u/MajorRobology

Exactly seven years ago today, I graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA. Additionally, it was the last thing I ever did in my life, the last time I've ever been worth a damn. Ever since then, I've just been an absolute loser. Went to college just to flunk out.

Did nothing of value during the pandemic. Became homeless for the first time in 2021 for two months. Worked at a dead end retail job for three years, during which I became homeless again for two weeks. Left that job to work a new job just for said new job to go under, so I became homeless again for five months. Was able to find a program to help me with housing, but couldnt find a decent enough job to build savings. Eventually left the program, and now I've currently been homeless for almost seven months.

My life has been constant failure and disappointment. I am a failure and a loser and I have myself to blame for all of my shortcomings. Nowadays, its hard for me to even take care of myself. Can't wash myself without raising suspicion. Can't buy food or new clothes. Every shelter I've been to I've left within two weeks because the environment completely overwhelms me and spikes my anxiety.

There's nothing for me anymore. I can't get out of this. There's nothing I can do in my life anymore.

Exactly seven years ago today, I graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA. Additionally, it was the last thing I ever did in my life, the last time I've ever been worth a damn. Ever since then, I've just been an absolute loser. Went to college just to flunk out.

Did nothing of value during the pandemic. Became homeless for the first time in 2021 for two months. Worked at a dead end retail job for three years, during which I became homeless again for two weeks. Left that job to work a new job just for said new job to go under, so I became homeless again for five months. Was able to find a program to help me with housing, but couldnt find a decent enough job to build savings. Eventually left the program, and now I've currently been homeless for almost seven months.

My life has been constant failure and disappointment. I am a failure and a loser and I have myself to blame for all of my shortcomings. Nowadays, its hard for me to even take care of myself. Can't wash myself without raising suspicion. Can't buy food or new clothes. Every shelter I've been to I've left within two weeks because the environment completely overwhelms me and spikes my anxiety.

There's nothing for me anymore. I can't get out of this. There's nothing I can do in my life anymore.

Exactly seven years ago today, I graduated high school with a 3.6 GPA. Additionally, it was the last thing I ever did in my life, the last time I've ever been worth a damn. Ever since then, I've just been an absolute loser. Went to college just to flunk out.

Did nothing of value during the pandemic. Became homeless for the first time in 2021 for two months. Worked at a dead end retail job for three years, during which I became homeless again for two weeks. Left that job to work a new job just for said new job to go under, so I became homeless again for five months. Was able to find a program to help me with housing, but couldnt find a decent enough job to build savings. Eventually left the program, and now I've currently been homeless for almost seven months.

My life has been constant failure and disappointment. I am a failure and a loser and I have myself to blame for all of my shortcomings. Nowadays, its hard for me to even take care of myself. Can't wash myself without raising suspicion. Can't buy food or new clothes. Every shelter I've been to I've left within two weeks because the environment completely overwhelms me and spikes my anxiety.

There's nothing for me anymore. I can't get out of this. There's nothing I can do in my life anymore.

I cant fucking take this anymore. I have NOTHING going for me. I've been homeless repeatedly for the past four years. I can't find a job for the life of me. Going back to college is impossible at this point. I have no family in my life. I'm done, man. I'm just done.

Why even bother continuing when you're the biggest loser on the planet? Why bother if you know that NOTHING is going to work out anymore? There are almost 8 billion people on the planet. I dont mean shit, I can lay on the road and get run over and it'll mean nothing more than a headline. The world will continue. Not only that, but the world would be better off without me.

Without another useless, disappointing, life failure and BUM who uses depression and anxiety as an excuse to never do anything right for himself.

Next Friday is my 25th birthday, and a part of me thought that maybe I could somehow tough it out long enough to make it there. Nope. Not happening. There's too much going on in here 🧠 and out there 🌎.

Plus I'm homeless anyway, its not like I can even celebrate it at all. A birthday in that case is just another regular day so who cares.

