r/BlackMentalHealth

Hi all. I’m a 6’3 black male. I’m not a big traveler but this year I’ve done the most travel I’ve ever done. Recently I had some flights through San Francisco and Boston airports. I was wearing some joggers and and Nike hoddie for comfortability. I noticed something strange and wanted to ask if anyone else experienced this or maybe I’m going crazy. Basically in all the airports I’ve been I notice people will stop and stare at me as if they’ve seen a ghost or something . But then it dawned on me. So these people might think I’m some kind of athlete and they are trying to figure out if I play for a team or something? Like it happened so much it’s the only explanation because im just minding my business trying to get to my gate or get food and I see folks stop, pause and stare. Anyone experience this?

I’m a 27-year-old Black woman, and I’ve been thinking about going to therapy again. I’ve even looked at some of the websites like “BetterHelp” or “Headway”.

On their apps/sites, it gives you the option to filter and select a therapist. I haven’t had a Black female therapist since I was a teen. I don’t know why, but the thought of going to one makes me feel so unsettled, and that bothers me in itself.

I sit and look at their photos and read their bios, and I still feel uncomfortable, but I don’t want to go back to non-Black therapists because from my experience, they’ve been passive.

Has anyone ever experienced this before?

What places in America can a non conforming black girl thrive? The ideal response is everywhere but it’s unfortunately unrealistic. Geographical location , social dynamics and looks does impact how well your life can go and how far you can take your success, and in my case I’ve been very limited. I live in a white community and I feel like I’ve been stunted partially because of that. I love the idea of my state but actually living here has kept me stuck and depressed. I would just like to know what places you have felt like you’ve really succeeded or felt the most seen in your community. Thank you

As a Black woman who isn't conventionally attractive and isn't the picture of femininity, I had to realize that no one was coming to protect me or save me. That makes me deeply sad.

I always see conventionally attractive Black women being protected and held, which makes me happy for them, but it's sad for me because I don't think anyone really gives me a chance. When they do, it seems they want to extract from me instead of wanting to keep me in their lives, which no one is obligated to do. It seems that I'm always discarded partially because of my appearance. I know it's not a personality thing because people actually say they like my personality. However, they think something is wrong with me, or that's what I'm assuming.

I notice how people treat me compared to other individuals, especially if they're light-skinned, biracial, and conventionally attractive. When it comes to me, people have less empathy for me, they aren't as patient, and sometimes they judge me. I've been treated like this for most of my life, especially as a child.

I'm 22, and I realized early on that most people weren't going to treat me with kindness. Considering I'm not attractive, especially by Black beauty standards, even other Black people won't have much empathy for me unless they understand my situation or choose to extend that empathy.

I know I don't have to be attractive, or rather, I don't owe anyone attractiveness, and I don't have to be light-skinned to be beautiful. I'm not about to push that rhetoric. What I'm saying is, I think a lot of people don't have much compassion for people like me.

I've tried to dip my toes into dating and test the waters. People have asked me out, but they've always used me as an ego boost or someone to use as a distraction to heal from their ex or to distract themselves from their ex, and they end up leaving me for the person they wanted. They get better when they're in a relationship with the individual they actually longed for.

The worst part is that I've mostly dated Black men, and some of them have treated me like garbage. I know this isn't unique to Black men specifically, and I'm not going to say that Black men are horrible. Nobody is inherently anything and I love Black men. What I'm saying is that I've noticed a pattern where the Black men I have dated have treated me very poorly and emotionally abused me, and it's very traumatizing.

Part of me really doesn't want to be alive anymore because it feels like I'm just not the kind of Black person people really want to root for. If they do, it has some kind of end goal behind it, and it's usually rooted in selfishness. I'm very tired, and I've been tired for a long time.

I know there are more serious things going on, and people are going through a lot worse. I'm aware that many of my struggles might seem like vanity. But this is quite debilitating for me, and sometimes I just don't think I'm ever going to be helped by a community I've always wanted validation from, and that's the Black community. I really only care about the validation of other Black people.

