggs into the wrong basket.
Being the scapegoat of the family from both parents really sucks hard. I think what made it worse for me was being born a girl. (If there are some black male scapegoats I'd love to hear from you because I seriously doubt you exist.)
But your upbringing really shapes you for the rest of your life. My parents talked about me like dirt and treated me like I mattered last. Especially on the social emotional front. This really has impacted how I've been able to show up in the world.
I've been fighting it and trying to heal for years. But the fact that it's taken me years is the keyword. And there's still a crap ton of damages left.
It doesn't help that my father still treats me like shit. He still gaslights the hell out of me, bullies me especially around family, and minimizes my emotions. I know you're supposed to be able to move on as you get older, but it totally makes sense why I've made the romantic choices that I've had with men seeing how my father relates to me.
I hate whenever I'm complaining about work, and someone suggests that I just find another job. The reason I have the problem is because I'm black and we live in a racist society. All of these people within these jobs are the same. This is essentially why so many black people job hop now. It's not as simple as just finding another job because it's a systemic issue.
Not to mention wage stagnation and inflation.
If I go to another company the same attitudes will just manifest within another way. My personal solution is to at least do something I'm passionate about, that way it makes things feel a little more worthwhile. But I just get tired of the bs advice and the lack of empathy sometimes.
That's why I say slavery was the curse, and reparations is the only way we'll get out of this cyclical hellhole.
Because it's doing something to my mental having whites and white Latinos talk down to me, and treat me second class on the job. Except for when they're ready to throw me a bone.
When at work, and when there's a lot going on in my mind and around me at once, hence disorganization, I freeze. I froze for like a minute . Less than a minute. This causes it to look like I'm not doing any work. And she freaked out. Being a black woman this is not a good look as my white coworker then assumes that I'm trying to "get over" on her, and do less work. I've recently put two and two together, and will have the conversation to explain to her what's going on, but man it gets tiring to have my character questioned like this due to my race.
I know people will look at this funny like reparations is just money, like how though? But it's so much more than that. Reparations is like the country apologizing for being wrong in what it did to our ancestors for slavery. Slavery's why were stuck with all of these issues we have now as it pertains to trauma, depression, anxiety etc. Look up epigenetic/intergenerational trauma. There isn't much on African Americans, but we have some on the Jewish population.
Slavery is what put a curse on our people and made society believe that black was bad and white was the complete opposite. This is why society mistreats us and why we mistreat one another. It was centuries of brainwashing. But what reparations does is that it gives status, opportunity, and gives us back the power that was stolen from us as a people to make our mark out on the world as God intended for us.
Redditor crazy_suit_7899 mentioned how whites run the government, political positions, management, CEO positions, the infrastructure of society. How they control the media. They hold systemic power over us, being the center of our world. How you can ignore them, but they won't ignore you." And that's true, and it got like this all because of the transatlantic slave trade. They stepped on the backs of slaves. On the backs of our ancestors to get where they are today.
Reparations allow us the chance to afford housing, mental health care, and medical insurance. If you have the funds and then decide not to do anything about it. It is no longer the fault of whites, especially the ones in power, but your own.
You may ask how can they afford it. But if they can afford millions upon millions to billionaire tax brakes, Ukrainians, and U.S. military defense then they can afford it. Dream big.
If Jewish people deserve billions in reperations as a group why not us!?!
At this point if you're not pro-reparations for African Americans you are selling all black people short. Not to mention yourself. It benefits whites because they can finally say we are all on the same playing field, and are truly equals.
And remember, everything starts with energy, intention, and thought.
I have a new white female co-worker that's already adding a negative vibe to my entire day.
When we first met she acted like she was above speaking to me (she gave faces like, "okay why am I talking to you??")when where I work at everyone greets and speaks to each other regardless of race, and just greets the new people. That was my first sign.
Now she's working in the same rooms as me, and is adding stress to my days. She's prying into my personal business and feels entitled to information about me.
She undermines me on the job and acts as though I'm not there when I am.
She's making negative assumptions about my interactions at work with the children. Because we're teachers.
And I'm noticing that I'm leaving work feeling upset and frustrated now. Whereas before I wasn't.
And it's her constant attempts at character assassination. Which is something these hater ass white women I notice love to do towards me.
She's going to school to be a therapist, which makes me worry about her black (female) BIPOC clients. Because she definitely has a racist bias and will not be a fair and good therapist to them.
I'm realizing why I worked so hard to avoid working with white women in the workplace and instead went and isolated myself in the woods with a white man for a certain period of time. Because white women make the workplace an insufferable place to exist within. The attacks get to be too much.
Yeah, I could start my own business but that takes time and certain privileges too ...
Ladies have you ever had a man walk or drive past you and want to look at you, but instead he quickly turns his head to look at the opposite direction?
And it will be so obvious. Like you could either look at me, or at that lame ass building. 😆
Like I know I'm not going crazy.
Does anyone notice that whenever a black woman takes a nice photo with a non-black woman, there's always an emphasis placed on how much more the commentor has interest in the non-black woman than the black woman? Or they'll just say that both women are equally beautiful?
I notice this when looking at celebrity black women pictures of all people. And what's crazy is that most celebrity black women look the best out of all women and age the best, so it's all just crazy talk.
They'll never miss an opportunity to knock a black woman down a peg and/or deny her her flowers.
I noticed that whenever I'm making a purchase. When it's a non-black cashier person they never wait until I put my money away before they start ringing the next person up. Heck, I bet they wish they could start ringing the other person up behind me as they simultaneously ring me up at the same time just because I'm a black woman, and for nothing else.
I can wear leggings or short shorts and have it be hyper sexualized just for being a black woman. When I wear leggings it's more of a problem because it's sexier than when a white woman does it. We all know how black girls are hypersexualized when wearing short shorts because of our supposed extra melanin closer to the booty area. Yet at the same time we're told we're not as sexy as non-black women. Sometimes I hate being on this planet. 🫠🥴🫠
The mods just deleted my previous post about the new requirements for medicaid, which requires you to work 80 hours. I complained about how ridiculous and infuriating that is. As well as mentioned how I just loss my medical coverage and food assistance.
Apparently the mods of this sub don't think that can be mentally taxing. The medicaid coverage, which allowed me to see a therapist, a psychiatrist, and to receive life stabilizing mental health medications.
Which leads me to believe something is fishy about them in this sub for real. Maybe it's because I complained about their precious orange idiot leader, just sayin'..
Where I'm from the government has made it to where you now have to work 80 hours to qualify for food assistance and medicaid. I can't even begin to describe how ridiculous and infuriating this is. That orange idiot and his Republican cronies is the worse president if not one of the worse presidents in history.
This couldn't possibly be why I just loss my medical coverage 🤔🤔