I failed. Repeatedly. I messed up. Im a failure. I let everyone down. Im worthless. Im useless. Im mentally incapable of living in a world like this. I am trash and like trash I need to be taken out.

I cant fucking take this anymore. I have NOTHING going for me. I've been homeless repeatedly for the past four years. I can't find a job for the life of me. Going back to college is impossible at this point. I have no family in my life. I'm done, man. I'm just done.

Why even bother continuing when you're the biggest loser on the planet? Why bother if you know that NOTHING is going to work out anymore? There are almost 8 billion people on the planet. I dont mean shit, I can lay on the road and get run over and it'll mean nothing more than a headline. The world will continue. Not only that, but the world would be better off without me.

Without another useless, disappointing, life failure and BUM who uses depression and anxiety as an excuse to never do anything right for himself.

Next Friday is my 25th birthday, and a part of me thought that maybe I could somehow tough it out long enough to make it there. Nope. Not happening. There's too much going on in here 🧠 and out there 🌎.

Plus I'm homeless anyway, its not like I can even celebrate it at all. A birthday in that case is just another regular day so who cares.

I failed. Repeatedly. I messed up. Im a failure. I let everyone down. Im worthless. Im useless. Im mentally incapable of living in a world like this. I am trash and like trash I need to be taken out.

Just like the title says, being homeless makes me feel like a loser and failure.

I went to the library today and there were a bunch of college students over for general studying and stuff. And honestly... it kinda triggered me. Not their fault obviously, but I had to walk out because it just reminds me of my failures.

I used to be in college, graduated high school class of 2019 and went to college the following fall. But my mom passed away weeks before graduation and it messed me up super bad mentally. Been suicidal, depressed, and just unstable for years. So unstable that I didn't go to class and do work and ultimately lost my scholarships during the pandemic due to my bad grades.

Now that I've been homeless (for the FOURTH time since 2021), my life just feels like it's over. And hearing students talking to each other and studying and hanging out, it makes me feel sad. Sad that I threw my opportunity to get a college education. My biggest life regret.

Instead I get to struggle with sleeping, making money, and always wondering if I'll be able to eat something that day. I haven't eaten today. How fun, better luck tomorrow I guess.

It's all my fault though, I acknowledge that. I would give my right arm for another chance, but I know its not possible.

Just like the title says, being homeless makes me feel like a loser and failure.

I went to the library today and there were a bunch of college students over for general studying and stuff. And honestly... it kinda triggered me. Not their fault obviously, but I had to walk out because it just reminds me of my failures.

I used to be in college, graduated high school class of 2019 and went to college the following fall. But my mom passed away weeks before graduation and it messed me up super bad mentally. Been suicidal, depressed, and just unstable for years. So unstable that I didn't go to class and do work and ultimately lost my scholarships during the pandemic due to my bad grades.

Now that I've been homeless (for the FOURTH time since 2021), my life just feels like it's over. And hearing students talking to each other and studying and hanging out, it makes me feel sad. Sad that I threw my opportunity to get a college education. My biggest life regret.

Instead I get to struggle with sleeping, making money, and always wondering if I'll be able to eat something that day. I haven't eaten today. How fun, better luck tomorrow I guess.

It's all my fault though, I acknowledge that. I would give my right arm for another chance, but I know its not possible.

Just like the title says, being homeless makes me feel like a loser and failure.

I went to the library today and there were a bunch of college students over for general studying and stuff. And honestly... it kinda triggered me. Not their fault obviously, but I had to walk out because it just reminds me of my failures.

I used to be in college, graduated high school class of 2019 and went to college the following fall. But my mom passed away weeks before graduation and it messed me up super bad mentally. Been suicidal, depressed, and just unstable for years. So unstable that I didn't go to class and do work and ultimately lost my scholarships during the pandemic due to my bad grades.

Now that I've been homeless (for the FOURTH time since 2021), my life just feels like it's over. And hearing students talking to each other and studying and hanging out, it makes me feel sad. Sad that I threw my opportunity to get a college education. My biggest life regret.

