r/BlackMentalHealth

I don't really want to type out these stories again but this is what happened to me when I went to Englewood hospital in Englewood, NJ over a year ago and was ultimately harassed and kicked out for drug seeking because they took me off my meds and refused antipsycs: https://www.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/comments/1jvioda/had_an_absolutely_dehumanizing_experience_at_a/

And this is what happened after I arrived to New York Presbyterian for a planned inpatient for women struggling with neurodivergence and hormonal issues: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/1ukw7ep/looking_for_civil_rights_attorneys_who_handle/

I don't even have it in me to make reports about these incidents. I know something will definitely be done for NYPres because they defrauded medicaid to get paid for denying me the care I was promised after they found out I was an undesirable (they didn't even know I had it until I got to the hospital and I think that's what sealed my place in the hell they put me through - they originally had my place in program authorized by Aetna plan). But nothing will be made right for *me*.

I have a completely unsupportive family that steals from me and I want to leave it and the area I grew up and still live in but it looks like that will never happen. I knew after the experience at the first hospital that these assholes are actually trying kill us. I'm so tired and have zero energy and I'm so close to giving up.

that center with people i knew, people i didn't, people i recognized, and active neighbors. it was in my area, and in my time helping out people in my neighborhood grieving the ones lost, it has only made me angrier and more pessimistic.

i've never wanted so many people to stop existing at once because they cheer on a budding nazi infestation that shoots innocents for fun. it manifests itself in ways that people will gaslight you about, and they tell you you're overreacting while rooting for them behind closed doors.

most of the world likes this shit and supports it and wants more of it until nobody else that could be victimized by it is left, and believe you me, these other countries are spiritually "american" whether they'd like to hear it or not.

at every turn, verifiably real people were cheering these shooters on for "fine gentlemen cleaning the streets." treated as "not a big deal" at best and "an act of justice" at worst. it's a religion that i haven't subscribed to since i was 7 and i've heard people ask why this has resonated with me because of that. it's making me feel crazy and like these people's brains have shut down completely since the entire 2000s and late 2010s.

every aspect of my identity, past and present, has ensured that i'll never be welcome anywhere in this world as long as this is what i'm sharing it with. this is what most of it supports and wants more of.

Does anyone else's family wait until you've gotten comfortable, to the point where you've let your guard down. You're thinking you're a part of the family while you're all gathered together etc.

Then your family start nitpicking everything about you that they've perceived as wrong doing against them, they start making complaints about you together, and start finding your flaws to talk about.

This happens to me like clock work whenever I get around people like my dad, sisters, and aunties especially. But as long as it's more than one or two are gathered. That's where the double teaming bullying begins. It'll be like, 'dang, we just spent this time alone together and the whole time you've been racking up talking points to bash me in front of the family.'

One time that really stands out to me was when I stayed with my dad when he lived across town, for two weeks in order to help him post heart surgery get back on his feet. When my auntie and uncle visited, and all of them just took the time out to bash me. Not one kind word about how I was helpful and supportive to him. I was the only one out of all 4 of his kids to even bother helping him. Afterwards, I just went silent. Then he had the nerve to ask if anything was wrong. Hmph. I mentioned what happened to my therapist, and he said that I should've told him what was wrong. But why is it so hard for someone to not treat me bad that's supposed to love and care about me. It just isn't right.

I noticed something when I go out. I will be criticized imminently by women for my looks unprovoked. I have no idea why that’s the case, because I’m just minding my own business but it’s clear when people are doing the most to make you feel small or like they look down on you. I remember being at work and this Hispanic lady literally wouldn’t look at me and would wait for another coworker to come back. When I spoke up and said I could help her she silenced me with her fingers. Then on top of that I deal with random white girls saying that I must be ugly because I cover up. Or just other girls who try to make me feel small by ignoring me in public. I don’t know what the problem is and why I deal with this stuff on a daily basis , but I wish it could stop.

at some point black women need to realise we’re birthing the people who hate us or have mixed opinions about us whether that be a black child or a biracial child, it’s scary

I know it seems horrible however im at my turning point.

