u/theonlytennisee

How can I improve my mindset and view people in a generally positive light?

I’ve gone through a very rough few years, have made my own social faux pas and am really making active efforts to learn to be better, but have also experienced some really negative experiences at the hand of my peers. I’m now very anxious and scared of people, and a large part of the issue is that I’m paranoid that people are secretly very mean or manipulative (I understand that this is a trauma response). I’ve learned the hard way that many people (not all) don’t approach others with the *authentic* kindness that I feel I embody (i.e people being “nice” to my face and fucking cruel behind my back). Over the past few years, I’ve become extremely averse to negative gossip (towards anyone about anything that is inconsequential). It makes my skin crawl and makes me question people’s intentions, but I know this is kind of a natural part of socializing for many people.

Sociological question: Why is meanness and judgement towards those we don’t understand the default, rather than empathy and kindness? In my mind it’s just as easy to be mean as it is kind and vice versa, but the default seems to be the former. Is this even true or am i just jaded?

Seeking advice: How can I change my view of the average person to be more positive, and that people are truly good?I feel this would be helpful in making friends and maintaining a generally positive mindset, but I truly struggle to believe it. I’m also GenZ and feel very disconnected from my generation; I’m not on socials, don’t like and am not good at texting, am not great at small talk, and didn’t consume the same media content as my peers growing up. Im still learning to improve as a friend but am genuinely kind and well-intentioned but it’s difficult for me to believe that others are the same way. Help!

ETA idk if it matters but im in the US

Between ADHD, years of weed dependence, and clinical depression, my reward systems are Fucked.

It’s always been hard for me to meet the bare minimum, and when I do I find it hard to push myself beyond that. It’s like i’m missing this key intrinsic motivation ability, even though I know I really WANT to do better.

Can this kind of mental toughness be learned? I’ve felt mentally weak since childhood. A lot of wasted potential.

25f bp2 & adhd. does anyone else feel void of memories. i feel like i have lived my life as a ghost just floating through. nothing sticks out in my head. i can’t articulate a day i remember well. i can’t recall favorite episodes or plot points or references. i don’t have quick quips or roasts. i struggle to pull common phrases out of the air.

i’m medicated but also a chronic weed smoker and have been since 16 yo and maybe im being naive about its long term effects but i also struggled with memory encoding/loss before that age.

anyways i feel like im grieving my entire life. i cant remember anything. i am also super depressed atm lol so these symptoms are very much amplified rn but nonetheless they’re consistent throughout my life and i still have these same issues when im not deeply depressed so yeah. sigh. i feel like it also makes me struggle in social situations bc everyone has fun stories with their friends or family to add to the conversation and im just like 🥲 ugh. really struggling lately and so far up my own ass idk which way is down. i want to get out of my head so bad. maybe just start a new life.