u/I_hate_my_mil

Hi!

I’m the user whose MIL wanted to take just one of my babies in the event of our deaths “because it isn’t fair if she doesn’t get one”. (I forgot my kids are just a litter of puppies to choose from…….)
Can’t access old account.

Anyway.

MIL keeps booming up my husbands phone, turning up at his work, hassling him. All she cares about is seeing our new baby, after years of highlighting her total lack of boundaries, respect, respect for privacy, morals, principles, etc. She’s basically indirectly given me a whole multitude of reasons as to why I don’t want my kids spending time with her…..
Baby is now 2+ months old.

My husband is at the end of his tether. He loves his mom and doesn’t want to cut her out, but he needs these issues to stop happening and for her to understand, because it’s making him miserable. In an ideal world everyone would get along but unfortunately the way she is, I simply can’t just pretend just to make others happy and them get their needs fulfilled while I’m left miserable.

If it was up to me, we would just cut her out.
I don’t want her spending time with my baby or children.
If it was up to my husband he still wants to see her just very limited.

So how do we navigate this?
He’s invited her round at the weekend so we can ‘hash it all out’ and I know he’s hoping for resolution… but realistically that isn’t going to happen. 9 years of crap from her doesn’t just disappear. I’m not a doormat.
But I don’t want to put my husband into some depressive state because he already had to cut his father out of his life recently. His mother isn’t ‘evil’ but she literally has zero boundaries of respect whatsoever. She’s like a child, and it’s hard work. I get severe anxiety every time I see her, I hate drama, I just want peace, and unfortunately she brings the total opposite. She makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and every time she holds my baby I feel SO WRONG within myself. I feel I’m not protecting my baby, and that I’m exposing him to toxicity. After a few minutes of her holding him I come up with an excuse to take him back.

What do I do? 🫣

He confronts her, and tells her to do one when she’s being an ass. He hangs up on her. He says what needs to be said. No issues there. But he wants her to remain in our lives, and I don’t. I’m unreasonable, yes?
She is the worst example for our children. Absolute worst. She brings us nothing but stress and hassle. Cries when she doesn’t get her way. Admitted she loves stress and drama…. Said she wants to take one of our kids if we die…. Told me how to raise my kids…. Went into her other son’s bedroom and looked through his stuff and found sex toy’s and then rang my husband to tell him???!!!…….. broke Covid rules to see her own sons but wouldn’t let her dying husbands sons see him????
Amongst so many things! She tells people they’re fat, she comments on everyone’s looks and makes my teen daughter feel on edge etc…. She compares herself to my own mother and makes it competition energy which is ridiculous….

I just want her to go away! I want to enjoy my life!

Her only issue with me apparently is that when I was pregnant someone asked me what zodiac sign I wouldn’t want the baby to be and I said ‘a water sign’ and it was a BANTER CONVERSATION! Like, everyone laughing! I followed up with ahhhh just kidding, one of my kids is a water sign and some of my closest friends. MIL overheard all this and apparently is super upset.
About…. Astrology………. Which means nothing and is a joke……
But I guess if that’s the worst she’s got on me then 😂🤔

Since having our baby (my 4th, hubbys 1st) 2 months ago, we’ve been living our life. As you can imagine, with four children now, life is busy! We are just enjoying our life as a family. My husband also works full time. Baby just wants me, or sleep, or boob. Cries with anyone else.
First 6 weeks or so we were enjoying our baby moon and weren’t focusing on anyone else (rightly so!). A few people met the baby very briefly but they respected our privacy and alone family time.
MIL met baby once and then asked again a few days later so came round again. Obviously only held him for a few minutes before he cried and wanted me.
A few days later she rang and complained that she only got to hold baby for a few minutes.
This really got my back up and we said well we are now enjoying the rest of our baby moon, be grateful you even got to see the baby twice now when most people hadn’t even met him let alone met him twice. Jeez.
Oh, and when she held him and he cried she said “if I took you home with me there would be no crying”.
Way to make a postpartum mother feel crap.

When baby was 6 weeks old we finally travelled to go and visit my family and they met the baby for the first time. We were there for a few days. Baby was on me 99% of the time and just wanted mama. My family respected and understood this, no issues whatsoever. Organic. A given. Like… expected.

When we returned home MIL mentioned casually she was unwell but almost better. My husband told her we won’t be seeing her for at least 2 weeks due to this. She got funny but my husband defended this decision and stopped discussing it.

She then turned up at my husbands work unexpectedly (how rude and inappropriate) and pleaded to see the baby, saying it’s unfair and even said to him “I bet (insert my name)’s mother got to hold the baby lots while you were there”.
Ummm firstly it’s not her business who we see and for how long and what we do with OUR baby… and secondly, this isn’t a competition?! You’re two different human beings ffs.
My husband responded honestly and said “people didn’t get to hold the baby much because he just wanted mama”… this seemed to make MIL feel better, which, I find gross. Like, as long as others don’t get to hold him then she’s happy because she hasn’t got to hold him either, type mentality. Super childish.

