u/Worldly-Bar-8256

I hope this is ok to post here. I'm looking for the opinion of those that have ADHD. Or those that understand ADHD. I've specifically posted here as Im British and feel like this could just be a personality quirk, but equally could be a rude behaviour.

I have a family member (an in law) with ADHD.

They do something that really reallllly irks me. And im wondering if its a known adhd behaviour (i hope this is phrased correctly). Or if its just them being rude. I'd obviously like to give them the benefit of the doubt if its a known adhd behaviour.

They do this thing. When youre talking to them, explaining something, or even asking a question. Sometimes they act like they don't hear you. They just completely ignore you by either turning their head and looking away at something. Or walking off.

I find it incredibly rude and dismissive.

But is this an adhd behaviour?

I find they do this a lot when were one on one. When there are others around, they don't do it so much. And are much more friendly around others. I get the feeling they are selectively hearing what they want when i speak. Its almost giving 'youre not important enough for me to respond to you'. Its so rude.

Thanks so much in advance for your help.

I tend to say her personality is 'disagreeing with you'. That's just her entire personality. Most things you say to her, her instant reaction, before she's even had time to process what you've said, is to say 'well actually..'.

And if shes not disagreeing with what you've said for no good reason, her only other way of communicating is through 'giving her opinion/telling you the reason behind something'. Essentially attempting to be the font of all knowledge, despite mostly never actually knowing wtf she's talking about.

For eg.

1. I could tell her that her grandchild (my child) has done something cool/new/cute. And instead of responding something normal like 'oh cool/cute/sweet/funny'. She has to instead state a fact about why grandchild has acted in that way. Eg. Her reaction is 'oh Emily is doing that because shes going through a clingy phase'.

Like yes im aware of that thanks....im just telling you something funny about your grandchild???

Or

2. My dog goes wild digging in the garden and runs all over my carpet. I get annoyed (not wildly as it was my fault for leaving the door open) and tell the dog to go into the next room so i can clean his paws.

Mil's reaction isnt, like a normal person, to say 'oh god mud everywhere!' Or 'oh god would you like a hand!?'

Instead she says things like 'thats dogs for you. They can of course be very annoying. Thats just dogs'.

Like yes thanks i AM AWARE. Ive had my dog for 6 years i am fully aware...

I just cannot stand the constant need to tell me facts i already know as if im a fucking idiot?

Am i being tetchy or does anyone elses do this?

It drives me absolutely insane and hate being around it. Like stfu and react like a normal person. Stop needing to be the font of all knowledge to feel superior and secure.

My (F34) baby girl (20m) has really bad separation anxiety with me. Not with her dad (who works FT so shes used to seeing him less).

Its really bad. If i leave the room at bedtime to handover to dad, its screaming.

Nursery drop off, really upset crying.

Anytime i leave ANY room, really sad crying.

With hee grandparents? Happy but constantly asking where is mummy.

She wants to be held by me at all times. Carry carry carry.

Dont get me wrong, i love her, and to an extent love the attachment and affection. But it does mean i truly cant walk around my house without my legs being tugged on. And really do need more independence from her, especially at 20m!

Is this normal or no???

Started about 4/5/6 weeks ago when she was ill (understandable) but then just never left and got worse and worse.

Any info on whether this is normal or not and when its due to end, would be lovely ta x

I only found this out today by my therapist

But it basically means no matter how many times you explain the pain theyve caused and ask them to apologise, they wont ever be able to see where theyve gone wrong.

Because while you say 'you did XYZ and this hurt me'. They say 'but i only did it because ABC'. They will never be able to reflect on how theyve treated you.

So for anyone deciding whether to go NC or not, i hope this nugget of info helps you.