u/Dr_Garp

So background, I went from 220lbs to 135lbs over the course of 2 years and it was in large part due to purging. I knew it was wrong but then I started getting attention from women and I started to not only look but feel attractive.

i stopped after a bad break up because I had to focus on recovering but thankfully I haven’t purged since.

It has been a pretty solid 4 years since then but I’ve ballooned back up to 170 and it’s been scary. My girlfriend and I have sex once a month, and tbh I feel like a chore at best and a period at the worst. I started keeping track of frequency and it’s twice a month but I never finish both times because once she is done she’s done.

I have gotten to a point where I just blame myself, where I look in the mirror and think “Why would she want you? Youve put on over 30 pounds since you’ve met.”. I know it’s not true. I know we are just incompatible and she is sexually avoidant. I know that if I marry her things will get worse. I know I’m looking for reasons why I don’t feel loved or important .

I just need to feel attractive you know? like I need to know that I’m not an unlovable blob who can only offer to pay bills.

So possibly a dumb question given its significantly more commonly a “male” behavioral issue but what would you consider to be signs/actions that a woman is a selfish lover?

I was thinking about it in the context of some people are bad lovers because they don’t attempt to know their partner and some because they don’t care enough to know. Then there are people who just want to get their O and move along but I guess because it typically takes longer for women to finish it borderline impossible to be “selfish” to the same degree a man would be. Outside of the context of sex I guess we do apply sliding scales to women in terms of domestic violence where the actions can be equal but the damage is less “impactful”.

So like is there a selfish lover woman scale?