u/ShadowDrake500

Every time there was school shopping, or a big grocery haul my mom would hand me the receipt and say "look at how much is costs to raise you". She would would emphasize how many hours she would have to work to buy certain items. I think she was trying to teach us the importance of work, but it honestly just made me feel guilty. I remember saying sorry alot of the times, and when I went shopping for clothes I would always feel dread, cause clothes can get expensive...

But she would always pat herself on the back because she knows parents that don't do the bare minimum.

I'm 28f, been no contact with my mom for 5 months and it seems like it will be indefinite.

I feel like things would be way different if she helped herself way sooner, she claims to be all for therapy but won't do it herself. She tried therapy over 15 years ago, I guess they dug too deep too fast, so she quit half way through and said it's not for her. For over 10 years she has been complaining about menopause, according to her menopause is a big reason why she is struggling to do maintain a relationship. Yet she makes excuses to not see a specialist about it.

We do live in a small town, and she is an anxious driver so driving 40 minutes to the next town over, or 2 hours to the city is very stressful. But she does have help if needed, I know she does.

She is too deep for me to reach, I've tried to help and find people for her, but she gets mad at me for doing so. She says she doesn't need help, this is who she is and I need to accept. I need to accept that she can't maintain a healthy relationship with me, I have to accept that she can't have hard conversations, I have to accept that she can't control herself, I have to accept that she'll not listen to what I say because "oops, that's my adhd". I don't know if she does, she says she does but never got diagnosed.

This has been rattling in my head for a long time, been wanting to vent about it, but I always feel ungrateful when I do.

I got a FB memory from 2015, 11 years ago. I was 16 almost 17, I made a post about how happy I was to almost have a door for my room, I say almost because there was no door knob to the door.

To me, this picture is a highlight of my parents procrastination. In 2007 our house got a basement upgrade, the basement was never finished. We had plans of actually using the rooms that were down there, but idk what happened. The main plan was to get me a new room, I got to move into my room 2011 I think? But it wasn't completed, I don't even think all the dry wall was up in my room yet. I used a bed sheet as a door til 2015. I know we had the money to buy a door, I know my parents had the free time to do this job that would take barley any time. I think my door got a door knob 6 months after, atleast it didn't take a year I guess.

Thinking about my childhood home upsets me, but I also loved my childhood home. I'm greatful that i grew up in that house, and the property is absolutely gorgeous. We had lake side, and it helped my passion for animals grow as I watched the birds and ducks. I feel like that house is me, but I also find the house to be haunting. After my grandmother passed away in 2018 my parents renovated the kitchen and bathroom, and used some of her inheritance to pay for it. After that the house didn't feel the same, I always felt slightly unsettled and uncomfortable being in the house after the renovations.

Thankfully by then I already met my now husband, I was spending more time at his place and we moved in together in 2019. Going back home to visit always felt unsettling. It could also be because of a big traumatic event happen in 2017, it sent a ripple in my parents marriage and they were already struggling. They separated in 2023, my dad had the house, but sold it August 2025. Maybe the unsettled feeling was from the tension of my parents, but I still felt it when I would see my dad.

Thinking about my childhood home hurts, I remembered it had so much warmth and comfort. As I got older, the house got more heavy and uncomfortable. And now I can't even go back.

This has been rattling in my head for a long time, been wanting to vent about it, but I always feel ungrateful when I do.

I got a FB memory from 2015, 11 years ago. I was 16 at the time, I made a post about how happy I was to almost have a door for my room, I say almost because there was no door knob to the door.

To me, this picture is a highlight of my parents procrastination. In 2007 our house got a basement upgrade, the basement was never finished. We had plans of actually using the rooms that were down there, but idk what happened. The main plan was to get me a new room, I got to move into my room 2011 I think? But it wasn't completed, I don't even think all the dry wall was up in my room yet. I used a bed sheet as a door til 2015. I know we had the money to buy a door, I know my parents had the free time to do this job that would take barley any time. I think my door got a door knob 6 months after, atleast it didn't take a year I guess.

