u/Optimal-Slip5640

Edit- black is my sibling, yellow is their daughter (my niece), pink is my preteen daughter and blue is my teen son. Small white scribbles is a location and large white text blocked out is unrelated but what we were originally talking about

My mother. I've been no contact twice now, currently low contact. I'm always reminded why I need to stick with grey rocking and I beat myself up mentally for reaching out with any sort of hope for a loving and supportive relationship

The most recent no contact period was supposed to be forever and after getting out of an abusive relationship left me isolated, boneless and carless, I asked her to come help me. That was a fucking mistake but that's a post for another time

Two days ago, I reached out about a milestone event for my young teen. She pivots in the middle of the conversation to mention this visit my younger sibling is having with her (the first text) saying that sibling's child (my niece) would really like to see my daughter and if I can't join them on their day trip they will come to my area

At this point I already know I do not want to see my sibling (grossly enmeshed and codependent. This sibling is also an emotional vampire, sucking away all my bandwidth) and at first I am too scared to straight up say no. My body is shaking, my heart is racing. I hate that I have this response. Growing up (and throughout adulthood), I learned that saying no means feeling like a worthless failure.

(By the way, the whited out chunk of text was her pivoting back to the original, unrelated topic)

After about 25 minutes, I do collect myself and say it's not going to happen. She immediately asks about two of my children joining (I have four) and I feel the same physical reaction, this time with irritation but I still can't straight just say no (they are absolutely NOT going, by the way)

and then the guilt trip begins. It's so insidious, because on the surface it seems perfectly calm and rational.

But look. My sister, whom she is "going to have to tell', never even reached out to me about this visit. She is not the one who invited me. The whole thing was facilitated by my mother. It's like the two of them got together and made plans that included me and (2 of??) my children without my consent, and now she's "disappointed" that I didn't agree to go. Why put that on me?

My mother was utterly horrific to this particular sibling, by the way. Like, absolutely horrendous. This sibling imo got the worst if my mother growing up. I remember one time she threw a pack of dried noodles down the aisle at a grocery store at my sister and hit her in the face. Right in the eye. So it seems like she has a fuck ton of guilt about the way she treated her and now she goes to great lengths to protect this siblings feelings. And Im expected to put myself and my safety aside to do it right along with her

My mother used to be a lot worse. After two times no contact, this is her best behavior now. I'm working hard to get out from under her assistance and out from under whatever sense of obligation to her I feel

I hate that I still have hope. I hate that I'm still afraid to "hurt" her. She doesn't care about all the times she has hurt me. She's the covert narc type, martyr, victim, so so confused about what she's ever done to hurt me. "I guess I'm just the worst mother ever!!", "you're so sensitive" type of mother. That's not a mother at all.

I've been wanting to post about the things that have happened in my relationship with her because like so many of you I've been ultra gaslight into thinking I'm the problem and for whatever reason it's easier to see the manipulation when it's happening to someone else. It's like that for me anyways

Apologies if this is all over the place or confusing. It's all over the place and confusing in my head too.

Hiya!! First two photos are where I stopped, 3rd photo was taken after I pulled everything out of the closet (I decided I need that space for storage, plus I want to get my clothing put away since they've been living in laundry baskets for several months) and the final photo is what I started with

I still need to do my desk/under the desk/ organize my textile basket but holy cow I feel so much better in here. I did a marathon 3.5 hour decluttering/cleaning and the difference I feel in my body is incredible. I walk in and smile and there's been a few spontaneous twirls with my hands up in the air. I am ridiculously happy and also very proud of myself for doing something to change my living space.

Thanks to all who commented on my previous post, words can't express how I'm feeling after putting in some work yesterday

Was gonna select "picture" for my flair and then laughed at "brag" and I'm keeping it

This is my trusty little bag I made for myself three years ago when I first started playing. I have a bigger "official" one but I only throw like 3-5 different discs at my local course and much prefer my handmade one. Snapped a photo with intent to share here and immediately found a baggie on the ground with two lil nugs and a pinch or two of shake and I don't really smoke weed very often but I'm gonna brag about that too.

godspeed!