A few days later she came over to see him and as usual, he just sleeps and has boob and sleeps and has boob (sleeps are on mama or in the carrier on mama!) so she only got to see him for a few minutes and hold him for a few minutes before I had to take him back upstairs.

Yesterday, drama ensued.

My husband gets a phone call from his brother, stating their mother is crying. My husband is automatically concerned and asks what’s happened.
“Mom is upset and crying, because you don’t let her see the baby much and you don’t involve her how she wants to be involved, you’re too busy for her”.
In the background his mother says “I’m 60 now, I won’t be here for much longer” - in a manipulative tone.
Also… 60 isn’t even old, wtf.
My husband got really pissed off and said we are just living our life, we don’t owe anyone an explanation, and that she should be living her life too! She goes on about loneliness, so my husband said find a man, find companionship. She claims to not want that. Clearly, she does. Because she’s trying to fill that void through us, which isn’t right!
Phone call ended with my husband telling them to f**k off and him hanging up.

(MIL is totally enmeshed with her other son…. She’s been selfish and odd for all the years I’ve known her. She only thinks about herself whilst also acting like she’s generous to others, by buying them stuff… She tries living through her sons. I could go on about her lack of boundaries and respect but I shallnt)

Sooooo…… yeah that happened. Am I proud? Yes. Am I turned on? Also yes.

Hi!

So for years I’ve had my daughter on my family parental controls thing. So I can control her screen time and how long she is on her phone for. No issues.
We’ve recently given her a second hand iPhone (from a family member) as hers went to xrap and we let her younger sister have it just for games. For whatever reason, I cannot recall now, Apple ID wise, we had to undo all the parental controls for everything to swap over. No issue, can just reset it all once sorted.

But nope….

We set up family. Looks fine: she’s listed as my daughter and I’m played as her mother. My phone gives me the option to set up parental controls for her account. So I go through it all and set it all up (from my phone) and think it’s all ok.

But nope….

When I go back onto family settings just to make sure it’s correct, it’s ALL UNDONE and it’s back to showing me the option to set up the controls. It’s not sticking.

So… I go onto her phone. I click on screen time controls. It asks for passcode. The passcode I set DOES NOT WORK. It’s incorrect. Cannot click to reset passcode or turn off passcode… because it requires THE PASSCODE! But the passcode isn’t what I’ve set it to. It’s some unknown passcode. There is NO WAY to retrieve the passcode, because her account is set to a child account obviously.

How on earth am I supposed to resolve this?

Hi!

I had go make a new account as I can’t get into my old one, but I’m the mama who made the post a while ago about my MIL saying she ‘wants one’ of my children if we die (in response to finding out my parents hey the children if we die…)

We recently went and visited my parents for a handful of days (they live far away, so we slept over).
A few weeks later, we hadn’t seen MIL because 1. She had been unwell so I said I want a 2 week span to ensure no illness risk (I know this is way past the time that’s safe, but I didn’t want to see her so I dragged it out).
And 2. She’s said so many horrid things that me and my husband decided to have some space from her and we plan to have a proper conversation with her about all the horrid things she’s said and done…. I know it won’t be well received and is a waste of time though - she knows exactly what she’s doing!!

Well, she rings my husband and complains she hasn’t seen the baby in ages. He said we are just enjoying family time just us and we have lots going on etc. Her reply was “I bet (says my name)’s mom got to hold him lots while you visited them though??”
Ummm firstly YOU ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. This isn’t a competition. You are literally two different human beings, you simply share the same title. Jeez. Shall I start a tally chart to ensure that the baby has been held for an equal amount of minutes by each grandmother? Give me a break.

This is the same woman who (search for my post about what I said above about us dying, if you want to read the full thing, but it’s under my other account and I can’t log in) who when she overheard the fact all the children go to my parents in the event of our deaths, instantly butted in and said “no, I want one!”. Selfish c**t. Who on earth claims to care about children but also is so selfish they want to separate them up when they go through the most traumatic thing ever. Absolutely disgusting. A few days later on the phone she JUSTIFIED it by saying “well, I just don’t feel it’s fair..”
FAIR ON WHO BRO?

This is just the start and I’m already fed up. (My 4th baby but my MIL’s first grandbaby as the others are from a prior marriage)
I’ve never known someone so childhood and selfish.

Oh, and this woman is so enmeshed with her other son and loves drama so much (she’s verbally admitted to us that she loves drama and stress…) that she went into her adult sons bedroom (BIL) and found a bag of sez toys, and then RANG MY HUSBAND TO TELL HIM!

Someone hold me please 🫩