Thinking about my childhood home upsets me, but I also loved my childhood home. I'm greatful that i grew up in that house, and the property is absolutely gorgeous. We had lake side, and it helped my passion for animals grow as I watched the birds and ducks. I feel like that house *is* me, but I also find the house to be haunting. After my grandmother passed away in 2018 my parents renovated the kitchen and bathroom, and used some of her inheritance to pay for it. After that the house didn't feel the same, I always felt slightly unsettled and uncomfortable being in the house after the renovations.

Thankfully by then I already met my now husband, I was spending more time at his place and we moved in together in 2019. Going back home to visit always felt unsettling. It could also be because of a big traumatic event happen in 2017, it sent a ripple in my parents marriage and they were already struggling. They separated in 2023, my dad had the house, but sold it August 2025. Maybe the unsettled feeling was from the tension of my parents, but I still felt it when I would see my dad.

Thinking about my childhood home hurts, I remembered it had so much warmth and comfort. As I got older, the house got more heavy and uncomfortable. And now I can't even go back.

I'm 28F and I've been no contact with my mom for about 5 months now. This is the second time for me going no contact with her, the last time was 4 years ago but that no contact was for me to take space and breath before working on our relationship again. This time, the no contact is indefinite.

I made a post on here about 12 hours ago, the post was my mom sending my husband an AI "before you blame your mother" picture, the pic saying moms make mistakes. This is in response to a 7 page letter I sent her a week ago, I was detailing how she has hurt me as an adult, and how I feel about her now, as an adult. Of course she brings it back to childhood stuff and me blaming her for my issues when I've never done that.

I know what the reality of this situation is, I know she's never going to hear me. But, I can't help but still hope that something will shake her awake, have her see the hurt that she is causing. I'm right now hoping that the message my husband sent back to her is the missing piece.

I know this hope is nothing but a waste of energy, I want to let it go, I don't know how. Even when I reread her vile texts to me, even when I remember how she treats her relationships with her children. I still feel that hope, and I want it gone...

They are everywhere, and there are more people talking about estrangement now, even when you try to avoid the topic. I was constantly getting angry estranged moms posts on FB about how hurt they are, how awful we are, you know the deal. I know I was problem with it appearing on my feed, but I can't help it. I get so sucked into all the comments from estranged mothers.

I can't help but feel guilty, their guilt has worked on me before years ago. I was no contact with my mom before, and I regained contact because I was listening so much to estranged mothers. Everything turned out the same, nothing changed, and things just felt more tense and anxious with us. But this time I knew it wasn't a topic we could talk about without it turning into a fight. Currently no contact for 5 months.

I've been doing my best to not see so many estranged mother posts, deactivated Facebook, uninstalled Tiktok.

I wrote my mom a letter because she was begging for more of an explanation to my dad, brother, and husband. So, I gave it to her, I wrote 7 pages worth and even put a video recommendation for her. This is the most open I've been with her, and it was very cathartic to write. I have her blocked on everything, but I'm still bracing to have her pop up somewhere after she gets the letter.

Im also hoping that something will get through to her, I hope that she will bring that letter into therapy and talk through it with a therapist. I have alot of hope, but I know I won't be seeing her to the next funeral.

I keep going back and forth with "something will get through to her" and "she is just going to continue seeing herself as a victim". I had to give my inlaws a heads up just incase, since my husband has her blocked now too. Hoping for the best 🤞

I wrote a letter to my mom, going into alot of detail of why I'm no contact. I sent it just an hour ago, and I'm anxious now. I want to hope that something will get through, I want to hope that she considers therapy after reading what I wrote.

But, i know nothing will change, I know she is going to be very angry and sad after reading, then give herself a reason why I'm wrong and why she doesn't have to change. I know the next time I'll see her will be at a funeral. I only wrote this letter because she was bugging my dad (they're divorced), my brother, and my husband. Now that the letter is sent, I'm giving all my inlaws a heads up that she might be DMing them.

I'm 28f and I have 2 brothers 30 and 26.

For my whole life my mom always expressed sadness for every birthday, every lost tooth, every inch grown. I fully understand that there is a mourning process when it comes to watching your kids grow up, but my mom would almost try to make us feel bad for growing up. She would say things like "why do you have to grow up" and "can't you just stay my baby?" and "you can just be here forever right?". She would try to play it off as a joke, but then be holding back tears.

