u/County_Mouse_5222

I've spoken about this here many times before and now I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to get much further with seeing my current white male younger therapist. He thinks just as robotic as the average white male. He says: Have almost zero emotion. Don't care about anything that happens in the world unless it affects you personally. Even if it affects you personally, you should not really care, just let things happen to you, then move on. Don't think about things. Don't be informed about the news. Ignore everything around you. Look straight ahead. Have zero feelings.

I'd say he doesn't even want me to care about the weather, and I'm asthmatic.

No wonders these guys have built the Cybertruck and Waymo cars. Invention without prevention. No rules. No safety. No regulations. Of course, all of those represses innovation. Get things out as fast as possible to make more money. Kill millions along the way. Nobody cares because, ya'know, Money.

I have no intentions to take anymore advice from this guy when it comes to personal responsibility as a human being, a woman, a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, a person with empathy for others.

I love people. I feel that he's one of those types who would not want me trying to help a stranger in need.

I donate to churches and several other organizations because I need to help people where I can, no matter how little I have. I wanted to give back to a church for helping me. He actually wondered why I wanted to do that.

I am autistic. He has helped me understand somewhat about autism, but I think I've got much more going on in my head and heart than he can comprehend.

I am a black woman. I'm old. I have been physically assaulted in a hospital. I have lost countless numbers of family members. I am very much disabled. My life from childhood has been hell. I need someone to stop telling to change and instead understand where I come from and why I am the way I am.

I just don't want to live among a bunch of tall, thin, no meat, outdoorsy, cult religious, Trader Joes and Starbucks types. I'm not like that and will never be. I prefer indoors, occasional walks, instant coffee with cream and sugar, meat and potatoes, cornbread, sometimes inside the house, sometimes not, but not an everyday outdoors type.

Why is it so bad to be the type of person who enjoys my own little space in the city?

I know this might not seem like a post for this sub or maybe more suited for the vent reddit but the way I see it, my environment does indeed have either a positive or negative impact on my mental health. The thing is, I've also been diagnosed with autism. This comes after so many other diagnoses since my early twenties, and those always had more to do with personality and learning challenges. I have never been able to keep an interest in anything for more than a few months or so, and although I have worked all my life, I never did fit in at any job where I worked. I was always the oddball, odd-looking, very much into my own world than seeking friendships with coworkers. I actually had to force myself to talk to people, and pretty sure everyone sensed that. And when I did talk, I was just plain goofy. I've got those tired looking eyes with droopy lids as well which has never helped me look good in photos with other people, so people avoid taking pictures with me altogether.

Well, that quickly went from not wanting to live in the suburbs to how I've found myself in bad situations over and over in life. I've actually had someone tell me that they would not care at all if I killed myself. They basically said everything about my life is my fault and I should be grateful that society has allowed me to live. I have lived more than half a century now and still can't shake the recollection of that day. These criticisms of me have come from professional people who were able to work their way to successful lives.

I could go on with this but think I've said enough already.