I feel like my whole life is up to everyone else but me. My opinions and beliefs are determined by other people, I have no say in the matter unless I want to feel nervous. My feelings are only valid if someone else validates them.
It’s very exhausting living like this, I am constantly on edge and worried.
This has been the weirdest day of perhaps my entire college experience. To start out, I have a professor for a writing class who's kind of way out there--late every day, cancels class as often as she has it, seems hostile over email if you ask a question, messes up the syllabus, and spends 20 minutes of class time going on about her personal issues.
I learned early on that this would be a class I'd just have to survive. But i'm a pretty committed student who gets almost straight As, doesn't cut class and doesn't spend class surfing on a device, and I always have assignments done on time, so I figured, there won't be any issues. I complained about her to a graduated friend, though, who said that she was overly critical of the type of stories he produced for the class. I guess this should have warned me to be cautious around her, but I get on so well with all my other professors that I let my guard down.
So we're about to discuss an assigned book and i noticed she didn't even know the main character's name and stuff like that, so i said cheekily, "you should probablt review the books you're teaching." I was kind of joking actually, but she didn't see it like that. She became furious and said, "Do not chastise me or be nasty with me. I am 51 years old. I am too old for this shit." I immediately said "sorry" and we proceeded with class as usual but my mind was reeling so much that i was silent during discussion and couldn't focus. I actually started crying a little because i have rejection issues and am extremely oversensitive, but I hid it behind my hoodie and by pretending to read. I hated myself for saying a dumb thing and then getting upset.
When class let out, a classmate caught me in the hallway and said that she was on my side, that i didn't do anything wrong. I immediately started crying hard and then the professor came over and said "we need to have a talk" and explained to me right there in the hallway, while i was hyperventaling, that being criticized by students really hurts her feelings because she's been through a lot, like cancer and lawsuits, and she was bullied as a child. I apologized again and explained that I was just joking. I also revealed that I am likely neurodivergent, even though I don't like revealing that because it feels like a victim card. While all this was happening, my sympathetic classmate spilled the beans to my professor from last year. This guy took me to his office, handed me a Kleenex, and made me repeat the drama in class word for word while he wrote it all down. He was really nice and again explained that it wasn't my fault, and that he had to record this in case something worse happened. Then he asked me about how everything is for me outside of class and recommended counseling and stuff like that, because I am dealing with absolutely horrible shit in my life right now. I don't want to get into it.
I am so embarrased. SO SO EMBARRASED. Ugh. I am an adult in college, why did I have to get into this mess????? I felt like a kid being scolded. How do I ever face these people again?
I have dealt with this issue for a long time now, and I can barely find anyone else who can relate. It feels like I can’t even be comfortable remaining true to what I think is right, even if I don’t vocalize it.
This post I found encapsulated exactly how I feel, which I’m thankful for because it’s hard for me to put into words what this problem is like.
How can I stop doing this maladaptive thought process?
I think it’s a bit kooky, but interesting in a certain way. My main issue is how wildly different the ranges are for the generations, and how some of the reasonings are a bit of a stretch, in my opinion.
Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/MoralityScaling/s/yfONQLWZd1
Just like with the drama with the Indian Men’s subreddit the other day, the users of MoralityScaling justify not giving CPR to women based on the fear that they will get a “false SA accusation”.
The drama is literally all over the thread, but here are a few standout examples:
https://www.reddit.com/r/MoralityScaling/s/gkUL0xGBkm
Here’s the previous posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/VTOUT4OhXJ
https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/LFMuJrRlMV
Nine months later, I can finally give an update.
Unfortunately, things have gotten worse.
My son followed through with almost everything he said he was going to do. He did not return to college for the spring semester. Instead, he moved out, got a full-time job, and spent the last several months working and applying to transfer schools.
He was accepted to an out-of-state college and has just started his fall semester there.
The part I was not prepared for is that he seems happier than he has been in a very long time.
At first, my wife and I assumed the distance would be temporary. We thought that once he had time away from us, he might eventually want more contact. Instead, the opposite seems to have happened.
The longer he has been away from us, the less he seems to want contact.
For the first few months, he would occasionally answer our calls and messages. The conversations were awkward and short, but we at least had some contact. Over time, though, he started responding less and less
During that time, we did not hear anything directly from him. We only knew that he was working and preparing to move because of the limited information he had previously shared with us.
What has been hardest is hearing about how his life has been going since he moved out.
He has been working, saving money, and making his own decisions. He made friends during the months he was working. He has continued individual therapy. Now he has moved out of state and started the fall semester at his new school.
We only know those things because he told us shortly before leaving.