As I got older, maybe by the age of 10, she would say stuff like this weekly, maybe more, idk either way it was a very regular thing. Instead of celebrating our growth, she would decide to mourn the babies that we no longer were. When I was learning how to drive, she would be crying the whole time, if she was in the car with me, she would say she can see baby me in the drivers seat. Then, one by one we started to move out, my mom chose each time to mourn instead of celebrate, there was always room for her to tag along. But everytime she would rather look at baby pictures and cry.

Then when I got married, she got distant. According to my dad she was falling apart behind the scenes. My husband and his family are great people, they have accepted me with open arms and have been an amazing benefit to my life. But, my mom almost seemed bitter after getting married. Making little jokes about my inlaws, then getting quiet when I ask her to stop.

Part of me thinks it's because she is insecure about my inlaws. They have a solid family, yeah they have their messes, but they will always come back together and can work as a team and get things done. But, you'd think she'd be proud that I found such amazing people in my life, and be happy I have another family that loves me?

I'm 4 months no contact and my mom has been asking my dad, brother and husband why I'm no contact. So, I wrote her a letter, and I do plan on sending it. I know I don't have to, I know it can just be for me, I know she'll probably not grow, learn, or understand anything and I'm sending it anyways. This letter was healing to write, and yeah I still do have a little hope that a miracle will happen, but I have accepted that I probably won't see my mom til the next funeral...

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Dear Mom,

I'm writing this letter to you in hopes it'll help you understand me better, and how I feel about our relationship. While reading this, I really want you to read this in my shoes, please.

I hurt alot when I'm around you. I hurt because of all the things you said to me, all the things you've doubled down on, the way you only talk about yourself and about people I don't know.

You don't ask about me and my life, when we got back in contact you only asked me how work was going once, and that was at the start of us repairing our relationship. The only thing you would ask me if you did, was "how are you". Then I try to talk about myself, you either over look what I said, or you use that to talk more about you

I can't talk to you, when I even try, I go mute, that's why I prefer talking to you over text. I can't trust you to not blow up at me for saying how I feel, I can't trust you to not make this all about you, I can't trust you to not tell me how much you've had it worse.

You don't know how careful I have to be with what I say to you, because I don't want you to see it as an attack. You told me yourself that this is who you are, and that you'll never change. You told me yourself if I'm still angry, that I should not talk to you. I know how the conversation will go, what's the point?

Any trust I had in you is broken, the arguments we've had showed me that I can't come to you if I have issues with our relationship. I can't trust that you won't make my pain about you.

You question and doubt my emotional intelligence way too many times. How am I supposed to believe that you don't view me as stupid and sadistic? I know I'm absolutely none of those things, but the way you choose to reply to me makes me believe that you see me that way. You can deny it all you want, but it's happened way too many times with you for me not to believe it to be true anymore.

You say you love me, but your actions don't show it. I feel like an accessory to your life, like you only want me in your life so I can make you happy.

That really upsets me, makes me feel worthless, invisible, makes me feel like you see me as an incompetent child, and it makes me feel like my own mother doesn't want to know me.

When we reconnected, you asked me to meet you half way, you demanded to give you forgiveness and grace. I did, and I met you more than half way.

Before we regained contact you were telling me how much you want to know me and be apart of my life. When I gave you a chance you started to ignore me again. I refuse to believe that your life is so busy that you can't make room to ask your own children what's going on in their life. Especially then you can find the time to go on how many motorcycle trips, yet you don't have time to take a trip to visit your children.

To me, that shows how much of a priority I am in my life. I really do want to have you in my life, but I believe it's wrong for your own children to be chasing you for your love, for your relationship, I shouldn't have to ask. I'm not going to chase you down for a relationship that is one sided. I can't do that, expecting me to do so is cruel.

I don't know how to fix this relationship, feels like I'm the only one trying, I've tried communicating what I need from you, and it either doesn't get through or you get mad at me.  You don't see how you impact people.

I keep rewording the same stuff and your still confused about how I feel. You don't see how much work I've been doing to have a relationship with you, for you to understand me. But everytime I try to be vulnerable you reply with "what about me?".

