MIL Babying my Husband
My husband is her only child and she thinks he's her golden gift to the world and very much I dont deserve him and always ask too much of him.
Since having my own son a year ago, she's been trying to be a "mother" to my baby and acts as if im just the surrogate that carried the child. Wants him to call her mimi so badly because it resembles mama. Calls my husband daily to talk. Only calls me to ask if I can put my baby on FaceTime for her even tho he can't talk yet, but she talks to him as if I'm not even holding the phone.
The typical BS you all experience on this thread. So yeah, I know MILs exist like that and I can't change her. Just glad we live 12 hours away or she would be visiting daily.
So I put up with her, especially since she is so doting on my baby and is always buying him things. She also lives 10 minutes from my parents and is always trying to hang out with my mom. Plus just general respect with her being my MIL.
But its getting out of hand and I'm wanted to send her a message to put up a boundary and not sure how to word it without too much hurt feelings.
We will be traveling to go to 2 family weddings there and will be seeing her for 2 weeks even though we are staying with my parents.
So my husband isn't too great of a husband, but that's a different story. But like I said, MIL thinks he's perfect. He had been racking up debt and let the house go into forclosure that I found out about through the mail. The debt I found out because he said he had no money to pay for bills but I kept asking where in the world was the paycheck going. He had been trying to pay off insane credit card debt that he would immediately max out. He would be at his job, then stay out all night and come home when the baby would be asleep. So im the only one taking care of my son plus paying for food and bills with my savings. Anytime I would demand to know where he was he would either ignore my phone calls or just say he was staying late at work. Turns out he was spending all the money on drugs, vapes, and alcohol.
When my MIL came to visit when the baby was 3 months, she demanded to know when I was going back to work since her son shouldn't be the only one providing. That he needs his rest time and I shouldn't bother him with house things, etc, etc. I was shocked and told her that I was already paying for more than half with my savings and I actually needed him to step up and im not interested in mothering a grown man. He was sitting right there and kept quiet. I had never spoken up like that before and she got up and went to bed. She left the next morning on her flight without saying bye. I didn't talk to her for a month because she tried to act like nothing happened. I tried to explain to her finally and it seemed like she understood.
But she just kept on with how she was. It was quiet for a while. But finally I got so tired of my husband being who knows where and I had read the foreclosure letter. When she called, I told her that he's missing again late and ignoring my phone calls and she said not to bother him and stop controlling him, that hes allowed to do what he wants, I told her about the foreclosure. She hung up on me mid sentence.
She had called him and proudly texted me the next day saying she took care of it and the house payment is going to back on track since she made him set up payments with the mortgage company.
Yeah, none of that happened except that he was angry with me. Because I had called and they said there was no payment plan set up.
After a few more months and him coming out with telling me where the money was going, I took control of the bank account to organize things financially so we dont lose the house. I had to pay with whatsoever savings I had left and continue to pay for all the bills and groceries while he begs me to buy him alcohol at least. It's pretty gross, but he's telling me he wants to change and blah blah. Divorce was definitely on the table. So im seeing where this "change" is for now.
So here we are another 2 months after just about losing the house, myself having to figure it all out, and my MIL is all oh my son is the best and you just sit at home with the baby. So I told her that he's actually very selfish and turns out has an addictive personality which is where all the money he makes goes. She again hangs up on me and calls him.
He tells her he was was taking some herbal stuff. And like the proud mother she is texts me and says she took care of it and he's going to stop. But that poor him, he was so stressed with the family that he's allowed and I shouldn't bother him.
Probably my bad for even saying anything in the first place. But things are getting too much and I just can't hold everything together while he destroying it all and listening to how he's so perfect. On top of it, taking care of our baby 99% of the time alone. He only likes to play with him for 10 minutes some days so I can use the bathroom alone.
So my MIL sends me a message and following up with how she's going to Iceland one of the weekends we are visiting and that she wants to plan her dates with my baby now.
I'm not okay. I've been figuring out what to message her back. Knowing my husband is now going to be angry with me about saying something and knowing we are going to be visiting for the weddings soon and seeing her.
Do you all think this is okay to send? > Anything I should take out..or add?
"Glad to know you solved all our issues!
Because it isn't his wife talking to him about things over and over, it apparently just takes one phone call from his mother. Even though she was asked to stay out of it since she doesn't know the half of it.
You believe that his choices are excused when his wife has a baby but he's allowed to do whatever he wants, because.. he's the poor boy who's not sleeping and so stressed? How are you not embarrassed to even say things like that.
There's a blind lack of common sense when it comes to your son. Who is a grown man who has his own family and needs to take responsibility.
Stop babying him when I have an actual baby to care for while dealing with his selfishness.
Just like last time when I told you about the house foreclosure and you hung up on me and thought you did some type of service by calling him. And were so proud that everything was fixed with your one phone call. I'll have you know that he never fixed anything, it got worse from there. And now you're doing it again when I told you not to.
You really think he is just going to tell you the truth? If you want to be helpful, then treat him like a man and not a child who has so many excuses and reasons for his behaviors."