Instead I get to struggle with sleeping, making money, and always wondering if I'll be able to eat something that day. I haven't eaten today. How fun, better luck tomorrow I guess.

It's all my fault though, I acknowledge that. I would give my right arm for another chance, but I know its not possible.

Just like the title says, being homeless makes me feel like a loser and failure.

I went to the library today and there were a bunch of college students over for general studying and stuff. And honestly... it kinda triggered me. Not their fault obviously, but I had to walk out because it just reminds me of my failures.

I used to be in college, graduated high school class of 2019 and went to college the following fall. But my mom passed away weeks before graduation and it messed me up super bad mentally. Been suicidal, depressed, and just unstable for years. So unstable that I didn't go to class and do work and ultimately lost my scholarships during the pandemic due to my bad grades.

Now that I've been homeless (for the FOURTH time since 2021), my life just feels like it's over. And hearing students talking to each other and studying and hanging out, it makes me feel sad. Sad that I threw my opportunity to get a college education. My biggest life regret.

Instead I get to struggle with sleeping, making money, and always wondering if I'll be able to eat something that day. I haven't eaten today. How fun, better luck tomorrow I guess.

It's all my fault though, I acknowledge that. I would give my right arm for another chance, but I know its not possible.

​

Okay, so ive been thinking about some things for the past few days and long story short, I think ive decided that living in general just isn't suited for me. And I have a really good explanation for why.

Being suicidal for seven years, ive started to understand myself better and better since then. My weaknesses, my shortcomings, etc. To be successful in life (success meaning stable, contributing, happy, etc.), you have to have a warrior's mindset, for lack of a better term. Being resilient when faced with challenge. Creative when it comes to solutions. Thick-skinned when it comes to adversity. Being weak-minded and weak-willed won't get you anywhere in life. That's just the honest truth.

I believe that there are winners and losers in life. Those that are resilient, those who are creative, those who are thick-skinned and have the will to persevere, those people are the winners.

And then there's people like me: the losers.

The ones with no will to fight. No faith to continue. No desire to persevere. The ones who crack way too easily under pressure. And it's because of that, that ive come to a realization about myself:

**I just don't care or want to be successful.**

Being on and off of homelessness for the past five years kinda made me realize that. I keep getting myself into this situation, and I'm currently in a shelter because of this, but honestly? I'm thinking about leaving the shelter. For one, the chaotic environment is mentally fucking me over, I haven't eaten since I arrived here a couple of days ago. Cafeteria is too loud and hectic so why bother having a mental breakdown just for some food?

Also, the amount of anxiety I get knowing that anything can pop off at any given time is making me feel ill. Even as I'm typing this I feel nauseous. I expect to just leave in the next week or two, because I feel worse being in the shelter than I did sleeping outside. But, the shelter is supposed to help me get connected to resources and stuff, right? Right. This is *supposed* to help me.

I guess I just don't want help then.

And maybe this is a wake up call to let me know that "hey, Robert. You don’t got it. And at this point, you never will". Life is already hard enough to navigate, especially with Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety, and at this point, you're turning 25 in a couple of weeks, you should have this down by now, right? Well, I don't. And maybe I just don't want to.

Now, the ideal solution for myself would be to just fall off a building, find a gun, etc., but I don't have the mental fortitude to commit to that unfortunately. So, I just choose to exist. Not because I want to live, but because I don't have the balls to die. Therefore, for the past six months I've been homeless, I've just been doing my own thing. Having my own routine. It's far from ideal, sure, but it's been a habit.

Now, if my phone were to break or stop working (my phone is cracked to hell rn), and if I were to get robbed again and lose all of my valuables, then that might push me. But until that happens or until I finally get a panic/anxiety attack strong enough to push me to the edge, here I am.

​

Okay, so ive been thinking about some things for the past few days and long story short, I think ive decided that living in general just isn't suited for me. And I have a really good explanation for why.

