u/kekkei-genkaii

Back in March, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy and he completely stood me up. No proper cancellation, no explanation, just didn’t show. I thought it was incredibly disrespectful, so I blocked him everywhere and moved on.

Since then, every time I’ve made a new Hinge account, he has somehow found my profile and liked me again. I never matched with him back.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, he messaged me on WhatsApp, as I forgot to block him there:

Him: “Hey [my name]. I know I messed up, I want to make it up to you.”

At first I genuinely wanted to just respond “lol” and block him again 😂 but curiosity got the better of me.

I asked:

Me: “Why did you do what you did?”

He responded:

Him: “I was immature and it was wrong, I’d like to make this right. And I genuinely apologize.”

So I asked:

Me: “How would you make it up to me, and what has changed exactly?”

His response:

Him: “Take you out, have a discussion. Honestly, I’ve done a lot of self reflection and matured and know what I want now.”

Part of me appreciates that he came back and actually admitted he was immature/wrong instead of making excuses. But another part of me is like… you literally stood me up. Why should I give you another opportunity five months later just because you’ve decided you’ve “matured”?

I’m especially curious about the “I know what I want now” comment because it makes me wonder what exactly was going on back then.

Would you hear him out over coffee just to see what he has to say, or is standing someone up with no explanation an automatic one-strike-you’re-out situation?

UPDATE: I BLOCKED him!

I recently gave a guy I was dating a second chance, and it ended really badly. We had an overnight trip together, and during the trip I started noticing a pattern of comments and behaviours that made me feel belittled, dismissed, and emotionally drained.

The weird shift seemed to start when he asked what car I drive. I told him I drive a Stinger, and he seemed shocked, but not in a good way. He told me he had actually looked at that car before getting his Audi S5 and wanted one so bad himself. I got excited because I thought, okay, maybe we can bond over cars. I started talking about the mods I had done to my car, and then he asked, “How much money did you put into your car?”

He gave me a weird look and the conversation basically died after that. Then, strangely, he kept talking about how he used to have a nice car parked downstairs at his downtown apartment. It felt like he suddenly became competitive or insecure with me instead of just enjoying that we had something in common. Every time I'd start this convo up of cars he'd derail and change the subject quick.

After that, there were several little comments that started to pile up. At one point, I said it looked like it was going to rain while we were on the beach, and he said something like, “What do you know? Do you think that just because you have a PhD you know everything? You don’t know everything.” About 40 minutes later, it started pouring while we were on the beach. I remember asking him, “Whoa, where did that come from?” and he joked, “My insecurities.”

At dinner, he was texting his female best friend in front of me, even though we already have limited time together. I don’t think having female friends is automatically a problem, but texting her during dinner on an overnight trip felt really inconsiderate. he just would not stop texting her, he even went to lengths to tell me that she had a divorce recently and she's been talking to him about her feelings about it (this rung alarm bells in my head).

Another thing that bothered me was that the waiter called me a pretty girl. She had a trainee beside her, and after they both walked away, he said, “Oh, they say that to everybody, she’s just doing her job.” It felt like he couldn’t just let me receive a compliment.

At another point, he looked really closely at my face and asked, “Would you ever get lip filler done?” That made me feel like he was inspecting my face or implying something was wrong with it. He also had a habit of walking really fast and not walking beside me on dates, which sounds small, but it made me feel like he wasn’t really attuned to me.

When I tried to explain that these things hurt me, he could not apologize. He kept saying things like, “You don’t know what I’m going through,” and “I’m not going to apologize for something I didn’t intentionally do.” When I told him no other woman would be okay with the way he was acting, he said, “I beg to differ,” told me I was being sensitive, and said they were “just jokes.”

Eventually I ended things. After I ended it, he said he agreed and that he wanted to end it too because of 'lifestyle differences', which honestly felt like another defensive move or like he needed to make it seem mutual, as prior to that he was raving about what a fun time he had.

I ended up blocking him everywhere because I felt exhausted and did not want him to be able to reach me again. But now I’m dealing with regret and anger, and I keep replaying everything in my head.

Did I make the right choice ending it? Am I overreacting, or were these valid reasons to walk away?

