r/women

Okay so this is unhinged but I need to know if anyone else has experienced this specific flavor of ick.
It's 9am. The sun is OUT. Doing its job. Free light, just sitting there, begging to be let in. And my boyfriend? Closes the blinds TIGHTER. Flicks on the harsh overhead light. Like a raccoon curating its cave.
I asked him why and he just shrugged like this was normal human behavior. Sir, you are paying actual money to simulate what is currently happening outside for FREE.
And it's not a one-time thing he ALWAYS keeps the blinds shut and lives under artificial light like a sad little mushroom. Meanwhile I'm out here opening every curtain like I'm in a laundry detergent commercial, basking in the sun like a lizard.
Is this a compatibility issue? A circadian rhythm crime? Am I the drama for getting the ick over LIGHTING?
Please tell me I'm not alone. Or tell me I'm insane. Either works.

Hi all,

Sorry if this is a silly question.

I want to cover my hair. I’m not religious, but I don’t want men looking at me. I’ve a history of trauma. I don’t want to elaborate.

I want to cover my hair. You don’t have to agree - that’s fine. I’m not shaming women who disagree. But I need head covering ideas. And please don’t try to convince me otherwise - I’m not here for that.

My mom lent me her battered church cookbook from the 70s because I've been trying to make my grandma's lemon cake. Her recipes are in there, and so are several from women who lived on my mom's street when she was little.

Nearly every married woman is listed by her husband's full name, with "Mrs." in front. My grandpa never baked, but his full name is on three recipes. I knew people used to do this. I hadn't really thought about what it means when you want to look up a woman fifty years later.

Mom recognized a few, so we started putting first names on sticky notes. Others she could remember by their house or whose kids she played with, but not their names. There's one woman whose potato salad she still talks about, and we can't even put a first name to her.

I was only going to scan a few recipes for my cousins before the pages fall out. Now I'm making an index of the contributors and asking the church whether they kept any old membership lists. I'll keep the original scans too, but I'd like the searchable version to actually identify the people who contributed.

Has anyone had to dig through family records like this? What helped you find the women when they kept being recorded under someone else's name?

I was 12 and my sister was 14. one day we were on the sofa fighting for the tv remote (as usual) but somehow the fight got serious. we really started to throw hands. mom came from the kitchen hearing the thud sounds. she started screaming at us and somehow separated us. both our faces had turned literally red. we both still don't know how we ended up fighting like that. we fight often but never before and never after that serious.

since the comment is long, I'm putting it in comments and pinning it.

I’ve been wondering about this. I recently found out that my girlfriend’s best friend knows certain things about our physical intimacy that I thought were only between us. Honestly, it caught me off guard.

I understand that best friends share almost everything, but I always felt that intimate moments between two people should stay private unless both are comfortable sharing them. So, I wanted to ask girls here, is it normal to discuss these things with your best friends, even specific details? Or does it depend on the person? Just looking to understand a different perspective, not judge anyone.

I've been scanning a box of photos my dad inherited. Someone took the time to write dates, places and full names on a lot of them, but I've now found three different women identified as “and wife”. One of them is standing right in the middle of the photo.

Dad knew where that woman's husband worked, why they moved, and a story about him falling through a shed roof. He thought she might have been called Nell. We're not even certain about that.

These are photos from the 1960s and 70s, of people he knew as a child. We can talk for ages about these families and then get stuck trying to name a woman who's at all the same weddings and Christmases. Someone remembers that she was lovely, or that everyone used to go to her house, but I still have an empty space under her picture.

I'll take the box to my great-aunt next weekend and see what she can fill in. I also caught myself saving a scan as “Nan and her mum”, which is going to mean absolutely nothing to whoever gets this folder after me, so I've been fixing my own captions too.

Has anyone here tried to recover the names and stories of the women in their family? I'd especially like to hear how you found them when the relatives who would have known were already gone.

​

About three days ago, I learned about the story of a girl named Jane Doe. Seven men sexually assaulted her for seven full hours, and they sent videos and pictures of what they were doing to a Snapchat group with more than 50 men in it. Not a single one of them even thought about helping her or reporting them. As for the punishment, five of those men were made to write apology letters.

(There are so many girls like Jane Doe, but no one knows anything about them.)

In Iraq, women don’t have custody rights over their children after divorce. I saw a woman saying that her husband sexually abused both of their daughters, and one of the girls became pregnant by her own father.

Two girls wearing niqabs posted a video of themselves riding a scooter. Then a man came along saying, “How can this happen? How can a father buy his daughter a scooter and let her ride it, like she’s riding a horse too?” How did we become like this?

When a woman drives a car, people say she doesn’t know how to drive. When a woman takes public transportation, she faces harassment. When a woman simply walks down the street, she gets unwanted stares, verbal harassment, and physical harassment.

Women in Sudan, Palestine, Despite the war in their country,and rates of harassment and sexual assault have increased during this period.

There is a 15-year-old girl in Tunisia who was sexually assaulted by 11 men.

And there are so many others.

“Freedom for one woman does not mean freedom for all women. The fight only ends when no woman is left having to fight for a basic right.”

