u/Glum-Appointment-816

I read a couple posts on this sub on sex negativity(desire for others not to have sex) vs sex repulsion(no sex towards oneself) and in detail noted why sex negativity is seen as problematic: historic lgbt+ oppressions and fought rights, shaming other aces & promoting purity culture etc. After 7 years of identifying as pro sex both for myself & others, I'm now questioning. More than anything, people having sex & feeling horny confuses me. That confusion leads to frustration. I used to spend hours researching on physical sensations men & women experience in their bodies when they get "excited". I swear nowadays most of the time I forget sex exists outside of jokes, it can even not cross my mind for months. And I do encourage others to have fun, speaking openly about my own experiences with sex(lacking both libido & sexual attraction, albeit) & listening as others describe them. I don't remember being grossed out when any of my friends shared their experiences or fantasies. On the contrary, excited for them to discover new parts of themselves. But I don't like the concept of sex? In my head it feels closely intertwined with all the bad things such as objectification, rape, pedophilia, condom sabotage(lowkey under rape). Where desire is uncontrolled & becomes harmful. How can I separate it? I feel very strong aversion to all of these and I'm scared it will bleed through how I view sexuality as a whole. Have you experienced similar confusion before?

Growing up with an EI parent meant closely listening in to their mood indicators such as how the mug is set down on the table, footsteps etc. Which transfers to adulthood as an unrest-fulness around other people because you cannot help but listen to all their tiniest movement as a way of gouging psychological safety. Making hostels, places both full of people and noise, truly a nightmare. Have you experienced something similar?