My mom is truly evil. She has never, ever loved me since I was a kid. She’s verbally abusive, always insults me, and doesn’t let me live my teenage life. I’ll be 18 soon, and I’ll be ready to leave the house.

She makes me her house slave. She never cooks or cleans. She has never even washed her own plate, tray, or anything. After college, she makes me cook for the house despite me being tired and overworked from school. There are days when I haven’t even eaten at all when I come back from school. She dumps her alcohol everywhere and expects me to clean it all up. It’s truly disgusting.

From the age of 8, I started cooking for her. From the age of 9, before my stepdad came into my life, I had to iron her clothes while she never did.

I have a non-verbal toddler brother whom she NEVER takes care of. She doesn’t stay with him, bathe him, or watch him, EVER. I’m made to clean up after him, potty train him, and even try to convince him to “talk.” It’s been going on for years, and she doesn’t care. Even before I go to college, I have to bathe him, make his lunch, and make him breakfast while she’s always sleeping. She yells at me for the slightest inconvenience, like when he cries, and all this overload has truly taken a toll on me and my grades.

I’m doing A-level courses. However, my grades got so bad that I was on the verge of being kept back a year. All the duties I have to do, such as cooking, getting my brother home, cleaning up her bedroom, and washing all five trays she used that morning, take up all my time. School is already hell for me, so I pushed myself to study for my summer exams, but this woman never let me at all. It’s so bad.
I started going to the library to revise, and she yelled at me, cussed me out, called me stupid, and insulted me for going to the library. Mind you, I had already told her. I knew her anger wasn’t really about me going to the library. It was because I couldn’t cook for her, clean up after her, and take care of her son (he’s not even my full brother).

She even banned me from going to the library because of this and told me to revise at home. Mind you, there are seven people living in my house, three small bedrooms, and one bathroom. Our house is completely overcrowded, and I’ve told her multiple times that revising at home is horrible for me.
Not to even mention, I’m not allowed to hang out with any friends if my brother needs attending to. She completely restricts me from going out in the afternoon because of my brother and makes shallow excuses like, “The world is bad out there,” but doesn’t mind sending me out at 9 p.m. to get her tons and tons of Coke at night.

On my periods, I’m tired and weak, and she still forces me to cook. If I tell her I can’t because of my severe pain, she yells, calls me ungrateful, calls me disrespectful, and won’t give me any peace of mind, even once a month.

I’m being abused, and no one cares—not even the few relatives I have. I kid you not, she doesn’t even go downstairs to pee. She makes me take her urine downstairs because she doesn’t want to go downstairs herself. Mind you, she has no injuries and no bladder issues—just pure laziness. Our house is so small that the bathroom isn’t even far away. One time, she beat my sister so badly because she did not wash her urine container with soap after our stepdad complained that the room smelled of urine, and it still does.

For the sake of time, I can’t even state all the gruesome things she has said or made me do. This has been going on for years. I contacted Runaway Helpline and Childline two years ago for this same thing, and no one cared at all. Childline’s response was so generic, and they barely even acknowledged me.

You may ask why I titled this post the way I did. There’s a reason. Friends at school always mention how kindly their parents treat them, how they have food when they come home, how their parents love their children, and how they always support them. They aren’t Black at all. I always see Black children talking about how their parents treat them, and it’s often so horrible, just like mine. I know this is bad, but I always have the thought that if I were white, would I be loved? Would I have someone to take care of me? I’ve never bonded with my mother since I was a toddler, and she never tried to. I wish I had a trusted adult to talk to.
I really want to leave. Please, can anyone help me truly find a place to go? I truly can’t stay here any longer.

Well, here's some context. I've been homeless for about nine months now, it's actually my fourth time ever being homeless since 2021. I am a 25 year old man in Atlanta, Georgia.