I am so happy I found this community! My whole house is in need of some major tlc and I actually got started yesterday after scrolling this sub for hours in the wee hours of the morning. So first I want to say thank you to everyone contributing because you've motivated me to just get started. I broke down a pile of cardboard on my kitchen table, removed obstacles in my hallway, put up a new shower curtain and sorted the clothing from three large laundry baskets, vacuumed, and a couple other miscellaneous tasks. It felt incredible and I'm stoked this community exists

Now. Tomorrow's task- This room is supposed to be my sanctuary and my art studio. I count on my artwork to help keep me and my kiddos afloat and creating has been a major challenge as it's just a cluster***k in here. I sit working on the bed (which I do make every day! Go me!) as it's the only space open enough.

I need this to change, and every time I'm like, "ok it's time to do the thing", I walk over and look at everything and I am so overwhelmed that i'm frozen. So then I nope myself out of it. So much of this is work stuff, which needs to stay. Other things have deep sentimental value. Some of it is certainly junk. Some of it is outdoor gear. Not much in the way of storage space and the closets I do have are doom closets. I want my space visibly tidy and clean, but also wondering if I just need to do the closets before anything else?

What do I do first in here, how do I overcome the block of just beginninb? I really, really want to be happy in my own space. I want to feel like I can breathe.

Thanks in advance for any tips or support

Hello, nor cal hikers! Popping by to share some photos taken on a recent hike down 4 mile trail with my 13 year old son. my kiddo has spent most of his summer with friends (understandably, plus I like to encourage autonomy within reason) and declining several family activities (I have three other children) and so this hike with him meant a lot to me.

We started at the top in glacier point, originally planning on panorama trail but that trailhead was 1) a challenge for me to even find in the first place and 2) just seemed to disappear like 70 feet into it? Which frustrated him a bit and I was feeling slightly disheartened but soon after setting off down 4 mile trail moods shifted drastically. It was just him and I and we both had such an amazing time! This kid goes bonkers over a great view! After the trip he looked through my photos and sent himself a bunch and it made my heart so happy when I noticed he sent himself a selfie I took of the both of us.

Planning a backpacking trip for next year, which will be his first, and I am very much looking forward to it!

Happy trails, ya'll!

Hello, all! A couple summers ago a strap gave out on my pack and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to reliably mend it. Is it just shot? If so, what do I do with a whole ass broken pack? Bums me out to think about about just tossing it and any ideas are greatly appreciated!

Hey everyone, I tagged this as media but I don't know if that's correct, and I am also hoping for advice. Not too long ago, I noticed a fairly large jumping spider in a corner of my bedroom. She had a nice web tucked up in the corner and I genuinely dont mind sharing space so I let her be.

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Well this morning after the sun came up, I noticed a zillion specks all over the ceiling, spanning from the web (erm, nest) in one corner all the way across towards the window. I was so confused until I noticed the little movement here and there and eventually I realized that these were baby jumping spiders.

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They seemed to be attracted to the light so I opened the window so they can escape to the great outdoors if they wanted to, and over the course of the day (I was gone for several hours) they dispersed. Kinda figured I'd just cross my fingers they would make it outside and other than that let nature do its thing although I can still easily spot like a dozen on/near the window.

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Anyways. All this to say I looked into the life cycle and I read that the mama will now retreat back to her nest and lay another clutch. She's definitely in there. Is this baby thing true? And if more babies are coming is it actually ok to leave her in my room? I like really hate the thought of unintentionally hurting her or any of her babies. I know this situation has nothing to do with me on a personal level, but I feel strangely honored to have her and the babies here. If it's better to move her though, I would like help with that.

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Thanks in advance