u/Glitch_Angel9310

19F I left my family because I have no emotions towards them, they are strangers to me. My parents were okay for providing me a place to stay during my formative years but there was never a connection or a happiness in my life when I was in the same room as them.

I told everyone at night that I was going to leave and it was going to be my last day and they didn't believe me and I left the next morning acting like I was preparing to go to the library. It has been nearly 2 months.

I fully legally changed my first and last name. Changed my phone number. I know that in my life I will never care for human connection, music is my companion and I cherish that connection more than anything because it makes me feel things that I would not feel.

I know that I will always be emotionless around people, I don't see them as people in my head I see them as a burden as their presence and their awareness of me would cause me discontent.

Regarding the 19 years of my life, I only remember the 2 recent years of my life in fragments everything else is a blur. The small events I do remember somewhat vividly is the traumatic events.

I'm going to university for 5 years, starting in a month's time and I don't know how I'm going to survive but I will adapt as I usually do in harsh environments, dissociation assists in regulating my soulless vessel.

I'm new to Doctor Who and I just finished Season One, the show is good but the ending kiss was disturbing imo.

Rose was literally 19 and the Ninth Doctor is likely to be in the thousands since they can live up to 10,000 years. Didn't the Doctor treat Rose like a kid, I thought he was going to be her new father figure.

I didn't get how the other characters thought they were dating, i felt like the directors were trying to manipulate the public into believing this was normal. Tbh that kiss made me not want to continue with the show now. It just felt so off

now im going to do a 36h fast to recover because thats what happens, food makes me miserable im done.

My dream started with a message from an anonymous source after a school trip to a museum. We took lots of pictures and videos on that trip. The message was a video of me having sex with a faceless person IN MY PARENTS OLD ROOM. They said that they would send it to my whole family, including my LITTLE SISTERS IPAD. The video was AI but it looked and sounded real. It was sent, the whole house was silent. My dad wanted to ask what the video was about for some reason they were weirdly calm?? I kept telling them why would I have sex with a man in my parents room, why would I even have sex with a man when I'm not interested in men at all in that way. They reluctantly believed me but my little brother was suspicious and my other little sister was looking at me with disgust. I'm asexual asf so WHY WOULD'NT THEY BELIEVE ME. I then went on my phone and saw a linkedin post talking about how images shared to others publically and privately can be used to form pornographic content. This was crazy. It looked so real as well. When I woke up I thought the message was real. I'm so glad that I'm a loner by choice (I have not used social media except YouTube for 2-3 years, I recently stopped using WhatsApp as well), your so called friends can literally destroy your social and professional life using AI especially as it gets more and more realistic. Facetimes and videos of your voice and mannerisms can be used as training data for these models. Remember you are the product. It's crazy to say this but there is going to be a time where AI would be our overlords given the lack of regulation by companies. We would be enslaved and controlled by it, if not we would be excluded from society entirely. The data centers are making the earth turn into a barren wasteland and the people that want to live freely will suffer without any resources to sustain themselves. They would have no option left but to choose enslavement.

18F. They told me it’s genetic, something passed down from my father. I have symptoms and never even asked to be diagnosed. Now it’s in my file permanently. I feel angry and powerless. I’m estranged, living alone in temporary accommodation because my parents were abusive. I act normal so people talk to me for a moment, just so I can feel something, but inside I feel nothing.

I’ve been depressed my whole life. Nothing feels enjoyable anymore; even my interests feel like chores but I don't mind doing them, I just need a solid reason but I stopped caring about myself. I think I stopped caring because I don't feel alive? I walk outside to clear my head daily, but when I return to my accomodation the emptiness comes back. My grades collapsed even though I used to be a top student. Now I only talk to support workers and doctors because they seem to care, and I mirror emotions just to keep things balanced.

I don’t know what to do. I watch people live their lives while I stand on the sidelines imagining different versions of myself, but everything I try becomes uncomfortable. I feel like I have no identity and no preferences on anything. The voice in my head has lots of preferences and I just follow that. People think I’m funny because I react calmly, but I’m just detached. They think I’m sweet even though I have dark thoughts 24/7.

My thoughts race constantly. I can’t sleep. Journaling doesn’t help; my sentences fall apart and I spiral into confusion. I feel restless and overwhelmed. I want everything around me to stop for a moment so my mind can breathe but I can't because its not normal for me. I don’t know how to live with myself. It’s the summer holidays and I keep telling myself I should fix things now, but I don’t know how. I don’t know who I am or what I’m supposed to do. I wrote all this even though it feels pointless.

It's just me though, I don't like meat or cooking/heating food. If I buy fruits I store them in the freezer to make them last longer so if I don't have food to eat, I just make a smoothie for the morning. Sometimes I spend 25% on Lidl Bakery, I buy the pizza there and sometimes when I get home I just add yogurt on it. On some days, I just eat oatmeal. I have cooked potatoes from a can I opened a few days ago so I know that next week I would be spending around £6 or £7 on food. I obviously make sure that I have enough protein by eating chickpeas and a bit of cottage cheese daily so I'm not always hungry. I just like cold food in general. I'm 18F and I live in North London btw for context.

I ran away from my abusive family around 2 weeks ago, for the first couple of days, I was placed in a hostel by a charity and then I was placed into temporary accomodation. I have my own shower, bed, fridge and small kitchen space. I feel guilty still for leaving because my siblings are still at he house but I was the scapegoat in my family. I notified the police and made a report to protect my siblings bc they didn't really receive the abuse, I was the oldest btw. I don't really know my path forward now emotionally. I changed my phone number and I never really had ppl to talk to even before I ran away. I was always alone. My whole life and I am comfortable with that. I feel so guilty though because I know that I will never see them again. Like I abandoned them without telling them. I mean I did tell them on he last night but they thought I wasn't being serious. My body told me to leave that day bc I finally got given my passport by lying to my dad etc. I feel so so so guilty. It's insane. I try to drown it out with sund but it still comes back, I just know that if I didn't leave then, I would be trapped forever in a religion I don't follow.

So I'm I just left my household that used to abuse me for years, I'm 18 and I asked a center for support with DV. I still feel guilty BC they are calling me asking me where I am. I also feel guilty because I feel like I made the wrong decision. I'm in a hostel right now for a day and they are seeking to house me at a women's refuge. I feel so guilty deep down because my body told me I had to leave but my mind wanted me to stay. I'm going to uni in two months so it's the summer right now. I'm just preparing for the results I may get and stuff. I'm still so shocked I did it because I didn't know what I could do when I was in that environment. I feel guilty so guilty. They are now calling me and it's making me so nervous.