Yesterday I made some huge process and was able to get the hard copy of my ID sent to my mailbox. Picking it up was stressful because the environment my mailbox is in isn't good, really stressed me out and made me hear the people telling me that theyre gonna kill me, that I should kill myself (which im going to do), etc. But i got it.

Then today I had the idea to go to a day center to get some case management and further assistance. So I got a pass and arrived at the train station, only to find out that I dont have my ID anymore. It fell out of my pocket somewhere. I dont even fucking know where. Then the realization hit me.

**My life was never going to work out. I knew this. I fucking knew this. But I was coerced to thinking that life is a fucking Disney fairytale where anything can happen if you believe. I was stupid enough to believe that fucking bullshit.**

So as of now I'm done. I quit. I am going to do what I should have done years ago. Found a spot to do it too. So after tonight, I will no longer be alive.

Very frustrating that I allowed myself to stupidly pursue something that was never going to work. I am a dumb ass and an idiot for thinking I can continue to live. Now I realize that, and since my last day is today, I feel kinda excited that my struggles will end soon.

No longer will people enjoy witnessing my abuse and struggle. They will no longer laugh at me. *You* will no longer laugh at me. I'm going to finally be free.

My mental health is already bad, I have major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, social anxiety, general anxiety, OCD, BPD, and I’m also autistic. All diagnosed. But me being and feeling ugly makes it all worse because I can’t even be pretty at the very least. I’ve never been like one of those women who looks pretty when crying. If I want to look somewhat pretty i have to wear a lot of makeup, lash extensions, hair extensions, and use the right angles when taking pictures otherwise I’ll look bad. I hate how this world places so much value on being good looking. I’m so tired of it

Being black with depression has to be one of the worst things to man kind. Like imagine being severely depressed and having the whole world hate you because of ur skin color and history. constantly seeing hateful dark humor comments about blk ppl online, Its so exhausting and there’s a fucking popular word that everyone use to dehumanize black ppl this is so tiring

I mean, I've been calling myself that my entire life because my adopted white family told me I was, based on my appearance, and both my biological parents identify as black, so it just made sense. In America, I'm a black man, and I was really comfortable with that, and I started to fairly recently develop a certain level of pride in my blackness, despite not being raised by/around black people.

But I've recently had a really internally devastating and mourning experience you might see on my post history, where I learned that not everyone in the world thinks I'm black, because I'm technically mixed race (6/7 African, 1/7 white) and fairly light/brown skin (think Tyrell Jackson Williams from Lab Rats, I look just like him actually). I then learned about colourism, learned that light-skinned people like me are actively causing harm to the black community by calling ourselves such, and that a lot of fully black people, or at least dark-skinned people, especially dark-skinned women, don't like us, and that has at least internally shattered my world. I no longer feel comfortable identifying as black anymore, and now that I know what I know, I can't look at other black identifying people the same. I'm now always comparing my skin colour to full-blooded Africans and internally overanalyzing Black Americans when I come across them

It's devastating to me because I liked identifying as a "black" American. It felt so cool to be part of a group of people with a history of resilience, community, creativity, and strength, and a pride like no one else. I liked feeling like I was just inherently "cool" and "beautiful" just for being "black." I wanted to learn more about my ancestry and my lineage's history, but now that I know what I know, I can't help but hyper-fixate on my white ancestors and how their blood is now in me, preventing me from achieving "full" blackness. I feel angry at them, and considering I don't think my paternal white ancestors were slave owners, I can't help but feel angry at those black ancestors for intentionally "robbing" me of full blackness. Every time I see a biracial child of a mixed race family, I can't help but feel "bad," which I know is just ridiculous to hear. There's nothing wrong with being mixed race

But I wish I was black. I wish I was darkskin. I wish I had fully black features. I feel like something was taken from me. I don't WANT to identify as "mixed race." Mixed race doesn't mean anything to me. You can be mixed of ANY race in different percentages. It's not a single identifiable group. I want to be BLACK....but now I can't. I hate my light skin, I hate my pink lips, I hate anything about me that strips me of full blackness.