TL;DR: I gave a guy I was dating a second chance and went on an overnight trip with him. After finding out I drive a Stinger, he seemed weirdly competitive/insecure and kept derailing any car-related conversation. Over the trip, he made several comments that felt belittling, including a jab about my PhD, dismissing a waiter calling me pretty, asking if I would get lip filler, and constantly walking ahead of me. He also kept texting his recently divorced female best friend during dinner. When I told him his behaviour hurt me, he refused to apologize, said I was being sensitive, and called them “just jokes.” I ended things, and he then claimed he wanted to end it too because of “lifestyle differences,” even though he had been saying he had a great time. I blocked him everywhere but now feel regret and anger. Did I make the right choice, or am I overreacting?

I recently gave a guy I was dating a second chance, and it ended really badly. We had an overnight trip together, and during the trip I started noticing a pattern of comments and behaviours that made me feel belittled, dismissed, and emotionally drained.

The weird shift seemed to start when he asked what car I drive. I told him I drive a Stinger, and he seemed shocked, but not in a good way. He told me he had actually looked at that car before getting his Audi S5 and wanted one so bad himself. I got excited because I thought, okay, maybe we can bond over cars. I started talking about the mods I had done to my car, and then he asked, “How much money did you put into your car?”

He gave me a weird look and the conversation basically died after that. Then, strangely, he kept talking about how he used to have a nice car parked downstairs at his downtown apartment. It felt like he suddenly became competitive or insecure with me instead of just enjoying that we had something in common. Every time I'd start this convo up of cars he'd derail and change the subject quick.

After that, there were several little comments that started to pile up. At one point, I said it looked like it was going to rain while we were on the beach, and he said something like, “What do you know? Do you think that just because you have a PhD you know everything? You don’t know everything.” About 40 minutes later, it started pouring while we were on the beach. I remember asking him, “Whoa, where did that come from?” and he joked, “My insecurities.”

At dinner, he was texting his female best friend in front of me, even though we already have limited time together. I don’t think having female friends is automatically a problem, but texting her during dinner on an overnight trip felt really inconsiderate. he just would not stop texting her, he even went to lengths to tell me that she had a divorce recently and she's been talking to him about her feelings about it (this rung alarm bells in my head).

Another thing that bothered me was that the waiter called me a pretty girl. She had a trainee beside her, and after they both walked away, he said, “Oh, they say that to everybody, she’s just doing her job.” It felt like he couldn’t just let me receive a compliment.

At another point, he looked really closely at my face and asked, “Would you ever get lip filler done?” That made me feel like he was inspecting my face or implying something was wrong with it. He also had a habit of walking really fast and not walking beside me on dates, which sounds small, but it made me feel like he wasn’t really attuned to me.

When I tried to explain that these things hurt me, he could not apologize. He kept saying things like, “You don’t know what I’m going through,” and “I’m not going to apologize for something I didn’t intentionally do.” When I told him no other woman would be okay with the way he was acting, he said, “I beg to differ,” told me I was being sensitive, and said they were “just jokes.”

Eventually I ended things. After I ended it, he said he agreed and that he wanted to end it too because of 'lifestyle differences', which honestly felt like another defensive move or like he needed to make it seem mutual, as prior to that he was raving about what a fun time he had.

I ended up blocking him everywhere because I felt exhausted and did not want him to be able to reach me again. But now I’m dealing with regret and anger, and I keep replaying everything in my head.

Did I make the right choice ending it? Am I overreacting, or were these valid reasons to walk away?

TL;DR: I gave a guy I was dating a second chance and went on an overnight trip with him. After finding out I drive a Stinger, he seemed weirdly competitive/insecure and kept derailing any car-related conversation. Over the trip, he made several comments that felt belittling, including a jab about my PhD, dismissing a waiter calling me pretty, asking if I would get lip filler, and constantly walking ahead of me. He also kept texting his recently divorced female best friend during dinner. When I told him his behaviour hurt me, he refused to apologize, said I was being sensitive, and called them “just jokes.” I ended things, and he then claimed he wanted to end it too because of “lifestyle differences,” even though he had been saying he had a great time. I blocked him everywhere but now feel regret and anger. Did I make the right choice, or am I overreacting?