r/inlawsaretheworst

Hi y'all,

I have a unique situation, or at least I think I do. I have a few things that are on my mind:

1. Do a destination wedding where many of my fiancé's family will not be able to come? Mostly health-related barriers, not $, or simply not wanting to go.

2. Invite or not invite my SIL. We have been NO contact with her for the last 1.5 years. More info below.

I will address #1 first. We want to have our wedding in Wasilla, AK. We live in MT and love the outdoors. We have always felt drawn to AK and want to have a second home there. The price difference is significant. It is about 20-30k for a really nice wedding with lodging included for most of the guests (30/50 people) in AK. Something similar in MT is about 40-50k if we want a basic wedding, not ANY lodging included. I feel like AK is a lot better deal. My fiance thinks so too, but it was brought up to me by my in-laws that many people do not like flying or "can't" fly when I have seen these individuals fly before and recently. I find myself very confused with them sometimes. It feels like everything is an inconvenience for them. We have NO help from our families to pay for this wedding. I really don't want to go super cheap because I have been to an "affordable" wedding and not really enjoyed myself. I own a lucrative business, and my husband works full-time as a CDL driver (100k+). I would love for everyone to attend, but I think 40-50k is a bit much just to have it in MT, when neither of us really cares. Please don't blast me for that part!

fiancé
#2 I feel a lot of pushback about not inviting my SIL, mostly from my fiance. We haven't been talking to her in so long, and I don't feel the need to invite her. My fiancé goes back and forth on whether we should or shouldn't. She isn't a good human being, and she struggles mentally to the point that everyone says the same thing about her. She was very aggressive in the beginning with me and even started rumors about me before I was able to meet my fiancé's family. We apologized and made up, but she kept on doing it. Incredibly long story short, we made up and moved on 2 more times (3 total). She is also a proven liar. I don't think her presence is mandatory, and what other crap will she start after my wedding? I don't want her to think this is an invitation back into our lives after a VERY peaceful 1.5 years.

Let me know what you guys think. I could really use some advice. There is even more with the SIL than mentioned above, but much backstory is required.

So, bit of a long one but here we go
Me and my sister in law had miscarriages around the same time
We both got pregnant again around the same time, with due dates around a month apart, she was ahead of me and i didn’t know she was pregnant when I got pregnant
She was super supportive during my entire pregnancy and we seemed to bond over our shared trauma and being pregnant at the same time
Fast forward to now, with our 9 month olds and I’ve found out that 2 months after our babies were born she was making some very negative comments about me to my mother in law (no idea what or why!) and that she stated I’m the last person she would have wanted to have had a baby at the same time as her
I always thought we had a good relationship despite us living a few hours away from each other and I really leaned on her in those early post partum days for support and advice
We hadn’t spoken for around a month when these comments were made and I have no idea what I did wrong, or why she felt this way
I guess I just feel super rejected, upset and angry by the whole thing, particularly when I have no idea what I did or said wrong to have caused this

i’ve been with my fiance for almost 5 years. I should have known during the first year, things would never change.
his family is extremely odd. from the way they communicate to how they treat others genuinely is so frustrating.
the very first time I met his parents his dad didn’t say single word to me. and continued not to until I had his grandson. his mother did occasionally or if I sparked conversation. other then that just pure awkwardness.
it bothered me horribly at first, mainly because i’ve never met anyone who acts that way nor was I raised that way so it felt foreign to even encounter but whatever I moved on and just treated them how they did me.
well fast forward, i find out I was pregnant last year. a lot changed with his mother, his dad not really but I could care less at this point. she seemed supportive still not as much as i’d hoped but whatever.
then came time I had my son, everything changed. I didn’t realize how much it’d been bothering me until she started actually treating me like a member of the family. she invited me over, would come over to help or just keep me company. did me so many favors when I was too tired to do anything, etc.
my son is now 8 months old and all of that has stopped. I get 0 invite. no one comes to see me. no one texts, no facetime.
meanwhile her daughter who’s had 2 children back to back gets her undivided help, attention, and even parents her child damn near every single day while she sits on the couch on her phone.
I get it it’s her daughter, but this feels like a joke at this point.
im not going to lie im hurt. im extremely hurt actually. not necessarily for me, but for my son. it’s bullshit.
& to say anything involving any of this to either of of them is pointless. I don’t want a forced relationship nor do I want drama. I just want my son to have good grandparents who actually give a shit about him since mine live in far away. it breaks my heart.
but my fiance is a good dad & a good guy genuinely. I just have my regrets ab getting into this family and I don’t know what to do.