My son finally contacted us shortly before leaving for school. He said that he wanted us to understand what he wants going forward. He said he no longer wants a close relationship. He said that during the months he had been away from us, he realized how much anxiety he associated with being at home and around us. He said he feels like he can finally make decisions without worrying about how we will react.
He also said that he doesn’t spend as much time feeling angry anymore. That letting go of a close relationship with us has brought more peace than he has ever had before. That was probably the hardest thing he said. He told us that he wants to maintain a distant relationship with us, similar to the relationship he has with some of his extended family. He is willing to exchange occasional messages and speak during major holidays, but he does not want regular calls, frequent visits, or an emotionally close parent-child relationship. He said he’s done with us in a more permanent way.
He was very clear that he does not currently want to rebuild a close relationship with either of us.
My wife is taking this very badly.
She has been crying almost every day since he told us he wanted a distant relationship. She barely eats when she is upset and has lost noticeable weight. She keeps rereading his messages and scrolling through old pictures of him as a child. Several times, I have found her sitting on the floor in his old bedroom, holding one of his old sweatshirts.
She has also started leaving long voicemails for him, even though he asked us not to call frequently. She says she deletes them before sending, but I have caught her recording messages late at night. She has written him several letters and bought gifts for him, although he has told us not to send packages without asking first. She keeps checking his social media and asking mutual acquaintances whether he has mentioned us. When she sees pictures of him with his new friends, she becomes visibly upset and says that he looks happier with them than he ever looked with us. She has also started blaming herself, then blaming me, then blaming other people. One day she says we should apologize and give him space. The next day she says he has been manipulated by other people and that we need to make him understand how much we love him.
She has missed work twice because she was too upset to get out of bed. She has stopped seeing some of her friends because she doesn’t want to answer questions about him. When relatives ask how he is doing, she either starts crying or becomes angry and says they are taking his side.
I have tried to convince her that repeatedly contacting him will only push him further away, but she says that doing nothing feels like abandoning him.
I am taking it badly too, although I probably don’t show it as much.
The thing I never expected is that giving him the space he asked for does not seem to have made him regret leaving.
It seems to have made him happier.
And nine months ago, if you had told me that our son would walk away from our family, skip a semester of college, work full-time, move out of state, and start a new school—and somehow end up happier than before—I would not have believed you.
But that is where we are now.
He has made it clear that distance is what he wants, and that he is not waiting to return to the kind of relationship we had before.
I honestly don’t know whether his feelings will ever change, but I am beginning to understand that we cannot assume they will.
Sorry for the complicated title, but here goes: my mom and dad had me and my older sister. Years later, they divorced, and he remarried and had two more children, a girl and a boy.
Personally, I detest them. The girl is 11 years old and is very spoiled, ill-mannered, and cheeky. She's the typical kid you hear talking and think, "What the hell did your parents teach you? Life doesn't work like that."
I won't give my opinion about the 12-year-old boy because he's autistic. I don't want to get into trouble.
So, I have my own room and my own things. Cosmetics, makeup, clothes, and obviously it's all VERY expensive (I pay for it with my own money from my job), and I have a kind of vanity where I keep all my things. Last Friday, I came home from a work party, and I was so, so tired that I just took off my makeup, showered, and went to sleep.
Maybe I was wrong to leave all my belongings scattered around my room, I know. The kids had just come to visit.
The next morning, I went to do my skincare routine and some things were missing. I panicked, thinking I'd left them at work, but I took advantage of my dad going out with the kids and started searching the whole house. Guess what? That girl left her backpack open, and there were my two face creams and a lip gloss.
When they got back, I showed them to my dad and said, "What the hell is your daughter doing taking my things?" He said he'd talk to her, but not to make a big deal out of it; they're just kids, after all. Then I exploded and said, "If you don't correct her, I will. She'll be a thief just like her mother."
I said it right in front of her. (Brief pause: my father's ex-wife, the mother of those two kids, was fired from two jobs for stealing things and sleeping with her bosses.)
So I planted that bomb. I don't really regret it. But it might not have been the right way to talk to a girl, even if she is unpleasant.
And then my older sister texted me, saying that one of the reasons she moved to another state was because of the awful way they handle things. That girl already stole a ring from my sister, too.
Sooo, AITA? Please be honest huh
At the end of the film we see that the backrooms has created a still life of Mary (along with copying the interview room).
I think it would be ironic if her still life was just as violent as Pirate Clark.
I (M35) have a 14 year old son and around a year ago I started dating my current boyfriend who has been trying his best to get on with my son. He's bought him concert tickets for him and his friends, loads of things he's wanted and he makes him all his favourite foods and overall just tries his best. My son always takes the gifts happily but gets irritated when I tell him to say thank you.
