u/Big_Razzmatazz2595

Every 6 months or so my MIL will come across country to spend anywhere from 1-4 weeks at our house. She never buys her return ticket and always leaves earlier than she wants because she gets pissed off. ATP husband and I have been together for 6 years and she's taken a trip to see us at least 7 times in the past few years. My husband and I have full physical and legal custody over my step son 8 who has been in our care full time for 4 years. Now heres where my complaints and ranting comes in. As a family we've worked so hard to create and keep a tight schedule, 1 hour of device time on weekdays (even during vacation), weekends screen time is allowed after lunch until 6pm generally these 6 hours are broken up by trips into town and playing games as a family. Obviously I know Grandma is coming so we will have some disruptions but the extent of everything has me at my wits end. MIL has given 8yo her phone every morning since last Tuesday, he gets on the phone at 6am and isn't off it till bed at 8pm. I've tried telling her and 8yo that he needs to take a break, play outside, read a book, just something to get him off a phone, if I even slightly tell 8yo to do anything MIL gives him her phone and tells him to "go to your room before your mom gets mad". Last night when she said it I snapped, "Don't tell my child to leave me alone because he's a child and isn't who is getting on my nerves. Children don't get on my nerves you do." in the moment I felt so proud of myself it was meet with her deadpan staring at the tv not even giving me a glance. MIL also smokes cigarettes in my house and lets 8yo be around it. I tell her I don't like it and she still does it. She gets mad at me for mothering and it makes me feel like less of a mother, not that I am in her eyes anyway. Husband is super supportive of me and understands how his mother acts if it were to come from husband and not me she would be vindictive and probably drag us through a battle with cyfd. Thanks in advance for any advise.