I had a dating situation end recently but it was mostly mutual. It was the painful realization that we just aren’t going to be able to work through a longstanding issue. Even though we hadn’t made it to the relationship step, we were deeply attached and it hurts just as any breakup.

This weekend I’ll be traveling to visit my sister with my mom, and I know they will ask about him. They don’t know we broke up because it just happened, and I’m not yet at a point where I can tell them because it’s still fresh. It will be good to spend time with my mom and sis, but if I’m emotional, they are not good with showing the kind of support I need.

I’m 36, and idk why I feel too old to be so affected by this. I know I have tv books exercise and other solo activities that help somewhat, but it’d be nice if I had someone to chat with for a few days, to counter those sad moments until I’m back home and in a better place to process my emotions. I wondered if anyone here would be up to that?

(I know there are subs meant for this but I’d prefer to chat with another black person. Not in a romantic sense. And not to vent about how sad I am. Just to… idk mane. Just to talk really. I’m having a hard time and my friends aren’t as available as often as I feel I need for company right now. Sorry mods if this is not allowed)

in the end I think I would rather take bs from a white man than a black man because how can I finally try and start dating my own people just to still have the same colorist or microaggressive remarks that they could then pass onto our kids if we were to ever have any? I don’t even get that from white men and that’s the funny part we always blame other races for shit but it’s y’all doing it to yourselves, I’m tired of running into the same ignorant black men everytime, I really tried to fit in and feel loved by my own community but I’m not, I feel like a mammy character that’s just there to make everyone happy and then get nothing in return

So I'm currently 25, I had a traumatic event pretty much ruin my life seven years ago when I was 17. Caused me to flunk out of college, cut ties with friends and family, become homeless multiple times (including now), and gave me Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety, as well as constant suicidal ideation that's been a mainstay in my mind for seven years. Now that I've been homeless, for the fourth time in four years, for nine months, I don't know.

I really want to return to normalcy in my life. Working. Having a roof over my head. Cooking. Showering and not smelling foul all of the time. I want all of these things, but I feel like I cant because my depression and suicidality get in the way of a lot and constantly discouraging me. It causes me to pretty much sabotage myself and my wellbeing. I hate it. I want to break out of it but I genuinely don't know why.

It may even be too late for me, now that I'm homeless with no end in sight. Everyday is a struggle just to survive since a lot of basic necessities are unobtainable, and a lot of resources I can't utilize due to me needing bus fare for everything. But idk. I figure I could at least ask and maybe get some insight on how people are able to break out of their suicidality and depression. Some people have done this, surely. How do they do it? Anyone with experience with this kind of thing?

I miss the life I had nine months ago. It was far from perfect, but it's better than what I'm going through now. I don't even know how much longer I'm going to last here and now, but maybe I can try something to help with this poison in my mind for as long as I have left.

does seeing too many pretty black girls on your fyp or instagram feed making any one else feel insecure? I know we come in all forms but when you feel like you’re not the ideal standard it doesn’t feel empowering

Why is the black community so unforgiving and graceless to neurodivergent people. Especially the men. If you end up different in any type of way, they'll neglect you and discard you. Life is already hard for neurodivergents. They make it so much harder.

Major Trigger Warning: SA Involving a Minor and Invalidation.

So, I was 11 when I got SA'd by a guy in middle school. I had no idea who he was, but he went to the same school as me and had been in two grades above me. I was staying after school because of a drama club meeting, but it got cancelled, so I had to wait for someone to pick me up.

The guy saw me a few times and kept walking back and forth in my direction. Pacing basically. He eventually stopped, sat beside me, and started talking to me. He was touching me, trying to "flirt", and asking me questions about crushes I had. It was weird, but I talked to him anyway. He started pushing my hair back, but it made me uncomfortable. After that, he claimed that he thought I was "pretty" and that he wanted to kiss me.