My son is incredibly nasty to my boyfriend and my boyfriend just takes it and then tries again to win him over. In the end I told him to stop buying my son gifts because he's not being grateful and I felt like this was just rewarding his bad behaviour. This has basically been the dynamic since he's met my boyfriend.
Me and my son got into a massive fight because I told him he needed to come off his laptop for dinner as my boyfriend had brought home take-out. He became angry because "I hadn't warned him in advance". I explained to him that I couldn't have warned him because I didnt know my boyfriend was coming home with food. However, I did give in and told him he had 3 minutes to finish up but then he needed to come for dinner. 5 minutes end up passing and he hasn't joined us so I go to his room and tell him he needs to come and eat. He starts yelling at me saying 5 minutes wasn't enough time and then goes on a rant.
He calls my boyfriend an idiot for not telling anyone he was coming home with food and then starts yelling insults at him. I lost it because this is the first time he's gone to properly insulting everything about him.
I took his electronics away and told him he was grounded and that I wasn't accepting this behaviour in my home.
Now for extra context I do not get on with my mother, I do not like her and she doesn't like me, however my son loves his grandmother so I put up with her for his sake and let him see her. He must've vented to her when he was at his mother's because I received a long text from her yesterday which was a few days after what had happened. But her text was just saying that I was being cruel, that I shouldn't bring this man into my home and that I know my son hates him.
Now don't get me wrong I understand it must be hard for your parent to have a new partner but my boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong to deserve this and my ex-wife has a new husband and he is absolutely fine with him and really loves him. Personally I think he's quite horrible. He's been nothing but rude to me whenever I've interacted with him but that's besides the point. I understand it's hard and maybe I am being harsh on my son but I really can't accept his behaviour.
My mother also excused me of taking my boyfriends side which I'd like to hope I'm not doing and I don't think that's what I'm doing. I believe I'm just standing for what is right. The same way I wouldn't defend my son if he was bullying a child at school.
EDIT: I just want to quickly mention that I've been divorced for a long time. It's not recent which a lot of people are assuming.
*just a note that I’m not trying to be comfortable in being like, a bigot or anything, because I know a lot of posts of that nature tend to sound like this*
I get very anxious about whether my opinions or beliefs are in line with everyone else. If I find that my train of thought differs from everyone else around me, I get very nervous and assume there must be something wrong with me.
It’s as though I need permission in order for my thoughts to be valid.
I know of nobody else that struggles with this, so that has made me even more concerned.
How can I be more comfortable with being comfortable with my own thoughts?
And how do people normally deal with situations where they are the odd one out in terms of thinking?
If you don’t get the map on the first run through, and come back after you’ve defeated the boss.
TIL I guess.
Seriously screw that dude all of the way for hurting me just trying to get down.
And he has the gall to give me attitude when I throw a bomb at him?
I didn’t see him in the ending dance party, so there is hope.
I’m mainly curious to see an outside perspective about this. I have tried asking my parents about this but they don’t really have a clue. Not that they are very well in terms of mental health.
Whenever I get into a negative interaction with someone (or something similar), my mind will replay the interaction constantly, making me extremely tense and nervous each time that happens. If the interaction involves a certain topic or opinion, than my first instinct is to give up whatever position I hold and adopt the other person’s position, just to stop the anxiety.
I know this isn’t how “normal” people react to stuff like this, because I’ve asked other people about this who don’t suffer from anxiety.
So I’m curious as to how people normally cope with things such as this.
What types of strategies are used to cut down on validation seeking, especially with decision making?
A couple of examples.
\-You watch a movie or tv show, but you can’t decide if it’s good or not without seeing what other people think about it.
Or if you do have an opinion about it, you don’t think it’s valid or okay to hold it if someone else doesn’t also share that opinion.
\-You conduct research/read about something on a less trivial level than the above example (like about politics, society, religion or whatever).
Similar situation as above, you can’t (feel comfortable) holding any opinion or position without someone else confirming or validating it.
The important thing is that you don’t feel comfortable forming a belief of opinion by yourself just for the sake of it, it must be validated by someone else.
AITA I went to 7/11 yesterday. When I get there I saw what I truly thought to be a homeless man crouching by the trash bin talking to himself. When I went inside I bought three bananas to give him, cuz bananas are cheap but nutritious. When I came outside and tried to give him the bananas, he threatened me. Turns out, he was not homeless and is offended presumably because he thought I was being racist. I can’t help but feel like I failed in the moment, but I didn’t explain myself and just backed away carefully after he got aggressive with me. Am I the asshole? Should I have explained myself? It feels like it would have made things worse to say I bought them for you because I thought you were homeless.