You demand all the empathy in the world from me, and I really do feel for you, I really do, but you don't want to do the same for me. You say I treat you like a punching bag while you were the one putting me down because you hurt me and you think a "sorry" gives you a warrant to demand I forgive you. I was the one being called down, and I was the one trying to mend. You were demanding I obey.

I'm your daughter, and you treat me like an enemy just because I found my voice. You knew you fell short, you were beating around the bush about it for years. Then when I confirmed it, now I'm the bad guy.

I want to be able to say when I'll regain contact with you at some point, I want to be able to say what you can do to make things ok. I don't know what that would be, I've made suggestions before, then you lashed out at me, told me that this is you, so I need to suck it up. I'm so burnt...

I have been officially diagnosed with autism, and I've been trying my best to learn how to manage my own mental health and accommodate myself with this new diagnosis. I want you in my life, but I can't be walking on egg shells around you anymore. I have been my whole life with you, it's so draining, I can't manage your emotions anymore, I don't have room for draining relationships anymore.

If we do end up getting back into contact though, family counseling with the both of is a non-negotiation.

I know reading all of this is hard for you, I really hope you can take what I said a grow from it, I really hope you take what I said seriously. I didn't write this to attack you or to cause drama, but for you to understand where I'm coming from and why. It's up to you what you do with it. If you are still confused and don't understand then re read all of our texts from June 2023, put yourself in my shoes. If you still don't get it I highly recommend you talk this letter over with a therapist, please. If you truly care about having me in your life, you will.

With Love, Rosey.

I'm 28f, been no contact for 4 months.

I have lots of mixed emotions about the possibility of her contacting me. I have her blocked on Facebook and I blocked her number, and sadly that's enough. She never cared to remember my email or my home address, and I live 2 hours away. I have social media pages for my art, and I highly doubt she would even think about trying to contact me that way. When we were in contact she would see my art with my username signed on it.

I see how much people get harassed by there NC parent(s), I am grateful that I'm not dealing with that. But, I'm also sad and hurt, this shows me how much she cared to know about me and my world. It's a weird feeling.

Edit: I know she is trying to reach out to me. She's already connected my brother, dad, and my husband for me to talk to her.

I'm 28f, my mom is 56 and I've been no contact with her for 4 months.

My childhood was pretty good, yeah both of my parents fucked up alot and I know I have lots of things to work on because of my childhood. But, alot of the pain I feel from my mom is how detached she was to her kids growing up. I remember when I was still learning how to drive, my dad wanted me to drive him, my mom, and my brother home from my grandparent's place. Not a far drive from home, maybe 15 minutes. My mom was bawling in the back the whole time about how she sees baby me behind the wheel.

I graduated in 2016, I met my now husband in 2018 and we moved in together 2019. My mom didn't want to be apart of it at all, I was moving almost 2 hours away and we had enough room for her to come along. She said she was too sad to see her baby go, so she stayed home. Looking at childhood photos of me and crying that I'm moving out. I lived in that apartment for 2 years, my parents only visited me maybe 4 times, meanwhile my inlaws were visiting every week or 2.

The communication with my parents at this point was very poor, I did end up talking about with both my parents. My dad put in more effort and we have an ok relationship now, my mom kinda listened but not really.

My wedding was August 2021. We didn't have a big wedding, we only ended up paying a little over 4k, which is perfect for me. . Honestly, my mother in law was the one holding the wedding together, it's honestly amazing and so inspiring how much she can get done. And my mother in law has helped her 2 other children plan their weddings, so she knows what to do. My parents and my inlaws did have many meetings about their jobs and planning things out, my mom only wanted to help with table decorations.

What bugs me the most is that my mom never even offered to go dress shopping with me, my mother in law was very confused of why she never asked. I did end up going non traditional, end up getting a royal blue dress, it was made to be a brides maid dress, but oh well. On the day of my wedding she had to work, the plan was to get ready at my parents place, but it then had to be moved to my inlaws home.

I don't believe my mom fought to get that day off, I want to believe she did, but she worked at a hardware store... I have a hard time believing that there was no possibility for her to get the day off. But, I am also thankful for it to be at my inlaws, I did feel more comfortable.