Being suicidal for seven years, ive started to understand myself better and better since then. My weaknesses, my shortcomings, etc. To be successful in life (success meaning stable, contributing, happy, etc.), you have to have a warrior's mindset, for lack of a better term. Being resilient when faced with challenge. Creative when it comes to solutions. Thick-skinned when it comes to adversity. Being weak-minded and weak-willed won't get you anywhere in life. That's just the honest truth.

I believe that there are winners and losers in life. Those that are resilient, those who are creative, those who are thick-skinned and have the will to persevere, those people are the winners.

And then there's people like me: the losers.

The ones with no will to fight. No faith to continue. No desire to persevere. The ones who crack way too easily under pressure. And it's because of that, that ive come to a realization about myself:

**I just don't care or want to be successful.**

Being on and off of homelessness for the past five years kinda made me realize that. I keep getting myself into this situation, and I'm currently in a shelter because of this, but honestly? I'm thinking about leaving the shelter. For one, the chaotic environment is mentally fucking me over, I haven't eaten since I arrived here a couple of days ago. Cafeteria is too loud and hectic so why bother having a mental breakdown just for some food?

Also, the amount of anxiety I get knowing that anything can pop off at any given time is making me feel ill. Even as I'm typing this I feel nauseous. I expect to just leave in the next week or two, because I feel worse being in the shelter than I did sleeping outside. But, the shelter is supposed to help me get connected to resources and stuff, right? Right. This is *supposed* to help me.

I guess I just don't want help then.

And maybe this is a wake up call to let me know that "hey, Robert. You don’t got it. And at this point, you never will". Life is already hard enough to navigate, especially with Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety, and at this point, you're turning 25 in a couple of weeks, you should have this down by now, right? Well, I don't. And maybe I just don't want to.

Now, the ideal solution for myself would be to just fall off a building, find a gun, etc., but I don't have the mental fortitude to commit to that unfortunately. So, I just choose to exist. Not because I want to live, but because I don't have the balls to die. Therefore, for the past six months I've been homeless, I've just been doing my own thing. Having my own routine. It's far from ideal, sure, but it's been a habit.

Now, if my phone were to break or stop working (my phone is cracked to hell rn), and if I were to get robbed again and lose all of my valuables, then that might push me. But until that happens or until I finally get a panic/anxiety attack strong enough to push me to the edge, here I am.

I feel so numb I just don't want to do anything. Back when I was at school she always talked about how she wants me to go to college, graduate college, work a good job, etc, but ever since she passed I haven't done shit with my life.

I was 17 when she suddenly passed away due to a heart attack. She even took me to school that morning. Next time I saw her it was her corpse on the hospital bed she died on.

At that point I already got accepted into a good university, but once I got in I just couldn't be bothered going to class and doing schoolwork. It's my biggest life regret, not getting myself help and going to class. I ended up flunking out of college, losing my scholarships and even getting into federal loan debt because of it.

With my extended family being a bunch of jerks I cut ties with them in 2023. I'm tired of being treated as the scapegoat and being blamed for my mom's passing, even if it is true that my mom would still be alive if I never existed.

I've been battling depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation for the past seven years. My life is in absolute shambles. I've been homeless multiple times, including now due to my landlord not wanting to renew my lease, and honestly things aren't going to get better for me. This is probably the end of me, it's not going to get better.

Sorry mom. I wish I could have been a better son. But I may join you soon, my life can't get better anymore and I may just have to call it quits soon.

I feel so numb I just don't want to do anything. Back when I was at school she always talked about how she wants me to go to college, graduate college, work a good job, etc, but ever since she passed I haven't done shit with my life.

I was 17 when she suddenly passed away due to a heart attack. She even took me to school that morning. Next time I saw her it was her corpse on the hospital bed she died on.

At that point I already got accepted into a good university, but once I got in I just couldn't be bothered going to class and doing schoolwork. It's my biggest life regret, not getting myself help and going to class. I ended up flunking out of college, losing my scholarships and even getting into federal loan debt because of it.

