u/Pinkhippie__

My parents basically don’t live together anymore because my mom prefers to be in vicinity to me and my sibling as we work in North America. My dad works in a different country and I believe this has partly contributed to the current issues.

My mother and I lived very closely in the last two years and it has been tough. I was also unemployed when i first moved so it was a whole process and she permanently moved in with me even after securing employment though my friends assumed she would eventually return to be with my dad.

She would always bring up that she is here because of ME and threaten to take me back WITH her to Europe if i made her unhappy 😂 i said in that case I would discuss moving out with my friend and she responded saying dad will not be impressed.

Lately though, i think in parallel with her medical complications she is even more irritable and starts yelling at me for anything, as small as wanting to cook on my own without her eyes on me as I told her i want to learn on my own without her interference. She threw me dagger eyes and started yelling that “it is her house too and she will say what she wants and she doesn’t get involved”. Then she ushered me back to my room lunging towards me, not in a manner that a parent would approach their adult child. She ceased talking to me.

Another night, she barged into my night in the middle of the night complaining that i breached the rule to be in my room by 11pm (because i had been cooking and showering so i had been late around 30 mins). I was so hurt by what she did the other day so i told her to “get lost” and leave me alone. Not the way i would talk to a parent on a regular day but she uttered the same word to me the previous day and even said she will find a new daughter.

Since then my dad is minimizing and excusing her behaviour and is demanding me to apologize to her for saying “get lost”. Because she has every right to cuss at me, but I do not as her child.I’m under the impression that he wants me to nurse her feelings and make her feel better because he is never there to deal with her emotional tantrums. I also told him that it is not my fault she is having medical issues or taking medication (because he was trying to guilt me) and that he is throwing her husband role aside and passing on his responsibilities to me. He was not there so he feels bad about the situation BUT wants me to fix it by an apology which i do not feel comfortable delivering.

How do i deal with this guilt or that im being an “ungrateful daughter”.

My mother has health issues and often yells at me for any small or big reason. So take for example today i pointed out that she doesn’t give me any space and she flipped out telling me to shut up and went into denial. I insisted and she started shouting trying to march me back to my room by lunging towards me. She said something along the lines of how she should find a new daughter and by then i started yelling as well. Then she tried to intimate me, walking towards me about to raise a hand. I told her she has no right to hit me and that she can’t treat me like a child. I went back to my room and then heard her call my dad crying and trying to make it look like i was abusing her. When all i did was insist that she doesn’t respect my wish for space and if she could leave me alone sometimes rather than intervening. I do not want to live with her anymore. I will book a cheap hotel for now and then see what to do in the long-term as it is pretty hard to get a lease here.

I don’t yet have enough money to move out and pay for rent. I’m currently working but don’t have a high paying salary. It is stressful living with parents though because they always want to know where im and whom im meeting and they call if im out late too. This also happened when i was on a date and i declined pointing out that i don’t feel comfortable picking up their calls when im with other people. I don’t share any of my private life with them either since they seem to have no respect for my boundaries which i asserted many times but they don’t care. How much money did you have before moving out?

I don’t yet have enough money to move out and pay for rent. I’m currently working but don’t have a high paying salary. It is stressful living with parents though because they always want to know where im and whom im meeting and they call if im out late too. This also happened when i was on a date and i declined pointing out that i don’t feel comfortable picking up their calls when im with other people. I don’t share any of my private life with them either since they seem to have no respect for my boundaries which i asserted many times but they don’t care. How much money did you have before moving out?

I have a friend from university who looked very excited to hang out when i moved back in the country. We hung out a few times as i would travel across the country and visit her city as well. Both times we met though, she cancelled on at least some of the plans we agreed on due to her own preferences. For instance, we were going to go to a mall and she just called the rain check herself claiming it is too far and we would lose time in between. Also, she was a bit strange when she was hosting and i was sleeping over. I wasn’t allowed to move around, as in she would prevent me from going downstairs so i could not even collect my own items and she would bring my stuff upstairs instead, whatever privacy issue her family had which she didn’t deem necessary to convey to me.

Also, she kind of invited herself to my place at the next reunion and tried to extend her time here before catching the train since she’d already have delayed our plans. The previous plan was to meet sb else at their house and go out together & i think she purposefully made us late by rushing to the bathroom so they would lose interest. Naturally the other person checked in with me and we agreed to meet another day since my friend’s unexpected and long stop at the bathroom made us late. When i asked my friend she looked very unapologetic stating that she struggled to find the bathroom and made it sound like my friends should have waited around for us longer if they were truly interested (total delusion on her part since it was that other person who asked me for the time).

When we went over to my place because she already had ruined the plans, i asked her what she wants to do and she brushed me off saying she is tired, needs water etc. she just went to the balcony and i followed. I kind of manoeuvred us out of the balcony using “it is windy right now” excuse. She was still adamant we stay at mine until her train and said she wants to “sit on the floor”. At that point, i was a bit more blunt, suggested leaving and doing something else together outside before her train. I think she was caught off guard as she looked flustered and mumbled something like she wants to wait here until her train was closer and i kind of ignored it getting ready to leave. I felt like she had wanted to use my place as a waiting lounge where she would have access to the bathroom and the quiet. Then when we were leaving together she said she can go to her train alone and the dismissal was sort of abrupt as in she looked irritated as she was leaving assuming because i indirectly kicked us out early when she tried to impose.