After getting married, I could tell my mom was taking more jabs at my inlaws, mostly my mother in law. Probably because my mother in law knows how to take charge and take action, which my mom doesn't... I will admit, I was uncomfortable with my inlaws for a long while, because I never had a family that wanted to be close. Who wanted to see me, and wanted to help, but once I started healing and accepting them, I could see I just didn't know how to accept them in my life yet.

Then in 2022 my husband and I move into a new place with my younger brother. Again, my mom chose to stay home and cry, because no kids are left.

Then May of 2022 is basically when the relationship with my mom and I really started to degrade. I try to talk to her like an adult, but she can't. Then June of 2023 we were on and off no contact for a year because me talking about emotional neglect caused her to lash out at me. Opened contact again June/July 2024 because her manipulation worked, and I believed she wanted to work on our relationship. Weee, now 4 months no contact... Indefinitely.

I'm 28F, I went no contact with my mom 4 months ago. Recently she's been messaging my dad (they're separated), my brother, my husband, and my mother in law. She is asking them why I won't talk to her and if they could get me to talk to her.

I did tell her I was going no contact, and I did give a brief explanation of why. So now I'm working on a letter, going to be as open and honest as possible. I know she'll most likely not do anything about the information, I know she's not going to try to change. But I still want to hope that she'll take this letter seriously.

I'm 28F, I got diagnosed with autism a month ago. I grew emotionally attached to alot of my toys, especially with my plushies.

I went no contact with my mom 4 months ago, and she has all of my childhood toys. I don't even know why, she left my dad 3 years ago and took our childhood toys with her. I've always had plans of passing my toys down to my kids, but now that we're no contact... its hard to say. I live in a small apartment, I don't have plans for kids any time soon. I just have to accept to let it go.

My mom always says that she is alone, and that no body cares. Now that I understand more about generational trauma and childhood neglect, I see why she holds onto that, my mom and her mom were never close. My mom would often tell horror stories of her childhood, most of her stories had my mom as the victim. At home and at school.

I understand how that shapes the chronic feeling of being alone and believing no body cares. But she clings onto that belief, she lashes out at people that get close, then freaks out when people step back because of her lash outs. Any bit of criticism or negative feed back can wreck her entire day, have her locked in another room all day.

She had her 50th birthday during covid lock down, I wasn't able to be there. But, my family and her closest friend organized a party for her, and she still had the audacity to later complain that no one cares for her.

People will try and try with her, and she can't see it, then continues to complain about being alone. Then says she is unable to be as active in her kids lives is because she is so starved and depressed, how can she give when she doesn't receive?!

I really do sympathize with her, it must be hell feeling all that she feels. But, it's sadly nothing but a blackhole.

For me, that's what's going on. I'm 28F, about 4 years ago my mom and I started butting heads because TLDR, I had enough with her snipping at my dad when we visited, especially when we live 2 hours apart. This agrument turned into my mom dumping all her marriage issues onto me, pretty trying to justify being a bitch to my dad. Then the next day she was crying her eyes out, making all about her and how I attacked and chastised her.

This whole interaction is what got me started therapy. It was confusing, but I still had hope. I still had that fairytale dream in my head that I'll get the mom that was in my head.

3 years ago, I tried talking to her about emotional neglect. That's when her mask fell all the way off... She made it all about her, started talking to me as if she is interrogating me. "tell me what you think, not your therapist" "do your brothers know" "tell me what specific events were neglect". Then it turns all about her and her issues while telling me to get over it and grow the fuck up. It was a year of this, because I wouldn't forgive and forget.

That last event changed my whole view of my mom, I'm scared of her now. I've tried low contact after, and I feel nothing but rott in this relationship. After all of that, we started talking again, it went back to how it always was. My mom talking all about her, only asking a "how are you", then glazing over any answer you give her so she can start talking about herself.

I went no contact with her 4 months ago after realizing I can't feel comfortable around her. I don't feel good when I talk with her, when I'm beside her. My mom and I never had the best relationship, but I always thought there would be a way for us to get over it. But then the last fall out with us, she showed me that it's me that had to do the work if I want a relationship with her, even though she caused the damage.

It's still hard to believe that this is where we are at now....