With my extended family being a bunch of jerks I cut ties with them in 2023. I'm tired of being treated as the scapegoat and being blamed for my mom's passing, even if it is true that my mom would still be alive if I never existed.

I've been battling depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation for the past seven years. My life is in absolute shambles. I've been homeless multiple times, including now due to my landlord not wanting to renew my lease, and honestly things aren't going to get better for me. This is probably the end of me, it's not going to get better.

Sorry mom. I wish I could have been a better son. But I may join you soon, my life can't get better anymore and I may just have to call it quits soon.

Well, I thought i was gonna try to at least live to see my 25th birthday next month, but I won't.

I'm taking my life today. I have procrastinated long enough. Fuck all y'all, but at the same time thanks for sticking around. After almost seven years of constant suicidal ideation and fighting a battle that I've known was hopeless but y'all mfers love insisting isn't hopeless, I'm fucking done. Out.

Thanks for everything. The talks. The words of encouragement. The suggestions of taking on thousands in medical debt just to "talk to someone". Real good stuff.

At least I'll finally be able to see my mom again. That's a plus. But yeah, fuck all this. I'm fucking out. 🫡

Also, for all the Atlanta people out there, if you or anyone you know lives in the Doraville area, I have a backpack full of clothes you can take if you want them. It's mostly size 3x, and you will *definitely* have to wash them, but free clothes, right? Or if you want to meet up by a train station to get them then that works too.

May as well do something good before I go out since I'm always wrong and can't do shit right for a goddamn.

But that's all I got. I'm finally fuxking done. This account will probably get banned but fuck it. Send it straight to the trash and let it rot alongside me and my fucking corpse.

Take care y'all

Well, I thought i was gonna try to at least live to see my 25th birthday next month, but I won't.

I'm taking my life today. I have procrastinated long enough. Fuck all y'all, but at the same time thanks for sticking around. After almost seven years of constant suicidal ideation and fighting a battle that I've known was hopeless but y'all mfers love insisting isn't hopeless, I'm fucking done. Out.

Thanks for everything. The talks. The words of encouragement. The suggestions of taking on thousands in medical debt just to "talk to someone". Real good stuff.

At least I'll finally be able to see my mom again. That's a plus. But yeah, fuck all this. I'm fucking out. 🫡

Also, for all the Atlanta people out there, if you or anyone you know lives in the Doraville area, I have a backpack full of clothes you can take if you want them. It's mostly size 3x, and you will *definitely* have to wash them, but free clothes, right? Or if you want to meet up by a train station to get them then that works too.

May as well do something good before I go out since I'm always wrong and can't do shit right for a goddamn.

But that's all I got. I'm finally fuxking done. This account will probably get banned but fuck it. Send it straight to the trash and let it rot alongside me and my fucking corpse.

Take care y'all

Well, I thought i was gonna try to at least live to see my 25th birthday next month, but I won't.

I'm taking my life today. I have procrastinated long enough. Fuck all y'all, but at the same time thanks for sticking around. After almost seven years of constant suicidal ideation and fighting a battle that I've known was hopeless but y'all mfers love insisting isn't hopeless, I'm fucking done. Out.

Thanks for everything. The talks. The words of encouragement. The suggestions of taking on thousands in medical debt just to "talk to someone". Real good stuff.

At least I'll finally be able to see my mom again. That's a plus. But yeah, fuck all this. I'm fucking out. 🫡

Also, for all the Atlanta people out there, if you or anyone you know lives in the Doraville area, I have a backpack full of clothes you can take if you want them. It's mostly size 3x, and you will *definitely* have to wash them, but free clothes, right? Or if you want to meet up by a train station to get them then that works too.

May as well do something good before I go out since I'm always wrong and can't do shit right for a goddamn.

But that's all I got. I'm finally fuxking done. This account will probably get banned but fuck it. Send it straight to the trash and let it rot alongside me and my fucking corpse.

Take care y'all