He told me it was gonna be fine.

I kept my eyes open the whole time. Obviously, we didn't do anything in that way because we were at school, but it felt awful. It was weird, and I didn't want to do it. I even told him that. I got up so it would stop. I lied and said I'd be back. I stayed in the bathroom for a bit, but he was waiting outside for me to come out. Once I did, he walked with me, and I kept telling him to leave me alone. He wouldn't.

The next day, I told a female friend about it (we were in the same grade), and other people, because I had no idea who this guy was. I was trying to figure out who he was. He never told me his name. People didn't believe me, though.

After that, I told a male friend about this, who was in the same grade as him, and I described the guy. Unfortunately, the guy (who SA'd me) told everyone that I was lying and that I was ugly. Nobody believed I was telling the truth and said that I was "too ugly" for that to happen. People kept saying I was "looking for attention" and that I was a thot.

Thot is basically "slut", but a little different. It was a word people used a lot when I was in middle school.

I had no idea who this dude was. Literally, higher grade levels were separated from the lower levels, so it made no sense that I would've known him. The first middle school I went to was theme-based and strict, so it did a lot to separate the lower grades from the older kids due to a previous SA incident that happened the year prior.

To make matters worse, he had an identical twin brother, so multiple people were getting HIM confused with the other. It was frustrating, and for a while, I had no idea who actually had done those things to me. I didn't know his name, but I knew what he looked like.

Even now, I've never told my mom about it, and I'm not sure if I should. I know that Black women are often not believed because of MANY biases. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" Plus, this involved two minors, and was damn near 10 years ago.

Literally all my life I've been called "ugly" and the worst names. I hate my life. I just want to be pretty so people can care about me or at least listen to my story. Nobody ever cares about the Black woman who isn't seen as attractive. My story always gets sidelined.

I’ve been in a few conversations where people brush off racial slurs, hate speech, or discriminatory language by saying things like, “It’s just words,” “People are too sensitive,” or “They’re only joking.”

It’s always upsets me when I see arguments like these because it’s obviously gaslighting. I’ve had a few comebacks of my own over the years but I felt none of them were actually solid.

What are some of y’all’s arguments for these?

Me and mom have extremely at odds with each other for a long time and it gets worse everyday. Not to long ago my mom stole money from me. This the second time she has done this because she struggles with drug addiction and warns me she might. I was so mad at her but I tried to let it go. Recently we received a unusually high light bill for waste water. Now I didn't understand why that was but she blamed me for it. Told it was because I took unnecessary long showers, so I decided to cut down on showers. But then she accused me of taking two shower even tho I didn't. She yelled at me and I left the house. Unfortunately when I came back I slammed my bedroom door and this started a whole argument. Apparently she wasn't accusing me of taking to showers she was upset because apparently I was wasting water when I would prepare for and clean up after I came home from hookups/meetups. During the argument she called me a "f\*ggot" and a "S\*ssy" and told she hated me and wish I was never born. In response I called her a "crackheaded bitch" because she stole money from me to buy drugs and threw a basket at her. It's been a day and the atmosphere has been tense. She's done my laundry and cooked food for me, but hasn't said a word to me. Honestly I don't know what to do with myself. Weird thing is I'm actually happy. Because thing is I've tried so hard to hide my sexuality from her and keep it a secret, but the fact that she knows fills my with so much relief. It's like I've spent my whole entire life trying to hide from and now I'm free. It's like a curse has been lifted. But unfortunately now I'm really depressed. I love my mom so much but now it's gotten so complicated and now I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. It's like I feel terrible for what I did, but then again all those years of constant yelling, shame, anger and having to deal with her drug problem has taken a toll on me and I just snapped. I wish things could go back to the way they were but I that's not feasible right now.