I’m currently sitting in my new downtown apartment in a VERY high cost of living city, but I feel so incredibly depressed, anxious and aimless. I lived in this city when I was a university student about 15 years ago, but have been living in other small towns for work or with my family in my hometown for the most part. I am a South Asian woman in my late 30s, and I got so used to living with my mom and siblings (my dad passed away two years ago) in a smaller town about a 1.5 hour drive away. However, I felt I had outgrown my small town and didn’t have much of a social or dating life. I also had a very difficult relationship with one of my sisters who still lived at home.

I wanted this move so badly. I spent years thinking about it, but couldn’t make myself do it. I imagined having my own place, dating, and having a social life. I was an extremely difficult decision to finally do it. I left behind my mom who was my built in best friend, and we were both still grieving the loss of my dad and more recently my grandma. I felt so stuck at home, especially because I also worked from home full time since 2020. My life was basically confined to my bedroom, especially because my sister made the rest of the house hostile and she was very loud so I could never sit on the couch and watch a movie, or even work from another room.

Making matters more complicated is that to make this move I had to spend a LOT of money on rent, as this is one of the most expensive cities in the world. I signed a 6 month lease that is more than one paycheque a month. I wanted to try it out. In my culture, renting and not owning is considered a huge waste of money. There is also a huge stigma associated with being single and childless in your 30s and living alone. I feel incredible external pressure from my mom to get married, I have two sisters who are also not dating or married. I want to be a wife and a mom more than anything in the world, but I don’t know where to begin and have never had more than a handful of first dates in my life. My last date was a few years ago. I just don’t get it, I am well educated with a graduate degree, have a great career, am well liked by my friends and colleagues, well travelled, am an amazing cook, I am super kind, and can be very witty and funny. For some reason, dating and intimacy has evaded me my whole life, I just didn’t get the memo that I had to date and settle down in my 20s, I never even worried or though about it until I hit 30. There are probably several reasons such as a very traumatic childhood (verbal abuse, alcoholism and poverty), battling depression, chronic vulvodynia since I was a child and extreme body dysmorphia caused by PCOS. Also, growing up as a POC and daughter of immigrants in a predominantly (back then) white town wasn’t easy- my culture and religion is very important to me but I never met men within my culture due to a very limited social circle and my interests and hobbies just being different. I’ve tried lots of therapy.

I recently had a “glow up” due to getting my PCOS under control and losing weight, I was working out regularly for the last couple of years mostly as a way to get out of the house. I was getting more male attention (albeit from the wrong men) than I ever had in my life. I was super excited to test out this glow up in the big city, but the truth is that I’m feeling like a country mouse and though I was a 7 or 8 in my small town, I’m more like a 5 here. Everyone is just younger, prettier, fitter, cooler. On top of that, it’s hard to meet single South Asian men in my specific neighborhood, and most men in my culture get married young. The dating apps are crushing my soul. Even when I send likes first I don’t get matched with the men that I’m interested in.

I thought I would enjoy walking in my neighborhood, it’s one of the most walkable places in the world, but I don’t even want to leave my apartment. The apartment itself isn’t my favourite, it came furnished but because it’s not my stuff I feel like I’m in a fancy hotel and not in a cozy, comforting space. The street noise and sirens are also something I’m not used to. I made the mistake of taking the month off of work (had to use up my vacation) the same month I moved. I also work from home so won’t meet people through the office. It’s only been a few days but I can’t stop crying and missing my mom. We used to get into ugly fights (mostly about my weight and being single and the shame she feels), but she is also my best friend. My thoughts are spiralling about the fact that she won’t be here one day and then I’ll have no sense of “home” or comfort.

I want to be a hermit. The few friends I do have are a few cities away and will only be able to visit once or twice a month. I have poured so much into friendships over the past couple of decades, but right now I just want a partner. I don’t want to put energy into making new friends. At this age it’s either single ladies like me who feel sad about not being married, or busy moms who prioritize their partner and family. I feel stupid, alone and aimless. I moved to the city but what I really want is a quiet house in the suburbs filled with kids and a husband. I want to be that mom that has no time for herself, because I have too much time to myself right now and it’s so lonely.

Words of advice and encouragement, similar experiences and your prayers would be so appreciated ladies!

So I usually go on long walks during tge weekend and i went later in the day with my mum. We started of good just chatting and stuff then we had to cross tge road, but where we were supposed to walk after crossing was filled with police so I asked if she was sure she wanted to cross. She said yes so when we could cross, we crossed. She led us to this unfamiliar road tgen she walked ahead of me then stopped to ask where to go. I said I don't really know that particular area, I assumed she knew since she was the one walking ahead. She got frustrated and we started quarreling so I just kept quiet bc it was starting to get dark. So I keep on following her and she starts speed walking again when it started even darker. I personally walk at a moderate pace, but I stayed vigilant bc I didn't know the area. She leaves me completely behind, in the dark and so I got worried and called her. She answers and i ask her where she was, and she says she's following GPS, i asked her why she would leave me in the dark like that and she tells me I was walking slowly. I just hang up and keep walking, finding my way home in tge dark.

I honestly don't know why she would do that to me. I always walk with her in areas she isn't sure about and try to stay together so we don't get separated. I would've never left her behind like that, but she did that to me and it has really broken my heart bc I had a friend who showed me that she would never do that to me. I remember we once were walking down a dark alley since we got lost and these 2 men chased us, and she held my hand through the chase.

I don't see why my own mum wouldn't want to stay close together in such a situation.