I just don't know what to do anymore, and I don't think anyone is ever going to try for me the way I try for them. Sometimes I get really tired of being a Black woman.

I’m a 27 year old of Nigerian heritage born and raised in Europe. My parents migrated to a western European country and raised me in Black/African communities and practices like the church, Black/African businesses like barbers and hair salons, parties, community celebrations etc. However our home life was very dysfunctional and my parents were violent towards each other and towards me and my siblings.

Going out into the world and experiencing hatred and discrimination in the workplace, in medical settings, in social settings, in public, on top of the violence I’ve experienced in my own family, is just too much for me.

I was diagnosed with depression in my late teens and have taken medication for it but stopped because I don’t think the problems I experience can be medicated away. This world genuinely hates Black people. I see stories of white Europeans rejoicing when African migrants die crossing the Mediterranean, growing fascist and racist rhetoric in the world. I see how white people close ranks and other us, treat us poorly, ignore us, invalidate us and our experiences. There is so much anti-Black and anti-immigration violence happening where I am and it plays out everywhere. Black people have been killed in the street where I live, by police and security guards, yes even in western Europe. Of course it cannot compare to the systemic brutality African Americans experience. But a deep hatred exists here too and it affects me deeply

I worry about the climate crisis, how it will affect my already marginalised family and friends, how disproportionately it affects African nations. My own parents’ country has been going through heavy flooding and evacuations. And when people flee to the west they just get seen as invaders and parasites. I just cry and wonder why it had to be us. I can’t think of another group of people that gets treated the way Black people do.

Why did enslavement have to happen to Africans, why colonisation, why displacement, why why why

I’ve been trying to seek answers from Ifa and Buddhism and astrology and other spiritual practices but nothing can explain this pain I feel as a human being. If I commit suicide, I’m selfish and weak and a failure of the Black community. But if I stay alive, the world only gets worse, I continue to be alienated, by white societies, by nonblack people of colour, by other Black people who don’t seem to care about this stuff. Even my own mother just tells me to pray about it and trust God and get married, as if any of that would help me

Is this really how human beings have to be? Is this really how we’re going to treat each other and the planet? I struggle to see an answer other than suicide or completely leaving society to join some kind of monastery or convent, and I’m not even religious. I just want to not be here

Can I talk to a black person like me? I need someone to talk to.

Are people going to still believe that 1 drop of black blood ruins you? Are white kids going to look at him in disgust? Are white people going to assume his intelligence or expertise? Are his teachers going to be surprised every time he speaks well and feel the need to share their thoughts on it? Are his proffesors going to say they were surprised youre on top of the class with the way you look, even if youre from money and wear nice clothes? (Probably too specific) Please someone tell me something is going to change for gen alpha. Why would I even bother getting out of bed if it's going to be shit forever. I spent 3.5 years bedridden and I think im close to just going back there rn. I mostly sit in a recliner chair all day now instead of bed. Why am I moving backwards? Why does everyone else get to live their lives while I can barely move? I have schizoaffective so for like 90% of the time im in hell. Ive had a few attempts, but ive definitely gotten past those. But getting out of bed feels so worthless right now idk how much longer I can hold on sitting outside my room. When will i crack? Tomorrow? In 3 seconds?

Sorry, I rarely vent, but I am quiet frankly smashed 🤙 I hope im not just spitting poison into the world with my evil thoughts

Honestly I can’t say that ever felt any connection with any people of my race. I think that this is due to a combination of things- me growing up in essentially an all-white country. Other than my father I can count the number of other black people I’ve ever met on two hands easily.
Other than that I think that I’ve built a misshapen image of what an average black person, be they African or American to be in my head based overwhelmingly on media I’ve consumed.

But worst of all is that I don’t fit the description and the stereotypes which society tries to push onto me. I hate masculinity, I hate manliness, I hated them since I was a little kid and I believe that I’ll always do. And yet I’m expected to be the leader, the elder son, the one who sets the rules and shit. God, if only this wasn’t so cruel