u/Big_Preference2288

So, I wouldnt call my self a sensitive person. I have been insulted countless times but I did not let it get to me however, anytime someone yells at me, I cant control my tears. Not because I get upset or scared, but its like who tf are you to raise your voice at me.

A very embarrasing incident happened today. I went to my teacher because I was having difficulty with something. My teacher started yelling at me and one thing about her is that she takes everything any one says or does as a personal attack. I said something along the lines of "I need help i deserve it" she screamed at me and says "WELL I DESERVE SOME RESPECT TOO ALL OF YOUR CLASSMATES NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY" yada yada. She even insulted me calling me irresponsible etc. I did make a mistake of not going to her earlier because I wanted to figure it out myself but I did go to her before the deadline so technically im not in the wrong here.

Unfortunately tears started rolling down my face out of anger that was very uncalled for. How do I stop doing this because in some situations you really cannot let people see your vulnerable side.

NOT A VENT BTW just explaining

I am quiet apathetic in nature. It is difficult for me to feel empathy for people. I just dont feel bad for anyone, but sometimes maybe once in 2-3 months, for a day I feel the most empathy ive felt before. I cry for random people, even people I dont like. I would not care about them generally except for these days. These people range from people I know, to celebrities or even cartoon characters, its just anyone. I dont follow FIFA very much, but when I saw a few reels on my instagram feed on teams losing I didnt really feel bad but when they came on my feed again one night, I started balling my eyes out because I felt so bad for them. What is this? Is this normal or some form of mental illness?? Its sort of like selective empathy except I am not selecting it selects itself.

I've been thinking about this for a while now but, I cannot bring myself to care about anyone in my life. I dont care about their achievements or failures. I dont care if they got a good grade or bad grade (I'm in college), got into a relationship or broke up, if they made a new friend or lost one, basically anything.

Even my family for that matter, I would say the only person I care about is my mother since I have been quiet clingy to her since birth (Im a 19 F btw). I do not have a good relationship with my father and do not have a close bond with my sister (22 F). She moved out for college 4 years ago and we have only called a handful of times.

I dont care about anyone not because I hate them I truly love my family and friends with all my heart and love spending time with them but I cant seem to feel for them. I lack empathy and do not know how to comfort them in times of need. I also lack an emotional bond. I would not be upset if my 4 year long friendship with my bestfriend or any my other friendships ended.

I have also not had a proper boyfriend because of this. My past talking stages/ situationships have never progressed due to me not being able to match their emotional needs, and honestly I didn't really feel bad when it failed because....well things happen.

I am not struggling mentally, I function well, workout, eat healthy, have goals and ambitions, do my assignments and am happy and content with my life so far.

I am not sure what to do because on one hand, I am thinking I'm better off this way because this may lower chances of being me manipulated, emotionally dependent or getting dragged into something I may not want to be part off. On the other hand, I feel this might affect my relationships now and any potential partners in the future.

Edit: I forgot to mention this but I hide this part of me from everyone because I dont want them thinking that I dont care about them. I celebrate their wins and always listen to their problems. I pretend to feel sorry and happy for them. But, this doesnt mean I wont be there for them, I will but its just hard to feel.